Page 54 of Ruining Hattie

BASTION

E arly the next morning, I watch Hattie lying next to me, her chest rising and falling, just to assure myself that she’s still breathing. I was so fucking scared yesterday. The vision of her tied to that chair with Sean beside her, holding a gun to her head, will be burned in my brain forever.

I gently trail a knuckle down her cheek. This woman means everything to me.

As a child, all I longed for was a roof over my head and food in my belly.

As a teen and early adult, all I wanted was financial stability and to make money any way I could to ensure I’d never again feel like I had when I was younger.

Now, at thirty-seven, I know that all I’ve ever needed was a love like this in my life.

I could lose all the money and the prestige.

I don’t need this fancy condo and all my clubs.

As long as Hattie is by my side with her innate goodness and gentle spirit, supporting me and loving me, I’ll be okay.

But I’m afraid to hope for the future with her. She didn’t want to talk about anything serious last night. Instead, we made love over and over, enjoying each other’s bodies, connecting on an intimate level that left me wrecked.

Hattie’s dark eyelashes flicker, and she slowly opens her eyes, then she gives me a warm smile. “Hey.” Her voice is still rough with sleep.

“Good morning.” I press a kiss to her forehead.

“How long have you been awake?” She yawns and stretches her arms over her head.

“Not too long.”

“Why are you watching me sleep?” She chuckles.

“Because I’m afraid it will be the last time I’m able to.” The raw, unfiltered truth leaves my lips.

It’s by design. Gone are the days where I’m going to hide anything I’m feeling or thinking from this woman. If we’re going to make this work, I have to be completely honest with her. It’s our only path forward.

Hattie’s amusement drops like stone, and she positions herself so that she’s sitting against the headboard, so I do the same.

“I know we need to talk, it’s just… after everything yesterday, I just wanted to be with you.”

I nod. “I understand. I was so relieved when we made it back here alive. It just feels like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, that’s all. Why did you come out here to see me?”

She sighs, and a flash of sadness crosses her features.

“For two reasons. The first has to do with us.” Hattie reaches out a hand to me, and I take hers.

“Obviously, I was shocked when it came out who you are to my mom… our mom. Oh god, this is so weird.” She drops her head and presses a hand to her forehead.

“It’s fine, go on.” I squeeze her hand.

“The fact that you lied to me for so long, that I was just a part of a plan—” When I open my mouth to interject, she holds up her hand, so I shut it and nod for her to go on.

“I believe that your feelings for me are real now, Bast, I do. It took me a bit to realize that, but I know what we share, and I know you couldn’t have faked that.

Still, you lied, and it brought me back to when Rich lied, and I felt like the stupidest person in the world.

Like this idiotic, na?ve little girl who couldn’t see what was right in front of her. ”

She pauses as though she’s collecting her thoughts and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I talked to my mom, and she told me what she was like while you were growing up—at least, what she could remember of it. She was upfront about the fact that she failed you in every way possible, and though it’s still hard for me to imagine her like that…

” She scoffs and shakes her head. “Almost impossible, really, I know you suffered greatly. I can understand why you would want to make her pay and why you might look at me as your enemy or the one who took your mom away or something.”

My chest constricts, and it’s a struggle to keep breathing.

“Hattie, I am so sorry for what I put you through. If I could do it all over, I would have just marched up to Carla’s door, given her a piece of my mind, and been done with it.

I wouldn’t have plotted to ruin you. God, that’s the last thing I want now that I know you. But at the same time…”

“What?”

I contemplate keeping the last part to myself, but if I want an honest future with her, she has to know.

“Had I not made that plan, I never would have found you. I never would have fallen in love with you. So, I’m sorry you got hurt, and I’m sure I went about this in a conniving, shitty way, but we came out of that.

It’s hard for me to completely regret the decision to ruin you.

” I stop rambling and wait for her reaction.

She nods, lips pressed together. “I know. I’ve had the same thought.

” She bends down and kisses me, but it’s way briefer than I’d prefer.

“But if we’re going to be together, then I need you to set aside your resentment for…

Mom. She’s an important part of my life.

I understand and respect that you had a very different experience with her, but if we can never be in her presence together, if I feel like I can never mention her in a conversation with you, it’s going to drive a wedge between us.

Us not working out would be inevitable.”

I push a hand through my hair and blow out a breath toward the ceiling. “I don’t know that I can forgive her, Hattie.”

It’s not the truth she wants, but I’m going to push through this honesty thing.

She squeezes my hand, and I turn my attention back to her.

“I’m not asking you to forgive her. I can’t imagine how complicated your feelings are where she’s concerned.

Only so I’m not walking on eggshells any time her name comes up and that I won’t be met with resistance any time she’s the topic of conversation. ”

I consider what she’s saying and whether I can actually do what she’s asking. For Hattie, I think I can.

I give her a firm nod. “I can do that. I will do that. It might take some practice and time, though.”

She gives me a sad sort of smile. I’m sure she’d love for me to mend my relationship with her mom.

“All right, good. But, Bast, I think you should try to forgive her in whatever way you can. Not for her, but for yourself.” Hattie lays her palm on my cheek, sliding it down the way Carla does.

“So you can stop carrying the weight of your hatred around.”

I bring her palm to my mouth, kissing the center. “She used to do that to me too, you know.”

Her head cocks to the side. “Do what?”

“Run her palm down my face.” Pain seeps through my words as I remember a better version of Carla than I prefer to.

Hattie gives me a sad smile, obviously now understanding my reaction the few times she did it to me.

We look at each other wordlessly for a beat until I realize she hasn’t finished telling me why she’s here.

“You said there were two reasons why you came to see me. What was the other one?”

Tears spring to her eyes. “My mom is in the hospital. She needs a kidney transplant if she’s going to survive.” Her face crumples.

I wrap an arm around her, drawing her into my side. My heart aches for her having to go through this as well as everything with us. So, Carla didn’t get good news that day at the doctor’s.

“I’m so sorry.” And I am. I may have no love for the woman, but the situation is clearly devastating to the woman I do love.

Hattie pulls away and meets my gaze. I realize that she looks sorry for whatever she’s about to say, and unease trickles up my spine.

The first tear falls from her eye. “I came to beg you to see if you would agree to be tested to see if you were a match. My dad and I have, but you’re related biologically, and the doctor said the best chance of a match is you. ”

The air leaves my lungs.

Donate a kidney? Risk my life to save the woman who ruined mine? She’s got to be mad.