Page 46 of Ruining Hattie

BASTION

W e take a ferry to Milwaukee, rent a car, and arrive at Hattie’s parents’ house shortly after dinner.

I pull the car into the driveway and kill the engine.

No matter how many times I’ve tried to convince myself Carla won’t recognize me, my heartbeat still drowns out everything else.

It’s been twenty-six years since she saw me last. There’s no way she’ll see the little boy inside the grown man I am now.

Still… what if she does? It will ruin everything I’ve built with Hattie.

If she recognizes me and I lose Hattie, it will be yet another thing Carla has taken from me.

I push all those thoughts aside, though, because Hattie is clearly nervous as hell about whatever her parents have to tell her. I need to be here to support her.

“You ready?” I open her door and hold out a hand to help her out of the car.

She nods and takes my hand.

When she’s standing outside of the car, I kiss her temple. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, okay?”

Hattie sucks in a deep breath and nods again, but she must find some comfort in my words because her shoulders relax, if just slightly.

Hand in hand, we approach the stairs at the front of the house.

There’s so much shit going on inside my head, it’s difficult to separate one thought from the other.

How will I feel when I see Carla up close or hear her voice?

How will Hattie’s parents feel about me being here?

Will they have a problem that I’m thirteen years older than her?

Hattie knocks on the door before she opens it, leading us inside.

“Hey, I’m here,” she calls.

I use the time before anyone appears to look around the house.

The living-slash-dining room combination we stand in is well-kept, though clearly outdated.

Family photos are scattered on a couple of the walls, and a large cross is hung on the one in the dining room.

It has a lived-in, homey feel, a family feel, a loved feel, and my heart squeezes.

Her dad comes around the corner, walking with a cane. His hair is gray and a little longer on the top, though the sides brush his ears. He has a mustache and a big smile until he sees me. He freezes briefly before continuing toward us.

“Who do we have here?” he asks Hattie.

She shakes her head and places her hand on my forearm. “This is Bastion, my boyfriend. Bast, this is my father, Robert.”

I like that word—boyfriend. For the first time in my life, I love belonging to someone. Though based on the way I feel about her, the title feels somehow trivial.

Robert blinks from being taken by surprise. I wonder if she’s ever brought a man home to meet her parents. I would have assumed that her asshole ex met her parents at some point.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.” I step forward, cursing myself for the hope that he’ll think I’m good enough for his daughter. Since when do I give a fuck what people think of me?

“You too, Bastion.” His eyes fall down my body, but I can’t tell if he finds me lacking. “I apologize if I appear surprised. It’s just that Hattie didn’t tell us she’d have someone with her. Nor did she see fit to tell us she was seeing anyone.” He eyes her over my shoulder.

When I glance at Hattie, her cheeks are red, and she’s staring at the floor.

“I’m afraid I insisted on coming with her. She was upset after your phone call, and I wanted to make sure she got here okay and be by her side to support her. As for me being a mystery, we only recently made things official. I’m sure she planned to tell you the first opportunity she had.”

Hattie steps to my side and wraps her arms around my bicep, squeezing, and Robert’s gaze clocks the gesture.

“Yes, well, I’m sorry to drag you away from Seattle, but we wanted to have this conversation in person,” he says. “You two made good time.”

“We weren’t in Seattle. We were at my home on Avalon Pointe, so we took a ferry to Milwaukee and drove in from there,” I answer.

Robert’s head rocks back. He’s clearly heard of the island and understands the meaning of me having a home there—I’m rich. I’m not a nobody.

“Well, let me go get your mother. She’s just lying down. Sweet pea, why don’t you offer your friend here a drink?” He heads down the hall, leaving us alone.

Robert’s slight dig—referring to me as Hattie’s friend and not her boyfriend—doesn’t get missed.

It might take some time to win Robert over.

More importantly, the time I’ve dreamed and dreaded for more than two decades is about to come.

My body is about to go into fight-or-flight mode, so I anchor myself to Hattie.

Her face is lined with tension, so I grab her hand, tugging her toward me and wrapping my other hand around her waist. She melts into my embrace.

“How are you?” I ask.

She shakes her head in the crook of my neck. “I just want to know what they have to tell me.”

I nod, understanding. She and I both. I’m about to come face-to-face with the woman I’ve despised my entire life.

“Let’s go out on the patio. It’s a nice evening.”

I follow her through the small kitchen with cluttered countertops and out a set of sliding doors, much like the ones I used to break into her apartment not far from here. The backyard is well kept, with flowerbeds lining the fencing, and an above-ground pool sits in the center of the yard.

Hattie and I make mundane conversation while we wait for her parents to appear. The reality of seeing Carla feels like an oppressive weight on my shoulders that’s getting heavier with every second that passes.

The screen door opens behind me. Hattie stands, so I follow suit, turning and seeing my mother face-to-face for the first time in more than twenty-five years.

My breathing becomes shallow, and all I hear is my heart thudding.

The noise of their voices greeting each other sounds as if they’re underwater and I can’t make out what they’re saying.

A cold sweat breaks out across my neck, and my knees weaken as if they’re about to give out.

