Page 47

“Hm, that didn’t turn out the way I imagined,” Dax murmured thoughtfully. “I thought she would understand.”

Matt didn’t reply. He held his head in his hands, concentrated on his breathing, and tried to fight the panic that had muddled his brain for two hours. He wasn’t succeeding. The feeling was as penetrating as Dax’s voice.

Why did he…why…

“I mean,” Dax continued unmoved, gently patting him on the back. “Maddie is always so sensible. I totally assumed that she would be okay if you changed your mind. That she would be fine with you just being friends again, if you were to make that suggestion to her…”

" You advised him to do that?” Lucy cried out, horrified.

Matt had no idea why she was in his apartment.

Her voice was even worse than Dax’s, maybe because she was telling the truth.

“Are you completely crazy? Good grief, the one time you were left unattended. Dax, just because we’re together doesn’t mean you’re a relationship expert! ”

“But you are, or what? I’m your first long-term boyfriend, too!”

“I’m not an expert on relationships, but about all things Maddie-related, you idiot! Goodness, that’s what happens when you leave two men alone for too long. And I can’t believe you seriously suggested that to her, Matt.”

Yeah, neither did he.

He’d been scared, though — and there was doubt in her eyes. Her doubt, which scared him far more than his own ever could. After all, he would never have any!

“I mean what was going through your head?” Lucy continued angrily. “You won’t find anyone better than Maddie.”

“I know that,” he said with a clenched jaw.

“So what was the problem then? Why did you hurt her so much that she turned off her phone, fled, and, apparently, doesn’t want to talk to anyone?”

He narrowed his eyes and clenched his hands. “I…I need her in my life.”

“Naturally, so the best thing to do is to toss her out of it!”

“I didn’t…”

“Yes, you obviously did something !”

“Yes, I… Damn it, stop it, Lucy!” He dropped his hands and glared at her.

“Do you think I need your help to feel like shit? No! I was afraid, okay? I was afraid she’d change her mind.

That, at some point, she’d get tired of me pushing her to argue and tell the people in her life the truth.

That she’d…give up on me. If we’re only friends, that day will never come!

Because it doesn’t affect her. But, if we’re together and I’m too much for her…

” He shook his head. “So, yes, I was scared and told her that we should go back to being friends and…”

“Well, that was incredibly stupid of you,” a female voice said.

Matt jerked his head up — and his heart stopped.

Maddie stood in the doorway with a key in her hand and her arms crossed over her chest.

His mouth went dry and his chest instantly tightened so much that it was hard for him to breathe. He wanted to say something. Anything. But for that, he would need his lungs and…

“I couldn’t find you!” Maddie said reproachfully, sweeping into the apartment and slamming the door behind her. “In the underground parking garage. You were gone.”

“I…” he croaked and blinked. “I, well, a horde of fans were after me like after every game and… What?”

He saw her swallow, how she breathed in and out heavily.

She was apparently steeling herself for her next words.

“Well,” she finally said, her voice shaking, “I was coming back to argue with you about your stupidity — but you were nowhere to be found. It was extremely frustrating. I wanted to hold on to my anger so my words would be sharper, but I don’t know if that was going to work.

” She scratched her flushed cheek. “So, could you make me angry again?”

Matt rose from the couch, his mouth open. “I…I thought you ran away.”

“ Me run away?” she cried in disbelief before pressing her lips together.

“Thank you! That helps my anger,” she added softly, then took a threatening step toward him and narrowed her eyes.

“Now listen to me carefully, Matthew Payne, I certainly didn’t run away today!

Sure, my feet were moving, but it was you who sprinted away with your words, so fast that I got dizzy.

” She pressed an index finger angrily against his chest. “I decided earlier not to run away anymore. Instead, I’m going to…

fight for myself.” She cleared her throat and abruptly dropped her hand.

“In this case, maybe for us. Because you’re a complete idiot , Matt. ”

“Finally, someone is saying it,” Dax muttered.

“Oh, shut up, Dax!” Annoyed, Maddie turned to him. “ You are not allowed to say that. Only I can! What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Nothing,” Lucy replied hastily, pressing a hand over Dax’s mouth. “Keep talking before you lose your anger.”

