Page 1

E ven though the sun is disappearing past the horizon, the pool party surrounding me is still in full force. It's summer in Nori Beach, which means if we aren’t taking the boat out to one of the islands, we’re sipping by the pool.

But today feels different; I can’t shake the impending doom.

I place my beer on the small table beside my pool lounger and close my eyes, trying to drown out the noise. I thought alcohol was supposed to numb your emotions, but all it's doing is stirring up my fears and anxieties about Nate leaving for Texas.

Needing the reminder he’s still here, I open my eyes to find him.

There he is… We still have time.

Nate glances over his shoulder from where he stands a few yards from me with some teammates, giving me a wink like he has any time he’s far from me today. Most days this summer, we’ve tried to stay away from the crowd to soak up our time together. Being that he’s leaving for college sooner than most of us for football workouts, I pushed the selfish part of me aside and planned one last hurrah at my condo’s pool. Especially since everyone wants to say their goodbyes to him…

The superstar.

The future QB for Texas Tech.

The boy I’m trying desperately to hang on to.

Something is off, though, and it’s worsening my anxious thoughts.

Chasity, my keep-at-an-arm’s-length friend, sits on the lounger beside me, along with Graves, who has his arm slung over her shoulder.

“Want to play flip cup with us?” Chasity asks with the typical mischievous look she has spread across her face.

“Maybe later.” I shrug.

“What’s wrong?” she pries, but she isn’t the type of friend I tell those things to.

God, I wish my mom was here. I know she’d reassure me that everything’s going to be okay.

“Yo, Nate!” I hear one of his teammates call out, causing my eyes to find him again.

“This is Nikki.” He points to one of the girls walking up with him, a gorgeous brunette. “She’s here on a family vacation, but she’s going to be a freshman at Texas Tech this year, too.”

His eyes find mine, likely knowing my insecurities are raging about all the girls who’ll no doubt flock to him in Texas, but I give him my best smile. A reassurance that I don’t feel one bit.

“You know good and well, that bitch only came because she heard he was going to be here.” Chasity sneers, and I wish she was sincere in looking out for me, but there’s no doubt, if given the chance, she would hop on the Nate train too.

The girl’s eyes light up when she sees Nate standing there in all his tanned, muscular glory, and my stomach sours.

Fuck this. Maybe I just need more alcohol to forget everything.

“Y’all still down for flip cup?” I rush out, trying to focus on anything else.

I see Graves’s eyes light up. “Yep.” Standing, he gives me his hand to take as he helps me up from my seat.

I don’t look over at Nate, not wanting to see him being polite to this girl who wants my man. In the next few days, when I stay here in North Carolina, and he moves to Texas, she will have much easier access to him. And if it isn’t her, there will be so many others falling at his feet.

Nate has never given me a reason to feel insecure, but I can’t shake my growing unease.

Whispered words skate across my neck. “You are too gorgeous to question your relationship. And you know it will be like that every night for him in Texas.”

I know Graves’s words are true, but Nate loves me. I try to remind myself again that he’s never given me a reason to question that.

A few minutes into our game, I feel Nate behind me. His eyes burn a hole in my bikini-clad body from where he stands with Graham Leblanc, one of our best friends who graduated last year.

I’m being toxic as fuck right now by feeding into the attention of the one person Nate doesn’t get along with, but for some reason, I can’t stop myself.

Two rounds later, I’m several more drinks in. I sneak a peek over my shoulder to where a pissed-off Nathan stands, clenching his fists. I bite my lip, liking that he’s just as jealous over me as I am over him.

Graves leans closer and rests his hand on my hip. “You suck at this game.”

I tilt my head back, laughing, because he’s right.

The next thing I know, Graves is being pushed to the ground, and I’m being pulled from the table. “Sorry to break up your little bonding session, but I’ve had enough of his fucking hands on you.”

Everyone’s attention zeroes in on us, likely whispering about how uncharacteristic this is for the happy couple we are, but the alcohol buzzing through my system has me not caring in the slightest. I let Nate’s firm grip on my hand guide me into the back door of mine and my dad’s condo. Neither of us says a word as he drags me down the hall to my bedroom.

