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MARA

E dith was such a wonderful friend. She listened to me as I ranted and raved about my mother. My mother. Who was alive and well. And when I had exhausted that topic, I moved on to Javier, who had not died and was also alive …with her ! In what world did that make any sense?

Then, to top it all off, it was what she said to me. That she had always been trying to get back to me, always trying to save me from my dad. Moreover, she wanted democracy, and I kinda liked that plan, but Sasha shot it down. The whole thing seemed crazy to me.

How long had I been pushing against Sasha because I didn’t trust her? The whole time. And just when I was starting to believe that maybe she wasn’t like my dad, my mom pulled the rug out from under me.

Renounce your titles , she said. Accept democracy . And what did Sasha say?

No.

She said freaking no !

What was I supposed to do with that? How was I supposed to feel about that response ?

The questions were nagging, and the whole thing was just so confusing, I felt like my head was going to split wide open. I just…I just couldn’t handle it all.

As night shrouded the sky, Edith was kind enough to fetch me dinner.

She made sure I ate, showered, and then gave me a pill, telling me it would help me sleep.

She swore that a good night’s rest would help my brain work itself out of the mental rat’s nest it had gotten itself into.

But I honestly didn’t think anything could help me.

My life was upside down and under water at this point, and I was so angry.

Because discovering Javier and my mother were alive should have brought me relief, right?

And it did. But another part of me felt so betrayed by the fact that they were alive, with an army, and they…

they left me behind. Did they not care about me? Was I nothing?

I groaned into my pillow, so ready to be done with all of it.

And honestly, if it hadn’t been for Edith’s little pill, I don’t think I would have ever fallen asleep.

But I did, thankfully, and I slept so hard that I hardly noticed when Wes climbed into bed next to me.

His arm snaked around my waist, drawing me against him.

I barely registered the feathered kiss to my forehead, then my cheek, and then the corner of my mouth.

My grip on consciousness was so tenuous, that I wasn’t even sure I heard him whisper I love you .

***

My eyes fluttered open, seeing the rainbow of colors cast along the walls as morning light filtered in through the colored glass of my window.

My body was heavy, but my mind felt rested and at ease.

Lying on my side, both my hands tucked under my cheek, consciousness told me I was warm under a thick blanket and safely wrapped in Wes’s arm.

I could feel his heat at my back, and felt the tickle of his breath along my ear .

And suddenly, I was at peace.

The last time Wes spent the night with me that I could remember was the night of the gala after he proposed. And now here we were, me wrapped up in his arms, once again his bride-to-be. No matter how craptastic yesterday had been, there was one thing that blew away the darkness…

Wes loved me.

He wanted me to be his promised.

Not because he had to. Not because his dad told him to. Not because it was a strong political move.

Because he wanted to. Because he loved me.

In that moment—those thoughts spinning in my head—I thought I actually squealed.

Wes’s hold tightened for just a tick. “Am I too heavy on you?” His voice was thick and groggy. “Do you need me to move?” He started to lift his arm.

“ No ,” I squeaked, and then instantly felt my cheeks color. I cleared my throat, trying to settle my schoolgirl joy. “No, it’s fine. You’re fine.”

The full weight of his arm slowly settled on me once more. “Good… I rather enjoy having you like this.” I felt him nuzzle into my hair, his face pressing against the back of my neck.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back another squeal. The hand around my waist dug underneath me and pulled me closer. Lips tickled the skin just under my ear, and the sensation caused me to shiver.

“You’re trembling,” he whispered, voice husky. “Are you cold, or are you simply delighted?”

I shivered again, heat blooming within. “Definitely delighted,” I whispered back breathlessly.

Wes feathered a kiss on my neck, and then his lips brushed my ear as he whispered again. “I like when you tremble in delight.” One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. “I wonder what it would take to make your entire body shudder…” I felt his tongue and then he nibbled my lobe .

Hot.

Feverish.

“Holy mother…” I gasped out as gooseflesh raked across my skin.

