Page 63 of Reckoning

“I don’t feel obligated.”

“No?” He muses.

“No.” I reply jerking my chin up. Christ, who am I kidding right now? This is Koen, and I’m here in his bed. I don’t know how many times he’s made me come in my own bed, how many times he’s touched me while I was sleeping. Is that what he plans, me to just stay here, waiting for him while he avenges me?

Only, I’ve already done pretty much that, dressed up, waited for his arrival night after night once I knew what he was up to. Is it really any different to be in his space and not mine?

“Why, why would you want me?” I whisper, looking away, my head telling me how in so many ways I must be disgusting, repulsive even. Nobody wants a woman who’s been used as much as I have, who’s as damaged as much as I am.

He takes a sharp breath. “No.” He growls. “I will not have that. I will not stand for that.”

“What?”

“You, thinking you’re not beautiful. Thinking that you’re not the most incredible creature to grace this planet.”

My eyes widen but I’m crying all the same.

His arms wrap around me, the covers are between us but the feel of his body, the strength of his arms, it’s both so comforting and completely shattering to the resolve I’ve managed to hold for so long.

I sob as he soothes me, as his hands cradle me. I don’t care that I’m clinging to him, I don’t stop to think about how pathetic I am. I just seek the comfort of him and the reprieve that this moment is giving me.

“You’re okay.” He says softly. “You’re safe. I will never let anyone touch you again.”

I nod, taking a deep breath and my lungs fill with the same scent I’ve been dreaming about, the same scent my head has been fixated on for so long.

He cups my cheek, lifting my head gently to look at him. “Do you want to stay or go home?”

I bite my lip, the coward in me wants to retreat, to hide, to run and not look back. But I’m sick of living in the dark. Sick of hiding myself away. Sick of just existing. I want to be free. I want to laugh, to feel the sun on my skin and not flinch from the glare. The only time I’ve felt alive in the last year was when I woke to find him between my thighs. Surely that says something? Surely that means something?

“Stay.” I say more aggressively than I mean, but I can feel my body trembling.

He seems to relax at those words. As if my acquiescence allows his own unease to settle. Maybe he was feeling guilty after all, maybe that’s why he stayed away from me. I guess I’ll have to show him that he has nothing to be guilty for.

I stare at him, trying to take in all the finer details of his face that I’ve not dared to notice until now.

He stays still letting me look as long as I want.

“I remember,” I say quietly. “When my brother rescued me. I remember being in your arms. That you carried me.”

He smiles a sad smile like that memory hurts him in some way. “You were so broken.” He states. “I couldn’t believe I held something so precious in my arms.”

I gulp unsure what to say back and I drop my gaze as shame heats my cheeks.

“It’s late.” He says after a moment. “Get some sleep, Sofia. In the morning we will talk more.”

I feel his arms loosen, I feel his body move away and though I so desperately don’t want to be alone right now I can’t find the words to ask him to stay.

So instead I sink back into his bed, pulling the covers up and try my best for once to just stop thinking and sleep.

Koen

Iopen the door, already knowing exactly who is on the other side.

Roman tries to push past, to walk right in, like he owns the place and I put my hand out blocking him. He’s lucky he’s her brother or I would have squished him as easily as an ant.

“Where is she?” He growls. “Where is my sister?”

“She’s in bed, sleeping.” I reply.