Page 23

T ypically, at away games, you don’t see many jerseys with the visiting team’s colors, but not today. Nate and the Wolves are taking on East Carolina, which happens to be only about an hour from where we grew up.

I’ve seen many Outlaw jerseys, including a few from Texas Tech, which shows that people are here to see him play because he’s special. I knew this when we were teens, and it’s even more evident now: He’ll be a household name by the time he hits the NFL.

But I smile proudly because no one’s jersey is like mine. It's an exclusive, and I can’t wait for him to see me in it.

“I wish I didn’t have to drive back tonight. This place seems to know how to party,” Bellamy says, eyeing a group of students to the right of us who are pulling airplane bottles out of their cowgirl boots.

I laugh. “Yes, but you’re doing the right thing. Your mom deserves a nice birthday lunch with you there.” I would normally go home with her for a quick trip like that. Cane Creek Ranch is beautiful, but I’m excited to see the place I used to consider my little slice of heaven.

A look of empathy flashes over her face. “For sure, I wouldn’t miss it,” she nods and changes the subject. “Plus, I have a busy week ahead. I feel like everything is suddenly due.”

“I was feeling the exact same way and a little overwhelmed with coming here this weekend, but…fuck it,” I shrug. “You only get the true college experience once.”

“True… Well, hopefully, I won’t get kicked out of college this week,” she huffs.

I stick my neck out in her direction, confused. “And why in the heck would that happen?”

Her nostrils flare. “Because Professor Douglas is demanding I come in during his office hours to discuss a grade appeal.”

“He’s such a creep… I don’t like that one bit,” I state through gritted teeth. “Do you want me to go with you? Or get one of the guys to go.”

She shakes her head. “No, no. I’ve already made up my mind. Fuck that dude and his office hours. I’m going to show up in between his lectures to his classroom so I can discuss it with him privately, but in a more open, public setting.”

“Smart.” I should have known she has a plan. Bellamy always does things the way she wants to, and that’s one of the things I admire most about her.

She nudges me. “By the looks of it, I don’t think number two is going to be able to warm up because he can’t take his eyes off you.” Bellamy nods toward the field.

Following her gaze, Nate is smiling up at me. My heart thumps, my belly flutters, and my core clenches at the sight of him on that field.

I blow him a kiss and quickly turn around, pointing to the back of his old practice jersey. Shimmying my butt in his direction, I smile over my shoulder. I love the look of adoration on his face.

Then he does something that he hasn’t in so long. My heart skips a few beats, and I swallow down the tears of joy as I lift my hand to mimic his.

His tattooed arm is outstretched in the air and his hand curved, making one side of the heart while my left one does the same.

Who am I kidding? I love Nathan Outlaw with my whole heart .

It's been true since I was sixteen years old. At eighteen, I tried to tamp it down with pain and resentment, but it never went away. And now, it’s back like a raging sea, ready to engulf me in its waves.

And in this moment…I want nothing more than to drown in him.

I people watch as I sit in the hotel lobby, waiting on the team to get back. The somber expressions on the Wolves’ fans who walk in the door tugs at my heart for Nate. I know even in high school, as the quarterback, he put so much pressure on himself when they’d lose a game. I hate the thought of him beating himself up over his interception in the fourth quarter. If I thought his coach would approve of it, I’d force him in my car and take him home for the night just for the mental reprieve.

Originally, Willow and I were going to hang out with the guys for a bit, and then head back to Nori Beach for the night. I think ever since things have changed between Nate and me, my love for my hometown has resurfaced. It didn’t feel right to be so close and not put my toes in the cold sand.

But thirty minutes into the game, when she and her dad were both no shows, I started to worry. Finally, she texted me, telling me something came up and she wasn’t feeling so great and that she’d call me later.

It’s very unusual for Brian not to come, especially with how close it is, so I’m wondering if they’re both sick.

I’m still considering driving the short distance home in the morning. Maybe I can drop them off some food and take a walk on the beach before heading back. I’m sure Nate talked to his dad, so I’ll see what he thinks.

A couple of the guys start making their way into the lobby. I search for Nate, hoping the frown I’m almost sure he’s sporting from their second half performance will morph into a smile when he sees me.

No sign of Nate yet, but my eyes do land on another familiar pair.

