Page 22 of Queen of the Crimson Throne (Queen of Blood and Stardust #2)

22

LENNOX

“Luka.” He continued ahead of me as we entered the palace. “Luka,” I called again.

“Goodnight, Lennox,” he muttered, not bothering to face me. What had gotten into him? Things had felt okay at the ball. It had reminded me of before, when we were friends. It gave me a semblance of hope we might be able to make this work. That we could pretend to be a happily engaged couple. Pretending with him was easier than I anticipated, I thought things had gone well.

But now he was shutting down, shutting me out.

And I didn’t know why.

I continued after him. My anger rose with every step he took away from me. I had given into his touch at the party—had let myself enjoy his hands on my body and now he wouldn’t speak to me. Wouldn’t even look at me.

Bastard.

“Luka! You don’t get to walk away from me like this!”

Finally he turned, his eyes blazing, causing me to stop in my tracks. He had never looked at me like that before. I’d seen him use the expression on others, but never me.

“Why not?” His tone was sharp, it made my spine and shoulders straighten. “You get to walk away from me over and over again. I think I’m due for a chance.”

His words struck like tiny pricks in my chest.

Each one stole the breath from my lungs, but not in a good way.

My anger quickly dissipated.

How many times had I walked away from him, but each time he followed?

“Will you at least talk to me?” I said softly. “What’s going on? Why are you acting like this?” This behavior was strange coming from him and it was throwing me off balance. He was the one who helped me stay upright, and now he was the one turning me upside down with nothing to grasp.

“Talk to me.” I grasped for his arm.

“Talk to you?” His eyes flashed with anger and something else as he moved his arm out of my reach. “All I fucking do is talk, Lennox. I’m lucky if you even listen to what I say, let alone say something back.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m so tired of talking with no response. I know you need time—but right now I can’t do this. Right now I need time. I need time and space away from you .”

My chest tightened painfully. He needed to be away from me .

This . This is what I had anticipated from Luka when I arrived.

This anger. This resentment toward me.

But he had been fine, or fine adjacent when I arrived. Why was he getting angry now? What did I do to change his feelings?

Before I got a chance to ask him, he was gone and I was left staring at his closed door as it shook against the frame. The echo of the slam ringing through my mind.

I paced across my room as I replayed my conversation with Luka in my mind and over the events of the night again and again.

I still couldn’t figure out what I had done to trigger him tonight, but I couldn’t blame him for acting the way he did. I had treated him so terribly since I arrived.

Given him only the tiniest scraps of myself.

But tonight—tonight I had given him more of myself than I had in months. I allowed myself to slip back into us for a short time. I told myself it was all an act, but it wasn’t really.

So his rejection—or reaction afterward—stung more than I cared to admit. I had finally taken a step forward and now he was taking a step back.

But why? What did I do?

I knew I wouldn’t sleep without talking to him again, without sorting this all out. I had hurt him enough as it was—I didn’t know what I had done tonight but I needed to rectify it.

It took him a while before he answered the door—he took two steps back, his eyes going wide before narrowing as he took me in.

“What are you doing here?” His eyes roamed over my body, making me remember I was wearing a nightgown that left little to the imagination.

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying and failing to hide my chest from his wandering gaze. He took a sip of the liquid from the glass resting lazily in his hand. It was most likely the same one we had drunk with Caspian a few short hours ago. “Come in, won’t you.” His voice was slightly slurred, his movements sluggish as he moved, allowing me space to enter into the room.

He didn’t look back at me as he headed toward the seating area in the center of the room, allowing me to take in the space.

The room was tidy overall, the bed was unmade, but everything else appeared to have been returned to its place, with the exception of the books. Books were stacked haphazardly in piles everywhere. On the bedside table, on the coffee table, the floor. There were so many books in the room it resembled more of a library than a bedroom.

“Care for a drink?” Luka filled his own glass from a bar cart stacked with bottles in the sitting area.

“Sure.” I sat hesitantly on the couch across from him as he handed me a glass.

We sat silently sipping on our drinks, it was in fact Caspian’s families’. My eyes wandered over Luka’s body as he sat lounging lazily on the couch, his fingers tracing the rim of his glass. He hadn’t changed out of his clothes from the ball, but he had unbuttoned his shirt, leaving his toned stomach on display. I couldn’t keep my eyes from roaming to his exposed skin. I remembered how those muscles felt under my fingertips, every hard ridge and plane?—

“Why are you here, Lennox?” Luka’s voice stirred me from my wandering thoughts. His voice sounded defeated as he continued to stare at his glass.

“I couldn’t sleep knowing you were mad at me,” I admitted.

He sighed, sitting up straighter. “I’m not mad at you, Lennox.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were. I’ve treated you terribly,” I said softly, not bothering to look up.

“You have,” he scoffed.

Silence stretched between us again.

“What did I do to upset you tonight?” My voice came out more strained than I intended. “I thought we were getting along and—I don’t know, you stopped talking to me and wouldn’t even look at me.” As I said the words it set in how much of an impact they had on me. He was one of the few people who truly saw me—every part of me and he didn’t run. But tonight he had.

I didn’t know how to handle him not looking at me.

I had thought that’s what I wanted but now…I wasn’t so sure.

The absence of his gaze left me off kilter.

“You didn’t do anything, Lennox.” He set his empty glass on the table and sat forward, putting his face in his hands. “It’s stupid. I should have known better. I got too caught up in everything. I forgot for a moment tonight was all an act and when you reminded me—fuck I’m so pathetic.” My heart lurched. “You didn’t do anything. When you reminded me it was all an act—it impacted me more than I thought it would.”

“Luka, I?—”

“Please don’t say anything. I told you I didn’t want to talk about it and I meant it. Now can you leave me alone for a night so I can lick my wounds? Alone. Please .” The strain in his voice was enough to set my feet moving towards the door—even though it broke me to leave him like this. He said I didn’t do anything to make him like this, but that’s a lie. I did this. I did all of this.

I had gotten caught up in the night too. When he touched me everything else faded into the distance. Everything between us tonight was real—but my feet continued to walk me towards the door. The pleading tone of his voice and the look in his eyes scalded me, pushing me forward.

I hesitated when I reached the door—daring to look back at him. He hadn’t moved. His face still in his hands.

“It wasn’t all an act,” I whispered, before slipping through the door. Not daring to look back and see his reaction.

I thought he had broken me all those weeks ago—but I had never considered I might have broken him too.