Page 51

MARA

T here was one thing I had left to do before Wes got home later tonight…the last piece of my past that I wanted to understand, and then never look back. And there was one person I hoped had the answer.

After Pen lathered me up and covered my new ink, I went off in search of my mom. She didn’t go with Wes to the outlying towns, but had stayed here to continue managing her forces, alongside Sasha and Giza. And I had a funny idea of where I might find them.

Passing several soldiers along the way, I walked up to the double doors of the War Room. Two soldiers stood guard—one Dissenter and one Libertarian.

And I knew exactly who the Dissenter was.

Shaggy brown hair, brown eyes, boyishly cute features, and a playfully deviant look in his eye—I smiled. “Matias…hey!”

His gaze shifted my direction. “Hey, we’ve been missing you all day,” he responded.

I pointed to my back. “Busy, but it’s done now.”

“What’d ya get?” the Libertarian asked.

I racked my brain, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember this guy’s name. “Wings.” He nodded, looking unimpressed, and then went back to staring down the hall.

Matias waggled his brows at me. “You’re showing me later, right?”

I tipped my head and smirked. “We’ll see.”

His bottom lip puckered out. “Pretty please…”

I smacked his shoulder lightly. “Enough, pretty boy. Is Nora in there?”

The playful twist to his mouth dropped, but his eyes continued to hold his positive energy. “Yeah, with Sasha. What’s up?”

I rubbed my hands on my jeans, feeling the butterflies slowly fluttering their wings in my gut. Uck… I thought I was ready for this, but I guess I was still nervous to talk to my mother.

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “I just really need to speak with her. Can one of you see if she’ll see me right now?”

The Libertarian nodded and then stepped inside the War Room, leaving us alone for a moment.

Matias watched the door close and then stepped closer, placing a gentle hand on my hip as he lowered his face to whisper. “You sure everything’s okay? You look nervous.”

I tittered. “That obvious, huh?”

He tipped his head to the side with a gentle smile. “Maybe not to someone else, but to me…absolutely.”

I blinked, taking a deep breath as my gaze drifted down to his chest. “I’ve been avoiding her, Matias. And I think she’s been avoiding me, too. We had that one interaction that first day, and then it’s been nothing between us since.”

“Does that bother you?”

I shrugged. “Yes? No? Maybe? I don’t really know. Things have been crazy ever since she arrived, so I don’t think I had the mental space to even think about talking to her, but…” I bit my bottom lip.

“It’s time,” he finished for me .

I nodded, looking back up into his sweet eyes.

Matias placed a hand on my shoulder, heavy and comforting. “Whatever you find out, Mara, remember that it doesn’t change what you have now. It doesn’t change that you have us . Me, and Chelsea, and Edith, and Wes. We’re here for you, and we’re going to be here to support you until the very end.”

My brows laced together as a sting prickled the back of my throat. Matias was right. Whatever the situation with my mom was, it didn’t change one very important fact…

I had a family.

I had friends who loved me and had proven time and time again to be there for me no matter what life threw my way.

Chelsea took a bullet for me.

Matias and Edith volunteered on a possible suicide mission to the Bellfire Tower to help me.

And Wes? What couldn’t I say about Wes? What couldn’t I say about the man that had risked his life more times than I could count, all for me?

I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t facing the darkness of this world on my own.

I had a family.

And they were all I was ever going to need.

I hugged him. His arms folded around me as I said, “Thank you.”

Ten minutes later, I was inside the War Room, sitting in a chair across from my mother.

Sasha left, promising to return in half an hour since they were diligently working on the fine details of something.

I had the urge to ask questions about what was going on and what they were planning, but that would be for later. Right now, my focus was on Nora.

Her hair was piled on her head in a messy bun, and she wore the same black uniform as the rest of the Libertarians. I found myself scrutinizing her exposed skin, searching for any signs of ink.

She shifted in her chair as she folded her arms on the table. “What are you looking for? ”

Warmth blossomed on my cheeks for a moment, knowing that I’d been caught staring, but I shrugged it off. “Your tattoo. You have one, right? Like the rest of them?”

Her lips curled into the ghost of a smile. She reached for the collar of her shirt with her left hand and dragged it down at an angle, exposing her skin. There, right over her heart, was a small lotus blossom rising from rippled water. Nothing fancy. Simple and elegant, much like Javier’s.

As she pulled her collar back up, I asked, “What does it mean? I know you call yourselves the Lotus Libertarians, but why?”

Nora shifted her gaze to the table, rubbing the side of her neck.

“Your Tía Serena designed this image. She used to call it the Lotus of Liberty.” She leaned back in her chair.

“The lotus flower has several important meanings in different eastern cultures. It’s a symbol for love, rebirth, and resilience…

all values Serena and I both held important.

Lotus flowers grow in mud or murky water, and they bloom every day.

At night, they descend back into the water, only to bloom the following day, just as beautiful and pristine as the day before. ”

I thought of Javier’s tattoo, and then Pen’s and Jada’s and Dails’s. They were all the same…a lotus rising from ripples of water.

“For us, our tattoos remind us of love’s ability to rise above our hardships and adversity to create positive change.”