All the memories from my childhood rush to the surface.

All the shitty things I intentionally blocked out. Things I never want to remember again.

Bile rushes up my throat, and nausea swirls in my stomach.

All three of them turn in my direction. My eyes go to Hattie first, to calm me, or at least, I hope. She’s smiling at me. That sweet, sweet smile centers me slightly. I’m not sure what was said, but I assume it was an introduction, so I step forward on shaky legs, hand extended.

“Good to meet you.”

Carla slides her hand in mine, smiling. I meet her gaze, and when her eyes don’t waver, I tip my head down. How stupid am I? We share the same eye color, a detail I’d forgotten over the years.

Panic flares inside me that it’s over. She recognizes me. “Good to meet you, Bastion. I’m glad you’re here.”

She squeezes my hand, and I glance down at our joined hands. Hers are the same ones that held me as a baby and changed my diapers. They’re also the same hands that held the needle she’d put in her arm or the bottle of booze she’d bring to her lips.

I drop her hand and give her a tight smile.

“Why don’t we all go take a seat?” She gestures to the table behind us.

I turn to sit down and catch Hattie giving me a questioning glance. I’m sucking at hiding my reaction. I’m not sure how I thought I could. I should have had Hattie come alone, but at some point, if she’s my future, we’d be here.

We all sit, and I use the moment to study Carla. Her gray bob swings as she sits, Robert helping her. She’s got bags under her eyes, and the walk over to the table seems to have winded her. Something in my gut says whatever they have to tell Hattie, it has to do with Carla.

“I’m sorry we had to call you home like this, Hattie.” Her mom gives her a weak smile.

Hattie takes her mom’s hand between both of hers. “Mom, what’s going on?”

Carla draws in a big breath and gives her a sad smile. Her eyes veer to Robert, and he scooches forward in the chair as if he’ll take the responsibility to tell Hattie whatever it is, but Carla shakes her head and stares into Hattie’s eyes. “I have kidney disease.”

Hattie’s face drains of all color. “What?” The pain in her voice makes me want to wrap her in a hug. I hate it when she hurts.

Carla looks at Robert again, who has a brave face, then back at Hattie. “We only just found out this week. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind.”

Tears gather in Hattie’s eyes, but she sucks them back. “What does this mean?”

My chest squeezes as I watch her trying to be strong.

“We don’t know yet. I have a doctor’s appointment in a few days, and we’ll get more information then and get the results of some more testing they’ve done. The doctors said I most certainly will have to start dialysis.”

Despite my disdain for her, I feel a tug of sympathy.

Hattie bursts into tears and bolts off the chair. Carla wraps her arms around Hattie and rubs her back. When Hattie pulls back, Carla places her palm on her cheek and runs it down.

My hands wrap around the armrests, white knuckles emerging immediately. I have to look away, sucking in a big breath. When I return my attention to the table, I find Robert watching me.

“Are you going to be okay?” Hattie asks in a small voice that reminds me of a child. That’s when I remember that if Carla doesn’t make it, this will be the second mother she’ll bury.

“I don’t know, sweetie, it depends on what the good Lord’s plan is.

But we’re going to do everything in our power to make sure I am.

I’m praying, your dad and I both, every night.

As soon as we know more, we’ll put me on the church prayer list. The Lord has a plan.

We just have to see what it is.” Carla’s voice is soft and gentle, consoling as though she’s not the one with the shit end of the stick.

If I had grown up with this version of Carla, I wonder what kind of man I’d be. Definitely not the one I am today.

“I’ll pray for you too,” Hattie says, and the three of them take comfort in their faith.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to believe that some being greater than you is up there looking out for you. Sure as shit, there was no higher power looking out for me when I was homeless, dirty, and starving.

We sit around the table, and I don’t say much for fear that I may burst and tell Carla who I am and how she ruined my life.

Eventually, Carla says she’s tired, so Hattie and I make our exit, promising to come by the house tomorrow. Hattie doesn’t say anything on the drive over to her apartment while I feign ignorance and ask for directions.

It’s not until we’re through the door of her apartment and I lock it behind us that she bursts into tears.

I pull her in and wrap my arms around her, squeezing her tightly. “I’ve got you. Let it all out.”

And she does. For ten minutes, we hold each other while every tear, every emotion, and every fear pours out.

When she pulls away, she wipes her cheeks, now red and raw. “I can’t go back to Seattle until I know what’s going on with my mom. And even then…”

I smooth the hair on the top of her head and kiss her forehead. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about your job right now, that’s not what’s important.”

No part of me wants her back in Seattle right now anyway. With everything going on, I haven’t had time to reach out to my brother-in-law to get the contacts I need for the Vitale crime family so I can take care of Sean. I’ll worry about it once I know she’ll be back in his vicinity.

“I know you have a business to run, but will you stay in Wisconsin for a bit? At least until my mom has her appointment and we know better what her prognosis is?”

I tuck a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. “I’ll call Steph in the morning and tell her she needs to handle things in my absence.”

“Thank you, Bast. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I’m not a religious man, but God willing, she’ll never have to find out.

I pull her in and wrap my arms around her, squeezing her tightly.