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I f I hear the name Nathan Outlaw one more time, I'm going to lose my fucking mind.It's bad enough I'm currently avoiding all my favorite places in Mountain Ridge to ensure I don’t have any accidental run-ins with him, but listening to basically every guy and girl in town talk about him is driving me mental.

I wish I could rewind the clock eight months and prevent the stupid injury that ultimately caused him to leave Texas Tech. Yes, I knew about his injury when it happened. Even though I blocked his number and his socials, it’s all Graham and the twins would talk about. But never in a million years did I think it would lead to him transferring here, of all places.

Bellamy joins me while I sip my smoothie in the quad before we head into the campus bookstore. She came home yesterday after only four full days of me begging her. Darby is still away on her “lovas” weekend, but she’ll be back by tomorrow night. I need them both here. I crave to feel some sense of normalcy again.

“Are you aware that you’re literally scowling at the world right now.” She takes my cup and steals a taste, her green eyes shining back at me with mischief.

“Am not,” I retort.

“Are too. I swear if we weren’t synced up, I'd say you were getting your period,” she quips.

I take my smoothie back from her and gulp it down. Attempting to fix my face, I smile at her.

“I was deep in thought… That’s my thinking face.”

“Thinking of he who shall not be named?” she asks, flipping her long red hair over her shoulder.

“Shut up!” I swat at her arm playfully. She’s well aware of my history with Nate and his now sudden presence at MRU, since that was part of my case I pled to get her back to me. She, Darby, and my friend Lottie were my guiding lights during my freshmen year. My beacons leading me out of the depression hole I dug myself after he left me.

She chuckles in return. “Well, if it’s not him, then it’s certainly enough to have you all kinds of wound tight. Are you backed up or something?”

I stifle the laugh threatening to spray my strawberry-peach smoothie out my nose. “Backed up?”

“Yeah! I know two months is a long time not to get laid, but I'm sure you and Carter are making up for lost time, no?”

I roll my eyes to hide the truth. One would think we would be banging like rabbits after a summer apart, but that’s not the case. We’ve had sex once, maybe two times since I’ve been back. I find myself making up every excuse to avoid being intimate with him. My brain is not in it…at all, and I refuse to admit where it’s traveling off to.

Remaining silent, I continue to sip my smoothie while Bellamy switches topics and starts talking about how gorgeous some of the new hockey players are. I listen contently as she gives me a rundown of every player, their positions, and whether they’re single, as well as what parties will be coming up this week. I’ve been friends with Bellamy for over two years, and well aware of how she hides her inner turmoil with boy talk, partying, and jokes. She’s the epitome of a girl who never takes life too seriously. A great person to have around, but I just hope one day she’s brave enough to face the demons she tries so hard to hide.

Regardless of who she is swooning over, Bellamy is definitely a stan for hockey, whereas I prefer football. She also always has the inside scoop because her two stepbrothers, Maverick and Cash, play on the MRU team. They also happen to live in The Wolves Den, along with Graham, Nola, and now Nate.

This is what I mean when I say his presence is everywhere. I can't even enjoy going to The Wolves Den, which used to be our favorite hangout spot. We even host Sunday dinner there since their place is huge and so much nicer than our condo. UGH! Why does he have to ruin everything?

“Come on, grump, we need to get moving,” Bellamy says before taking my smoothie one last time and slurping it.

“Fiiine,” I protest as I stand with a groan. “Let’s get this over with so we can go float in the pool.”

“Oh, you’re not working later?” she asks as we walk side by side to the bookstore.

“No. I don’t usually work Sundays. Why?”

“I figured you were, and that’s why we’re on campus at the ass crack of the day to buy our school shit.”

“Oh, stop being dramatic… It’s not that early.”

“Is it lunchtime?” she questions.

“No.”

“Then it’s too early!” she whines, and I shake my head at my night owl bestie.

