Page 40 of Running Risk

RYLEE: THEN

“You did not say that,” I say, swatting Ray’s arm across the table from me at the coffee shop.

“Oh, yeah. I told her I have this beautiful girlfriend named Sherry, and she will probably get pregnant and leave me like how Sherry left Chris and Gigi.”

I laugh, covering my mouth so I don’t disrupt the people sitting around us.

This coffee shop’s a known hang-out spot for college kids, and many of us study here while enjoying food and drinks.

Ray and I come here almost daily, and I love having a spot where I’m comfortable, especially when it’s with someone.

We’ve been friends for three months, and it’s never dull.

We’ve watched most of Gilmore Girls, and our running fight is about who Rory should end up with.

I’m a Jess girl all the way, but Ray thinks Logan won.

Thankfully, we both hate Dean, otherwise, I’m not sure we’d still be friends.

“Your sister did not believe you.” I take a sip of my coffee.

Ray is always teasing his sister because she has the assumption that Ray has to graduate with a girlfriend.

He’s still years away from that, but that doesn’t stop her from always setting him up or prying into his love life.

He started telling her he has a girlfriend, and she finally got him to share the name with her.

“You do realize that once she visits, she’s going to see you don’t have a girlfriend named Sherry or otherwise. ”

He stretches back in his chair and groans. “Yeah. I know, but that’ll keep her off my back at least until she visits.” He rubs the back of his neck. “So are you going back home for winter break?”

Trailing my finger along the edge of my coffee cup, I sigh.

I’ve been going back and forth with deciding whether I should go back home.

My parents want me to, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.

I’ve been doing so well mentally that I’m afraid of doing anything that’d jeopardize it. “I don’t know.”

He nods, looking at the table. “You know he won’t be there, or at least, there’s a high likelihood that he won’t be.”

My eyes jump to meet his. “I know. That’s not why I’m hesitant.”

“I figured it would be good confirmation for you if someone else mentions the elephant in the room.”

I glower. “I don’t want to talk about the elephant. I seriously regret that one night of drinking.”

He chuckles. “How else was I supposed to get you to open your vault of feelings? Tequila is always the answer.”

I shake my head and take another sip of coffee. “The hangover afterward will always make me second-guess that decision.” I wince at the memory.

“Who knew you could throw up so much?” He holds his stomach while he laughs. “I swear, I thought you were dying.”

“It wasn’t funny.” I lay my hand on the table as I lean forward.

“The smell of peanuts still makes me nauseous.” When I realized I was getting drunk fast, I started shoveling down the bar nuts.

Stupidly, I didn’t stop drinking or think I would see those same nuts later that night.

Ray was drunk, but he wasn’t as wasted as I was.

He was able to get me back to my apartment and sat with me as I threw up everything that was in my system and then some.

A night of puking is one way to bond with new friends.

“How was I supposed to know you had never drank before?”

“Maybe the fact that I’m eighteen? Not all of us have a history of partying in high school.

” I glance at the door, hearing the bell ring.

My heart stops as four Marines walk toward the front counter in uniform.

They all have a buzz cut and are large men.

My eyes jump to scan each of their faces, struggling to see if any of them is Clayton.

My shoulders sag with relief and disappointment.

“Not him?” Ray asks quietly.

Shaking my head, I face forward again. My fingers fidget with the sugar packets.

I know the odds of seeing him in California are low, but anytime there’s a Marine, I have to find out if it’s him.

I’ve gone so far as to turn my car around when a few people are walking on the sidewalk.

My heart aches wanting to know how he is, but it also aches knowing he hasn’t tried to reach out to me.

It’s like he walked away and never looked back at the life he had before.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive him or if this ache will ever go away.

My homework hasn’t been overwhelming since starting college, but it’s a lot harder to force myself to carve out the time to actually do it.

I would much rather be running, hanging out with Ray, or reading my latest fantasy series against my favorite tree.

College isn’t all play as much as a lot of people say it is.

At least not for people who prefer to keep straight A’s.

There are a lot more distractions in college than there were in high school.

I also need to look into getting a part-time job so I can have a little spending money.

I don’t like asking my parents for money, even though they send it whether I ask or not.

It’s also one reason why I’m having such a hard time telling them that I don’t want to come back for winter break.

I write down the answer to my next math problem when Ray comes barreling through the door and plops down on my bed. “Knock much?”

He drapes his arms over his eyes as he lies on his back. “I saw her.”

Putting down my pencil, I face him. He looks ridiculous with his long legs hanging off the side of my bed, and his flip-flops almost falling off his feet. “Who?”

Pulling himself up onto his forearms, he says, “The girl.”

He’s been semi-stalking a girl who goes to our school, but he can’t figure out her name or what classes she’s in. She’s always going to the cafeteria or gym. He also doesn’t have the guts to approach her. “Heading to get food or to work out?”

“She was in these perfect, mouthwatering leggings and a sports bra that made my head spin.”

“I guess gym.” I turn back to do the next math problem, and he throws a pillow at my head, making my pencil fall to the ground. “Hey.” I glare.

“This is serious.”

I shrug. “You always do this. You obsess over a girl for a few weeks until your next eye-candy comes along.”

“Wow. Says the girl who zones out of every single conversation whenever she sees a buzz cut.”

I gape at him. “That’s not fair.” Having a fight with Ray makes me realize that maybe I quit therapy too soon because this is triggering me, and I don’t have someone to help me work it out.

I didn’t think I was making any new progress in my sessions, so I quit making appointments.

I’m obviously still upset, but I hate talking about the past and feeling like I’m making no progress.

“So let me get this straight. It’s only okay for you to obsess over someone because it’s the same guy? None of mine can be taken seriously since I don’t stick with one?”

Tears well in the corners of my eyes as I shake my head.

“You don’t understand.” I don’t know how anyone not in my position would understand, but it still hurts.

How can he when he didn’t know the relationship I had with Clayton?

You can’t go from always being with someone for almost half your life to no communication at all and be okay.

You can’t expect someone to bounce back from that kind of loss, especially when it could have been avoided.

He scoffs, getting to his feet. “Yeah, I’ve heard you say that before,” he says over his shoulder before leaving.