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WES

S he was always going to run.

Fuck.

I dove into the pool, feeling the icy water wrap around me, stinging my flesh like pins and needles. Arching my back, I kicked, breaking through the surface of the water with a gasp. And then I swam.

Why did I keep doing this to myself? Did Matias just tell me she loved me so I would save her? Was he going to run with her?

It wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. I would have saved her, regardless.

That was true. The reasons behind what I did weren’t affected by this. It didn’t matter if she loved me or not. I would always save her, always go back for her.

Because I loved her.

I somersaulted, pushing off against the tiled wall, piercing the water like the bullet piercing my heart .

God, it hurt so bad to read her eyes. To have them yell, Go … leave! And when she said she was never planning on staying with me? Fuck, her eyes screamed it was the truth.

It hurt. It hurt so fucking much I thought I was going to cave. But I promised her…I promised her as she slumbered in unconsciousness that if she lived, I would let her go. I swore that it didn’t matter who she picked or where she went as long as she lived and breathed.

My lungs begged for air. I lifted my head out of the water just long enough to gasp for breath. Then I was back under, kicking hard.

It was time to pay up. I begged for her life and swore that I would accept whatever she wanted…and it was time to accept that truth.

I could be angry about it.

I could be hurt about it.

I could fucking tear myself apart about it if I wanted.

But I would let her go.

Whatever she wanted…I would accept. Even if the truth was that she never really wanted me to begin with.

Fuck …this was going to burn.

***

MARA

The following day, I felt gross all over. It didn’t matter how much I scrubbed my skin, I couldn’t get the rotten feeling of guilt out of me.

What was I doing? Why was I insisting on pushing away the people I cared about?

After Wes left, Edith challenged me. She snapped at me, accusing me of being a bitch and telling me I had to march out my door and tell him I was sorry .

“He sacrificed everything for you!” she screamed at me. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

She was right. What I told Wes wasn’t a lie, but I left out a very important detail. There was exactly one beautiful night where I did intend to marry him…the night of the gala. The night he asked me to stay with him. The night I realized that I loved him.

I shoved a brush through my hair roughly, relishing the physical pain I was causing myself because it felt so much better than the mosh pit of despair I felt inside.

You have to fight this… You can’t let yourself ruin everything.

But it was too late for that. I’d already crushed everything I cared about, and I was self-destructing in the most gloriously painful way ever.

My hand froze, brush halting at my scalp. Then, slowly, I turned around to see my naked body in the mirror. Looking over my shoulder, I saw each silvery line catch the light and shimmer white. They glittered .

I frowned, feeling tears flooding my vision. Medicine cured me of Charles’s ruinous force, but it couldn’t cure me of what I really was.

I was the daughter of a man who ruined two factions and left nothing but destruction in his wake. The daughter of a man who couldn’t be faithful to his wife. The daughter of a man who was tearing this nation apart with blood and death. The daughter of a man who killed the people he loved.

But Belinda knew. She knew exactly what I was. And she made sure I would never forget it. Because my stepmother left me horribly scarred for the rest of my life…an outward symbol of what I really was.

Devastation.

Destruction.

Desolation.

I’d been running from it for so long, trying to escape it, and yet, here I was. It found me, and I was a fool to think I could ever escape it .

“Don’t take him down with you, Mara.” That’s what Edith said. “ You’re fucked up right now, I get that. But he doesn’t need to sink with you.”

And then she left me alone, slamming the door behind her just as Wes had. And that loneliness caved in on me, making me scream and rage, the demons inside needing escape.

And escape they did. And when I had finally exorcized them, an old part of me—a dying part of me—spoke out.

Don’t lose him. Don’t let the flame blow out.

I gripped onto that part of me with desperate hands. She was still alive. She wasn’t dead. But if I didn’t find a way to hang on to her…

If I didn’t find a way to resurrect her, heal her, bring her back to life…

I was going to be lost.

And it was at that moment that I knew I needed him. If I was ever going to find the path back to who I was, then I needed Wes.

I got dressed in jeans and a sweater to fight back the chill of fall looming in the estate.

After snapping on a new mini-tab, which was sitting on my nightstand charging, I was out, walking the familiar halls of the house.

Calvernon Estate looked less like a glitzy palace and more like a medieval castle, which is why I had dubbed it Castle Calvernon the first day I stepped foot in the place.

The walls were gray stone, adorned with wrought-iron sconces, impeccable tapestries, and stained-glass windows that showered the hallways in colorful displays of light.

The pristinely polished hardwood floors were dressed in red, Oriental rugs so plush, I could feel my foot sink an inch with every step.