Wes’s hand moved, gripping me harder, flushing me against him as a triumphant sound escaped him. Lips against my ear once more, “Last I checked, love, the Holy Mother wants nothing to do with the licentious pleasures of men.”

I. Was. On. Fire.

Heat burned through every inch of my being, and that licentious pleasure he was talking about was a live creature within me—a sparrow spreading its wings in flight. And I was diving into endless, delightful shivers. Goosebumps skated down my limbs once more.

A devious chuckle…

A soft, throaty growl…

A hand that traveled, discovered, explored…

And I was done.

Just a puddle of skin and bones and breaths and wants and needs, and I had zero desire to say no to anything.

I tried to face him, but he only held me tighter, pinning me against him.

“Wes,” I whined.

He chuckled again—a sound of confident knowing. “Stay just like that, Mara.”

I turned my face and felt him press his lips against my cheek. “What if I don’t want to?”

He nuzzled into me. “No…you’re staying just like this.”

“But I want to kiss you—”

“And I’m saying I can’t let you kiss me.”

My brows knitted together. “And why is that?”

He whispered, his voice still deliciously thick. “Let’s just say, waking up next to you makes me a happy man.”

I didn’t get it. “And that’s a problem, why ? ”

He laughed, and what a beautifully playful sound it was.

“What? Why are you laughing at me?” My cheeks were coloring again. I felt stupid, and my annoyance must have been evident because he kissed me again, speaking into my skin.

“Don’t be mad, love. I’m just not in a gentleman’s frame of mind.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I’m trying to behave.”

“What if I don’t want you to behave?”

He laughed again, but the sound was more guttural and caused me to shiver all over again.

“Mara, you’re going to be the death of me.

” He pressed his lips into my neck. “But you shouldn’t tease me like that.

It’s not very nice,” he said soothingly.

“I can have a lot of restraint, but you can only expect so much from me, I’m afraid.

At the end of the day, I’m just a guy in bed with a beautiful woman he loves, and I have been working incredibly hard to remain chaste for a year now. ”

“To remain chas—” My eyes widened. “ Oh .”

“And there’s the light bulb.” He kissed me again, and then shot out of bed so fast, I didn't have time to grab at him. I decided at that moment that life was unfair. Because Wes looked like an Adonis, no matter what he wore—currently a white undershirt and dark gray sweatpants. Nothing special. And yet, he looked way too sexy for his own damn good. “I’m gonna go get dressed. But I’ll come get you for breakfast? ”

I sat up, hugging my knees. “Okay.”

He smiled and left my room, the door clicking closed.

Flopping back onto my bed, hands outstretched like a star, I sighed, letting my mind wander.

Today was going to be another craptastic day.

I suspected my mother wanted to talk to me, but I had no intention of doing that yet, and every intention of avoiding it.

And then there was Javi, which was a completely different ball of wax.

But none of that mattered to me at the moment.

What held my attention more than any of that was my relationship with Wes.

How did I feel about…well, about sex ?

Was it something I wanted? Was it something I felt ready for?

Sex before marriage was a major hell no in Telvia. But I wasn’t in Telvia anymore.

We were both adults.

We were both fighting for our lives in a war that might kill us both.

And we would both be consenting, right?

Plus, engagement ring. That deserved two stars next to it in my mind. No, we weren’t married, but he sure as hell put a ring on it… twice .

Not to mention the man had literally saved my life more times than I could count on one hand. That was like, at least another three stars on the list.

I wonder what it’s like…

I nibbled on my thumbnail for a second, replaying the tender moment I had just shared with him.

Did he call me love ? As in, my love ? I squealed as I squirmed in my bed.

He did, didn’t he? The man that was all rock and obscenities had given me a freaking pet name…

and I loved it! I relished it, replaying the sound of his voice as he said I love you and called me that one simple syllable.

And for the briefest of moments, I forgot the horrors I’d faced or pain I’d suffered.

Because love had a beautiful way of pushing back against sorrow and casting back shadow.

But it wasn’t long before the darkness inside me curled along the edges of my soul once more, threatening to pull me under.