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Maddie could still feel his lips on hers, as well as the heat deep in her stomach, which hadn’t faded in days.

God, it was so awfully… masculine . And stupid . Granted, the words could be used synonymously sometimes. Kissing her when he wanted to talk to her. It was as if he wanted to take away her power of reasoning, so that he could have the upper hand in an argument!

That wasn’t okay, especially because it was working.

“I didn’t…” He ran his hand nervously through his hair. “It wasn’t that I was jealous, even though I was. You…” He gritted his teeth and looked at her reproachfully. “You’re confusing me!”

“I’m not doing anything!” she said in disbelief.

“Yes! You’re standing there looking at me expectantly as if I have all the answers.”

“I don’t want all the answers, I just want to know why you kissed me. Just when things were slowly getting back to… normal.”

Matt laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. “Have you been living in a parallel universe for the last few days?”

She snorted and looked away. “So, that’s what you wanted to argue about, right?” she asked, raising her chin. “That it’s still not normal? So you thought; Hey, let me kiss Maddie, then everything will be like it used to be.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t think anything except that I wanted to kiss you, okay? I don’t know if I want everything to be like it used to be, Maddie,” he said.

Her heart almost dropped into her stomach. “What?” She hated how high and brittle her voice sounded. “I don’t understand, Matt. I know you were mad because I told everyone we had sex, but I apologized and…”

“Maddie,” he interrupted loudly, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor. “Do you honestly think that was the only reason I was mad?”

“Well, on the way back…”

“Yeah, it upset me. But that wasn’t why I was furious. Am furious.”

She swallowed. “Then why?”

He gritted his teeth and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “ When something not too significant but interesting happens, you tell your friends, right ?” he quoted her coolly.

Her mouth went dry. Okay. Maybe that had been a little harsh. She’d been having trouble putting their night together into perspective. “You’re the one who left your own bed to get some space, Matt. That wasn’t me.”

“Yes. Because we agreed that it was a one-time thing.”

“I know!” She rubbed her sweaty palms over the hem of her dress. “That’s why I didn’t take it too badly.”

“Too badly?” he echoed.

She crossed her arms. “Well, it was kind of shitty of you,” she explained matter-of-factly. “Not waking me up to at least tell me you were leaving. I guess it would have been too…intimate for you or whatever.”

“I left because we agreed on it ,” he exclaimed in disbelief. “We did not agree to make our night seem meaningless!”

“Once won’t do any harm, Matt! We both said that.”

“But that doesn’t mean that one time is inconsequential !

” He ran his hand nervously through his hair and glanced down the stairs.

“I mean, I know you don’t take sex lightly.

You insist on only having serious sex or nothing at all.

Or is that all bullshit? Because if you’re so good at having casual sex, you’ve been keeping it a real good secret for the past year. ”

“Of course, it’s not bullshit!” she snapped.

“Sex is incredibly important to me. It’s intimate.

And you…you bare your soul, okay? You show a side of yourself that you don’t show anyone else!

I know you don’t think that way, but that’s how I think!

” She narrowed her eyes in frustration. “That’s why I can’t jump into bed with just anyone, Matt!

And you are not just anyone. Otherwise, I would never have…

” She fell silent and shook her head. “I need trust. And I trust you!”

“That’s nice to hear,” he said abruptly. “Then why did you have to make me feel like you didn’t care? Why did you go to such lengths to make me think we should laugh about it? Like it was merely an anecdote. A crazy night that was a filler episode in our life stories?”

“Because that was easier than…the rest,” she replied desperately.

“What rest?” he asked impatiently.

“Well, the rest! The chaos created because our night did matter, after all. That it wasn’t a crazy idea, after all. The huge chaotic mess of feelings and expectations that has no end and no beginning and is impossible to untangle.”

“So, what are your feelings and expectations?” he whispered, suddenly appearing exhausted. “Maddie, I don’t think there’s anything we cannot untangle. As long as we’re honest. Like we always are. All I want is for you to be honest!”

She opened her mouth in disbelief and clenched her hands as she struggled for words, trying to force herself to say what she had wanted to throw at him for weeks.

To admit what had gotten her into this mess in the first place!

It was difficult, though, because it was personal.

He wanted to argue, though, and she had said she would try. So…

“ I’m supposed to be honest when you’ve been telling me nothing but rubbish for the last year?” she asked sharply, the words burning on her tongue.

He blinked at her, irritated. “What are you talking about?”

“About the fact that you said you didn’t want anything serious, Matt!

” she snapped. “You told me you only wanted one-night stands. And you’ve proved it to me for the last twelve months.

But now, all of a sudden, you’re telling a complete stranger – a reporter, of all people – that you might be considering marriage and children after all? While you tell me, while I… No!”

Matt looked at her, his mouth gaping. “Why is that relevant?” he asked, perplexed.

“ Why ?” Her voice was much too loud, but she didn’t care.

“The only reason I didn’t go out with you back then was because we fundamentally wanted different things!

” Furious, she hit him in the chest with her fist. “I only stopped you from kissing me because I thought you would never be open to anything serious. You said, oh shit, when I told you about my plans, for God’s sake!

Now, all of a sudden, you’ve changed your mind — without telling me!

” Her eyes burned and this time, she hit his arm.

“And you talk about how you don’t want any more affairs.

And you want to go on dates with perfect women who aren’t me!

And then you tell me that you want me, but my friendship is more important to you and that it would be stupid to start something.

Stupid to start something with me , but not with any other women that you want me to find for you!

” Both of her fists landed on his shoulder.

“And then you kiss me anyway and sleep with me and make me feel like I’m the most beautiful creature on earth, and then you just leave the damn bed without a word!