As soon as he shuts my door, I’m in his face. “What the fuck, Nate?”

“What the fuck is right, Berkley. You know how bad he wants you. I was trying to let you have your fun, but fuck… I want to go out there and break his fucking face in.”He takes a breath, running his hands through the longer strands on top of his head. Strands I love to twirl with my fingers. Strands that make me want to vomit just thinking about someone else lying beside him, running their fingers through his hair instead.

His hazel eyes penetrate me when I don’t respond. “I stood there for thirty minutes picturing you and him doing this every weekend at Mountain Ridge, until one weekend, you let him fuck you.”

I rear back like I’ve been slapped. I don’t want Graves, not in the slightest. I want Nate and only Nate, but I don’t say that. I’m too pissed he could ever think such a thing about me. “Like you are one to talk. I saw you with your newest friend, so I chose to drink and forget this fucked-up situation.”

“You have no idea how fucked up this situation actually is,” he grinds out, and the anguished turmoil that was on his face earlier today is back in place. “And for your information, I shook her hand and politely excused myself to find you.”

“I just…” The alcohol hits me suddenly, and I lie on my bed, the long day of sun and booze taking over my body. “I feel like I’m drowning in my insecurities right now, and I fucking hate it,” I whisper.

Moving closer, he releases a heavy breath and pushes the hair from my face, his tone softening. “There is nothing to be insecure about. No one will ever be you. I wish…” His hesitation has me opening my eyes, finding his pained ones. “I wish you would’ve just let me have Coach get you a spot with me in Texas.”

I shake my head, because I fear that may be the biggest mistake of my life. “I just can’t leave him,” I mutter, eyes burning with emotion as I turn onto my side, wanting sleep to overtake me. I want to wake up tomorrow and pretend this never happened.

The bed dips beside me, and Nate wraps me in his arms. He kisses away the tears that trail down my cheek as he reassures me. “I’ll never love anyone more than I love you, BB.”

My doubts melt away in his embrace and, finally relaxed, I drift off to sleep. But I swear I hear him whisper, “He ruins everything,” before I pass out.

The sun creeping into my room the next morning stirs me awake. I try to fight it, but the queasiness in my stomach won’t let me. Bits and pieces from the end of the night flood back into my mind.

Nate isn’t touching me, but I feel him beside me in the bed. I want to roll over, wrap my arms around him, and tell him I’m sorry for last night and that everything will be okay, but when I notice him lying there awake, staring at the ceiling, dread like I’ve only felt one other time in my life consumes me.

Getting out of bed before I lose my shit, I make my way to the shower, pretending I don’t notice he’s awake. The water cascades over my sun-kissed skin, and I try desperately to convince myself that I’m thinking too much into this, and that everything is fine. He’s probably just nervous about leaving and likely upset with me for ruining one of our last nights together, instead of just coming to him and talking about how I was feeling. We’ve always had a mature relationship in that regard, but last night, we were the furthest thing from mature.

I remind myself of how perfect things have been the last two years since I moved back to Nori Beach. From the very first day my eyes trailed up that tan, muscular body that I later learned purposefully overthrew the football on the beach, just to have a reason to run over and talk to me. He was unlike anyone I had ever seen, with his dreamy hazel eyes and his captivating smile. I think I fell instantly. Every day since then, he has fiercely adored me and brought so much happiness back into my life. Which is why the thought of losing him floods my mind with an onslaught of crippling fear.

My nerves skyrocket again when I leave my ensuite bathroom and find Nate sitting on the edge of my bed.

His eyes meet mine, and I swear he looks like he’s been crying. My heart plummets, and that sickening feeling hits me again. All the positive thoughts from the shower are churning into negative ones as my gut sours.

No… no… no. We have a plan. Don’t do this, baby.

Please.

He gives me a weak smile. I swallow roughly and walk beside him to where my clothes lay on the bed.