We remain silent for a few moments while she checks the messages on her phone and then glances in my direction. “What’s that look for?” I ask, noticing the nervous gaze she gives me. Like she wants to tell me something but isn’t sure how to.

Thinking about her words, she bites her lip. “So, I told Cash and Mav I would hang at The Wolves Den tonight. This was before I knew Nate was their new roommate. They’re having a little party before classes start this week. I can totally cancel, or…you could come?”

“No, it’s fine. Go and have fun. Carter had mentioned going to the party the other day, but I think we decided to just stay in and chill.”

“Are you sure? I would much rather hang with you and not watch a bunch of girls hang all over those boys.” She slings her arm around my shoulders.

Yeah, that’s what I'm trying to avoid as well.

“If I change my mind, I’ll totally let you know,” I say, just as we enter through the store doors. “Come on, let’s make this quick; the pool and some sort of fruity drink are calling my name,” I add, trying to raise the mood.

Even though I really don’t want to be around Nate, or the girls who will be throwing themselves at him, I can't help but wonder what his reaction would be to seeing me for the first time.

After a fantastic afternoon floating around, drinking, and soaking in the last licks of the summer, Bell and I retreat to our apartment. She’s busy getting ready for the party, and I’m mentally planning what Netflix movie I want to watch as I wait for Carter to come over with our pizza.

Speaking of which… I walk to the front door to double-check that it’s unlocked. Opening it up to check the handle, I see an orange bag lying on our welcome mat. I pick it up, leave the door slightly ajar, and head into the kitchen. The orange bag turns out to be UTZ Honey Barbecue chips with an envelope taped to it, my name scribbled across the front.

I’d know this chicken scratch anywhere.

My heart nearly stops as I take a seat and rip open the envelope.

Hey BB,

It’s me… Nate. Probably the last person you want to hear from, but here I am.

Literally.

I’m sure by now you’ve heard I transferred to MRU…. I also know you likely don’t give a shit, but I do.And I wanted to be the one to tell you I’m here, but I also didn’t want to bombard you.

I’m not here to ruin anything for you. I’m sure this will go unanswered, but I’ve wanted to ask you these questions so many times, so I figured I’d write them instead.

How do you like Mountain Ridge?

Did you decide for sure on teaching, or did you change it up?

Oh, and I hope this is still your favorite flavor of chips.

I miss the taste of honey barbecue. And I never take a sip of Diet Coke without thinking of you.

I heard you work at The Wolfpack… What should I try from there? Do they have good wings?

This last one I know I shouldn’t ask, but… Graves? Really, B?

Does he remind you of home? Does he make you think about me? Is that why?

Honestly, I feel fucking crazy writing this, but you blocked me, and I have no idea how else to talk to you at this point without showing up at your job or stalking your building.

I don’t expect you to be my pen pal, but could I see you? Maybe we can talk so things aren’t so awkward when we’re all together.

-Nate

In a state of shock, I place the letter on the table before picking it up and reading it over for a second time. Letting out a long sigh when I finish, I put my face in my hands, digesting whatever the heck that was I just read.

I don’t know how to feel. It’s been two years since I last heard from him. An unwanted flutter takes flight in my belly, a sensation I’ve shut down for too long.

It’s like he couldn’t think straight while writing. His thoughts were all over the place. Almost as if contacting me made him uncomfortable. I picture his tall, hulking form anxiously writing this letter, not knowing how I’d react. The nerves he must have felt when he dropped it at my front door, along with my favorite snack. It almost makes me feel bad for him…

Shut down that fucking thought right there!

I hope he’s as uncomfortable as he sounds.

I audibly scoff again as that flutter dissolves and morphs into tension… Doesn’t want things to be awkward when we’re around each other. I’m not the one to blame for our situation. Maybe he should have thought of that before transferring to MY school. Who does he think he’s, asking if my being with Graves has anything to do with him, or home, for that matter?Like he has any right to ask.

And just like that… I’ve changed my mind about the party tonight. I’m going to show my face, and I’ll be on Carter’s arm as I do.

