Page 5

I should be downstairs partying, but instead, I’m trying to get my shit together after dropping that note off at Berkley’s. I eye the playbook on my nightstand, wanting to torture myself further, but I leave it where it sits.

Fuck, I have to reel in it before our first game next weekend.

But she was right there …just a few feet away. A door was the only thing keeping me from seeing her. And now I have this unsettling need to lay my eyes on her. After Maverick told me earlier that Bellamy said she was coming solo, I’m even more upset I didn’t get to see her there.

I pull on a fresh pair of joggers, not feeling like getting dressed up tonight. When I pick up my phone, I notice a notification. My buddy, Greyson, who I used to work summers with in Nori Beach, texted me.

Greyson

I’ll be the one in the stands on Saturday, internally cheering for you.

I smile for what feels like the first time today at the image of my broody friend in the stands on Saturday. No doubt his girl will be there, too. They live about thirty minutes away on the outskirts of Richmond Hills.

Me

Glad to know I’ll have at least one fangirl in the crowd.

Me

BUT seriously, I’m happy you’ll be there. If we win, y’all should come over to The Wolves Den for the after party.

Greyson

Sounds lit. I’ll talk to Lottie.

Greyson

I know you are busy, but if you ever want a break from college life, you’re welcome out at the house anytime.

He’s reading between the lines. We haven’t talked much during my time in Texas, but his girl and Berkley have remained good friends, per Lottie’s Instagram. And besides Graham and my dad, he was the only other person who called me out, knowing there was more to me breaking up with Berkley than I had led on.

Me

Thanks brother. I might take you up on that sooner rather than later.

I tuck my phone in my pocket and head downstairs. I can feel the vibration from the bass of the hip-hop song playing in the living room under my grip on the staircase banister. Taking a steadying breath, I try to let go of my bad mood and be the easygoing QB my team needs me to be. I spot two of my roommates in the kitchen and head their way. This party isn’t the small get-together they described it as, but I kind of figured it would end up being that way. My dad has always reminded me not to let fame and glory get to my head, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy my teammate’s praises as I greet a few of the guys from our offensive line on my way to the kitchen.

“Superstar, what you drinking?” Maverick asks, opening the fridge like he’s Vanna White showing me my prize.

Graham reaches in before I can answer, grabbing me a Blue Moon that I’m sure he bought with me in mind. It was always our beer of choice in high school. I don’t drink much during the season, but tonight, I could use the taste of nostalgia.

“Thanks.” I nod at Graham, taking the bottle from him.

“Sorry, we don’t have orange slices, your highness,” Maverick taunts.

Laughing, I flip him my middle finger. “Fuck off.”

His attention goes over my shoulder, and a big smile takes over… “Amy!” he shouts and starts in that direction.

“Oh my god… Rick, don’t fucking call me that.” I hear a sultry southern voice reprimand, and I turn around to see a gorgeous redhead being swept up in Maverick’s arms.

“I feel like it's been forever, Sis.” Okay, so Amy must be short for Bellamy.

“Don’t call me that either.” She playfully swats him. “And I just saw you, like, a week ago.”

I don’t hear what’s said back because Bellamy didn’t come alone.

There she is. The piece of my heart that lives outside of my body.

My pulse quickens, and my toes tingle to move toward her. Beautiful long blonde hair, maybe even a little longer than the last time I saw a picture of her. Pouty lips covered in gloss, making me bite my own lip at the memories that flood in. My body aches for her to turn that beautiful face in my direction like she would have two years ago, seeking me out and then gracing me with her perfect smile. “She has a smile that can light up a room” was never a phrase I understood until the day I saw Berkley.

Her eyes finally land on me, but it feels nothing like how I remember. I think the biggest lineman in the league could hit me, and it would hurt less. No reaction, no emotion. Nada. Zilch. The only thing I get is her holding my gaze for a few beats longer than a glance before she turns her attention behind her. To him.

