Page 42

Even forty-eight hours later, when they had their last practice session before Sunday’s game, he was still thinking about Maddie’s words – the words that haunted his dreams.

I can’t stay friends with the guy I spent two years imagining a future with .

He hit something hard with his elbow and flinched.

“Man, Payne. What’s going on?” Leon Alvarez cursed and rubbed his chin. “I’m on your team! You know that, right?”

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” he mumbled.

Fuck. He really wasn’t focused.

“Well, pull yourself together,” the defenseman replied, annoyed.

“There are only three of us on the ice right now. How hard can it be to not smack into me? Watch it or I’ll rat you out to Lucy.

Although, she already seems to be angry with you.

” Tilting his head, he looked toward the edge of the rink.

Indeed, there was Lucy, her red hair blowing in the breeze – where the hell was that coming from?

– standing there with her hands on her hips, glaring at him across the ice.

Confused, Matt turned. He fully expected Dax to be standing there, because that kind of look was usually directed at him. But no.

Before he could think about his life mistakes any longer, Lucy rescued him.

“So, Matt, you and Maddie are an item now?” she yelled angrily. “And nobody tells me?!”

Oh, that.

Dax was on his way to Lucy but turned back, hearing her words. His gaze pierced Matt, too. It was less angry, though, and more…reproachful.

Matt skated hesitantly toward the boards but maintained a safe distance from Lucy, who, although not often, sometimes used her fists to express her displeasure with great precision.

“Maddie told you?” he asked skeptically. Maddie had said she would warn him before she told Lucy.

“No. I heard it from Rachel!” She pressed her lips together. “Unbelievable. Really. Maddie happily gives information when you two fuck, but when you become serious, she keeps quiet?”

“You guys are serious ?” Dax asked incredulously. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“Who’s serious?” Leon wanted to know, stopping next to them. “And why? What’s wrong with all of you?”

Matt groaned softly. “It’s none of your business, is it?”

Lucy and Dax gasped dramatically at the same time. “Excuse me?” Lucy called.

“What’s none of our business?” Leon asked, pushing himself between them.

“Guys.” Matt’s jaw cracked. “Could you just…”

“No!” Dax interrupted, his voice echoing off the ceiling. “No and no. This is all very wrong.”

Astonished, Leon and Lucy glanced at him.

“What’s wrong?” Lucy asked cautiously.

“That Matt should tell you first what’s going on,” he replied caustically. “So, everyone else get off the ice. I want to talk to Matt.”

“I’m not on the ice, Dax,” Lucy said, perplexed.

“I don’t care, go now!” he said gruffly.

Leon snorted. “Man, you can’t boss…”

“Leave, Leon!” he shouted.

“Okay. Good grief.” The defender rolled his eyes and stalked off the ice.

“Wonderful,” Dax growled as Lucy and Leon disappeared toward the tunnel before calling after them, “Ten minutes, I need ten minutes, so tell the others that practice will have to wait!”

Lucy waved to indicate that she understood and Matt heard Leon mutter, “Has everyone gone crazy today?”

That was a valid question.

Matt pulled his helmet off his head and narrowed his eyes in irritation. “What’s wrong with you now?”

“With me?” Dax shouted in disbelief. “What’s wrong with you ? I’ve had enough! Seriously! What is this shit? I’ve been waiting for you to apologize for weeks — and if you won’t do it voluntarily, then I’m going to force you.”

Matt snorted and folded his arms across his chest. “What am I supposed to be apologizing for, Dax?”

“For behaving like an asshole!”

“Oh yeah? Like you did,” he replied coolly.

“But I didn’t know I was doing it!” Dax exclaimed in disbelief. “Shit, Matt, you of all people should know that sometimes I have trouble understanding when I'm doing something wrong.”

He snorted contemptuously. “You don’t have trouble understanding it. You’re just incredibly talented at ignoring it!”

“Same thing,” he replied gruffly. “Bottom line is that you know me and you know who I am and what I’m like and…

suddenly, you’re babbling about how I’m no longer on your side but on Lucy’s while I’m still trying to understand why there are two different sides!

