Page 26 of Running Risk

RYLEE: THEN

“Clay, your phone is ringing,” I say, looking at him as he washes his truck in my driveway.

He promised to wash my mom’s car and decided to wash his truck while he was at it.

The weather is on the hotter side, so it’s a perfect day for him to get it done.

The thing is, he isn’t wearing a shirt, and I’m having a hard time focusing on the book in my hand.

No matter how much Nicholas Sparks sucks me in, Clay’s in his black gym shorts hanging on his hips, exposing his muscles making a V, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more distracted than I am right now.

His blonde hair is on the longer side. It’s still short in the back, but the top sweeps across his forehead, grazing his eyebrows.

I’m not used to being this distracted by his looks, but the older we get, the more noticeable it becomes that we aren’t siblings.

He’s also just plain hot to look at, and I’m not the only one at school who has noticed.

But all the girls who try to get his attention complain that he only gives me his focus.

Part of me feels special, but the other part of me thinks it’s just because I’m his best friend.

He would never think of me as anything more than that .

“Can you answer it?”

I scoff, sitting further back in my chair.

He turns, raising an eyebrow, and squirts the hose at my feet.

I squeal and laugh, putting my hands up.

“Okay!” His mouth turns into the most mesmerizing smile, and my gaze darts away so he doesn’t catch me staring.

Reaching for his phone, I press the green button and say, “Hello? This is Clayton’s phone. ”

“Good afternoon,” a deep voice answers. “This is Staff Sergeant Peters. I’m calling about Clayton Daniel’s recruitment application for the Marines.”

My mind spirals as my eyes bounce around the yard, unable to land on anything.

This has to be a mistake because Clay’s going to college with me.

We have both gotten our acceptance letters to the University of Georgia.

He isn’t going into the military, but no matter how much I tell myself that, the back of my mind is saying, “Then how does this sergeant have Clay’s number? ”

“Ma’am?” Staff Sergeant Peters says.

“Uh.” I finally look at Clayton as tears well up in my eyes.

“He . . . uh.” I sniff. Clayton finally looks at me, his eyebrows drawn together with concern written across his face.

He turns off the hose and walks closer. “I’m sorry.

Here he is.” I shove the phone into Clayton’s hands and run inside, not bothering to look him in the eye.

He yells after me, but I don’t stop. I run up the stairs and slam my door behind me, locking it so he can’t come in.

Leaning back against the door, my body slides down to the ground, and I wrap my arms around my knees, tucking them close to my chest. It doesn’t take long for the tears to stream down my cheeks.

Peanut slowly gets off my bed and walks to me, sitting at my feet before resting her head on my arms. I grab her fur and bury my face into her neck.

A few minutes later, Clayton’s footsteps sound on the other side of the door.

He knocks, but I don’t say anything. I cover my mouth with a hand to prevent a sob from escaping.

Clayton’s my best friend. In a few months, we’re supposed to go to college.

Together. I’m not ready to be without him.

My heart shatters into a million pieces, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

“Ry?” He knocks again and sighs.

I can’t believe he would do this. My mind races to every time we talked about college.

He never gave me any inkling he wasn’t all for going together.

We even looked at places to live to make sure we were near each other.

I saw his acceptance letter. I know it took a while for him to get it, but it came.

I was extremely excited, so why would he apply to be a Marine?

Isn’t that one of the most dangerous branches?

No. I pinch my eyes closed. I can’t let my mind go there.

“Rylee, let me in.”

I know I should at least hear him out, but I can’t.

If I listen to whatever excuse it is, he’ll attempt to make it okay, wanting to get me to see his reasoning and agree, and I can’t do that.

Imagining not being in college with him is like ripping out my own heart.

We do everything together and have for over seven years. Why would he choose to leave me?

There’s a light thump on my door, and I imagine him pressing his forehead against it on the other side. “Ry . . . please. I know I should have talked to you, but I knew you wouldn’t understand. I have to do this.”

My blood boils at his words, and I jump up, yanking the door open. He stumbles to catch his balance and looks at me in shock. My lips press into a firm line. “I wouldn’t understand?” I ask, raising my voice. “Why wouldn’t I understand?” My hands ball into fists.

“I just . . . I didn’t mean it like that.” He rakes his fingers through his hair.

I glower at him. “When were you going to tell me that you were leaving and not going to college with me?” He lowers his eyes, and I tilt my head to look at him, tears still welling up in my own. “When it was time to move into our dorms? Huh?” I throw my arms in the air. “When did you decide this?”

His shoulders deflate even more as a deeper frown forms on his face. I swipe away a falling tear. “A month ago,” he says.

My jaw drops. A week ago, we were looking at dorms. A week ago, we drove to campus and bought shirts, so people knew where we were going. “A fucking month?” I scream.

He winces. “Ry, I’m sorry.” His voice comes out as barely a whisper.

Raising my hand, I point to the stairs. “Get out.”

His hand lifts to hold mine.

“Get the fuck out, Clayton.” When he doesn’t move, I take a step back and slam the door. I run to my bed and throw myself onto it, burying my face in my pillow.

A moment later, muffled voices come from the hall, then footsteps go down the stairs, followed by the front door closing.

I release my vice grip on my pillow and look out the window.

My eyes don’t leave Clayton as the palms of his hands brush against his cheeks.

Snatching his shirt off the ground, he yanks it on over his head as he climbs into his truck, and his engine roars to life.

A light knock raps on my door as my mom peeks her head inside.

My bottom lip quivers, and her expression softens as she crosses the room and envelopes me in her warm embrace.

I sob into her shoulder, wanting to forget what just happened.

She shushes me and strokes my hair. I can’t help but feel like I lost my best friend, and he didn’t even feel like I deserved to know he was choosing a different path.

I wake up the next day to my mom’s voice. “Sweetie, you’re going to be late for school,” my mom says, as she lightly knocks on my door .

“I’m not going.” I pull the pillow on top of my head, burying myself deeper into my bed.

Mom opens the door, and my bed sinks as she sits on the edge.

“I’m sorry you’re fighting with Clayton.

” She sighs. “I think this is the first real fight you two have ever had. I have no doubt you will work it out, but you can’t miss school.

” She pulls my pillow away from my face.

“You can drive to school in my car. Okay?”

Her saying I have to drive myself makes fresh tears spring into my eyes.

Clay has always driven me to school. It’s another reminder that we’re fighting and that he broke my heart, and now, I can’t stop my brain from thinking about the possibility of something happening to him.

I shake my head because I can’t do it. “No. I’m not going. ”

She strokes my hair, moving strands out of my face.

There is understanding in her expression as she looks at me, and I know her heart is hurting too.

She loves Clayton like a son and would never want anything bad to happen to him.

She’s always been the one to hold space for me to feel whatever I need to feel in the moment, but she’s also quick to help me move forward.

“I’ll make your breakfast while you get dressed.

” A small smile curves the corners of her lips, and she leans down and kisses the top of my head before leaving my room.

I take a deep breath, steadying myself. I know it’s going to be a long and awful day, but I also know that there’s no way for me to avoid him for the last two months of school.

I’m going to have to face him at some point.

But as far as I’m concerned, I have nothing left to say to him.

He ended our friendship a month ago when he enlisted and lied to me.