Page 7

W hile sipping my morning coffee, I stare at the envelope sitting on the table. Another letter. After running into Mr. Outlaw yesterday, and his remark about me and Nate needing to talk, I'm not sure if I want to read what’s scribbled inside. Because I know deep down, my guard is starting to slip. It was easy to stay angry and hurt when I cut off contact, but seeing him and being around him is another story. Especially with the way he looks at me…like I’m still his.

I stumbled across it this morning when I got back from my early morning run. I almost choked when I saw the familiar handwriting again. Both Bellamy and Darby are still sleeping off last night’s party, so it’s just me, my coffee, and the fucking letter.

Releasing a sigh, I relent and open the seal.

I know we got off on the completely wrong foot, but somehow, knowing there’s a chance you’ll be in the stands today comforts and excites me in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. Please don’t throw this away… This is something I wrote as a way to work through my feelings of my first home game in Texas…

-Nate

There’s another sheet of paper tucked under the first, so I carefully unfold it and read on.

Freshmen Year- Sept 1st

Tomorrow’s our first home game of the season, and the number one thought on my mind isn’t about the plays that we’ll be running or the routes that I need to be looking for on each possession. It’s not even on winning the game itself. My mind can’t stop spiraling at the thought of you not being there. You won’t be there, you won’t call or text, you probably won’t watch it at all. I can’t blame you. I did this. I ruined us.

My heart constricts at the agony in his words. Confusion floods my brain as I read both papers for the second time. Flipping each sheet over to see if there is more…desperately seeking more.

And there, on the flip side of the first note in small letters, is one last request from him.

Please don’t wear his jersey today.

God knows how long I sit staring into space as I try to piece back together my thoughts and emotions running rampant. It's not until I hear the slight dragging of the kitchen chair next to me that I come to with a jolt.

“You okay over here?” Bell asks.

I stare at her blankly, handing her the papers. Gnawing at my lip as she reads them.

“Damn,” is all the response I get as her gaze locks on me to gauge my reaction.

“Shit, B. I don’t know what to say…”

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” I scoff.

“The only thing is…for someone who broke up with you, he seems awfully torn up about his decision.”

“What decision?” Darby asks, wiping the remnants of sleep from her eyes as she enters the kitchen.

“The note writer struck again,” Bellamy answers, then hands the letters over for her to inspect.

I remain silent as she reads them, waiting for her take on what we just read.

“Have you two talked yet?” Darby asks.

“No, and I ran into his dad last night, and he was being all cryptic and shit. Alluding to the fact that Nate had some things he needed to get off his chest.”

“Listen, I was all for Team Hate Nate, but I think you guys should talk. There seems to be more to the story,” Bellamy says as she takes a sip of her tea.

“Fuck, guys, it was so easy to keep the memory of him locked away, never to be thought of again. But now…now, I don’t know how to feel. And I hate it,” I admit. These letters are strong reminders of the reasons I fell in love with him years ago.

Darby comes behind my chair and wraps her arms around me. “I know this can’t be easy for you. But at the end of the day, we’re Team Berk, so you tell us how you want to proceed.”

“I just want to get through today and, hopefully, by tomorrow, I’ll have my thoughts together enough to have a real conversation with him.” Even if seeing him in his jersey will likely be the worst kind of torture.

“That sounds like a great fucking plan! Also, not to add fuel to the fire, but…” She does quotations with her fingers. "Don’t wear Graves’s jersey… Does he not know you at all?” Bellamy laughs out.

Once upon a time, I wore an Outlaw jersey every chance I had. It’s one of the things I could never part with.

I cringe, knowing I’ve led Nate to believe there’s more between Carter and I. Especially after he dropped that girlfriend line at the party last weekend. Even though I enjoyed the way Nate’s fury blazed at his words, I didn’t appreciate Carter making such false claims.

“Sounds like we need to start drinking asap,” Bell says and heads into the kitchen. “What will our tailgating poison be today, ladies?” she asks as she scours our liquor supply.

“Whatever it is, make it strong,” I tell her with a sigh, folding up the notes and carefully placing it back in the envelope. “I'm going to need it.”

