Page 41

WES

I closed my door. Rested my back against the stained oak. Gritted my teeth and slammed the back of my head against the wood.

Pain jolted through my brain.

And it felt good.

Fucking idiot. What was I doing? What the fuck did I think I was doing? I buried my face in my hands. Fingers dug into my hair and curled around the strands. I wanted her so bad. I wanted us . I wanted to shower her with my lips and bathe her in the fire of my arms.

Because Mara drove me fucking mad .

Her eyes told me yes . Her mouth whispered please . Her fucking body cried out more . But I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t take her without her knowing the truth first. Without her knowing all of it. Because if I did and she found out…

I shook my head. Stepped further into my room.

I didn’t think I could handle her regretting it. Regretting me .

No. It was better this way.

First the truth.

And if she still accepted me…

If she still wanted to say my name …

If her eyes still said yes , and her mouth still whispered please , and her fucking body still cried out more …

I’d be more than happy to deliver.

But truth first… sex after.

The ice-cold water helped cool me off in more ways than one.

Once dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white undershirt, I grabbed clean clothes for tomorrow and walked back to Mara’s room.

I hated how far she was from me. The thought had occurred to just have her move into my room, but until she knew the truth… it was better this way.

I needed to tell her. But each day that passed made it only harder and harder.

Fuck. Why did shit have to be so complicated? Because I didn’t know how Mara was going to feel. I didn’t know how she would handle discovering that I…I was him all those months ago. What if she couldn’t forgive me for keeping it from her?

How many opportunities had I had to tell her the truth?

Too fucking many.

But like an idiot, I kept my mouth shut and only dug myself a bigger hole. I shook my head, eyes trained on the red rug in front of me as I walked down the hall.

Maybe it was better she didn’t know. It wouldn’t change anything. He was dead. I was alive. End of story.

She deserves to know, Wes.

Fucking Edith. That’s what she told me that day we went shopping for Mara’s ring. That she deserved to know the truth about my past. Our past. But Edith’s reputation with Mara wasn’t on the fucking line now, was it?

I blew out a breath, only doors away from where I knew she was waiting for me. I just needed to tell her. Let the chips fall where they may. That was the honorable thing to do, right ?

My hand on the knob, I opened the door and stepped inside, closing it behind me. “Mara, I need to talk to you.” It turns out I’m an asshole, and I have some shit to confess to you. My eyes landed on her curled-up form on the bed, but when I got closer, my heart sank.

She was asleep, black lashes splayed across her cheek under her closed eyes.

I gritted my teeth, feeling like an ass. I worked myself up, only to find her already dreaming. I took several deep breaths, calming myself down. I rested my clothes on the edge of her bed. Walked to her nightstand and clicked off the light. The room fell into shadow.

Slowly.

Carefully.

Gingerly.

I tucked her in under the blankets. Brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, and kissed her forehead. Just a graze so as not to wake her. Then I grabbed my clothes and left her room.

I shook my head as I walked down the hall once more. I really was a coward.

Fuck.

***

MARA

I was back in the ballroom/mess hall for breakfast, stirring my oatmeal. “I just don’t get it. Did I do something wrong?”

“Maybe he was tired?” Liddy offered, sitting across the table from me. She reminded me a lot of the sane parts of her sister, making her incredibly easy to talk to .

Edith snorted. “Oh yeah …because a guy’s going to give up getting laid just to get some shut-eye.” She snorted again. “You’re a crack up.”

Liddy narrowed her eyes, but then turned them back to me. “He’s working really hard nowadays, right? That’s what you said? Ignore lil’ sis. Not all guys are hounds for the sack.”

I considered that. He was working constantly, and then trying to find every spare moment he could to spend with me. Maybe he really was just tired.

Edith shoveled a spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth, then tried to speak as it sloshed around her tongue. “Wha wa the las par he sai?”

“What?” Liddy and I both said in unison.

Edith rolled her eyes, chewed, and swallowed. “I asked ‘what was the last part he said?’”

I grimaced. “That he wasn’t ready ?”

Edith’s fork clanked in her bowl as her eyes widened. “He said what ?”

