Page 51 of Running Risk

CLAYTON: NOW

Ray . . . the name rings in my ears over and over again.

I finally know the man’s name who haunted me in my dreams. So many times, I imagined her with him, and it always ended the same.

I was alone, and she went off with him. No matter how much I tried to push those images of them together out of my head, I couldn’t.

During training, my Staff Sergeant would zero in on my distraction, and I would pay for it.

Whether it be through push-ups or some other drill, I would have to complete them over and over again.

He never had me run because he knew it wouldn’t be a challenge for me or a punishment.

My hands ball into fists, and my nails dig into my palms. “You two were at a bar, and every time he touched you, I wanted to rip his fucking head off.” I shake my head at the memory. “I might have if I’d been alone, but the guys could see something was wrong and got me out of there.”

Rylee’s red-rimmed eyes stare back at me. “But you didn’t say anything. You . . . you didn’t come up to me.”

I scoff and begin pacing on the sidewalk. “You wanted me to go up to you when I thought you were on a date with someone?” I face her, stretching my arms out wide. “That would have fucking killed me.” I shake my head. “I had to stay away.”

“You didn’t have to.” Her eyes narrow. “You chose the easy way out. You chose to leave me out of the hell you were going through in high school, and you chose to keep me away while you were gone.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. I was spiraling in high school.” I storm closer, making her back up a step. “If you really want to go there?—”

She points a finger at my face. “Don’t you fucking dare put this on me. You’re the one who wants to move on, but how the fuck can I when every time I look at you, I remember you’re the one that broke me.”

“I was broken, Ry,” I yell, pounding on my own chest, and I watch her eyes widen in surprise.

“My father broke me, and I didn’t want to drag you down with me.

I was a kid, and how I handled it was wrong.

” I sigh. “I know how much I hurt you. Jesus . . . I’ve thought about it every day for the last seven years.

” I watch tears stream down her face, and it’s hard to watch.

She turns, storming toward her truck in the next parking lot over, but I rush to catch up with her.

I grab her arm and turn her to face me again.

“I also saw you at the park with him, and you looked happy. But then you talked about trying to find someone, and I let a little part of me hope it was me. That you were searching for me even though you were with another guy.” I hold her by the shoulders and look deep into her vibrant blue eyes.

“I needed to hope for that, so I didn’t approach you because I was about to be deployed.

I couldn’t bear thinking you forgot about me, so it helped me make it through my deployment and the next one.

” My hands fall to my sides, lowering my eyes to the cement.

“I was looking for you.” She places a hand on my chest, looking up again. “Every buzzcut, every uniform, every man . . . I was looking for you.”

The pressure in my chest eases as I replay those words in my head.

I thought she forced herself to forget me.

I thought she hated me, and part of me knew she felt like she had to hate me.

But another part of me knows it wasn’t all one-sided.

Our friendship was real, but it was never only a friendship as we got older. That’s why the hurt was so great.

I reach my hand out, brushing my thumb on her cheek, and she closes her eyes as she exhales. Like she’s relieved she’s gotten answers that have haunted her, and I’m close to her again. My entire body focuses on how soft her skin is under my finger. “Let’s go for a ride.”

Having Rylee’s feet on the dash in my truck is just like the memories I’ve treasured after all these years.

I’ve wanted to go back to those days, and now it feels like a possibility, only we’re older and hopefully wiser.

Just like in the past, neither of us says anything, but I know I still have things I need to say to her.

I make the turn and go up the mountain to the lookout point, and I glance and see a small smile on Rylee’s lips, already knowing I made the right choice.

Before I have the chance to turn off the engine, Rylee jumps out of the truck and peers over the edge.

I stand right beside her, our shoulders brushing.

Turning to face her, I watch as her eyes scan the shadows down below and then trail up to the sky to see the bright stars shining down on us.

“Ry,” I say, and she looks at me, worry etched in her face.

I exhale, knowing I should have said this many years ago and tried to make it right back then, but I can’t change the past. I can only move forward. “I’m so sorry.”

Rylee looks down at our feet and slowly nods. “You know, I do get why you joined.” Her gaze meets mine again, and I wait for her to continue. “You’ve always thrived in structure. Honestly, there aren’t many other things you could’ve done that would’ve given you that amount of structure.”

I nod, knowing she’s right. I don’t regret my time in the Marines. I loved it, and I’m proud of what I accomplished. But it also gave me a sense of purpose when I felt lost, and I know I wouldn’t be the man I am today if I hadn’t joined.

She tucks a few loose hairs behind her ear, and I take a step closer, cupping her warm cheek in my hand.

She looks at me with no hate or hurt in her eyes, and she wraps her arms around my middle, hugging me like her life depends on it.

I instinctively hold her, laying my cheek on her head, and feel my body relax more with each passing second.

Nothing has felt more right, and all this fighting has felt like it was needed to get to this moment.

She needed answers that I wasn’t prepared to give all those years ago, and I needed to let her in.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Her voice is muffled against my chest.

I breathe in her strawberry and vanilla scent. “I don’t know. What am I doing?” I hold her a little tighter.

“I think you have a friend who’s grouting her kitchen floors.” Her head cranes up to look at me. “I think it would only be nice to start off this friendship on the right foot. Don’t you?” Her arched eyebrow is visible in the starlight.

“Whatever you say, but I don’t have an opening for any new friends,” I say, raising an eyebrow.

She shoves me away with a twinkle in her eye. “Sorry, that’s the only thing I’m looking for.” Turning, she faces the view again, and I take a few steps to stand behind her.

Stretching my arms around her, I place my hands on the railing, trapping her in front of me.

I bring my mouth down to her ear. “I guess I’ll have to convince you.

” Having her tease me and act like she’s going to force us to only be friends brings a lightness to my body. I love how easy it can be with her .

She spins around, and her mouth parts in surprise. “And how are you going to do that?”

I bring my mouth closer, and her breath catches as her eyes flutter. “Well, I’ll help grout your floors, but I’ll also clean up the mess and massage your feet once we’re done.”

She bites her lower lip. “And?”

“And—” I rub my fingers along the side of her neck, making her give me more access. “I’m finally taking you on a proper date.” Before she can move, I kiss her neck and feel her moan against my lips.

She lightly presses against my chest, and I reluctantly pull away. “Don’t leave me again,” she whispers.

I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere, Ry, and I’ve been trying to prove that to you for years. I’m here.” I point to my chest. “I bought a house and your dad’s business here. I’m not going anywhere. This is where I’m meant to be, with you.”

Her eyes search mine before her mouth crashes into mine, and it’s like my entire body knows this is home. She’s my home. I kiss her deeply and don’t rush because we have all the time in the world to be together. I don’t want to be without her another day for the rest of my life.