Page 51 of Queen of the Crimson Throne (Queen of Blood and Stardust #2)

51

LENNOX

I snuck out of Luka’s room before he woke.

I usually relished waking up in his arms. I loved basking in the feeling of being safe, protected, and happy—for as long as possible in his presence.

But not today. Not after last night.

I know I’d have to face my choices later—all of my choices, but that was exactly why I snuck out. I needed to gather my thoughts with a clear head. I needed time out of Luka’s arms to do such.

I knew the moment Luka woke up and looked at me with sleep in his eyes, with his hair all rumpled like I loved, all rational thoughts would scatter and I’d finish what I started last night.

When it came to Luka, I had such a hard time being rational. The way he looked at me—sometimes it made me want to say fuck caution and reasonable thought and screw my shattered and broken heart because Luka made all those fears seem so much smaller.

But I couldn’t do that, because I was marrying him in a little over a week.

I would soon be tied to him for the rest of my life.

If I said screw it and let myself be happy with Luka, what would happen if it all fell to pieces? Not only would I once again find myself shattered—but there would be no escaping him.

But last night—the idea of losing him shook me to my core.

I needed to feel him—to touch him to help quench my worries.

And it did. And then some.

It should have felt like a mistake—letting myself kiss him. But I couldn’t find it in myself to call it that. Maybe we could walk this line. We could be friends who were married and also fucked.

That could work, right?

I could contain my feelings towards Luka to strictly friends. Because being with Luka—touching him, kissing him, being with him, it quieted my mind.

And now my mind was anything but quiet.

I had no idea what to do about Luka and I, and on top of that, the Vanir had struck again. And there was the journal. Or the lack of journal. And whatever Arlo had to do with everything. Everything was a fucking disaster and we were running out of time.

But there was one thing I could do.

Trying to summon Astria again might be a stupid idea.

Trying to summon Astria by myself might not even work, but I needed to try.

We had unfinished business and I needed answers.

I pricked my finger, letting the blood fall into the bowl in front of me.

I had come to a cave hidden in the woods—one Kara, Luce and I used to explore as children not far from the lake. I hadn’t been here in years, I doubted anyone had, which made it the perfect place to summon the Goddess out of the prying eyes of others.

I hoped it would work by myself.

I dumped the contents of the bowl over the raging fire, setting it on the ground at my feet before closing my eyes and beginning the spell.

The magic pushed and pulled against my skin, I gritted my teeth against the strain. Without Luce and Kara by my side, the magic was more intense than before. It nearly brought me to my knees, but I continued. I opened myself up to the magic, letting it roam through my body as I called for the Goddess.

All at once the magic stopped. I sucked in a breath as my magic returned to its resting place inside me, but the hairs on my arms remained raised. Magic filled the cavern. I could feel it in the air, taste it on my tongue.

When I opened my eyes, the Goddess’ starry form was in front of me once again.

“That was less dramatic than last time,” I told her.

“I didn’t take you for one to care for dramatics.”

“You’re right.” I perched myself on a large rock, crossing one leg over the other.

“So, what do you want from me this time, Queen of Stardust.” The Goddess sat herself on a rock across from me.

“You owe me an explanation.”

“For what?” She raised a perfectly arched starry brow.

“You lied to us about what’s in the journal.”

“And you didn’t destroy it like I told you to.”

I scoffed, “If you’re so concerned about it, why didn’t you take it back yourself.”

She narrowed her dark eyes on me. “You met the Galtain family. You know why.”

“But you thought I could go in and do it?”

“You are becoming more and more unpredictable, Lennox Adair.” She looked at her nails. “I thought at least one of you would be able to do it. ”

I doubted anyone who heard the family’s story would be able to take the journal from them.

“How long have you been looking over that family?”

“What do you mean?” She snapped.

“You know exactly what I mean. You feel guilty over what you did to the family—you’ve been trying to make up for your actions for decades, haven’t you? Giving them luck and assistance when they needed it.

“Anything they believe is my doing is only coincidental.”

I rolled my eyes. “How did you let the story get so twisted anyways? Why did you let that happen?”

“The well-known story paints me in a much more flattering light, don’t you think?” The smile that grew on her face was cold and cruel.

“You’re a monster. You know that? You let that poor family suffer for the consequences of your actions.”

Astria stood, her form turning darker. “Do you forget who you speak to? I am your Goddess. No matter how you feel about me, you still need to treat me with respect.”