” He waved his arms wildly. “And yes, we stopped hanging out on my couch every third night. We saw less of each other outside of practice. But isn’t it normal to unintentionally forget your friends at the beginning of a relationship?

” He pulled the helmet off his head and rubbed his face.

“Well, not forget, but, well…ignore. Not maliciously. Just like I ignore the fact that I’m an asshole sometimes.

I even googled it, okay? And Happy Girlfriend magazine says that it’s normal to spend more time with your girlfriend than your buddies at first. But, it settles down after a few months.

And fuck, Matt, Lucy and I were an extreme case before we even got together — logically, we still are.

So, why the hell can’t you just be happy for me? ”

Matt snorted. “I am happy for you, okay?” he said harshly.

“Shit, Dax, I’m not blaming you for being in love, I am blaming you for not responding when I texted multiple times, asking you for help, indirectly, and you not giving a damn about what was going on in my life!

And, I understand that Lucy is your first priority because you’ve never been in love before.

But she shouldn’t be the only priority.”

“You asked for help? When did you ask for help?” Dax asked, skeptical.

“Indirectly!” Matt repeated, annoyed. “Come on, man, I texted you twice in one week, asking if you wanted to go for a drink with me. It was obvious that I needed help with some emotional nonsense. Neither of us drinks during the season, remember? So, it was code for: Can we talk?”

“Then why didn’t you just say: Can we talk?”

“Because it sounded silly. And either way, it was clear that I needed help…”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dax interrupted gruffly. “Nothing was clear. You never need help with emotional nonsense. I’m the one who’s confused when it comes to feelings, not you,” Dax reminded him loudly.

“Well, that’s the exception that proves the rule,” he said, annoyed.

“And you could have at least asked! Just because you have Lucy now doesn’t mean…

” He stopped and looked away. He felt stupid.

Totally stupid. But what could he do? All he knew in life were friends who eventually never contacted him again.

“Doesn’t mean...what?” Dax’s eyes widened. “Man, Matt…did you think I was going to replace you with Lucy or something?”

Oh, shit. Now he sounded like Maddie.

He pressed his lips together and stared at the tunnel entrance. “Don’t be silly,” he said roughly, but Dax ignored him.

“Oh no,” he muttered sullenly. “You didn’t seriously think I was like those idiots from your old teams who just stopped contacting you! Are you…er…” Embarrassed, Dax scratched his stubbly cheek. “Were you unsure how much you…eh…mean to me or whatever?”

Oh God. Yes. He had been. But he couldn’t say it. He just couldn’t .

He heard Dax gasp. “It’s weird, isn’t it?” he muttered after a while. “The personal shit everyone has to deal with. Everyone carries a different burden, so you can never be certain what the problem is. Because everyone…ticks differently.”

Matt ran his sleeve over his sweaty forehead. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Weird.”

Dax sighed. “Matt, I’m the bigger man between the two of us, so I’ll start…

I’m sorry you felt like I wasn’t there. Honestly, though, you’re good at this stuff!

At relationships. At giving advice. I guess I never imagined that you’d need help in that area.

You always see the big picture. That’s why I didn’t pick up on the signs.

And, obviously…you mean something to me.

And, of course, I’ll always be your best friend, no matter what.

Just because I’m with Lucy doesn’t mean… we are not together anymore.”

Matt’s mouth twitched. “Aw, you’re cute,” he replied dryly.

Dax blushed and added in a whisper, “Please, don’t tell any of the guys I said that.”

Matt chuckled loudly and ran his hand over his face. “Okay, I’ll just tell Lucy.”

Dax looked at him darkly. “I open my heart to you…”

Matt’s laughter grew louder. That was actually sensitive for Dax.

“Dax, I’ve never had a friend like you, okay?

” he said abruptly. “Someone I can talk to about serious shit. Just like I’ve never had a friend like Maddie with whom I talk about everything .

I guess I just…would feel awful to lose someone like that. ”

“Ah yes, Maddie.” Dax nodded thoughtfully. “That’s the topic you need help with, right? Or is there another woman?”

