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A steady tingling at my core signals how close I am already. Nate’s encouraging moans have me picking up the speed of my hips.

“Fuck, BB, you feel so good. Rubbing that needy pussy of yours all over my cock,” he says through a groan, tightening his grip on my hips as I grind on him in the back seat of his truck. I could barely contain myself; I practically ripped his clothes off as soon as we closed the doors.

Seeing his sun-tanned skin glisten with sweat at the end of today's practice made me ache to lick every inch of him.

“Please. I need you inside of me,” I beg, kissing him hard. His fingers tangle in my hair at the nape of my neck. He tugs just enough, and I let out a feral moan.

“God, you drive me crazy when you're desperate for me. I can feel how wet you are through your soaked panties.”

“So desperate,” I pant as I continue to use the fly of his jeans to my advantage. My lips trail kisses up his neck, and I swear I might come just from rubbing on him.

He lifts my hips enough that he can undo his zipper and slides them down, freeing his thick cock. Within seconds, I remove my thong and lift my skirt.

I hover over him, his eyes locked on mine, and my heart flutters.

“Ride me, baby. Show me how badly you needed it.”

Easing my way onto him, I relish the slow stretch as he fills me. Our heavy breaths blend with the low bass of the song streaming through the speakers.

“Fuuuck,” I whimper and lean in to kiss him. Our tongues tangle as I slowly begin to rock my hips.

“You feel like heaven,” Nate says as his hands grip my hips once more. I steady myself, using his strong shoulders as he begins to take over and thrusts up into me. I swear I lose my breath the instant his thick cock hits that perfect spot.

“Oh... Yesss. That’s it, babe, right there,” I moan when his hips maintain a relentless speed that has me on edge within minutes.

“Come for me, gorgeous.” His hands abandon my hips and cup my cheeks, his hazel eyes locking onto mine. He’s so fucking perfect… My whole body clenches, and I fall into bliss, crying out his name.

“I love you so damn much, BB.”

“I love you, to ? —”

I wake up, gasping for air. What the hell was that?

My racing heart and aching pussy know damn well what that was.

Ugh. I audibly groan, flip over, and yell into my pillow.

He’s slowly consuming my every thought, and I don’t know how much more I can take before I break.

Clearly, my body is ready... But is my heart?

The chime of a text message shakes me from my internal battle.

Carter

My morning workout ran a little over, so I’ll be a few min late. See you soon B.

Me

No worries, leaving my place in a few.

Damn, I never oversleep, and according to my clock, I should have been dressed and out the door five minutes ago.

Hopping out of bed, I rush to get ready. I take the quickest cold shower known to man, but even the cool water can't calm my heated skin.Every swipe of the washcloth has my body begging to be touched, and not by my own hands.

Shit, how am I supposed to sit through a breakfast with another man after that?

Guess there’s only one way to find out.

I practically run from the parking lot to the café, knowing I'm already late and he’ll be waiting for me. As soon as I walk through the doors, I spot him sitting in a booth in the back. His big frame is hard to miss.

Carter’s face lights up with a smile when I approach. He stands and kisses me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I should be melting in his embrace, but instead, my mind flits to my dream in the backseat of a familiar pickup.

“This is exactly what I needed before we head out,” he says, still sporting a goofy grin as we sit down.

“Aw, glad I could be of service,” I tease, trying to keep things light. “That means you owe me a big play in Georgia.”

“Anything for you, B.” He grabs my hand across the table and squeezes it gently. His touch is comforting, friendly even…but not the one I'm subconsciously craving.

We take a few minutes to look over the menu, but considering this is one of my favorite places to eat off campus, I already know what I'm ordering.

The waiter comes and takes our orders and delivers us drinks. A look of confusion must cross my face because Carter informs me that he ordered my coffee just how I like it, since I was running a little behind.

“That was sweet of you. Thank you.”

He stares at me for a few moments, a nervous look taking over his usually cool persona. Releasing a breath, his hand grabs at the hair at the back of his neck. “Uh, listen. I'm not sure how to do this. So, I'm just going to come out and say it,” he starts, and I sit up straighter.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted this weekend. I was an asshole, and I hope you can forgive me. I know this week was a tough one for you, and then me being an asshole didn’t help.”

“Thank you for apologizing. I appreciate it.” And I mean what I say. It takes a lot for someone to admit when they are wrong, so I welcome his honesty. But what gets me is that I haven’t thought about our fight last weekend. This further proves how clouded my brain has been lately.