Why do the bathrooms need to be so far away from where we parked? Is my main thought as I weave my way through the cars, trying to find our tailgating party. I swear we weren’t this far.

Shit, am I lost? I chuckle to myself.

We pre-gamed at our apartment, which probably wasn’t the best idea, but I can't hide the fact that I'm having a great time. Lottie and Greyson are here, and I love having her around. We got really close her first year dating Greyson while in Nori Beach. Then we both enrolled in Mountain Ridge and were able to remain friends, regardless of Greyson’s lasting friendship with Nate.

I find Maverick’s Tahoe clearly differentiated by its bright blue color and its ‘CRSHbrOS’ license plate. The nickname Cash and him have earned on the ice. As I walk around the side, I pause at Lottie’s words.

“Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. They were so in love. Like the couple G and I looked up to,” she says, then adds, “Although he never admitted anything, Greyson swears there’s more to it. There had to be. According to him, Nate was so torn up by the breakup, you would’ve thought she was the one who broke it off.”

Emotion clogs my throat, breath catching at her words. We were the best; we were endgame.Until something happened, and lately, everyone seems to be confirming my recent suspicions that there’s more to the story than Nate led on.

“That’s the vibe I'm getting as well,” Bellamy replies.

“I just want Berk to be happy. So whatever that takes, I'm all for it,” Lottie says.

“Well, I think our girl is super confused. It takes time to digest it all. But I know she’ll get to the bottom of it,” Darby adds, and I smile. Even though I stumbled upon a conversation I probably shouldn’t have, I know they’re all just looking out for me.

“Why you being a creep over here?” I jump at the sound of Maverick’s voice behind me.

“Shit, you scared the crap out of me.” I grab my chest to dull the pounding, unsure if my heart is racing from being caught off guard, or the thought of what my conversation with Nate might reveal.

He slings his arm over my shoulder. “Come on, B, we still have another hour before we head in.”

“I need another drink . Or ten ,” I proclaim, muttering the last part to myself.

“We can fix that. I need a partner for beer pong. You in?” Maverick gives me a wink.

As our team lines up on the fifteen-yard line, the crowd roars to life. The sound of howling wolves fills the air. With less than a minute on the clock till halftime, and the end zone within reach, another touchdown and extra point would put us at a 14 to 7 lead.

I swear I'm going to have a bloody lip with how badly I'm chewing on it. It’s almost like time slows once the ball is snapped into Nate’s waiting hands. He looks to the left, but Nola is surrounded. Then he looks to his right, where Graham can't shake Tennessee off his tail. Tennessee’s defensive end is closing in on him, so he makes a dash for it.

Nate charges up the left side of the field, zig-zagging his way past Tennessee.

“Holy shit, he’s running it in!” Cash yells as we all cheer.

A brick house of a linebacker lines up to take out Nate, and we all let out an audible gasp as Nate dives over the pile of players and lands in the end zone.

The fans go wild. Howling and cheers are all we can hear as maroon puffs of smoke signal MRU’s touchdown. Nate points to the section of the crowd where his dad is sitting several rows over and closer to the field. My heart squeezes at how it used to be me he’d point to, then he’d lift his hand up in a half-heart for me to complete from my place in the stands. I quickly shake off those memories as the team kicker, Pike, lines himself up and easily gets MRU the extra point.

There’s a small celebratory gathering of the team before they head off the field. The cameras zoom in to catch the team’s high, and I can’t stop myself from staring at the jumbotron as it focuses on Nate. The close-up reveals the underwater scene expertly tattooed on his throwing arm. And not just any scene, an octopus.

“Did you hear me?” Bellamy yells over the noise, smacking my arm for my attention.

“Sorry, no. What did you say?”

“I said, I hope they keep this up. The party will be even better with a win under their belt!”

“Yeah...uh, sounds great,” I mutter, half listening and half staring at the jumbo screen.

“Whatever, you’re not even paying attention,” she teases, then turns to the rest of our group and howls along with them.

She’s not wrong. I'm not paying her any mind, too busy staring at the tentacles wrapping around his bicep and forearm. An octopus… What are the chances?

