Page 36 of Queen of the Crimson Throne (Queen of Blood and Stardust #2)

36

LENNOX

I stood outside the closed door, flanked by two of the remaining guards. They had begged me not to come here, but I had to see it for myself. I had to see it to believe it was true.

The metallic scent of blood invaded my nostrils as the door slowly opened.

Blood.

There was so much blood.

It ran in rivulets across the floorboards. I was certain the liquid would stain the room for eternity. I would let it—leave it as a reminder as to what occurred in here.

Something wet landed on my exposed collarbone.

Tears.

I was crying. Again.

The tears mixed with the blood staining my chest, creating a trail through the dried red streaks.

I turned my attention back to the room. There was nothing left to identify.

The scraps of fabric were undetectable as they mixed with the ribbons of flesh heaped on the floor.

Ribbons of flesh.

That’s all that remained of my parents and Nol.

Piles of mutilated flesh.

Gone were their smiling faces. Torn to shreds by vicious bloodthirsty monsters. Dark spots appeared in my periphery. I stumbled as I moved closer to their remains. I willed a flame to my fingertips. Only a small spark flickered.

They deserved better.

They deserved so much better than to be reduced to this.

I directed my small flame toward the piles of flesh.

It took a few seconds for the spark to catch. “What are you doing?” A voice came from behind me, one of the guards that had accompanied me.

“Releasing their souls.” My entire body felt numb as I watched my family’s remains burn.

My mother, father, Nol, this is what they would have wanted. They wouldn’t want anyone to see them like this. They wouldn’t have wanted me to see them like this.

Why them? The three of them were all in here together. They were trying to escape.

They were trying to get to me and Kara. Why had I been able to escape, but they didn’t make it?

Why did they leave me behind?

Why didn’t Olexa get to them faster?

Where were Olexa’s remains? Where had the vampires found her and reduced her to shreds?

Vicious sobs wracked my body as I watched the shreds turn to ashes.

“I’ll love you until the stars turn to dust.” I choked out between sobs. “Be at peace.”

I focused on the burning center of the flames as my vision grew darker until my legs gave out from beneath me and I gave into the darkness.

I twisted and turned in my bed as the memories assaulted me.

One after another.

They appeared so vivid. I could smell the burning flesh as if it were occurring in my bedchamber right now and not on that night three years ago.

Three years.

Tears stained my cheeks and the pillow beneath me. I couldn’t stop them from coming.

It had been three years since I last laid eyes on my parents.

Three years since I had seen my brother’s smiling face.

Three years since my life was torn apart.

Three years since I had become the High Queen of Lethenia.

Three years of suffering and I still felt like I was back there that night, experiencing it all again.

I never slept on the anniversary, but I usually had methods of distracting myself.

The first year I had ventured into town and drunk myself into a stupor before falling into someone’s bed, only to awake to a startling nightmare.

The second year I crawled into Kara’s bed. Holding her tight as we both shed silent tears.

But she had left two days ago, Luce transported her back home before returning home herself.

So tonight I was at a loss. I itched to get out of this room. To take to the streets in search of blood. But I would be stupid to go out this late by myself after our encounter with the Dhampirs the other day.

I reached for the empty glass on my bedside table, moving across the room to fill it again as I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my arm. Even the alcohol was failing to aid my sleep or calm my racing thoughts. My magic pushed and pulsed against my skin as the memories continued to berate me.

The idea I had been debating flickered across my mind again. It was still early in the night—it would be a long night ahead of me if I couldn’t manage to relax at all.

I threw back my drink, relishing in the burn as it slid down my throat .

What did I have left to lose?

Nothing.

Everything.

I could however gain some comfort, maybe even sleep.

I poured myself one more drink before I headed towards the door.

My bare feet were silent in the hall as I padded towards the neighboring door. My hand froze over the knob.

My heart hammered. If I went in, there was no going back.

I twisted the knob and pushed open the door, cringing as the door creaked open. But the figure in the bed didn’t rustle.

I closed the door behind me, pushing my back against the door as my eyes remained fixed on the bed. Still, he slept. His chest moved up and down slowly. He looked so peaceful.

A few rouge pieces of hair fell over his face making him look younger.

I should let him be.

I should leave.

I turned back towards the door, pulling it open to make my escape. I shouldn’t have come here.