Just like every other one-night stand you have! ”

She raised her fist again, but this time she failed to hit her target because Matt caught her hands in the air as if they were a puck on the ice. Then he pressed them flat against his chest. Right above his heart, which she could feel beating dully and frantically.

He stared at her. Peered straight into her eyes.

His expression was strangely closed, even though she saw a muscle pulse in his jaw.

“Maddie,” he whispered, “you weren’t like any other one-night stand.

” He swallowed and his shoulders rose and fell heavily.

“You’d really have gone out with me, back then, if I hadn’t said I was looking for something casual? ”

“Of course I would have,” she said, glaring at him angrily. “How can you not know that?”

“You never said anything like that! Why didn’t you just kiss me if you wanted to at the time? Then tell me that you weren’t up for a one-night stand, but you were up for a date?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Because I’m not one of those women who think a man will change if he meets the right person,” she whispered, shaking her head.

“I don’t think, oh, he doesn’t know what he wants!

He says he doesn’t want a relationship, but he doesn’t mean it.

He just needs to learn what love is in order to be able to commit to a long-term relationship, and he’s only going to learn that with me.

” She closed her eyes. “Matt, I watch a lot of romantic movies, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what reality is like.

I believe everyone has the right to be upfront about what they want.

I even welcome it! If you’re not upfront, you’ll get hurt.

And no matter what the other person says…

the other person has to accept it. Without trying to change them.

So, I assume that people are honest when it comes to things like this!

Because I’m naive enough to believe that they want to avoid creating false expectations.

So, I’m honest too. I was honest from the beginning!

” She dug her fingers into the fabric of his shirt.

“So, don’t tell me that I’m the one who has secrets and isn’t telling you the truth, when it was you who changed your mind.

You always knew what I wanted. You, on the other hand, you never… ”

“Maddie, I want you,” he interrupted softly.

She halted abruptly and her heart stopped. “What?’

“I want you ,” he repeated hoarsely. “I have the right to say what I want, right? And, shit.” He laughed dryly.

“Right now, I want you against that wall.” He nodded over her shoulder.

“Then in bed again. Then I want to dance with you downstairs and watch you wrestle with whether or not to have a second dessert. Then I want to know how Match Me! is doing…and then I want to take you back home with me, bend you over the damn kitchen island, and make you come with my mouth. And, fuck, you have no idea how many times I stared at those fucking handcuffs and wondered if you’ve been fantasizing about being bound to the bed — or if you want to tie me up.

” He swallowed and tightened his fingers around her wrist while he ran his free hand up her back, his fingers lingering light as a feather on the edge between fabric and skin.

“Because I would have absolutely no problem with that.”

Heat flooded her abdomen and chest, a fluttering heat that made her moisten her lips, making the desire that had been simmering under her skin for days burst forth. God, she wanted him to do all those things.

She couldn’t, though.

“Matt, we can’t just…have sex the way we want and hope everything goes well,” she whispered.

“I know,” he replied seriously. “But, you didn’t understand me.

I want you . Not sex. Well, that too.” The corners of his mouth rose.

“But not only that. I meant what I said. Our friendship is important to me. But…I’m not done with you yet.

Maybe I’ll never be done with you, but there’s no way to know that unless I try.

So, can I?” He let go of her hands and ran his thumb over her lower lip.

Everywhere he touched, he left behind a trail of goosebumps.

“I can’t think of anything but our night together.

I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate when you’re near me. ”

“Then you really shouldn’t drive with me in the passenger seat,” she whispered, the heat spreading uncontrollably through her body.

He chuckled softly. “No, probably not. What I’m trying to say is that you’re right. You were honest. From the beginning.” He reached behind her neck with his big hand and ran his thumb over the sensitive spot under her ear. “And I don’t want you to break your rules because of me.”

“What rules?” she asked, having a difficult time remembering anything except his touch.

“You want something serious or nothing at all.”

Her mouth went dry and she nodded.

“Would you be ready too…” His gaze slid hesitantly over her face, stopping at her lips. “Would you be ready for something serious with me, too?”

Her stomach contracted. Yes , her stomach said. Panic , her mind said. “I…you…” She cleared her throat and bit her lip. She wanted to push herself against him and simply taste, feel, not think anymore. But this was important! “Matt, have you thought about this carefully?” she asked.

He lifted one corner of his mouth — and nodded. “For the last half hour. You don’t want anything casual and I want you. And the thought of you being with another guy…” He gritted his teeth and shook his head. “So, should we try?”

Her hands were shaking as she stared at him. She studied his hesitant expression. He wasn’t absolutely certain. He didn’t know if she was the woman of his dreams. And she didn’t know if he would shred her heart into a thousand pieces.

“I’m scared too, okay?” he murmured as if he had read her thoughts.

He looked directly into her eyes and paused.

“You are so incredibly important to me. I need you in my life so badly. Your advice, your witty comments, your whole attitude. You . What will it be like when we’re more than friends?

So, yes, I’m scared that we’ll ruin it and I’ll end up losing you completely.

But…” He swallowed, “I think we might be worth it. I know you are. I don’t think I could ever regret having sex with you… spending time with you.”

How could she not throw all her doubts out the window when she heard those words? How could she not push aside her worries? How could she forget her fear of making the same mistake she had made with Clemens?

It was the hottest thing anyone had ever said to her. It was Matt, and she wanted him, and he wanted her.

So, she grabbed him by the collar, pulled him down to her, and answered his question with her lips. She kissed him slowly and thoroughly. Took all the time in the world to show him that no one could regret something so good.

She hoped.

When Matt returned the kiss, she stopped thinking and doubting. When Matt kissed her, there was no room in her mind for anything but him.