Page 27 of Ruining Hattie

HATTIE

B y the end of the following week, I’m strung tighter than a bow.

It’s not a feeling I’m used to. Not at all.

I’ve never craved physical intimacy with anyone before, but with every day that passes, the feeling gets worse.

Memories of Bastion’s fingers and the way they worked expertly run like a loop through my head.

I can almost understand why Rich’s attitude changed so much after the first time we had sex.

I’ve been completely preoccupied, and I haven’t even had sex with Bastion.

It doesn’t help that I can feel his gaze on me throughout the day while I work. Sometimes I push my thighs together in an attempt to ease the ache. The looks he gives me are enough to make me want to flick the lock on his office door and beg him to give me another orgasm.

I could put an end to my suffering by just telling Bastion that I want to explore some more with him, but I need to be sure. I can’t compromise my parents’ future for sexual satisfaction. It wouldn’t be worth it in the long run.

We haven’t talked in depth about it, but Bastion isn’t offering me a long-term relationship full of love and romance, that much is clear. There will be an expiration date, of that I have no doubt. The question is, can I handle sex with no strings? That’s something I’m still trying to figure out.

I shut down my computer and stand from my desk, smoothing the front of my dress, aware that Bastion is watching me with a heated stare.

“I’m done for the day. I’ll see you back at the condo?” I pull the strap of my purse over my head to lay crosswise over my chest.

“I’ll see you there.”

True to his word, Bastion hasn’t pressured me at all. It’s clear that if I want more to happen, I have to be the one who initiates it. Though he makes it obvious enough what he wants with the way he looks at me. Something that is secretly thrilling me.

I leave the office without another word and make my way down the hall. Renee walks out of the changing room with Paige, who I’ve only talked to once before, but she seemed nice.

“Hattie, are you done for the day?” Renee asks, and I stop walking.

“Yup, what about you guys?”

“Nah, we’re just going to grab something to eat before it gets really busy out there. Do you want to join us?” Renee’s expression is open as she waits for me to respond.

When I look between her and Paige to see what she thinks of this, Paige is smiling too. “Come with us. We’re just going to a poke bowl place down the street.”

I can just imagine what Taylor would say if she knew I was going to go out for dinner with a pair of strippers. But I don’t have any friends in Seattle, and these women have been nothing but kind to me.

“Okay, sure. I’d love to.”

I’m mostly quiet on the walk over to the poke bowl place, my sudden bravery failing me when I realize I’m going to have to sit through an entire meal and hold a conversation.

I’m always so nervous that I won’t know what to say or that I’ll say something stupid that I tend to just sit there and say nothing.

But I can’t do that this time, so I tell myself I must make an effort no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

I figured it would be a takeout place, but it’s actually an all-you-can-eat restaurant. You just tell the waitress what you want in your bowl.

When the waitress asks what we’d like to drink, Renee and Paige order a lime cooler.

I was going to ask for a fruit drink, but now I feel like I’ll look like a child.

I’ve never had alcohol except for half a glass of wine during holiday dinners.

But I don’t want to stick out. It’s already apparent how different I am from everyone else at The Black Orchid.

I don’t need something else to make it even more obvious.

“I’ll have the same as them,” I tell the waitress and let her know what I’d like in my bowl.

“How are you liking Seattle?” Renee asks once the waitress leaves to grab our drinks.

“I really like it so far. At first it was a little overwhelming because I’m not used to being in a city this big, but I went exploring over the weekend, and I’m liking it more and more.”

“Did you come from a small town?” Paige asks.

Nodding, I say, “I moved here from Wisconsin.”

Luckily, neither of them asks why I moved here. I’m not sure what I would’ve said. Hopefully they just assume I’m another small-town girl looking for adventure in the big city.

“Are you both from Seattle?”

Paige nods. “I grew up in the suburbs.”

The waitress arrives with our drinks and sets one in front of each of us.

“I’m originally from Oregon. I moved up here after my baby daddy decided he wasn’t into the whole parent thing,” Renee says. “Figured there were better job prospects here than where I’m from.”

I frown. “He just left you and your son?”

“Yup. Went to work one day and never came back. Piece of shit.”

I pick up my drink and take a small sip, prepared to have to school my expression at how bad the cooler tastes, but it’s actually really yummy.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” I don’t know Renee well, but I feel terrible for her. She must have been so scared.