I take two steps toward them, but Graham grabs my arm. “You need to think before you do something stupid and push her even further away,” he whispers, and I stare at them, considering his words.

My attention moves from them to where Graham’s hand is wrapped around my arm, then to his face, and he continues, “Come on, let's go out back for a few. Get yourself together, and if she wants to talk to you, she will later.”

I look back, and the sight of Carter Graves’s arm slung over her makes me feel murderous, especially when he whispers something in her ear, and she smiles. The only thing that has me following Graham is that smile on her face. It's nothing compared to the smiles she used to give me. In this moment, I don’t care how fucked up that is.

As we walk out back, I think my heart may beat right out of my chest. I try box breathing, but I’m having a hard time catching my breath. Dropping my beer, I bend over with my hands on my knees, feeling like I just had the air knocked out of me.

Nothing could have prepared me to see her in person, even more so on his arm, and with absolutely no regard for me. I don’t know what’s worse.

My anger turns inward…and the others who affected the choices I made back then. I’ve questioned myself every day since I made that life-altering decision, but today, I’m not just lying in the bed I’ve made; I’m suffocating in it.

I pick the beer up and chug what doesn’t spill out.

“Slow down,” Graham mutters from beside me.

“Put yourself in my shoes and tell me how you’d feel,” I growl.

“Yeah, well, you made your bed, Nate.” Get out of my fucking head, Graham.

“You think I don’t fucking know that.”

“I think you have to face it now, being here, seeing her. If you won’t tell me why you did it, maybe you should tell her the truth. She deserves that, and maybe it would make this shit less awkward.”

“It’s not that easy.” Even though Graham’s always suspected there was more to the story, I haven’t shared the truth with anyone but my dad. It felt wrong to talk to people about it when Berkley didn’t even know.

“Just think on it. Whether you can ever get past it all and be together or not, she deserves to know the real reason you broke up with her. She hasn’t been the same, Nate… I think she’s settling with Carter.”

My eyes narrow on him. “Of fucking course, she is.”

“Just chill. Your team is all here and riding the high from how well practice went this week. Don’t ruin that.”

Exhaling heavily, I nod, and Cash walks up just in time for me to smooth out my pissed-off expression.

“Y’all good?”

“Yeah, as good as I’m going to be.”

“What happ—” His attention is drawn to the door that opens to our patio area, where his stepsister, Berkley, and Carter walk out to the backyard, joining the majority of the partygoers. “Shit, never mind. I will gladly tell Carter to kick fucking rocks if you want me to.”

“Nah, he would get too much satisfaction out of that. Dude has been trying to get under my skin since we hit puberty, and he finally found a way.”

My center walks up to me, right as I finish my sentence. “Hey, QB…my girl’s best friend was asking if you’re single.”

I chance one more glance toward Berkley… Come on, BB, look at me. Give me something.

“Yeah, I’m single, but unavailable. Thanks for looking out, Big John.”

If she doesn’t have blonde hair, blue eyes, glossy lips, and the initials ‘BB,’ I don’t want her.

“Probably for the best. She’s a bit of a clinger.”

We all chuckle at that.

When he walks away, Cash’s tone is low as he says, “Yeah, if you got it that bad, fucking another girl, no matter how many times, isn’t going to make you see anyone else but her.” I don’t miss the way Cash watches his stepsister when he says it and not his girlfriend standing just a few feet away.

“Yeah, I tried that and quickly learned that void could never be filled.”

Nothing would change my reality. Nothing would turn their brown hair blonde or their green eyes blue. No one’s smile would light me up with one glance. Nothing would make them her.

She walks back into the house as Carter talks to some of our teammates. Staring him down, I follow her inside. I know it won’t take him long to notice we’re both gone, but I don’t give a fuck.

“Can I grab a beer for Carter from the fridge?” she calls out to Graham, who’s talking to a girl I don’t recognize.

“Help yourself, B,” he says over his shoulder.