“Lennox?” Luka’s voice was thick with sleep as it called to me. My spine stiffened and my hand halted on the door handle.

Slowly, I turned towards him. He scrubbed at his face as he sat up, the sheet shifting to reveal his bare chest.

“Lennox, what are you doing here?” His eyes scanned my face, his brows knitting with concern. “What’s wrong?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. If I started I wouldn’t stop. I closed my mouth, remaining with my back pressed against the door.

“Lennox.” His voice was soft.

I swallowed. “Can I stay with you?” I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. “Only for a little bit.”

He dipped his chin. “Of course, you can stay as long as you need.” He pulled back the sheets and shifted, making room for me next to him .

My feet were silent on the wooden floors as I slowly made my way to the bed. I should have felt some sort of regret or embarrassment for coming in here, but I didn’t.

I needed him tonight.

“Thank you.” I crawled in next to him.

He pulled the blankets over us and I wrapped my arms around his middle, pulling him close and resting my head in the space between his shoulder and head.

He tensed for a second before embracing my hold, wrapping his arms around me in return.

We said nothing as we lay there. His fingers running a constant trail over my bare shoulder. He didn’t say anything as he continued to wipe the tears that streaked down my face. I didn’t know how much time had passed when I finally spoke, breaking the silence.

“It’s the three-year anniversary of their deaths.”

His fingers stilled for a second before continuing again. “This night is always hard. I can never sleep. The memories flood my mind. I—I couldn’t be alone.”

“You don’t have to justify anything to me, Lennox. I’m always here if you need me.”

I moved in closer to his neck, inhaling his scent as I wrapped my arms tighter around him.

“Do you want to talk about any of it?”

I wasn’t sure if talking about it would make it better or worse. But maybe talking was better than silence. Than thinking.

“Tonight I had a nightmare about when I was brought to see their bodies.” I swallowed. “They were practically unidentifiable. I don’t even think the vampires had drank from them—I don’t know how it would have been possible with so much blood staining the study. They had been ripped to shreds.”

He said nothing, continuing his soothing strokes on my shoulder.

“I burned their bodies right there. It’s a witch thing, but when someone dies an unexpected death sometimes their souls can be trapped in their bodies from the trauma. We burn them to ensure their souls are released.”

“That’s beautiful. Although I’m sure it was hard to see them like that, I’m glad you got to do that for them.”

“It was my first act as High Queen.”

His fingers resting on the small of my back flexed. “I wish you didn’t have to do that alone,” he added.

That was the first of many things I did alone. I didn’t even ask Kara to come with me. I didn’t want to expose her to that. “I passed out after I burned the bodies,” I admitted. “That was the last time I let myself grieve or show weakness in front of others.”

His movement on my shoulder stopped and he pulled me closer instead, resting his chin on my head. “I know I’ve told you this before, but you are stronger than anyone I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t feel like I am.”

“I wish you could see yourself for how I see you, Lennox.”

“Why do people keep saying that?”

Luka laughed, low and deep. The sound reverberated through my body. “Who else told you that?”

“Kara.”

“Kara and I have a lot in common don’t we.”

“Yeah, you’re both a pain in my ass.”

He laughed again and poked me in the side, causing me to squirm in his hold.

“It’s only because we care about you.”

We both fell silent.

“Try and sleep now, Lennox, I’m right here if you need me.”

I pulled myself closer to him. He shuffled, moving to place a kiss on my forehead before he smoothed my hair with his hand.

“Goodnight, Lennox.”

“Goodnight, Luka.”

I slept.

When I finally awoke the sun was high in the sky, basking the room in warm morning light. The night was over. I had made it through.

I rolled over, surprised to find the space next to me was empty, I ran my hand over the dip in the bed, where Luka had laid. The spot was still warm, he hadn’t been gone long.

I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

I couldn’t believe I had slept.

I should have been ashamed for coming to Luka last night. For asking for him to comfort me, but I wasn’t.

I needed him last night.

I had to remember that sometimes it was okay to lean on others. To need others.

I could hear sounds coming from the bathing chamber, that must be where Luka was.

Goosebumps covered my body the minute I left the warm comfort of the bed. I had been sweating last night in my room from my nightmares, but now—it was colder than a witch’s tit in here. I wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing my hands up and down my arms as I searched for something to keep me warm.