She shrugs in an “it is what it is” way.

I take another sip of my cooler as Paige says, “I started when I was in college. My family couldn’t afford to help me financially, and it seemed like a good option.

I didn’t want to leave school saddled with debt.

After I graduated, the money was better at the club than it would have been in the field I studied in, so I decided to stick around.

” She brings her drink to her lips. “I can’t do it forever, obviously, but I have my degree now. I can always fall back on that.”

“What did you take in school?”

“English and creative writing. I wanted to be a reporter.”

When the waitress arrives to deliver our bowls and asks if anyone would like another drink, I realize that I’ve finished mine. That’s probably why I feel so light and happy right now.

Renee holds up her hand. “One-drink limit when we’re on the clock, but you go ahead, Hattie.”

The waitress turns to look at me. I should probably say no, but… “Yes, another one please.”

She nods and goes to check on another table.

“Is the one-drink limit your rule?” I ask.

Paige shakes her head. “Bastion’s. There’s a strict no drinking or drugs policy while you’re working, which I understand. Before I landed at The Black Orchid, I worked with some girls who could only get out on stage if they were fucked up.”

My head tilts. “Do you guys ever feel self-conscious when you’re out there?”

“I used to,” Renee says. “Then you realize pretty quickly that women are their own biggest critics, and most men are just happy to see a naked woman—doesn’t matter the size or shape.”

“I could never do it. I don’t have the same level of self-confidence that you guys do.” I laugh, and I think it might be a little too loud because a few of the guests at surrounding tables turn to look.

The waitress returns with my drink and our meal. We thank her and dig into our food.

“You could totally do it. You’ve got that doe-eyed innocent thing going on. Men love that.” Renee spoons the contents of her bowl.

“Agreed. You’d clean up out there,” Paige says with a smile.

“No way.” I shake my head and pick up my drink for another sip.

“How do you like working for Bastion?” Renee asks.

Is she asking because she knows something? My eyes widen, and I look at my bowl, shoving some food into my mouth to buy myself some time.

When I’m done chewing, I look back at them. “He’s easy to work for.” I pick up my drink and down a couple of gulps as more nerves set in.

“He’s easy to look at,” Paige says, and she and Renee devolve into a fit of giggles.

“C’mon, Hattie, don’t tell us you haven’t noticed,” Renee says.

I shrug. “I mean, I guess.”

“He’s totally hot,” Paige says.

Renee sighs dramatically. “Too bad he doesn’t shit where he eats.”

“Except with Steph.” Paige rolls her eyes before taking another forkful from her bowl.

I stiffen in my seat. “What do you guys mean?” Though I try to keep my voice light, I don’t know if I succeed. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m a little tipsy from these drinks.

Renee leans over the table a bit. “Bastion has this rule about not sleeping with any of his employees. But we all think he and Steph have hooked up.”

I bring the cooler to my lips again, trying to wash down the bad taste left in my mouth by her words. “Why do you think that?”

Paige shrugs. “Just a vibe we get. She always acts territorial about him. It’s annoying as fuck, actually.”

“Totally,” Renee says before taking another mouthful of her poke bowl.

“Have you met her yet?” Paige sips her own drink.

“Yeah. Just briefly, though.” I push the contents of my bowl around with my fork.

“And how was she?” Paige arches a perfectly plucked brow.

“Kind of how you said.” I frown.

“See? They’re totally fucking.” Paige shakes her head.

Renee changes the topic, and though I relax as the conversation flows naturally from one topic to another, at the back of my mind, all I can think about is Bastion and Steph.

Are the girls right? Is he sleeping with her? If he is, what does what we did mean? Does he mess around with multiple girls at once? Maybe that’s what most people do. How would I know?

By the time we’re done eating, I’m fired up and maybe a bit jealous of Steph. I finish the last of my second cooler and slam the bottle on the table harder than necessary based on the way Renee and Paige startle in their seats.

Who does this Steph think she is? It all makes sense now why she was so snippy and clearly trying to make me feel like an idiot the night I met her. Well, too bad for her. She can’t have him. And I’m going to tell Bastion exactly that.

Why am I so worried about messing around with Bastion because he’s my boss when apparently he’s already messing around with another one of his employees?

“You guys ready to head back?” Renee asks.