“Oh, right.” Maddie nodded firmly and re-fixed her sparkling eyes on him.

“ What was that about, Matt?! What you said earlier was shitty! Why do you only want to be friends with me? That stupid talk about how it’s not too late to go back.

” She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. “Of course it’s too late!”

“I know,” he whispered and nodded hastily, wanting to make her happy again before the first tear fell. “I’m sorry. Really. But…you were scared.” He swallowed and reached for her warm, slender hand. “I saw it in your eyes. You were afraid that we would fight if we stayed together.”

“So you panicked? Because I might decide it’s not worth it?” she asked, perplexed.

He shrugged helplessly. “Maybe. You were doubting and…”

“But that’s me, Matt. I’m the one who doubts and then picks herself up again.

You should know that. But just because I have doubts about wanting to fight every argument you throw at me doesn’t mean that I doubt that I love you.

” She sniffed and punched him on the arm.

“I’ve loved you for a year. I’ve had practice! ”

Warmth flooded his body, filling every single cell.

“You know, I’m confused too, and scared!

” she continued undeterred. “Because my dream man isn’t at all what I imagined.

Because…sometimes you just don’t understand me.

You hardly ever read my wishes from my eyes.

You never help me around the house, since you would rather pay someone.

And you want to argue. But you also want to make up.

And you try to understand me when I explain things to you.

And maybe you would even do laundry if…”

“Absolutely not,” he interrupted her hoarsely, squeezing her fingers. “I have to draw the line somewhere.”

Maddie chuckled and half-hiccupped as she nodded.

“We’ll get there. You…you just have to stop panicking like that, Matt.

I’m not one of your hockey friends who let you down in the past. I mean, we’ve been in a successful relationship for a year now!

Not a romantic one, sure, but a relationship nonetheless.

And the only thing that changes is that we don’t just talk and stuff like that, we have sex, too. ”

“Yeah, you only have to be afraid that you’ll scare her away with your skills in the sack,” Lucy chimed in. “If you’re not trying hard enough, then you should be afraid. Otherwise, you don’t seem to have driven her away yet.”

Matt gave Lucy the middle finger but continued watching Maddie, whose mouth threatened a smile as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

He reached up and ran his thumb as light as a feather over the drop…

over her warm skin…and God, he was an idiot.

How could he have ever imagined that anything less was enough?

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Maddie said, her voice solemn, and snuggled into his touch.

“But, Matt, when you see me having doubts, you just need to take a deep breath and talk to me about it. You love doing that so much. It’s okay to doubt!

It’s good to doubt. Because only when we’re uncertain can we consciously decide to say yes and… ”

“Yes.”

She blinked, confused. “What?”

“Yes. I want to say yes,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.

I panicked. I was an idiot. I don’t want to go back.

I want to move forward. With you. So… Yes.

We are together. Yes, I’m not your dream man, but I would be perfectly fine with being your real man.

And, yes…I can carry up that worn-out table that’s downstairs in the trash.

And yes, you can put it wherever you want as long as you leave my bed alone.

Because we’ll need it soon.” He lowered his forehead to hers, relief and happiness swirling uncontrollably through his body like airborne confetti.

“I’m honestly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

I only want you to be happy. God, Maddie, I would do just about anything to make you happy, and… ”

She sniffed and put her hands behind his neck. “That’s not good at all, Matt. You know, a very wise hockey player once told me that you should fight for yourself as well as others.”

“Really?” Dax said, “I don’t remember saying that.”

“Okay, we’re leaving,” Lucy announced, but Matt didn’t pay any attention to her. He didn’t hear their footfalls or the opening and closing of the door.

He only heard Maddie’s breathing. Her heartbeat.

“You know, I love you too,” he whispered, kissing her left cheek first and then her right.

She smiled and closed her eyes. “I know that.”

“And what I said earlier was something like a proposal.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a romantic and you raised your middle finger while you were saying it.”

He laughed softly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Okay, but…”

“Stop talking, Matt,” she murmured against his lips and ran her fingers down his neck. “We have the rest of our lives to argue. Today, I just want to make up.”

He grinned. “That can be arranged,” he murmured and finally kissed her.