“Says here they can change their color and shape to match undersea objects.” I read aloud from the display next to the octopus’s tank.

“Did you know they collect treasure too?” Nate whispers in my ear.

“Really? What kind?”

“Usually rocks or shells, but sometimes they collect shiny objects too.”

“They’re so fascinating,” I say, pushing my face up even closer to the tank to see if there are any others hiding.

Out of nowhere, a suction-like sound erupts behind me, and I jump. I find Nate close behind me, acting all innocent.

“What the hell was that?” I ask, swatting at him.

“What was what?” With a grin, he places his hands on my hips and pulls me flush against him.

“That noise… Did you make it?”

“Not sure what you’re talking about. I’m just educating you on octopus behavior,” he teases, sucking on my neck.

Pushing him away, I scold him with my eyes. “We’re on a field trip…at an aquarium. You can’t get me all hot and bothered.”

“No one’s around… Besides, it’d be hot to hook up in the predator cave, no?” The smooth timber of his voice has goosebumps spreading over my skin as he presses his growing erection against me.

“I’m here to learn. So, if you could be so kind as to remove your growing extremities from my vicinity,” I tease, then turn back to the tank to try to cool off and not take him up on his offer.

“You’d be my treasure,” Nate says as he wraps his arms around me.Butterflies swirl in my belly as I look at him over my shoulder.

“It's true. You’re the thing I treasure most in this world.” He kisses my cheek softly, and I feel my knees buckle.

This guy means the world to me, and I to him. Nothing will ever tear us apart… Nothing.

“He’s looking at you again.” Bellamy’s voice pulls me from my memory.

I turn my attention from the jumbotron to the sideline, and one thought stirs on repeat as I stare back.

Why did you give up on something you treasured, Nathan Outlaw?

Nate

“All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled blares through the stadium, and the crowd goes crazy when the jumbotron zones in on my team heading back onto the field as the halftime clock dwindles. The adrenaline rushes back through me with every step. We had one hell of a first half, and after our locker room pep talk from Coach Price, we’re ready to finish strong.

I find my dad in the stands as I jog past, and he lifts two fingers. His reminder to me that I have two more touchdowns to go. Feeling more confident than ever that I’ll carry out his manifestations, I salute him. He’s always believed in me, but after my injury and being replaced so easily, my ego was taken down a few notches.

I keep walking, and like so many other times today, my eyes flit past my dad to where Berkley stands with her roommates and the twins. Her blonde hair in two braids is almost long enough to touch her exposed back. The tan skin right above her ass in those tiny jean shorts makes my dick twitch inside my jock cup. She’s such a fucking stunner.

Deep down, I know she didn’t do it for me, but I can’t say that when I saw her right before the first snap of the game, that I didn’t feel pure relief. No Graves jersey in sight, just her tight, tanned stomach on display with a wolf stretched across her maroon crop top.

She has her back to me, talking to Bellamy, and I allow my gaze to trail down her toned legs. Even though I can’t tell from here, I can almost guarantee she has on a pair of Air Forces.

“Wipe that drool off your mouth and let’s go get ’em.” Graham nudges me, putting on his helmet.

I steal one more glance, and this time, she turns in my direction. I expect the smile to drop from her face when our eyes meet, but it doesn’t. She holds my gaze for a few beats, and I squeeze my hand at my side, so I don’t lift it up and give her the symbol I used to at every game in high school.

“Seriously, Nate, come on. We got work to do.”

He’s worried my head isn’t in it, but he has no idea how much just one simple look from her drives me to do my best. Hell, just her being here lights a fire under me.

Yes, she’s on my mind, like always, and especially after my dad’s admission about her not going home to Nori beach. I plan to go out there and win this game first, and then at some point this weekend, I’m going to find out what that’s all about, one way or another.

“I’m coming.”

He smacks my ass, and then a shit-eating grin takes over. “Sorry, I forgot ass play is your thing.”

Because he and my other roommates are as mature as thirteen-year-old boys, they haven’t let Berkley’s comment go.

“How about you stay away from my ass, and I’ll get you a touchdown this half.”

He winks. “Bet.”