“That he wasn’t ready,” I repeated, shrugging as my cheeks colored. “I don’t know how to take that.” I sighed in frustration. Seriously, who does that? What guy works himself up to stand at attention and then says, ‘no thanks. I’m not ready’?

Ready? What the eff did ready even mean? Wasn’t that supposed to be my line? Wasn’t I supposed to be the one who needed to wait until after marriage and protect my chastity and blah, blah, blah ?

“That is…weird.” Liddy finally said. At least she was honest. Curiosity swept through her face before she leaned forward and whispered, “Is he a virgin?”

Edith dropped her spoon again as she rolled her head to look at her sister. “Are you serious?”

Liddy gave a sheepish smile. “I don’t know. You know him better,” she stated, pointing her spoon at Edith. “What do you think it means?”

Edith stiffened for a second before quickly brushing it off. “Uh…maybe he’s, um …”

I gawked, twisting in my seat to face her better. Edith was speechless. No snappy comebacks. No witty jokes. No overly sexualized commentary. Was she feeling okay?

Or does she know something?

I narrowed my gaze at her. “You’re hiding something, aren’t you?”

“What?” she scoffed, looking offended. “Whatever.” She quickly shoveled oatmeal into her mouth.

I took the opportunity and leaned forward. “What do you know, Edith? Why did Wes say he’s not ready? Is he a virgin?”

“I can personally guarantee that he’s not a virgin.”

That voice. I hated that voice. It was like nails on a freaking chalkboard to me. And it came from behind. I spun in my chair to see Calista’s stunning green eyes, dressed in her cadet uniform and hair pulled back in the regulatory bun. She looked amazing, like always.

“Good morning, ladies,” she said rather cheerily. Her eyes landed on me, and a sinister smile curled on her lips. “What’s the matter, Telvian? Boy problems?”

I gritted my teeth so hard I swore I was going to crack a molar. “None of your business, Haeflinger.”

She lifted her hand up, casually examining her cuticles. “No need to get testy ,” she drawled.

“So…you said he’s not a virgin?” Liddy asked and then yelped. “Ow!” Leaning down under the table, she glared at her sister. “What was that for?”

Blondie ignored them. “No,” she said, head held high with that stupid smug smirk. “He’s not .” Then she looked at me. “So if he’s not putting out”—her voice was nauseatingly sweet—“then the problem is definitely with you .”

My stomach sank.

“Oh shut up, Calista.” Edith stood. “Nobody asked you —”

I blinked several times, feeling the pit growing bigger. I just couldn’t help myself. “Me?” I whispered. “ I’m the problem? ”

“Don’t listen to her, Mara—”

I shook my head and then looked at my ring. “Why would he—”

Blondie dropped down, her lips right at my ear. “Maybe he’s just not ready to see all those scars , hmm? They really are nauseating, and absolutely the last thing anyone would want to stare at while they’re trying to enjoy themselves, don’t you think?”

Edith snapped. “You really are a total bitch. You better watch your ass—”

Calista took a step back. “Only pointing out the obvious.” I glanced up at her and our eyes locked. “And it really is obvious.”

“Don’t you have another home to wreck?” Edith postured. But I wasn’t paying attention anymore. I hardly noticed Blondie walking away.

My gaze drifted back to my hand, back to the honey-colored diamond glistening on my finger.

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead in the palm of my right hand.

I was such an idiot. I was ready to lay myself out on a silver platter for him, only to have him shut me down. How could I have been so dumb?

“Mara, don’t listen to her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Edith tried convincing me. I felt her hand on my shoulder. “Wes’s not like that. He loves you—”

I wasn’t listening anymore. I was already diving deep into hurt, and it stung—a thousand needles stabbing my skin in an acupuncture session from hell. The darkness was creeping in again. Its slithering, inky tentacles reaching out, wrapping around me like a vice.

It was bad enough knowing that Blondie could personally guarantee that Wes wasn’t a virgin.

The thought alone caused me to clutch my fingers as jealousy writhed within me like an emerald green snake desperate to strike.

But the worst part was the thought that my scars disgusted him.

That he had to steel himself somehow to look at me.

Why else wouldn’t he come back to stay with me like he said he would ?

The feeling of rejection was heavy in my heart, and I had a sinking feeling that Blondie was right. Wes wasn’t the problem. It was definitely me .