Page 28 of Running Risk

RYLEE: THEN

My fingers thrum against the steering wheel as my eyes remain glued on the red light, waiting for it to change.

I speed down the road the second it turns green, attempting to get closer to the airport with every mile.

I don’t know where I’ll go once I’m there, but I’m trying.

I have to at least try. I woke up to my mom shaking me, telling me she thinks Clayton was leaving and giving me a note she found taped to our front door.

I jumped out of bed, and threw on jean shorts and a T-shirt that were scattered around the room.

There was no way I was letting him leave without saying goodbye.

What if it’s our last goodbye? I shake my head and try to stop the tears that spring up at the corners of my eyes.

How can I let my best friend, my other half, leave without at least a hug?

I clutch the small piece of paper in my hand. Quickly glancing at the note, I scan it but already know exactly what it says .

I’m sorry, Ry. I hope one day you will forgive me. - Clay

Scanning the different road signs, I take the first exit and hope I’m right.

Thankfully, the sign for parking is next, and I waste no time pulling off.

I have no doubt people can see my pulse galloping in the vein along my neck.

My car whips into a parking space, and I race inside.

The rising sun shines in my eyes as my feet run faster toward the double doors.

The strong gusts of cold air hit my face as I run through the opening in the automatic glass doors, blowing my hair behind my shoulders.

I know it has to look crazy from not doing anything with it after waking up, but I can’t find a reason to care.

I scan the busy airport. People pulling their luggage behind them, others running to get through customs, and I’m looking for the boy who has always had my heart.

Someone bumps into me, and I stagger forward.

They apologize and dash toward a long line.

I watch their retreating back, and that’s when my heart leaps as my eyes land on him.

He’s hugging his mom, and she touches his cheek when they part.

He nods, and she backs away, holding herself—as if she needs comfort but no one is here to give it, not when her boy is leaving.

Even if I yelled, they wouldn’t be able to hear me. They’re almost one hundred yards away, and there are so many people between us. Clayton turns and walks toward airport security, showing security his ID and ticket. I run, realizing I’m going to miss him. I’m not going to be able to say goodbye.

He’s leaving without hearing how much he means to me.

He’s leaving without a hug.

He’s leaving without me.

“Clayton!” I yell, making many eyes look in my direction, but not the deep brown ones I want.

I know he can’t hear me, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.

Even with all the running I do, I don’t think I’ve ever run this hard.

My heart gallops in my chest. I bump into multiple people, and I throw my hands out wide while I stagger and slow down.

The harder I try to catch up, the further he gets away as he walks toward the large metal detectors.

I’m not sure when the tears started freely falling from my eyes, but they drip from my chin.

I attempt to yell, but my throat is tight like someone cut off my air supply.

Mrs. Daniels readjusts her purse on her shoulder and turns toward the exit, and I don’t miss the moment she sees me running.

She covers her mouth as a cry escapes her mouth when I rush by, but all I can focus on is the blonde-haired boy walking out of my life and not turning back as I run toward him.

“Oh, Rylee,” Mrs. Daniels says as I pass her.

A security guard moves to stand in front of the line, stopping me in my tracks with his hands outstretched in front of him so I can’t pass. “Ma’am, I’m afraid I need to see your ID and boarding pass.”

“But . . . I need to stop him,” I say, gasping for air.

“I’m afraid you can’t without an ID and a boarding pass.” He motions for me to move to the side.

No!

They have to let me get to him. He has to see me, feel that I’m standing right here.

“Rylee.” Soft hands grasp my shoulders and tug me to the side. My eyes don’t leave the line where I saw Clayton disappear, and I reluctantly let his mom pull me away.

I’m so close, but he feels a million miles away. I’m crying harder as I meet her gaze, tears also falling from her cheeks. “I didn’t get to say goodbye,” I cry out.

She nods and pulls me in for a hug. “I know, sweetie.” She shushes me .

She continues to hold me as the minutes tick by. As the tears finally cease, as I accept that he’s gone, and I’m all alone.

We walk in silence to my car. Her arm draped around my shoulder to hold me close. My body feels numb, like part of me is missing. I’ve honestly been feeling like this since the fight, but now it’s final. He’s gone, and I don’t know when I will be able to see him again.

“He needs to do this,” Mrs. Daniels says once we reach my car. “Would you like me to call your mom?”

I shake my head and unlock the door. I’m not sure if she was trying to bring me comfort or make this seem okay, but I don’t think his not being in my life will ever be okay.

“He’ll be back.” She tries to reassure me, but I’m not sure if she’s saying it more for me or for herself.

I know he’s close with his mom, so I know it’s hard for her to let him go.

Part of me hopes he will be back soon, but the other part, the part he hurt all those weeks ago, that part wants to leave and get out of this town.

That part doesn’t want to see him, no matter how much I miss him, because he didn’t try to say goodbye at the end.

He was fine leaving me and didn’t look back.

She lets me pull away and drive home. As I go down my driveway, my mom stands on the porch, waiting for me, and I know Mrs. Daniels called her. She meets me halfway and wraps me in a hug, making more tears fall down my face. She continues to hold me, and I let myself mourn that friendship.