Page 23 of Queen of the Crimson Throne (Queen of Blood and Stardust #2)

23

LENNOX

Hot tears fell down my face as I tore from Luka’s room and down the hallway. I couldn’t go back to my room. Not knowing he was next door wallowing in the misery I had caused him.

Not after the parting words I left him with.

I didn’t realize where I was going—my feet carrying me up the stairs to the training room on their own accord. Nico had mentioned there was access to the roof from up there.

I tore through the room, looking for the door that would give me access to the roof.

Air. I needed air.

I finally found it—tearing open the door, My eyes stung as I ran up the stairs.

The moment the cool night air caressed my skin I felt like I could finally breathe again. I gulped in the air. My lungs were greedy for it. I ran for the ledge—my hands grasping the cool stone as I took deep breaths to calm my raging heart and shaking hands.

I don’t know how long it took but finally, my breathing steadied .

“Are you okay?”

I jumped at the deep voice behind me, my hand going instinctively to my chest. How out of control had I been to not notice there was someone else up here?

I turned as Declan approached me. His dark hair was unbound, his wings spread wide behind him.

Was I okay?

Yes.

No.

“I don’t know.” I turned back towards the sky as he took up a place next to me at the railing. “I don’t think I’ve been okay for a long time.”

He was quiet beside me. How pathetic was I? I was now telling my problems to Declan who rarely involved himself in others’ personal matters.

“Has Luka ever told you my story?” Declan spoke into the darkness, surprising me with his question.

“Not entirely. He told me it was your story to tell.” I thought back to mine and Luka’s conversation back in the Mystic Court, what he had told me about Declan.

He sighed deeply. “My mother died giving birth to me. Babes aren’t supposed to be born with wings. They didn’t expect it. I was considered a freak of nature.”

I had never heard of half shifted harpies before meeting Declan, but I didn’t realize Declan was the only one.

“My father abandoned me at birth. Lost in grief over my mother and essentially disowning me—his son was born an abomination with wings. The only of his kind. What a disgrace. And on top of that, I killed her. That was something my father never let me forget.”

I kept my gaze on the dark sky as Declan continued, his hands gripping the railing so hard his knuckles had begun to turn white.

“I was raised for the first seven years of my life by the staff in the palace. The only reason my father didn’t kill me was because people knew of my birth. I was supposed to be the highly anticipated heir of the Captain of the Guard, but I had failed him from day one. I saw my father on occasion. He made sure he reminded me I was an abomination and he had disowned me. It wasn’t until others inquired about my abilities—if I could fly with my wings…” He let out a puff of air as his wings twitched behind him.

“I was so happy when he finally took an interest in me. I should have known better. He only trained me so he could use me. What a useful killing machine I could be. What a good spy I could be. My training was ruthless. Any wrongdoing was punished. Nothing I ever did was good enough for my father. He looked for any excuse to punish me. I couldn’t tell you how many times I had laid on the training room floor unable to move—only to be found by a staff member hours later. The palace staff, they are the only reason I survived. That I didn’t end it myself.”

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.

“And then I met Luka. Or Luka found me, however you want to put it. He was the first person to show me there was more out there than the sad existence I was living. That I could leave. That I could live out from under my father’s terror. That hope is what kept me going those last years until I left at sixteen.”

I placed my hand over his. “Declan, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not telling you this to get your sympathy.” He didn’t move his hand out from under mine. “I don’t like telling my story for that reason, but I often wonder if being born with my wings is a blessing or a curse.”

I furrowed my brows as I tried to follow where he was going with this.

“I go back and forth depending on the day. My wings cursed me when it came to my father. But they were a blessing to bring me, Luka, and Nico together. And flying—” He shook his head, his dark hair swishing with the movement. “There’s nothing like flying.”

“Why are you telling me all this, Delcan?”

“You need to determine the same. Are your circumstances a blessing or a curse? Are you and Luka finding one another—is this arranged marriage a blessing or a curse?”

Blessing or curse . He made it sound so simple. A clear-cut choice.

But it was so much more than that. Wasn’t it?

When it all came down to it, it was me and Luka at the core of everything. Was he, was our relationship, a blessing or a curse?

My first instinct was to say it was all a curse. Everything we had experienced was all a goddess-forsaken curse.

But to call Luka a curse—the word got lodged in my throat.

He had infected me, yes. He had infected my life like a virus, spreading throughout my existence and clinging to my every crack and crevice until there was no separating me from him. He was woven into me—unable to untangle where I ended and he began. Even while he was away, I still felt a pull towards him. I ached for him.

Luka was—he was the light in my darkness.

But a blessing, that wasn’t the right word either.

Luka was Luka.

I just needed to figure out what that meant.

“You’ve given me a lot to think about, bird boy.” I knocked my shoulder against his. “Nico’s going to be jealous when he finds out you and I were bonding.”

A sound adjacent to a laugh sounded from his throat. “Is that what you call having a conversation? Bonding?”

“When it comes to you, yes. This is the most words I’ve ever heard you say in one conversation.”

“And it won’t likely happen again, so you should consider yourself lucky.”

“Oh, trust me, I do, Declan.” I gave him a soft smile. “Thank you. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

“Being able to help you and Luka by sharing my story—it’s part of my way of figuring out if my wings are a blessing or a curse.”

“Not that my opinion matters, but I think your wings are a blessing.”