Page 191 of Saving Soul

“No one will blame you, Cass. Just get your ass back home where it belongs.”

“I…I will.” I barely recognized my trembling voice. “As soon as I can.”

“Stay strong. I’m only a phone call away…and hopefully only a short drive once you move back here.”

Once we ended the call, I crumbled onto the bed to stop the room from spinning. My heart pounded as my chest constricted until my churning stomach sent me running for the bathroom. The beautiful dinner Max had prepared spilled into the toilet as I surrendered to the irony of the situation. I’d helped the Harlow family through their turmoil, only to discover they were responsible for mine.

37

Instead of watching the sunrise from the library, I arranged for the driver to take me to the beach. After the lost sleep and tears shed the night prior, I needed something to get me through the morning…and the ocean was calling.

Once I’d suffered a long swim in the bitterly cold water, I headed back to Harlow Manor to find it bustling with activity as the staff prepared for the wake.

“Hey,” Adam called out as I passed the drawing room doors.

I slowed on the stairs and turned, using all my strength to block him out, but damn, he looked good in a suit. “Hey.”

“You missed a pretty sunrise this morning.”

“I, um…”—I could barely hold his gaze—“caught it at the beach.”

“Did you go for a swim?” He touched the tips of my wet hair with a frown. “You must be freezing.”

“Yeah.” I rubbed my goosebump-covered arms. “And I really need to take a shower to warm up.”

“Okay…” He clearly sensed something but pushed it aside. “We’re leaving in an hour if you want to go to the service together.”

“It’s okay. I’ll get a ride with Max.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, searching my eyes.

“100%.” I rose another step.

“Then, I guess I’ll see you there.”

With a quick nod, I rushed up the stairs and into my room, locking the door before entering the bathroom. As the warm water burned my ice-cold skin, I took refuge in the pain. I needed relief from the incessant ache in my heart that had persisted since my conversation with Tash. I’d betrayed Dominic and Finn, and I’d betrayed myself.

The funeral service was beautiful, just as Liam and I had planned. The eulogies were heartfelt, but Adam’s was heartbreaking. It was obvious how much he loved and admired his grandfather, and his words were honest and unexpected.

Adam’s gaze sought out mine in his closing sentence. “But most of all, I want to thank him for bringing happiness back into my life.”

I closed my gleaming eyes and dropped my head, visualizing a wall between us. As long as he didn’t touch me, I wouldn’t crumble. I had to stay at a safe distance until I found the opportune moment to escape, then I could breathe.

Thankfully, the wake was full of distant family and old friends paying condolences, so Adam had no time to seek me out. I floated around the room, assisting Max, until the entire family became engrossed in a story from one of Liam’s oldest friends, Alfie.

I took the opportunity to creep up the staircase and pack the rest of my things.

“What are you doing?”

My stomach plummeted. Adam wasn’t supposed to notice I’d gone until well after the guests had left. “I’m packing.”

The line deepened between his brows. “But you’re supposed to stay another two weeks.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary anymore.”

“But we need you here.” He stepped into my room. “Ineed you here.”

“You'll be fine.” I zipped up my suitcase and placed it on the floor. “It’s time for you to grieve as a family.”