One of Luka’s long-sleeved shirts was slung haphazardly over a chair. I didn’t care if it was clean or dirty, I pulled it over my head. It instantly offered more warmth than my silk nightdress, even if it only fell mid-thigh. The fabric was thick and warm, that’s all that mattered.

However, my feet were still freezing. The fire no longer flicked in the hearth. I sent my flames careening towards the smoldering ashes while I went in search of socks .

How in the goddess had Luka let it get so cold in here? He must have slept the whole night too if it had gone out.

I looked around the room, past the towering piles of books and clothes strewn about, my eyes landing on a chest of drawers adjacent to the bed.

I padded over to the dresser, immediately reaching for the top drawer when my eyes snagged on the small painted portrait resting on top.

The painting was tiny, small enough to easily fit in ones pocket.

I traced the small golden frame with my fingers as I surveyed the people within it.

The female was thin, her dark, curly hair cut just above her shoulders. She smiled tightly, but her blue eyes glimmered. The older male looked identical to Luka, but with longer hair that fell past his shoulders, stopping mid-chest. A youngling sat in front of the pair. The face was younger, rounder, and his hair longer, floppier, but it was him, it was Luka. He smiled brightly in the painting.

It was a portrait of Luka and his parents. My heart caught in my chest. I had never seen a picture of the three of them together. There weren't any of his parents or anyone in the palace. They looked so alike—it made me yearn for my own family. I blinked back the wetness forming at the corners of my vision.

Fuck.

Socks, I needed socks. I reminded myself as I blinked back tears.

I set the portrait back on the dresser, my gaze landing on a small glass bowl made of a dark green stone. In the bowl sat a bracelet of sorts, made up of grass and flowers. Magic emulated off the object, it had been spelled to keep the plants from dying I assumed. I picked up the bracelet, tracing my fingers over the intricate weaving of the blades of grass .

It was the bracelet I had made for Luka the afternoon we spent at the lake this past summer.

“I asked Kara to spell it for me when we returned from the Mystic Court.” Luka’s arms came around me on either side, caging me against the dresser, his fingers brushing over mine as they examined the bracelet. “She used her earth magic to bring the flowers back to life and spelled it so they’d live forever.”

“I can’t believe you kept it.” I turned around in his hold, his arms still on either side of me resting on the dresser as I looked up at him.

“Of course I did.” He moved his arms, his fingertips grazing the backs of my arms in the lightest touch, sending shivers scattering over my body. His fingers rested lightly on my elbows as we both looked at the bracelet. A lot had happened since I’d made him that bracelet.

“I didn’t mean to pry. I was looking for some socks and I got sidetracked.”

“Here, let me.” He moved around me, gently pulling open the second drawer and pulling out a pair of socks.

“Thank you.” I reached for the socks, but he stopped me, pulling them out of my reach.

“No, let me.” Before I could protest he was on his knees in front of me. I was suddenly too aware of how exposed my legs were. Images of him kneeling in front of me in an entirely different scenario burned in the back of my mind.

“Foot.” He gently tapped my foot and I raised it for him. He ever so carefully rolled the sock on my foot, taking extra good care to roll it up my leg to where it rested mid-calf.

Every brush of his fingers on my leg sent desire straight to my core.

“Other foot.” He directed me as he put my foot back on the ground and tapped the top of my remaining foot. I tried my best to steady my breath as he rolled the sock up my other foot, trying to steer my mind from the filthy thoughts that kept berating me. Of where else on my body I’d like his fingers .

Goddess, I hated that he had this effect on me.

As he finished, he let his hands drag up the back of my legs; I took a deep breath as they danced in a feather-light touch on the back of my knees. Although I was afraid to look, I was certain his gaze was fixed where it shouldn’t have been.

“I should go,” I all but panted.

He swallowed. “Okay.” His voice was strained, but he stood and I met his blazing eyes.

I turned to put the bracelet I was still grasping back on the dresser, but he stopped me with a hand on my wrist.

“You should keep it.”

I debated it for a moment. Part of me wanted this small piece of him.

“No. I want you to keep it. I made it for you after all.” I placed it in his palm, closing my hand around his. “Thank you again for last night.”

“Did you sleep the whole night?”

“I did, thank you. You’re like my own personal dreamcatcher or comfort blanket or something.”

“Or something,” he murmured.

“I should get going.” I stepped out from around him and headed for the door. “I’ll see you at training in a bit?” I called over my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit.”