Standing back, I watch her open the fridge, trying not to stare at her cute bubble butt and failing miserably. I notice her pink painted nails reach for the Blue Moon. That’s right, baby…think of me.

With her lip between her teeth, she stares at it for a few seconds before putting it back and grabbing a Michelob Ultra instead.

I’m speaking before I can stop myself. “What? You don’t want to taste me on his lips?”

She jumps, turning to face me, but recovers quickly with a sneer. “That would mean I’d remember what you taste like… Sorry to disappoint.”

Her words break through me like hundreds of tiny shards, but deep down, I know she’s lying, what we had is unforgettable.

“So we’re going to play it like this, huh? Just going to walk in here and act like you don’t even know me. Like there aren’t a thousand memories between us.”

“Yep. Left those in Nori beach the day you walked out on me.” She tries stepping around me, but I move, blocking her into the kitchen. Berkley puffs up her chest and raises her eyebrow, letting me know she isn’t the least bit intimidated by me.

I want to reach out and touch her, but I remind myself I gave up that right two years ago, so instead, I ask what I’ve been thinking about all evening. “What about my note? Did you even read it?”

Still standing her ground, her clear blue eyes feel like they dig into me. “Yes, and fuck you and your questions. You being here is like a slap to the fucking face, Nate.”

It’s like a smack to the face to me too, BB. I wish she understood, but how could she? She has no clue.

“I know none of it makes sense, but that’s why I want to talk. I want to explain.”

Do I? Am I willing to tell her the truth? Fuck, it feels like it was all for nothing.

“Berk, you okay?” I hear Graves ask from right behind me, and I’ve had enough of him this week.

Turning around, I shove my hand into his chest. “She’s a big girl. Back the fuck up. We’re talking.”

“Fuck you, Nate. She’s my girlfriend,” he growls, pushing my hand away.

His words sear through me, and I grab him by the shirt. “You got exactly what you always wanted, didn’t you?”

He tries removing my grip, but it’s no use. “This isn’t Nori Beach. You don’t run shit here.”

Huffing a laugh lacking humor, I raise my eyebrow at him. “That’s what you think.”

Suddenly, Graham is beside me. “Nate, let him go; you’re drawing attention.”

Carter puts a fake smile in place. “Yeah, QB, we wouldn’t want people to see your true colors.”

“You are one to fucking talk,” I say, shoving him hard as I let him go.

“The girls can stay, but you need to go, Graves.” Cash’s voice joins this shitshow.

When I face Berkley again, Bellamy’s by her side, scowling in my direction. “Actually, we were all leaving.” She turns her attention to Cash. “Your little girlfriend is looking for you out back.”

Ignoring whatever that’s about, I keep my eyes on Berkley, whose face is full of rage that’s pointed in my direction. But I’ll take anger over indifference from her any day. Wanting to spur her on more, I reach into the fridge as the three of them start for the door.

Calling out with the Blue Moon in my hand, I taunt, “BB, you want a beer for the road…or maybe Graves does?”

“Don’t call me that…” she hisses.

She looks around at a few of my teammates, who are now watching the drama unfold. An unhinged smirk takes over her face, and I brace for impact. “As far as the beer goes…if my memory serves me correctly, you like things up your ass. So that’s exactly where you can shove that.” She nods to the bottle.

Berkley thinks she embarrassed me, but I don’t give a fuck; it just adds fuel to my fire.

I tilt my head, matching her smirk. “But BB, I thought you said you didn’t remember anything.”

She flips me off over her shoulder, taking Carter’s hand in the other. I squeeze my fist, imagining I’m breaking his wrist, but instead, I do something else I know will piss him off.

“PS: I only like you touching my ass.”

By the way Carter slams the front door, my jab landed as intended.

I may have gotten the last word, but right now, as I watch her leave through the window, it does fucking nothing for me. My chin falls to my chest. Fuck. I didn’t intend to fight with her, especially the first time we came face to face again. But what the hell else did I expect?

I fucked up, and this is my price to pay.