Page 37

MARA

W e sat in the ballroom, just the two of us, quiet and alone.

Staff brought us both tea, and we spent the initial hour just reminiscing about the past. There were so many memories I had almost forgotten.

Memories of Jacob and him wrestling in the backyard while I watched.

Memories of board games, and card games, and building forts, and pillow fights.

Good memories…moments that served as the only illumination in an otherwise dark and abusive past for me.

Javier’s chair was cocked at an angle to face me better.

He leaned back, stretching his legs out before him as his left hand stretched out onto the table, thumbing his mug.

It was then that I realized I had been right—Javi did have a tattoo on the inner side of his wrist. Much smaller than everyone else, but it was the same concept: a lotus blossom rising from ripples of water.

“What’s with the tattoos?” I finally asked.

He lifted his left wrist and glanced at the black ink before looking at me like I was nuts. “I got this years ago, remember? I was sixteen—”

I nodded. “Yeah, I remember you having one, but why does everyone else have one too? Because they all have one, right? Somewhere on their body? ”

He smiled. “Yes, we all have one.”

“So? What’s the deal with that?” I took my mug, loving how hot it felt in my cold hands.

“You might have been too young to remember, but my mom always drew this.”

I had a faint memory of Tía Serena always sketching, but I couldn’t remember what it was she always drew.

“That’s why I got the tattoo when I was old enough…

to remember my mom. Well,” he drawled, sitting up, “Liddy saw my tattoo when we were at the Academy together. After the riot at Apex, she told me she recognized it. That she’d seen it here in the North, and she wanted to see if there was more to this design than just my mom and her paintings. Turns out, there was.”

I drew the mug to my lips, blowing the steam off the top. “What happened after that?”

“Well,” he rubbed his chin, “we discovered the lotus was a symbol for a movement known as the Lotus Libertarians. At the time, I wasn’t ready to dissent.

I had helped Liddy escape Apex, so I couldn’t stay in Telvia, and Liddy—” he stopped, pursing his lips a moment.

“She decided she didn’t want to go back to the Dissenters either. ”

“Why? What happened?”

He shook his head. “Let’s just say that Liddy and I, our relationship is complicated. She was tasked with doing something she didn’t agree with, and that led to her decision not to return.”

I chewed my cheek. This was clearly a touchy subject for him, as it was for Liddy earlier.

Neither one of them wanted to go into the details of what happened.

As curious as I was, I opted to pull back and respect the boundary he was putting up.

Whatever happened to them, it was their story, not mine, and they had the right to keep it between them if they wanted.

Javier rolled his shoulders back, stretching.

“Once we found the Libertarians, that’s when we met your mom.

She recognized me, and that’s when she told us about you.

That Aunt Belinda wasn’t your real mom, and that Tío Raúl had taken you from her.

She explained that my mom promised she would watch over you, and she did, prima.

You were too little to remember, maybe, but I remember how often my mom stood up against Belinda.

It’s because our mothers were friends, prima.

And they weren’t just friends, they were partners.

They formed the Libertarians together, and your mom has been working steadily ever since to grow a force strong enough to take on Tío Raúl. ”

I slumped back into my chair, blowing out a breath.

What was I supposed to do with that information?

On the one hand, I was still angry with my mother for not coming back for me sooner.

On the other hand, apparently she had been keeping an eye on me as best as she could and was doing everything in her power to do something about the situation. I was mixed about it, for sure.

“?Qué piensas? What are you thinking?”

I groaned. “I don’t know.” I slid my right elbow across the table and rested my head in my hand. “I spent so much of my life wanting to know my mom, and then I was told she died, only to learn that she’s actually alive, and she’s here . I just don’t know how to deal with all that.”

Javier ran a hand through his sleek black hair. “Es duro, primita. Lo siento.”

I smiled weakly. “English?”

He chuckled. “I said it’s hard, and I feel for you.” He grew quiet, and we both sat for a moment. He took a sip of his tea while I just watched steam rise from mine.

“Your mom isn’t a bad person, Mara. I’ve been with her for two years; I think I would have figured out if she wasn’t worth your time.”

The shadows danced along the edges of my soul, wanting to creep back in and consume me whole. But the little flame inside me pushed them back, keeping them at bay.

“If it helps,” he said as he leaned forward, voice gentle, “she spoke of you constantly. She berated me with questions about you and how you were being treated. And she did nothing but talk about how she wanted nothing more than to have you back.”

My little flame flickered as a knot formed in my throat.

“I can honestly tell you she wasn’t ready.

She didn’t have the same resources the Dissenters had, and not nearly enough troops to storm the wall.

She didn’t have access into the city in the same way your friends do.

When I showed up, I think she honestly thought I would be the key to getting you out.

And we tried, prima. We were all set to do something drastic when the Dissenters pulled you out.

” He jabbed a finger at the table. “Talk to her. You and her both deserve a chance to—”

“Stop.” I sat up, feeling the shadows growing, the darkness threatening the tiny light quivering deep within me. “I can’t do this, Javi. I-I don’t want to.”

His eyes hardened, jaw tense. “?Y por qué no? Why not?”

“Because…” I faltered, mouth hanging open as I desperately searched for a reason that made sense.

“Because you’re scared,” he accused. “You’re afraid your mom is going to tell you something that confirms you’re unworthy.”

I glared at him. “That’s not why,” I shot back, but his words stung.

He sat up straighter. “Yes, it is , Mara. I might have been gone the last two years, but I remember your entire life. I remember your tears, and the way you screamed when you were dragged into the basement. And maybe I didn’t know everything then, but I knew enough, and I know everything now.

And I’m telling you that you’re afraid .

You’re afraid of what truths you’ll discover—”

The darkness grew, doubling in size, threatening to snuff out the little flame that was already too small to keep me warm.

“Stop it!” I shot out of my chair, but Javier did the same, snatching my wrist to keep me from running.

“No, prima.” His voice was hard, but I could hear the love laced around it. “Sparing yourself the truth—hiding from what scares you—doesn’t protect you. It makes you weak. It keeps you from growing stronger.”

“Let go of me.” I yanked on his wrist, but his grip only tightened.

“Why aren’t you in those meetings with your promised, huh? Why aren’t you dressed in uniform and training with the others?”

My brows knitted together. “What? It’s not my place,” I tried reasoning. “I’m nobody, and what does that have to do with anything?” I shot back defensively as I pulled again, but he held firm.

“ Everything . You’re a trained soldier, aren’t you? You’ve fought for your life and saved the lives of those you cared about, right?”

“Yes, but—”

“But what ?” he snapped, louder this time. “You’re recovering ?” He shook his head. “That’s total bullshit, cousin. You’re the fucking future First Lady of the North and the First Daughter of Telvia. It’s a hundred percent your place to know what the hell is going on.”

“How do you know?” I yelled back at him, feeling slapped by his words. “You don’t know what I’ve been through! You don’t know what I’ve done !”

He pulled me forward, and even though I tried to resist him, he was too damn strong. His obsidian eyes bored into mine. “What did you do, prima? What could you have possibly done—”

“I killed him!” I screamed. Javier froze, eyes widening. “I killed Jacob!” And then the shadows crashed over me, smothering my little light.