Page 20 of Running Risk

CLAYTON: THEN

Walking around career day at the school, it’s overwhelming knowing that I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

It’s getting closer to the time that I need to decide, and it doesn’t help that my dad is heavily pushing his career on me.

I have no desire to be an accountant. It’s one of the most boring jobs, and he’s been anything but a role model. I do not want to end up like him.

I watch Rylee rush over to the University of Georgia’s booth, wincing with each step after I pushed her to run farther than usual early this morning.

She grabs a new brochure before chatting with the lady behind the table, and it looks like they hit it off like old friends.

It’s always fascinating to watch how easily she can start a conversation with a complete stranger.

I wouldn’t even know how to begin doing that.

Just thinking about attempting to do that has me antsy.

I keep walking, no booth catching my attention, so I head for the track to run.

The pounding of my feet against the concrete makes a steady rhythm for my head to focus on.

The more I think about my future, the grayer it gets.

Nothing is clear like it is for Rylee. I got my acceptance letter weeks ago, but I haven’t told her.

I know if I tell her, she’ll pressure me to accept the scholarship and the place on their track team.

But how can I do that if I’m not clear that is the path I’m meant to take?

I’ve always thought the easier option is to follow her where she wants to go, but the closer it gets to making that decision, the less I want to.

I’m about to finish a lap when Rylee waves her arm in the air for me to go to her.

She jogs to meet me, and I slow because she stops right in front of where I’m running.

I pant heavily, attempting to catch my breath, and I feel like the run wasn’t as much of a release as it normally is.

My mind is still spiraling, keeping me going around the track.

“I figured I’d find you out here.”

I nod, taking long, deep breaths while my eyes scan everything around me but her.

“The Georgia rep told me about this opportunity where we could go for a visit and sit in on a few classes.” She squeals, clapping her hands.

“Isn’t that exciting? I was thinking we should go.

Oh, please, can we go?” Rylee pulls on my arm like a little kid begging to get a toy she wants from the store.

“Your parents will probably want to take you to that.” It’s the first excuse that comes to mind. I’d rather not be around a completely new atmosphere, but she’s always been able to get me out of my comfort zone.

She deadpans. “I want you to take me, or I’ll drive.” Her face grows into a mischievous grin.

I shake my head. “Uh, no. I think everyone would prefer that we live,” I say, and her eyes narrow.

She’s not the worst driver, but since I’ve always driven her everywhere, she’s never had much practice.

Then, as time went on, it became scarier when she actually did drive, so I would always kick her out of the driver's seat before we made it to the end of the driveway .

She scoffs. “I guess you have to take me then.” She spins around and skips off toward the career tents again.

That didn’t go like I’d hoped. I follow as she walks through the crowds, examining each table she passes and always going back to her dream college. I assume she hopes they’ll miraculously display something new for her to grab, but it’s always the same, no matter how many times we pass by.

“I’m going to go grab us a milkshake at the food truck,” I say once she’s not busy talking to another recruiter.

“Oh yum. I want?—”

“Strawberry. I know,” I cut her off, saying over my shoulder.

Food in hand, I walk in the direction I saw her going and scan the area looking for a girl with long brown hair in braids and a red shirt.

Walking by a few tents, I don’t see her, but her laugh echoes somewhere in the distance behind me.

I turn around and a tall man with a buzzcut in camouflage stands before me.

His feet are shoulder distance apart, and one of his hands is covering his other fist in front of him.

“Hey there, son. Have you ever thought about becoming a Marine?”

Rylee’s feet press on the dash of my truck as she taps to the music on the radio on our drive home. I smile as she sings the lyrics of “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash. Anytime the chorus comes on, she sings her heart out, and I relax more in my seat. My favorite thing is riding around with her.

“Want to go to the overlook?” I glance in her direction.

When one of us could use a deep breath of fresh mountain air, we drive up to the top of the mountain where there’s an overlook point.

It has some of the most amazing views around here, and I’m always looking for a reason to go, and today feels like I could use the fresh air.

Her head rolls to the side on the headrest to look at me, and a smile stretches across her face. “Definitely,” she says right before the chorus comes on again.

I make a turn and start the winding drive up the mountain.

Fewer cars go up and down this road, making it that much more enjoyable.

Once I kill the engine, Rylee jumps out of the truck, stretching her legs and arms after riding around for hours.

I go to the railing and lean over, pressing my forearms into the wood.

The mountains stretch as far as the eye can see, and the valley below is mesmerizing.

It makes me want to take in every detail with all the green, luscious trees and massive orange rocks.

The sun begins to disappear behind a mountain peak, creating yellows and oranges across the sky.

Views like this make me never want to leave this place.

I love our small town and all the memories I’ve created here, but having a place to go to like this makes me never want to leave.

Even if I could find a sanctuary in another place, I can’t imagine it would be like this.

Rylee walks up, standing next to me with her hands in the front pocket of her sweatshirt. “You’ve been quieter than normal today.”

I shrug, not sure how to explain where my head is at.

She wants me to go to college with her, but I’m not sure I can.

I feel lost and don’t know which path to take.

She deserves better than someone who is conflicted about their life and where it’s heading.

Life has felt comfortable until the rug was ripped out from under me.

My mom was comfortable with her life, and look where that got her.

She’s been fighting to hold onto a marriage that was over years ago.

“I know you know this, but I am here when you’re ready to talk. I’m not going to beat it out of you, though. ”

My lips pull into a small grin as I nudge her with my shoulder, taking a long, deep breath. Having her in my life as someone who supports me no matter what is worth more than this piece of heaven. But is that enough?