Nate picks up my simple blue panties and, without a word, he bends for me to step into them. My towel falls to the ground, and he slides them up my legs. He gently kisses my stomach, not sexually like he normally would, but somehow even more intimately. Almost like it’s the last time he knows he will have me like this. My stomach lurches beneath his lips at the thought.

“Blue…” he whispers, gently touching my panty line. Tilting his head up to mine, he continues, “Blue was the color of the bathing suit you had on the first day I saw you on that beach. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. And then you spoke to me… I’ve been so fucking gone for you since that exact moment.”

My heart flips at his admission, but my brain tells me not to let my guard down.

He presses his eyes together before grabbing my shirt and slipping it over my head. That’s when I notice a tear escape the corner of his eye, and I feel like my throat is constricting. I want to say so much, but no words come out.

As his eyes meet mine, he reaches for my hand. “Lay with me, BB.”

The sound of the nickname he gave me steals the air from my lungs, and I suck in a breath before lying beside him.

“Nate,” I whisper, hopelessness seeping into my tone.

“Just let me hold you,” he says as he buries his nose in my hair. I feel his body trembling as he holds me, mine doing the same, and I can’t take it anymore. With my heart beating out of my chest, I push out of his grasp and stand up on shaky legs.

When my eyes land on his broken-hearted ones, I lose it. “Don’t do this, Nate… Look at us!” I yell, but it’s tired and raspy, filled with emotion as I point from my tear-stained face to his. “Why would you do this to us?”

Desperation etches his features as he jumps off my bed and tries to pull me back toward him. “BB, just let me explain.”

Head shaking, I shove him back. “Don’t call me that when you are about to shatter my heart and soul all over this room.”

He closes his eyes again, and when he opens them, he tries composing his emotions before speaking. “Berkley, deep down, you know this is for the best.”

“No, Nate! No, I don’t. Don’t fucking tell me what I know!” I shout, not caring who hears. Tears stream freely down my face and cheeks now, the image of him blurring before me as I choke back a sob.

He pulls on his hair, turmoil coiling up his entire body, and with how upset he is, I don’t get this at all. Why is he doing this, when it’s so clear he doesn’t want to?

“What happened to us giving long-distance a shot? What happened to us being able to make it through anything?” My voice grows louder with each question, pleading for him to make sense of this.

“I just don’t know if I can handle it,” he whispers, looking down at the floor before back up at me. “What we have is too perfect to ruin it with the shit we did last night, and I think that was just a glimpse into what our future holds. Maybe you think you are, but I’m not mentally strong enough for long-distance.”

I ignore the pang in my chest at the truth in his words, the truth I’ve been pushing out of my thoughts for a while now. “I thought we were supposed to give it a try...” I trail off, sounding as unsure as I feel.

“Then what? End up hating each other because last night is on repeat every week?”

In this moment, I know I love him too much to not replace that with hate. “If you do this, I’m going to hate you either way.”

“One day, you’ll understand why I had to do this.”

I huff a breath, numbness taking over. “Whatever, Nate. Just get out of here with that cryptic bullshit.” It’s silent for the longest minute as I try and fail to process what’s happening. It feels like a nightmare. Leaning back on my desk to hold myself up, I tell him, “You are ruining us before we even had the chance to try.”

He reaches for me again, and I feel like my heart is physically being torn apart in an irreparable way. If he touches me again, how does he expect me to let him go?

When his fingers brush my cheek to cup my face, I recoil. I can’t do this.

“BB, please,” he mutters as I push away from him. “I don’t want to end things like this. Please, don’t make me?—”

“Leave!!” I scream to cut him off, my voice breaking through more tears. Biting my tongue, I refuse to beg him to stay. It’s no use. His mind is clearly made up.

He stares at me for a few seconds, and just when I’m about to yell at him again, unable to take another second of the pained way he’s looking at me, he walks out of my life for good.

I just wish he would have given me back my heart when he did.

My mom once told me being in love could be the best feeling in the world, but love could also damage you in a way nothing else ever could. I was a stupid, stupid girl who didn’t listen to her mother, and now I get to learn the hard way exactly what she meant.