Bellamy waltzes into the kitchen, just as I’m about to stash the letter away before Carter arrives. Even though Nate remains a topic we tiptoe around, I don’t want him to see his note.

She steps closer, eyeing me suspiciously. “What’s that?”

“The reason I’m going to that party tonight.” I hand the letter to her and wait with my hands on my hips for her to finish.

“What the fuck, B? After all this time… this .” She shakes the paper for emphasis, her face pinched. “This is how he contacts you.”

I’m already nodding, eyebrows raised as much as my hackles. “I know, right! But Carter’s going to be here any minute, and I really don’t want him to see this.”

“Okay, okay, we’re going to need to unpack this with Darby when she gets back. How dare he.” And this is why she is my best friend. Literally taking the thoughts from my head.

We’ll unload all of this during one of our many weekly roomie hangouts. I need to wrap my head around it fully beforehand. I’ve been trying my best to keep it all together and not lose my shit over a stupid boy who broke my heart. Besides, I'm over it and him…right?

“And B…” she says with a mischievous grin on her beautiful face.

“Yeah?”

“Ignore his ass tonight. You’re going to make him regret every second of every day he lives starting tonight. And then this week, I’m taking you shopping for the sexiest, tiniest bikini that ever was because we’re throwing a pool party next Sunday, and I’m going to make sure he’s there.”

I can’t help it, I smile. The thought of a jealous, regretful Nate excites me much more than it should.

Seconds later, Carter comes through our front door, freshly showered and sporting a handsome grin, holding a delicious-smelling pizza. Ugh, why can't I just fall head over heels for this one… The one who actually wants me?

Bellamy takes the letter and walks down the hallway with it, leaving me with an I got you wink.

“Hey, beautiful,” he says, giving me a quick kiss, and then dropping the pizza onto the counter. “Did you pick out a movie for us?”

“I did, but I was thinking… If you want to go to the guy’s party tonight, I’ll go with you.”

“You guys should definitely come. It’ll be so much fun!” Bell squeals as she reenters the kitchen. “And we have pizza! This night just got so much better.”

I laugh as she prances around the kitchen, eating a slice. I appreciate her superb acting abilities.

“Oh…uh, yeah, sure. I think it’ll be fun. And if for any reason you want to leave, we can go,” Carter says, loading his plate up.

He seems a bit unsure, and I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t want to go, or because he knows Nate’s going to be there. Regardless, I can't let his presence hold me back anymore. What we had is in the past, and it’s time we act like adults and move on, and if that means going about my normal life, even though he’ll be there every step of the way, then so be it.

But moving on doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy making him regret breaking my heart.

Because I have moved on…haven’t I?

I can do this… I can do this. I chant on repeat, hoping my heart will adopt the same mindset as we walk up the driveway. As we pass a familiar blacked-out pickup truck, my heart begins to race faster.

We can hear the low bass of whatever Graham’s newest obsessive song is playing from outside the house. The steady beat does nothing to calm my nerves.

Carter lightly squeezes my hand, drawing my attention to him as we approach the stairs. My stomach churns with every step.

“You look gorgeous tonight, B,” he says with a soft smile.

“Thank you,” I reply sheepishly. I look down, assessing my outfit choice for what feels like the tenth time. After ripping through my closet and Bellamy’s, we landed on a pair of cut-offs, a tube top, and a pair of Bell’s cowboy boots, with my hair styled in loose waves. I feel good, confident even…especially with the tan I’m sporting.

We step through the front door, and I am immediately surprised by the size of the crowd. Leaning over to Bell, I whisper-shout, “I thought this was supposed to be a small thing.”

“Shit, I thought so too!” she laughs back, then grabs my hand. “Come on, I see Mav over by the kitchen.”

I mouth to Carter, follow me as Bellamy grabs my hand and leads us through the crowd. But as we step into the kitchen, I feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me.

Well, here goes nothing.