Page 22 of Running Risk

CLAYTON: THEN

After walking around the campus for hours and Rylee pointing out all the spots we will go to frequently, I’m exhausted.

I don’t know why I agreed to come here. The only thing good about this place is her .

Unlike Rylee, this college doesn’t feel like home.

She’s whirling around and seeing a future that she’s excited to start, and I feel like I can’t breathe.

Nothing feels right or peaceful, except her.

I was torn all day. Going back and forth in my head, saying, I can go here if it means I get to be with her, and then feeling like I need to run in the opposite direction because my dad would want me to go here.

How can I have Rylee in my life every day and not have him in the back of my mind?

The water from the shower shuts off in the bathroom, and I throw on a pair of sweatpants and a clean T-shirt before she comes out.

We checked into our hotel after having dinner in the loud cafeteria.

She tried to convince me we needed to walk around campus more, but thankfully, she was okay with ending the night after ice cream.

I’m overly stimulated and just need to sleep.

But I also need to have a hard talk with Rylee about the future, and I can’t keep putting it off.

Standing at the window, I watch as cars beep their horns, telling the driver in front of them that the light has changed.

Groups of young students walk into a local bar as other people leave.

The bathroom door opens, and Rylee lets out a sigh.

Just the sound of her relaxing with me has my shoulders less tense.

I can feel my body more at ease the more alone time I have with her.

“That shower is nice. I wish mine had a waterfall shower head.” Her footsteps get closer until she’s standing next to me, peering out the window. “So I was thinking we should be at the school for an eight a.m. class. There’s a color theory course I’d like to sit in on.”

“Okay.” I shove my hands in my pockets, trying to hide them before they ball into fists.

Rylee has informed me many times that it’s one of my biggest tells to show how stressed I am.

I wish I could go for a run, but I don’t think running in the city would be as relaxing as running around the track or in the woods.

“Do you know which classes you’re interested in? Or do you just want to visit the track?” She goes to her bed, closest to the window, and plops down against the pillows.

Facing her, I go to respond, but the words get caught in my throat. She’s sitting on her bed in her matching pajamas with wet hair, and I’ve never been more tongue-tied. She looks so relaxed and happy. I’d love to always see her like this and to be the reason she looks this way.

I pull the curtains closed and turn off the overhead light before going to my bed.

I need to remember that she’s my friend, and she has never led me to believe that she would want more with me.

“I don’t know yet.” I pull the covers open before sliding under them, resting my head on my forearm on my pillow.

Rylee turns on the lamp on the nightstand and pulls out her latest book from her bag and a folder. “Don’t you want to see what a few of the professors are like, or where you will be running once you’re on the team?”

“I don’t know what I want to do,” I say.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell her that I don’t want to go to this school because, honestly, I always want to make her happy.

I’m just having a hard time agreeing that this is where my life should go.

It’s terrifying seeing my life head down this path, but how am I supposed to tell her?

Not just tell her, how am I supposed to actually live without her in my life every day?

I watch the fan spin in circles above our beds.

The shadows cast across the room remind me of being little and putting our hands in front of the light to make shadow animals on the walls.

Rylee’s bed creaks, and I turn my head just as she jumps on top of me. She digs her fingers into my sides, and I laugh as she tickles my sides.

“Come on! Be happier!” she laughs.

I grab her hands, but she quickly slips one, then the other, out of my grasp.

Her hands are moving all over, and I try to catch them.

Her laughter rings in my ears as her smile spreads across her face, and her damp hair hangs over me, dripping little beads of water onto my face.

I quickly wrap my arms around her, catching her arms and torso.

She squeals, trying to twist out of my hold, but I squeeze her tighter against my chest. Her face is tucked against my neck.

“You’ll pay for that,” I say into her ear.

“Don’t you dare.” She bucks, trying to get free.

Bringing my fingers to her sides, I tickle her, and she screeches. She does everything she can to get free, but I tickle her more. Our laughter echoes through the room, and I’ve never been happier. I love being with her. Rylee has always brought playfulness into my life.

“Okay! Stop!” she yells.

I go still but have a firm hold around her to make sure she doesn’t start again.

Gasping for air, she flicks her head to the side, and her hair moves out of her face.

She laughs, and I smile. She’s fully lying on top of me with her legs framing my hips.

I can’t ever remember her being on top of me like this, and I’m immediately hit with the urge to kiss her as I look into her eyes. The joy on her face is so real.

We both stop laughing, and I barely catch her gaze flick to my mouth. I clear my throat and release her. She gets up, quickly sliding off my bed and going to hers.

“Um. We kind of need to make a game plan for which classes we will hit up, and look at the map so we know where to go.” Papers rustle, and I already know she’s opened a map of the school. Her folder is packed full of itineraries, maps, classes, and scholarship documents.

I adjust the sheets. There’s no way I saw that right.

I may be reading too much into the whole situation.

“Just pick which classes you want.” I yawn, stretching a little more to get comfortable.

Hotel sheets are a hit or miss, but these happen to be soft.

Rylee might not be the only one not wanting to wake up in the morning.

“What about you?”

I let out an audible exhale. “I don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow.”

“So you aren’t going to any classes?” Her voice is just above a whisper, and I can hear the hurt in every word.

My eyes squeeze closed as my heart aches, knowing I’m hurting her.

I can’t do that. No matter how much I know this isn’t the path for me, maybe it can become the right path because she’s in it.

I promised her I would do this, and I’m going to have to suck it up and do it.

As much as I feel this would go against everything I want, I can’t look at the best thing in my life and shatter her.

She’s so happy . . . “I’ll just go to a few of the ones you pick out,” I finally say.

The sound of her using a pen echoes in the room. “We need to look at apartments sometime. I want to make sure we find one that is close enough to the school but is also not in a sketchy part of town.”

My stomach sinks more. I thought sharing an apartment with her would be exactly what I need, but now that I’m here, I’m realizing it’s not enough sharing a space with her. I don’t want to be here.

“Oh, and what about jobs? We will have to find somewhere to work. It might be fun to be a barista at the cafe on campus. We’d probably get free coffee too.”

She’s making it sound so easy . . . I can see a life we could share here. Maybe I should give this a real shot. Who knows? It could make me just as happy once I get used to it and figure out what I want. I grunt, closing my eyes, hoping sleep takes me before she plans more of our lives.

“Oh, before we leave, we have to go to the campus store and get UGA T-shirts. Our senior class will wear their future college’s shirts soon, and I want to get a new one.”

She has so much UGA paraphernalia but always wants to buy more, and I fall asleep to her talking about wanting to get a hat for her dad.

I startle awake when Rylee jumps on my bed as the sun streams past the now-open curtains. “Ry, I was sleeping,” I grumble.

“Yes, I am aware of that, Sleeping Beauty, but we need to head to the school soon. I couldn’t wait another minute for your eyes to open.”

I squint while I take her in. Her hair is in a single braid, and she wears jeans and a red shirt.

I have no doubt she’s trying to blend in at the school, wearing one of their colors.

She’s always pretty, but I really like seeing her first thing in the morning.

This could be a daily thing for me, waking up to Rylee, excited to conquer the day.

Then why is this decision so hard to make?