“I think we’re past that, don’t you?” I stood, meeting her eye to eye.

“I could turn you to stardust with the snap of my fingers girl.”

“Do it,” I gritted. Our eyes locked in a fierce stare.

“I’ve had enough,” she snapped, her form dissipating, the stars winking out.

“Wait!” I reached out, my fingers slipping through her figure.

“If you think I’m going to remain here so you can insult me?—”

“I’ll stop, let me ask you what I wanted to in the first place.” Fuck my temper, getting in the way.

She crossed her arms as her figure reformed. “You have two minutes.”

“There are people out there trying to cure vampirism, why not tell them if they find a cure, it will erase all vampires from existence?”

“You saw those pages. Everything I used to create the spell is on those pages. If that were to get into the wrong hands—it’s a free pass to figuring out how to reverse the spell.”

“But I destroyed your notes about the spell.” I had used my own flames to burn the pages I had stolen to ashes, ensuring no one ever found the information hidden within.

“You might have destroyed the easy route to recreating the spell, but if you read the journal close enough, one could figure out everything I did to create the spell. It would take much longer, but the information is there.”

Fuck. I should have taken my time, read through the journal more carefully before leaving it behind.

I paced back and forth in the cave. “I still don’t understand, why not tell them so they stop searching for a cure? Tell them the consequences?”

“Because what you don’t understand is the group who are leading this charge doesn’t care about vampires. Why do you think they want to reverse vampirism? It’s not because they no longer want to crave blood. They want the race gone altogether. To them, losing all current vampires would be a small price to pay for them to be eradicated from this continent.”

My stomach hollowed. “Are you sure they would take that risk?”

The Goddess’ shoulders sank. “To them, it’s not a risk. I have no doubt they would see it as a reward for their persistence.”

“I should have destroyed it.” Fuck , if the journal got into the wrong hands…

“You should have.”

I bit my tongue. “I’ll write to them. Tell them why it needs to be destroyed. They might do it.”

“I doubt it, that family loves the journal. ”

“Maybe they can bring it to the wedding and we can do it together.”

“Speaking of your wedding, when are you going to give in to the prince? I’m getting tired of waiting.”

“My relationship with Luka is none of your concern.”

“I beg to differ.” The Goddess smirked. “Isn’t that the other reason you are here, to ask me about him?”

I opened my mouth, but she stopped me. “Before you ask, I can’t say why. But I can say this. You need to stop getting in your own way, Lennox Adair. You try so hard to place blame on everyone and everything around you when you’re the biggest obstacle in your way. You’re trying so hard to fight what has been set out for you that you’ve failed to realize what is in front of you, might be what you want. You are too upset about how you got here to realize it.”

“I—”

“I’m not done yet.” She held up a star-flecked hand. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did. When Elesebetta left me I was hurt, similar to the hurt I’m sure you felt when you found out the Prince had been keeping things from you.” I stiffened. “But I knew deep down she loved me and there was a chance she would come back to me if she could because we loved each other. But I was so terrified by the small possibility she might not want me that I didn’t leave it up to chance. I made it so she could never come back to me. I acted out of hurt and anger and made a choice that prevented my one true love from ever being able to come back to me.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

She raised an eyebrow. “It has everything to do with you.” She moved, her stars moving with her as she took my hands in her own. “Don’t let your own cowardice prevent you from the life you deserve, Lennox Adair. From the life you have earned.” She squeezed my hands.

“I see everything. I see the way you and the vampire prince look at one another. And I can tell you with confidence the look is rare . You have to trust he will come back to you, even when you are at fault.”

I swallowed, looking away to avoid her gaze.

“How long do you expect him to wait? One day he might get tired of waiting and move on. Don’t lose your chance.”

“But, I—” I’m scared. My hands trembled in hers.

“Love is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.” I almost thought I could see tears in the Goddess’ eyes. “Something that has the ability to bring you more joy than you could ever imagine and more pain than you could ever endure should terrify you. But I’ve never thought of you as someone who balked in the face of fear, Lennox Adair.”

I felt her words as they sunk into my bones.

“I’d say I have faith you’ll make the right choice Queen of Blood and Stardust , but you might fuck it up like the stubborn child you are.”

And with that, she was gone. I was left alone in the cave. My mind swimming with all the information I had gleaned.

But one thing was clear. I fucking hated Astria.