“Amor vincit omnia,” I whispered under my breath.

“What?”

I looked up at my mother. “Love conquers all.”

She smiled, nodding slowly. “Yes, love conquers all.” Nora shifted in her seat once more, leaning to the left as she propped her elbow on the armrest.

“Why did you put yours there, over your heart?”

Her eyes glistened. “To remind me of what I loved and lost.”

I stiffened. Was she…was she talking about me?

Or maybe my dad? I blinked, looking at the table as I placed an arm on its polished surface.

Ti me was ticking, and I needed to know.

This was the last thing…the last mystery, the last thorn still digging into my fleshy soul.

I needed to know what happened all those years ago.

I swallowed and dragged my eyes up to meet hers with a deep breath. “Nora, what happened? What happened between you and Raúl?”

She closed her eyes, pressing her lips together for several heartbeats while I waited patiently. I’d lived my whole life wondering what occurred between my parents; I could wait a few more minutes for my mom to collect her thoughts.

“I was wondering when you were going to ask about this.” She tipped her head back and sighed, opening her eyes.

“I don’t even know where to start,” she mused with a small shake of her head.

“I guess I’ll start by saying that…we were all friends back then.

The world was different in some ways, and not in others.

Serena and I, we were best friends. And your dad…

” she hesitated, little lines marring the space between her brows.

“He was different. He was good , and he was sweet, and he saw the world so differently from everyone else.” She shook her head, staring at her hands as she played with her own fingers.

“I liked him, and…over time, I grew to love him.”

She sighed heavily. “I don’t know how it was that he lost his mind.

Somewhere along the way, he grew greedy, I guess.

Serena always thought it was Belinda. She suspected that once she was promised to him by her parents, that things began to change.

His ideas grew radical, and he started talking in ways that even his brother couldn’t understand. But I always loved him, Mara.”

She looked at me, and I could see the hurt in her eyes, the pain in her face.

“I always thought that I could help him come back to me. Come back to some sense of reason.” She rubbed her nose with the back of a finger.

“When things felt like they were on the brink, I went to him. I hoped that love would help remind him of who he used to be, and the worst part is…I think it did. I think he remembered that night. When I told yo ur father I was pregnant with you, he was going to stop. He was going to leave Belinda, and it was all going to finally end. But Belinda confronted me about what I’d done.

She accused me of trying to steal him away from her, and then…

” Nora faltered, shaking her head. “She attacked me.”

A single tear rolled down my mother’s cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. “I defended myself, and in the process, Belinda got hurt. I didn’t find out until afterwards that she had been pregnant, too.”

My heart stopped beating. “Jacob?”

Her lashes fluttered as she shook her head. “No…a daughter. She would have been just a little older than you are now.”

I gasped. “No…”

My mother nodded. “I’m afraid so.” She sniffed. “Belinda lost the baby. And because she lost her baby, Raúl stayed with her, and he became so angry with me that I think he finally broke. He broke in such a way that I don’t think he can ever be repaired.”

Oh my god… “Is that…” My voice cracked. I cleared it and tried again. “Is that why…?” I couldn’t even finish the stupid question.

But my mother knew. She knew exactly what I wanted to know.

“That’s why I think he took you. He stole you from me because Belinda demanded he do so, and I think he thought you would be raised as though you were the daughter they were meant to have.

Of course,” she added after a minute as she leaned forward in her chair, folding both arms over the table, “that’s not what happened either.

Belinda took the anger and resentment she had toward me , out on you.

And for that…” She reached across the table and placed a hand on mine.

“I am sorry. You suffered so much, Mara, not because you were less than, but because Belinda hated me. I know what people have said about me. That I seduced your dad and got myself pregnant just to manipulate him, but that’s not the truth,” she scoffed.

“You were the product of something real .”

My chest tightened—the stupid sting back in my throat once more .

“I love you, Mara. And I know deep down inside, your father loves you. It was because of you that he almost turned Belinda away to begin with. That he almost stopped this insanity and returned to being the man he used to be.” She grimaced, tears glistening in her eyes once more. “It’s because of me that he didn’t.”

I pressed my lips together, desperately trying to shove back the tears threatening to fall. After all this time… After years of abuse and cruel punishments and being demeaned and treated as though I was nothing but an insect needing to be squashed…I had my answer.

I was a product of love.

And I was a symbol of hope.

My mother’s pregnancy with me almost ended Raúl’s destruction of the UFA. And I wasn’t to blame for everything that transpired after either. Belinda didn’t hate me…not really. She hated my mother. And her cruelty towards me was her way of imparting revenge on a woman she would never see again.

That was the whole story.

I looked up at my mother, watching as she gently wiped the tears from her eyes. “Thank you for telling me.”

She tipped her head to the side, offering me a small smile. “I haven’t been there for you, I know. But I would like the chance, if you will let me?”

I let that sit within me for a moment; allowed the idea to simmer in my heart. And after a minute, I finally said, “I think I’d like that.”

My mother smiled, and I returned it, noticing that the inky black of my darkness wasn’t lurking in the corners of my soul anymore. All I saw was light.