Page 22

Breathing heavily, Matt threw the door key on his mattress, then covered it with his blanket so he would have to search for it if he suddenly wanted to use it.

Because, damn, that was what he wanted.

He wanted to kick the door down and say yes.

To everything Maddie had just asked. He wanted to feel her lips on his again.

Behind his ear. On his neck. On his chest. Lower.

He wanted more of the kiss he had so carelessly started.

He wanted to lay her on the huge couch and use every inch of it.

Kiss her everywhere she had previously mentioned.

He wanted to know what sound she made when she came.

Whether she liked it soft and slow or hard and fast, if she liked to laugh in bed, and if she preferred the top or bottom.

How she tasted, how she smelled… He wanted all the things he would never know as a platonic friend.

And it scared the hell out of him. No matter how much he wanted it, he couldn’t lose her. Not as a friend. Not as an important person in his life. Because if hockey and his family fell apart…only Maddie would be left. So, how could he ruin that?

It was as he said: He didn’t have many close friends, and she was the epicenter.

He paced, breathed in and out shakily, and angrily ran his hands through his hair.

He knew it was his fault. He had kissed her first. He was the one who couldn’t control himself and wanted to provoke her.

He had wanted to know if she was serious about not ruining their friendship.

No matter what happens. The kiss had been the beginning of what could happen.

She had thought about it, as had he. He had read it in her eyes, seen it in her chest, which had risen and fallen frantically. In the dilated pupils and the reddened lips as well as in her touch.

He might be an idiot, but he could read body language, which was why he thought it was stupid to ask permission to kiss someone.

It probably wasn’t actually that stupid, because he definitely wanted the other party to be as enthusiastic as he was, just…

he knew it. He even let women make the first move most of the time, so it was crystal clear.

It didn’t matter! It was merely a slip, nothing that couldn’t be played down as a silly provocation, something that could be forgotten. If they had taken it further, if they had taken it further…

Immediately, images flooded his mind and he cursed his vivid imagination.

Self-discipline. He needed self-discipline.

Shit, maybe he would have to ask Jack how he had such damn good control over himself!

Jack.

The name triggered a memory.

When something is off, both people usually notice.

Sometimes unspoken words can destroy a lot more than spoken ones .

A lump formed in his throat.

Was this one of those moments when silence did more damage than a few words?

Was Maddie sitting out there with no idea what had happened? Would she avoid him tomorrow? Would she simply face off with him, tense and confused?

He didn’t want that, nor did he want to look back in three years and realize that this strange moment had forever tainted their friendship.

“Fuck,” he said, taking a deep breath.

Why couldn’t he just be honest? That was the best thing about his friendship with Maddie, they could always be honest with each other.

Swearing, he jumped onto the bed, threw back the covers, and hunted for the key.

It took longer to find it than his nerves could bear.

He was starting to fear that it was too late, that Maddie had long since gotten up and disappeared into her room by the time he finally unlocked the door.

It turned out his worries were unfounded.

Maddie was still on the couch, staring over the back of it at his door. Or rather, at him.

Her lips were slightly parted, her eyes wide, and, damn, she was so beautiful! He had always known that, but…oh, God.

He narrowed his eyes and took a deep breath. He pulled himself together. He searched for that self-discipline that Jack exuded, like Leon exuded youthful recklessness.

Finally, he sighed and started the conversation elegantly with, “It would be stupid, Maddie!”

She blinked. Then hesitantly said, “What would be stupid?”

Yes, she knew what he meant. When something is off, both people usually notice .

“Sleeping together now,” he blurted out before he lost his nerve. “We’re both turned on because I kissed you and lost my head a little. Because you saw me naked and lost your head a little. It would be so stupid.”

Wide-eyed, she stared at him. “What?” she squeaked as if she couldn’t comprehend what he was saying.

Well, he understood that. He thought it was brave, too…

or stupid of him. But it was important to him not to screw it up, to be honest. “Okay, listen, Maddie,” he said quickly, stepping forward and pacing in front of her.

“Ever since you said you actually liked me when we first met and considered briefly jumping into bed with me, I’ve been going a bit crazy.

” He laughed dryly and ran his hand through his hair.

“Because I always assumed you weren’t sexually attracted to me.

So, it would have been stupid to be interested in more than just your amazing personality.

I had to just forget about all the physical stuff.

That made it easy for me to dismiss the subject completely.

But then you said you thought I was hot, and then there were these images in my head, and…

” He swallowed, stopped abruptly, and rubbed his face.

“…the subject has crept back onto the table. It’s lying naked on it, so to speak.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to attack you, or change anything.

I just wanted to tell you. I wanted to be honest, explain to you why I may have behaved a little strangely.

So you don’t drive yourself crazy. Okay?

” He took a deep breath. “You’re too important to me to let something stupid like sex ruin everything.

So, sorry, Maddie. For kissing you. I think I wanted to provoke you because you said that nothing could ruin our friendship.

That wasn’t cool of me. We’re friends and I crossed a line.

I’m honestly sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or send mixed signals.

” He paused and narrowed his eyes before nodding. “Yeah. That’s it. Any questions?”

Maddie’s mouth was still open. She looked so taken aback that Matt might as well have been a truck heading straight for her.

She didn’t speak for ages, ages in which Matt’s heart was pounding with insecurity eating him up inside. Had he been stupid? Too open?

Finally, he heard Maddie gulp loudly. She nodded, pausing again for a few seconds before smiling.

It was a shy smile. A slow one. A little amused, a little uncertain. Finally, she asked softly, “ That was what was bothering you? That you actually charmed me more than you realized?”

He nodded.

“I…it bothers you…” She blinked and shook her head, then sighed and nodded again. “Okay.”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Okay?”

“Yes. Okay.”

“So, everything’s normal?”

She nodded. “I’m sorry too that I…uh, mounted you.” Her cheeks flushed.

He laughed. “I started it.”

“But I didn’t have to keep going. I’m actually better at ignoring goading.”

That was her, fantastic at avoiding conflict. “Good.” He inhaled deeply and smiled, relieved. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Maddie, so it’s important to me that we don’t ruin anything simply because we live together.”

“Matt, I told you: no matter what happens,” she replied softly. “We’ll stay friends. That was…fun. A little too non-platonic, but that doesn’t mean it changes anything.”

“Good.” Relieved, he exhaled heavily. “Great. Then I’m going to go to sleep now.”

“Okay. I’m going to finish watching the movie.”

“Sure. See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.” He smiled, turned, and closed the door.

Nothing had changed.