“It’s just—I’ve been so worried about this ever since he showed up,” he says, his hands tightly wound together in front of him on the table. “I saw the way you used to be with him, and you’ve never given me that…”

My stomach tenses as I go to speak, but he continues. “I know… I know, we aren’t like that. But shit, B, I really want you to give me a chance here.”

He lets out another long breath just as our food arrives at the table, effectively pausing whatever else he was about to confess. Can’t say I'm not thankful for the reprieve. I really don’t know what to say… I don’t want to hurt him, but he also needs to remember I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend when we first started hooking up.

“Shit, I'm sorry for unloading all this on you right now. I’m sure it’s the last thing you need this week. I know that might be selfish of me, but I just had to get it off my chest.”

I try my best to hide my wince. In all actuality, I feel like the selfish one, considering I can’t come to terms with what I really want.

“Thank you for being honest with me.” My mind flits to Nate and the honesty he finally gave me this week.

Focus on the man in front of you, B.

“I’m sorry I have never been able to promise you more, Carter; if I could, I would.” For the first time ever, I internally question if I want him to give me the easy out here. But, like so much other shit in my life… I just don’t know.

I do know my mind is clouded because of Nate, but even when I was trying to give it my all with Carter, I still wasn’t able to.

He smiles, trying to hide his disappointment, and I hate myself a little more. “That’s okay, babe. I’ll hold out for the possibility of one day.”

I force a smile onto my face, even though deep down, I know that isn’t the response I was hoping for.

He points his fork to my plate. “Now eat up. I have to be on the bus in a couple of hours.”

Unfortunately, my appetite went out the window with my ability to speak my feelings.

“Hello, earth to Berkley.”

The sound of Marie’s voice has me snapping to. “Shit, sorry, I zoned out there for a minute.”

“Not to worry, girl. Was that regular salt or Tajin on the rim of the jalapeno margarita for table eight?”

“Tajin, please,” I answer after double-checking my order pad. Which is unusual for me, because I don’t typically need to write anything down, but tonight, my brain is complete and utter mush.

After my late breakfast with Carter, I immediately went for a run, hoping the fresh air would clear my thoughts and help me think straight. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t work, so I was left to stew all through my two-hour-long afternoon special education seminar.

“You okay, girl?” Marie asks before continuing with my order.

“Yeah, just a lot on my mind this week. I’m good, though,” I say with as much conviction as possible. I escape to the office for a moment to collect myself.

My heart aches for what Carter confessed earlier today. Am I at fault for leading him on more than I should have? Knowing my heart was never there for the taking in the first place. I thought I made that clear enough to him from the moment we took it a step further, but apparently not. I wonder if, in another life, I could see myself with Carter. He’s handsome and sweet in his own way, but when his lips are on mine…it's not the earth-shattering, all-consuming feeling. The feeling I know existed because I've experienced it before, just not with him.

I unloaded a bit of my conversation on Bellamy when she caught me after my run, and she, too, didn’t know what to say. Which is quite surprising, considering she’s one of the best advice-givers I know. However, she’s a lot less I hate Nate these days, and a lot more I wish I had a hot stalker who's obsessed with me .

Everyone seems to be at a loss for words about my situation when all I need is some sound advice to help me navigate it all.

I swipe at the lone tear trickling down my cheek.

It's times like these that I miss my mom the most. How badly I wish I could pick up the phone and call her. I know that in a crisis, she would have dropped everything and come to visit me. We would have gorged ourselves on snacks and talked until the wee hours of the morning. She would know what I should do…and without her guidance, I feel so lost.

I take a deep breath, knowing I need to get back out on the floor. The silly pictures of Phil, Tiffany, and the kids that are glued to the back of the door bring a smile to my face. The sight of them makes me think of how Nate had the collage I made for him hanging on the inside of his closet door. Unwanted butterflies swarm inside me at the thought—just one more confusing revelation since Nate’s been back.

A thought that has been pushing its way into the forefront of my mind since Wednesday has me pulling my phone from my apron. Even though I know it will do nothing to ease my confusion, I can’t seem to stop myself from what I do next.

Me

Hope the bus ride to Georgia is smooth. I know how those South Carolina roads are.

Nate

…

The three dots of his response pop up immediately, and I wait with bated breath for the message to come through.