Page 41 of Running Risk

CLAYTON: THEN

My feet pound on the pavement through the park, and the trees tower around me on both sides of the trail while the sun streams down through the branches.

The California weather is perfect for running, as the breeze easily reaches my scalp with my buzz cut.

Sweat pours down my bare chest while “Homeboy” by Eric Church plays through my earbuds.

I have a free day, and all I want to do is run these trails.

I fly past couples holding hands, people walking their dogs, and others sitting as they read, leaning against trees.

It’s spring break for the schools around here, so this place is more crowded than I prefer.

My unit has been training hard with barely any breaks, so it’s nice to be able to get out by myself and clear my head.

This scenery is a nice change of pace from running around the base.

The guys have been on me lately, and sometimes it gets to be too much.

They’re also wondering when my mom is sending another care package.

She knows that not all the guys have a great family life, so she packs enough for everyone.

They all want to talk to her when I get to call her.

She said she’s unofficially adopting all of them.

After hearing what the other guys’ childhoods are like, I’m more thankful for her.

I scan the area around me, and my feet falter, coming to a dead stop.

There she is sitting against a tree, immersed in her reading.

My eyes immediately look all around her to see if she’s with anyone, and if she’s safe.

No one’s paying her any attention, and people are probably giving me weird looks as I stand in the middle of the trail, motionless.

Her eyes bounce across the pages of the book she reads.

She has a little wrinkle between her eyebrows, the same one she always had when she got to a part she didn’t like.

It’s most likely a part where the love interests in the book are fighting.

Her hair is pulled into a ponytail, and she’s in jean shorts and a gray USC T-shirt.

Her toes wiggle in the grass. She looks as beautiful as I remember, and my entire body aches to hold her. Hell, just to sit next to her.

I’ve been replaying the memory of when I saw her at the tavern over and over again in my head.

I haven’t forgotten what the guy she was with looks like, and I don’t see him anywhere.

I instinctively take a couple of steps closer but pause once I’m about fifteen feet away.

The man’s face I’ve been playing in my head comes running up with a surfboard tucked under his arms. He slows his pace as he gets closer, leans the board against a tree, then creeps closer to her.

When he’s right behind her, he shoves his hands in his hair and shakes his head, getting her wet.

She squeals, covering herself while also swatting at his legs next to her.

Once he stops, she looks up at him and laughs.

Her laugh hits me like a ton of bricks. I know her laugh well, and I only wish she were giving it to me.

The way it always comforted me when I was anxious, or the way it would make me happier when I was lost in my own little world.

I haven’t been that happy since. I honestly can’t even remember the last time I was truly happy.

I’m about to quietly turn around when her voice makes my ears strain.

“So are we going to talk about your date?” Rylee asks the guy.

I duck behind a tree in case she turns around. I wouldn’t want her to find me spying on her and this guy she’s with. But if she’s asking him about a date he had, then maybe she isn’t with him like I initially thought.

“Pass,” the guy replies, sitting down on the grass beside her.

I peer further around the tree. Rylee leans her head against the back of the tree while the guy plays with a blade of grass in his fingers.

My knuckles turn white as they clench into fists.

They are having a relaxed moment together, hanging out, exactly what Rylee and I used to do on a daily basis.

I took it for granted because I can’t remember the last time we had a moment like that. All I want is one more moment with her.

“So how many have you seen today?” the guy asks Rylee. Even though it’s vague, it’s clear that she knows exactly what he’s talking about, while I stand here on the outside, having no idea.

Rylee sighs. “Two.” She fidgets with the book in her hand and swipes away a tear rolling down her cheek.

What the hell? Why is she crying? Why would this guy make her cry? Rylee is tough, so this is something I’ve rarely seen. I feel sick to my stomach. I never liked seeing her upset, and now, I can’t comfort her.

“One really looked like him.” Her laugh is forced as she sniffles. “Some sick joke. I’m here crying about someone who never cared enough about my feelings to tell me he was leaving.”

My body freezes. She can’t be . . . she can’t be talking about me. It’s almost been a year. How does she even know to look for me out here? I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be hard to find out since her parents still talk to my mom, but I didn’t think she’d want to know anything about me.

“Want to get ice cream?” the guy asks her.

She chuckles. “Definitely.”

I duck back behind the tree when they move to get up. I can’t let her know that I was spying. I want to see her so bad, but I don’t think I could take it if she walked away from me or worse.

“We can have a tequila night,” the guy sings out.

“You know, I love you and all, but I don’t want to sleep on the bathroom floor with you again,” Rylee says.

What? Sleep on the floor with him again ?

And what the actual fuck does she mean she loves him?

I stay behind the tree until they are far enough away that I know they aren’t coming back.

Once I’m out of my hiding place, I realize how fast my heart rate is and how much I need to run.

Seeing her twice now is messing with my mind.

After running back to base, my barracks officer threw a surprise barracks inspection on us, and we did not pass.

We’ve been doing push-ups ever since. The burning in my muscles is almost enough to distract me from thinking about Rylee, but sometimes my thoughts just creep back to where I don’t want them to go.

“Are you weak? Down!” Leadership yells in my ear as my arms shake, lowering down into another push-up.

“No, Sir,” I yell back.

“Up!” he yells. I continue to shake, but I get myself back up.

Many of the guys have thrown up, but I refuse.

I won’t break. No matter how hard they push, I won’t give up.

Flashes of Rylee being friendly with that guy come into my mind, and one of my arms buckles.

I straighten it before anyone sees. I don’t need anyone seeing where my weaknesses are, and push-ups are definitely my weakness.

“Down!” I lower down and hold it there. The holds are the worst part.

I swear, they love to torture us for the fun of it.

His boots grind against the ground as he walks closer, squatting down until he is right by my head. “Up!”

I exhale, extending my arms to raise my body up.

I don’t know how many more I can do because we’ve been at this longer than I expected.

Apparently the barracks were in complete disarray, but that can just mean that they found a sock on the ground.

Who knows how bad it actually was? They would have had a heart attack if they ever went into Rylee’s room growing up.

“Down!”

Rylee kept her room clean part of the time, but when she was immersed in a good book, she couldn’t be bothered to put away any clothes. She would have a pile of dirty clothes in one area and a pile of clean clothes in another.

“Did you not hear me, Daniels?”

I startle, collapsing like a sack of potatoes onto the ground.

I realize that I never went down when he said to.

“Sorry, Sir.” I get into the correct position.

I wish I could say this is the first time this kind of thing has happened, but it’s not.

Rylee has been distracting me for a long time, especially when I want to distract myself from the physical pain I’m in.

“You all are dismissed, except for Daniels. You and I are going to have a lot longer together.” The excitement I hear in his tone makes my stomach turn. I know this isn’t going to be a good thing, and I’m going to be in a lot more pain once it’s all over and done with.