I head through the back entrance, out to where our family and friends are waiting. I’m smiling from ear to ear. It feels good to still hear the buzz of the fans when leaving the stadium, happy with our win today over Tennessee.

As I look for my dad, I’m met by the most beautiful girl in the world instead. Standing in between my roommates and hers, I’d give anything in this moment to walk up to her, pull her into my arms, and kiss her silly. But I have no right to do that anymore. I can’t rewind the clock and change other people’s actions, nor can I change my own.

There’s the superstar!” Maverick cheers. I finally peel my eyes away from Berkley as I make my way closer to the group, giving the twins a bro hug.

The win feels good. Four touchdowns, one that I ran into the end zone, just like my dad predicted, and a pick six from a crazy interception by our rookie linebacker. On top of that, Nola and Graham scored too. It was an epic first game and there’s only one thing that would make it better.

And all five foot two of her standing in front of me.

“Hey, ladies, did y’all have fun?”I greet Berkley and her friends.

“I personally love hockey more, but there were a lot of good views out there today, so I ain’t mad about it,” Bellamy says, raising her eyebrows, and Cash’s flaring nostrils have me chuckling.

“I’m just here for the secret sauce,” the brunette beside them chimes in and takes a sip from her cup. I recognize her as Darby, who Graham pointed out on campus earlier in the week. She’s on the women’s basketball team, and not nearly as prickly to me as Bellamy is.

“You and half of the student body.” I laugh because it's the first game of the season, which means, the majority of the campus is drunk right now.

Allowing my attention to wander where it really wants to be, I look right at Berkley. “How about you, BB?”

“Could have been better…” she smirks, and I quirk my eyebrow at her. “It was a good start, Outlaw. How’s the shoulder feeling?”

Unable to hold in my smile at her concern, I roll my right shoulder. “Surprisingly good. The athletic trainers here are top tier.”

“Well, that’s good to hear.”

My body warms at her not dismissing me. I grin and ask, “Where are G and Lottie?”

“So about that…” The girls all let out a collective giggle. “We may have gotten Lottie a little drunk during the tailgate, so she was done for by half time. Greyson said rain check on the party.”

I shake my head, smiling, because I can picture sweet Lottie giving Greyson a run for his money right about now. A memory of the four of us on my boat in the summer creeps in, with Berkley in a pink bikini, lounging at the helm. Fuck, I’d give anything to have that moment back.

I reach out, barely running my finger across the hem of Berkley’s crop top before I stop myself. “I like the shirt.”

Eyes narrowed, her scowl is now firmly back in place. “I didn’t wear it for you.”

I bite my lip to hide my smirk. “No doubt, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t notice how hot you look in it.” I trail my eyes all the way down her body, finding the Air Forces I knew would be there.

A slight blush takes over her face as she tries to say something, but she’s interrupted by my other roommates.

Maverick nods at Nola and Graham as they come up behind me. “Y’all ready to celebrate?”

“Is that even a question?” Nola chimes in. “I think that reporter wants to come too.” He looks at me and gestures his head back toward the stadium.

“Which reporter?” Mav asks.

He bumps his shoulder into me. “The one who interviewed me and QB after the game.”

I roll my eyes at Nola. She was more hands on than normal.

“I think I know which one you’re talking about. Pretty sure she fucked our captain last year.”

I don’t miss the way Berkley swallows, looking away at Maverick’s response.

“Well, she isn’t welcome. And speaking of that, you all will be nice to Graves tonight.” Bellamy gives a chagrin smile, pointing in mine and Cash’s direction.

I don’t like it, but I answer truthfully for Berkley to hear.

“Man, fuck Graves, but if it’s what gets you three to come,” I pause and nod toward Berkley and Darby, “then I’ll behave.”

Speaking of the motherfucking asswipe himself... Carter approaches from the corner of my eye. Not wanting to watch them together, I turn my body swiftly and give a quick goodbye. “See y’all at the house. I’m going to go say hi to my dad before I hit the shower.” I don’t miss Bellamy taking notice of my pain-stricken face, her eyebrows pinching as she looks at me curiously.

I’m sure in her eyes, I’m the asshole who broke her friend’s heart, but she has no idea how broken I’ve been since that day.