“Of course, it’s about Maddie, you asshole,” he replied, stunned.

“See! And that’s why I need you. So I know when I’m being an asshole.” Dax pointed his index finger at him meaningfully. “So, Maddie and you are together now and everything’s fine, right?”

Matt hesitated.

“Okaaay,” Dax said slowly. “Everything is not fine?”

He sighed. “I have no idea. I feel like everything should be fine.” He laughed mirthlessly. “Shit, Dax, I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

His friend blinked, surprised. “Scared of what?”

“Of fucking it up. I panic when I think about losing her. She has nothing to do with the game, you know? She’s friends with me even though I play hockey, not because . She’s the only constant outside of my family and hockey that I’ve ever had. And I don’t want to...”

“Fuck it up,” Dax echoed.

“Yes!”

“Then don’t fuck it up,” he stated simply.

“What if I’ve already fucked it up?”

“By sleeping with her and declaring her your girlfriend?”

“Yes!”

Dax frowned. “Because…you don’t even want to be with her?”

He snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course I want to be with her!”

“Because…the sex sucks?”

Matt opened his mouth.

“Never mind,” Dax backpedaled quickly. “I don’t want to know. By your expression, it’s not the sex either. So, I don’t understand. What have you fucked up?”

“Our friendship,” he murmured. “Our…safe friendship.”

“Safe,” Dax repeated, and a light bulb went off in his mind. “The friendship that’s safer than your relationship.”

“Friendships last longer than relationships, on average,” he murmured.

“Hey, that’s what Happy Girlfriend magazine said,” Dax confirmed happily. “Okay, but…” He blinked. “Do you love her?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitating.

“As a girlfriend or…as a girlfriend-girlfriend?”

Matt lifted the corner of his mouth. “I love her in every way there is.”

Dax nodded as if he immediately understood. “But if you were to break up…”

“I would lose my girlfriend and best friend in one fell swoop.”

“So, if you had never gotten together…”

“I would lose my girlfriend, but I probably would never lose my best friend,” he summed up.

“I understand.” Deep in thought, Dax stared at the ice, then murmured, “Well, there’s no harm in trying the relationship, is there?

If it doesn’t work out, Matt, and you both realize that soon enough, then maybe you can go back to being friends.

How long have you been intimate? Two weeks?

That’s not that long.” He cleared his throat.

“Maddie hasn’t told Lucy yet. She’s obviously still uncertain, isn’t she? ”

Matt frowned. It didn’t feel uncertain between them. But, yes, Maddie usually shared her feelings with Lucy…that is, unless it was something bad.

“What I’m trying to say,” Dax interrupted his thoughts, “is if you’re scared of what would happen if you broke up — if you or Maddie changed your minds…

it’s not too late for staying friends, at this point.

You’ve been friends for a lot longer than you’ve been sleeping together.

” He shrugged. “That’s worth something, right? ”

Matt frowned. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. If all else failed…they could just be friends – as long as they realized their mistake soon enough.

His shoulders relaxed. Dax was right. They had dozens of options. Everything would be fine.

“Okay.” He nodded slowly. It all made sense: They just had to continue being honest.

“Okay? So…is everything okay now?” Dax asked, uncertain. “Have we made up?”

Matt grinned. “Oh, Dax, you’re not still insecure about us, are you?”

“Oh, shut up…”

“It’s okay. We’ve made up.”

Dax breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God. Now Lucy will stop pestering me to call you.” Dax patted him on the shoulder. "And could you also tell her what a good guy I was, apologizing first and everything?”

Matt nodded dutifully. “Absolutely. And I’ll tell her how adorable you looked as you did it.”

Dax grinned. “She already knows that. She…”

“What the hell?!” the coach barked from the sidelines and they flinched. “Temple, Payne! You can’t just send everyone off the ice during practice before a big game!”

“Maybe we shouldn’t . But we can, as I’ve just proven,” Dax called back, grinning at Matt. “How many shades of red do you think his face will be?”

“Four.”

“Six,” Dax countered. “The winner buys.”

“Deal,” Matt said, but the word was drowned out by Coach Gray’s shouting.