Page 41 of Ruining Hattie

HATTIE

I t was only one night alone in Bast’s bed, but I barely slept. Each minute lying there awake in the dark felt like an eternity. I’m not sure when I grew so completely attached to the man, but I have.

It probably didn’t help that yesterday morning before he left, he seemed pensive, as though something was on his mind, but when I asked him if he was okay, he said he was fine.

And he was open with me that the impromptu trip was because his sister was worried about their father.

It would make sense for him to be concerned too.

Still, he didn’t text me yesterday—or today so far.

I must have checked my phone a hundred times.

Sure, I could text him, but I don’t want to come off like a needy girl who can’t go a day without talking to her…

whatever Bast is to me. That’s still the burning question I keep trying to put on the back burner, but it’s becoming more and more pressing.

I need some kind of definition for our relationship.

If only to keep my own expectations in check.

Pushing away from my desk, I go to make myself a hot chocolate. I’m not sure whether Bast is coming here or to the condo when he arrives in town, but I assume he’ll let me know at some point. So, I’m going to work until I hear from him.

Renee’s in the break room. She must just be coming in for her shift because she’s in street clothes. She’s leaning against the counter and scrolling through her phone.

“Hey, how are things?”

She glances up from her phone and smiles. “Good. I’m glad I ran into you.”

“Oh yeah? What’s up?” I grab a mug from the cupboard, setting it on the counter.

“I’m taking the little man to the Children’s Museum next week. We’ve never been, but I think he’ll love it. Wanted to see if maybe you’d like to come along?”

Warmth spreads through my chest. Renee is selective about who she allows around her son, and if she’s inviting me, it’s because she trusts me.

I haven’t met him yet, but I’ve been hoping to.

I love kids. They’re so sweet and innocent and look at the world through a lens that’s so much simpler than adults.

“I would love to. Just text me the details.” I want to swarm her in a big hug and thank her, but that would probably be too much.

“Awesome!” Her face lights up with a smile. “I’ve been telling him about my new friend at work. He’s excited to meet you.”

The clicking of heels on the tile behind me alerts me to someone else’s presence. I see a momentary flash of irritation on Renee’s face before she schools her features, so I turn around to see who it is.

Steph stands a few steps into the doorway, looking the two of us up and down as though we don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her.

She wears a skintight red bodycon dress with a plunging neckline.

It seems like a little much for a summer afternoon, but I guess this is a strip club. Even if she isn’t a dancer.

“Bastion isn’t in his office. Do either of you know where he is?” She looks between the two of us with a bored expression.

“Was he expecting you?” I surprise myself with the challenge in my tone.

One quick glance at Renee tells me she finds this interaction amusing.

“Yes, in fact he was. We have a meeting.” She crosses her arms.

“He must have forgotten. He’s out of town.” I smile nicely, trying to mask the annoyance swirling in my chest.

She stiffens. “Where did he go?”

My head tilts. “I’m not at liberty to say. I assume if he wanted you to know, he’d have told you.” I use my sweetest voice, but her eyes narrow.

All I can picture when I look at her is her with Bast, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I keep telling myself it was before I came here, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

It’s then I realize that I haven’t asked Bast whether he’s been with her since I started living with him, since we…

no. He wouldn’t do that. Sure, he told me that one night I drank a little too much that he hadn’t, but what about since?

Even if you don’t have any agreement to keep things monogamous between you two?

The thought hits me before I can stop the train, and I have to force the smile to stay on my face in front of Steph.

“Is there something I can help you with?” I ask before Steph can respond to my last statement.

She gives me the once-over again. “Not with the business we take care of in our meetings.”

Her meaning is clear, and my short fingernails push into my palms when I clench my fists. Steph glances down at my hands, then meets my gaze with a soft giggle and an amused grin.

“I’ll be sure to tell him you came by.” I turn back around and open the other cupboard to grab the hot chocolate packet.

“No need, I’ll just call him. Maybe he’ll want to meet up after hours at his place.”

I clench my jaw and take the plastic lid off the hot chocolate container.

“Bye, ladies.”

Neither Renee nor I say goodbye back.

“God, she’s such a bitch,” Renee says.

Rather than respond, I make my hot chocolate.

After a few moments, Renee leans in closer to me. “Hey, you all right?”

My chest is tight, and I’m so angry, I fear fire could come out of my mouth if I open it right now. I don’t know why I let her get under my skin. I’m the one sleeping in Bast’s bed every night.

That’s a lie, I do know. Because she’s everything I’m not. She fits in here. She’s glamorous and beautiful and dresses sexy. I’m sure Steph is confident and seductive and knows exactly what she’s doing in bed.

“I’m fine. She just annoys me.”

Renee barks out a laugh. “You and everyone else. Okay, I have to go get ready to be on stage. I’ll text you the details, okay?”

I nod. “Sounds good.”

The reminder that Renee wants me to meet her son lifts my mood a little, and I decide to focus on that rather than whatever Bast and Steph had going on.

But that only lasts as long as it takes me to walk back to the office, because as soon as I get inside, I see a hot pink sticky note in the middle of Bast’s desk. It wasn’t there when I left.

I know exactly who wrote it before I even pick it up.

Sorry I missed you.

We have so much to cover.

Call me when you’re back.

xo – S

I roll my eyes and toss the note in the garbage. I’m sure it’s more for my benefit than Bast’s anyway. I don’t think Steph knows anything is going on between us, but I do think she’s afraid I’m going to veer into her territory and wants to make it clear that I’m not welcome.

The temper I didn’t even know I had rears up again. Though I try to take a few deep breaths and let it pass, it remains.

Not wanting to have to deal with anyone else this afternoon, I shut the office door.

Maybe they’ll think no one is in here and leave me alone.

As I walk back to my desk, my eyes snag on the noise-canceling headphones sitting on the corner.

I use them when I’m working and want to listen to music so that I don’t disturb Bast.

Once I sit down, I slip them on and find my Christian rock playlist. I may not be going to church right now, but focusing on God always makes me feel more centered and like everything will be okay.

I’m not sure when Bast is expected, but I know I don’t want to be in this mood when he arrives.

A couple of hours later, I’m still working at my desk when I take a break to roll my neck and stretch my arms. Sometimes I can get in the zone and it’s like there’s nothing else around me.

I’m rolling my neck side to side when I stop.

What is that smell?

I sniff a bit and still.

Is that smoke?

I turn my chair to look at the closed door and see the smoke coming from under the door like a spirit creeping into the room. I simultaneously bolt up out of my chair and toss my headphones onto the desk.

My stomach turns to lead and drops to the floor when I hear screams coming from outside the door. Panicked, I race for the door and yank it open to be met with a wall of smoke.

I cough and look down either side of the hallway.

Flames roll up the opening leading to the main room and the front entrance, so I bolt to the back door.

I can barely see through the thick smoke, sucking in some of it and coughing, but when I push on the door to get out, it doesn’t open.

I try again to no avail, so I keep pushing, trying to get a cleansing breath.

I look over my shoulder. Having no choice but to find another way out since the door won’t budge, I rush back to the office and slam the door closed. My eyes burn and water from the smoke. I concentrate on the steady stream of smoke filling the room from under the door.

I grow nauseated and panic. What am I going to do? Grabbing my phone off my desk, I huddle in the corner, my forehead against my knees, arms wrapped around my legs as I rock back and forth.

My phone is still gripped in my hand. I should use it to call 9-1-1 and tell someone I’m here, but I’m too frozen in terror to do anything but sit.