Every window and French door was framed with matching red drapes, pulled back by gold cords and tassels.

Ornate antique chairs and tables sang out an invitation for me to stay awhile, while statues made of dark irons and suits of armor warned me not to linger.

There were gorgeous lamps of blacks, golds, and reds that lit the darkened corners, and occasionally I would pass enormous mirrors with massively detailed golden frames.

It was elegant, strong, and in so many ways, reminded me of the individuals who lived inside.

My first stop was the dining room, hoping I’d catch breakfast. When I pushed open the door and looked inside, my jaw dropped.

The massive table meant for twenty was completely full of soldiers.

Butlers were bringing tray after tray of bacon, eggs, waffles, fresh fruit, and pitchers of coffee and orange juice.

And it was loud . There was clattering of forks and knives ringing against china and glass.

Everyone was talking at once, hollering and laughing and shouting.

“Yo, Geo, man…toss me a biscuit—”

“Did you hear they bombed Camp Butte—”

“Aw hell no! Please tell me you didn’t ask her out—”

“Did you guys sleep together—”

“Who’s up for a game of Stallion later—”

“The Telvians are slaughtering us, the freaking pricks—”

“I heard he shot his old man right here—”

I stepped out, whipping around and resting my back against the wall.

My heart pounded as my chest rose and fell with ragged breaths.

It was like a mess hall in there, but it was worse somehow.

I thought I saw familiar faces, but I…I just couldn’t.

The noise—what they were saying—it was too much for me.

Way too overwhelming and I felt so claustrophobic already.

No matter how much I wanted to see everyone, I just wasn’t ready.

I stepped quickly through the halls, and once I was far enough from the dining room, I slowed down.

My eyes caught the colored windows and art, and I stopped to admire them.

I was always rushing someplace, always hurrying to my next destination, the next goal, and never took the time to admire what was right in front of me.

I spent my life always thinking about tomorrow, but what about today?

For once, I wasn’t in a hurry.

“Thanks, Cassie. I appreciate your help. ”

I halted, tilting my head to the left to listen better. I was coming up to a junction in the hallway, and somebody was around the corner.

“I know. I just wished you appreciated my company more often,” the woman purred.

My blood felt like sludge. Because I recognized that voice. I recognized both of those voices.

He jeered, “You were always the type to push the envelope.”

“If I remember correctly, so were you ,” she said.

I heard their steps coming closer, just about to round the corner, and I dove, like a freaking coward, right behind a bulky red drape.

“ Cassie …” Wes said in a breath as they turned the corner.

I shifted behind the curtain, peeking out through a slit between the drapes. And oh my god, did the sight of him make my heart wring itself out. He was wearing his cadet uniform again, hair pulled back in a neat man bun.

And his company was none other than Calista Haeflinger—a blonde with sharp green eyes and bone structure I would kill for.

She was tall, lean, fit, and an equal match for Wes.

She was dressed in her cadet uniform, too, and armed.

Even in her uniform, she was gorgeous, but her personality did little to match because she was a total bitch.

“What?” she teased as she grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to her. Unlike me, she didn’t have to stand on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Do you remember that one time…in the garden?”

Oh my god, was Wes actually blushing ? Like a schoolgirl? Queasiness stormed my gut.

“Um, it was a long time ago,” he muttered, swallowing hard.

Blondie smiled. A seductive sound escaped her lips as she brought them closer to his mouth. “I’d be happy to remind you.” Her hand was on his chest, and then gracefully drew down to his stomach, to his waistband—

I slammed my eyes closed. I couldn’t watch. I shouldn’t be here. I should have stayed in the stupid room. Damn it all to freaking hell !

I gripped the drapes so tight, I thought for sure I was going to slice ten little holes in the material with my fingernails.

“I promise,” Calista sang, “you’ll feel so much better. Just one more time…”

No! I couldn’t listen to this anymore. I was crawling out of my skin as I tried to back away, covering my ears.

But my freaking god, I was an idiot . I got caught up, my stupid feet tripping over the extra length of drape on the floor—why were these so freaking long anyhow? —and then everything was falling.

It was a mess of curtains and stupid tassels and rods and me ! I was on the floor, fighting with the heaviest drapes ever designed on this earth! What the hell were these made from, anyway? Lead ? It was dark and suffocating, and I couldn’t find my way out.

And then there was light.

The drape was lifted off me, and I was sitting in a pile of red fabrics and gold cords and embarrassment. Because staring at me like I was the biggest, stupidest idiot in the world was Blondie and Wes.