Carter.

He smiles at me, and to my surprise, walks over. He hasn’t responded to my text since the club, so I assumed he wanted nothing to do with me. As I stand up, we exchange a friendly hug. “Hi, Berk.”

“Hi. Tough game today.”

“Yeah…not our best. How ya been?”

“I’ve been doing really good.” I try not to think of Nate because I know the smile on my face will tell it all, and I don’t want to hurt Carter that way. “Look…”

“No, no. Don’t worry about it, Berkley.” Carter holds up his hand, waving me off, not in the mean, dismissive way he did in the club, but more in a I truly don’t owe him an explanation way, and I appreciate he recognizes that.

“Do I love it?” He shakes his head. “No. But if I’m being honest here, I knew it was coming the moment I heard he was transferring.”

I swallow, unsure of what to say back to that.

“I just want you to be happy. And it kinda kills me to say it, but I know he makes you happy.”

I smile, nodding as I lean in to give him another hug. “Thank you, Carter.”

“No need to thank me, babe,” he whispers.

Of course, in that moment, Nate walks up. His eyes bore into mine, causing unease to zip up my spine as I step back from Carter’s embrace.

He nods nonchalantly, pointing between Carter and me. “I’ll be upstairs when you’re done with whatever this is.”

Nate

The fucking day just keeps getting better and better.

I walked into my hotel room for only long enough to drop my bag before I’m heading back to the elevator. But when the metal doors split apart, the beautiful blonde I was going back for steps off.

She storms past me, and I expect her to keep going past my room to her own, but she doesn’t.

The second the door closes behind us, she throws her hands in the air. “What the heck was that, Nate?”

I walk to the far side of the room before responding.

“That was me hating the sight of you with him.” Unable to control myself, I continue, “The guy you’ve been fucking for the last two years.”

Her brow pinches as she exhales heavily. “Well, that’s not very fair.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but I can’t help how I feel.”

She comes closer, grabbing my shoulder and forcing me to look at her.

“He was my friend before he was anything else.”

I grit my teeth, trying to remind myself this isn’t on her.

“Trust me…he never wanted to just be your friend. He has had his eyes set on you since the day you came to our high school.”

“That may be true, but he was my friend when I needed one because I was so fucking broken,” she says, pointing at her chest.

“Oh, I know. He told me all about it, remember? That’s how I knew you were seeing him before you even left Nori beach that summer. You walked right into his waiting arms, didn’t you?”

Again, she’s throwing her hands in the air, exasperated with me.

“Seriously, Nate, do you hear yourself right now? You have no fucking clue.” She shakes her head furiously.

“Well then, explain it to me, Berkley.” The anger in my voice is replaced with pain. “Why him? I would have rather it had been anyone but him.”

She takes a deep breath. “It wasn’t like that for a long time. We were just friends for almost all of freshmen year before anything else happened.”

A shiver runs through my body at the thought of them together. “It kills me knowing he had you like that.” I close my eyes before looking at her again. “It literally feels like someone is shoving a knife into my gut at the thought.”

Berkley winces. “Trust me, I know the feeling. I felt it almost every day for the first year after you left and even some days after that.”

We both have a lot of pain from the past two years, and I was stupid to not address that clearly before now.

“And you know what, Nate? I don’t blame you anymore, but I certainly won’t be made the bad guy here. I thought you had moved on, and I was barely hanging on, trying desperately to do the same. I’m sorry it was him, and I’m sorry that hurt you, but I trusted him, and to me, that was enough.” The emotion in her eyes as she plops down on the hotel bed makes my chest burn with the realization of how much of an asshole I’m being finally breaking through.

“I know, Berkley… Shit, I’m sorry.” I hate that I let my attitude from today and my insecurities overcome me.

“Fuck…” I tug on my hair and sit beside her. Surprisingly, she lets me take her hand in mine. “I was so fucking bummed from our loss and my family acting weird today that the one thing I was looking forward to was seeing you up close and in my jersey.” I gently run my finger across the hem of my old practice jersey. “But the minute I did, his arms were wrapped around you, and maybe the way I acted was shitty, but it’s a whole lot better than what I considered doing in that moment.”

A loud knock on the door startles us both, but the panicked voice on the other side has my blood running cold.