Page 46

Maddie felt like her heart was in a garbage compactor, steadily being crushed until it started bleeding, until it threatened to burst, filling her chest with numbing pain.

Every word that came out of Matt’s mouth was an arrow that unerringly struck her.

And he wouldn’t even look at her. He had tried, he’d tried to be with her. But the attempt had…failed?

Her eyes burned and every breath felt as if ice water was filling her lungs.

How could he feel like he’d failed when she’d had the best week of her life? How could Matt say something like that when…when…

She narrowed her eyes and looked down.

But those were her feelings, not his. That had been her experience – maybe not his.

He was her dream man. But she wasn’t his dream woman. She was just…his dream platonic friend, someone he’d wanted to have sex with for a short time.

“Okay,” she said in a choked voice. “Sure, then…”

She paused, unable to say the words. Yes, she hated confrontation. She hated arguing, but…

“No,” she whispered and looked up. She was his dream woman, too! She had felt it in his every touch, read it in every look he had given her. She was what he wanted. She couldn’t be wrong. Not again . “No, I don’t understand,” she stated softly. “Why...I don't understand. Explain it to me.”

Finally, Matt looked at her, his expression as warm as usual, but also regretful. Closed. Cautious. His jaw tense.

“I think we’ll be better off as friends in the long run.

As long as we realize it early enough,” he said slowly, burying his hands in his pockets.

“It’s only been a week so far, Maddie,” he murmured, as if she needed a reminder, as if the last few days with him weren’t all she was thinking about.

“It’s not too late…to go back. It’s not too late to… be just friends again.”

He was talking nonsense. Of course it was too late. For her it had been too late from the moment he’d first kissed her. Maybe it had even been too late when Matt smiled at her that very first time, back in the Sunny Umbrella. Maybe she hadn’t dated for the last year because she was waiting for him.

God, she was so stupid. So naive. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be happening again. She’d thought they wanted the same thing and were on the same page. Matt, however, had obviously only wanted a trial period! And now he’d had enough.

She was head over heels in love. If it wasn’t “too late” for Matt, though…then he obviously didn’t feel the same way about her.

She shook her head, wiping the tears from her cheeks. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He’d failed. She didn’t want him as a friend, she wanted all of him, with all her heart and soul. She also wanted a man who was certain he wanted her, though.

Something serious or nothing at all – that was her rule. She had broken it without realizing it.

“No,” she whispered. Because it was the only word she could think of. “No.”

“What? No?” he murmured and reached for her hand, but she pulled away. Took a step back. She needed distance.

“No, I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.” The words were so bitter, so big, that she almost choked on them. “It’s too late for me. I can’t…go back. I…I mean…” She blinked. “How can I go back?” The tears streamed down her cheeks and she took another step back. “No.”

She saw Matt’s lips tremble, his eyes glittering. “You said no matter what happens, we’d stay friends,” he murmured.

“And I meant it then. But back then, I didn’t know what could happen.”

And then she turned and left because this was a confrontation she couldn’t bear. It was one she didn’t want to have.

“Maddie.” She heard Matt running after her.

“No!”

“Maddie, please.” He grabbed her hand, but she pulled away. “I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean… You misunderstood. Can’t we talk and…”

“No,” she whispered and ran out of the underground parking garage and threw herself into the crowd hurrying to the public parking lots. She let them pull her along. Matt’s calls were merely a faint echo in her ears when she heard the first cries of “Oh my God, there’s Matt Payne!”

She fled – from another argument. But what could she do? It was too much. Her heart ached and she didn’t know how much more it could take. She…

“Maddie.”

She stopped abruptly because someone was holding her arm. It was Clemens, leaning against a chic, black BMW.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his gaze sliding uncomfortably over her tear-stained cheeks.

She swallowed, wanting to nod, but couldn’t really bring herself to do so. She should think about what was happening, that Matt had hurt her. But instead, his words filled her head.

Of course he knew , Maddie! I only had to take one look at him and it was crystal clear!

Her heart was burning. She didn’t want to argue anymore.

But she couldn’t get Matt’s words out of her head and…

she would do it for anyone else, wouldn’t she?

She’d give Clemens what for. If he had been her sister’s ex-boyfriend and had possibly treated her badly, she would throw it in his face immediately. Why not for herself?

She took a trembling breath, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and straightened up.

“Clemens, you do realize that it wasn’t merely a few nights that we spent together back then, right?” she asked in a hoarse voice, staring into his watery eyes. This was the thing she had avoided earlier because it had been too uncomfortable for her.

“Well, yeah, okay. It might have been a bit more than a few.” He raised one corner of his mouth.

“It was two years,” she murmured. “We were together for two years…”

He sighed but avoided her gaze. “Maddie, you know we weren’t…”

“No, I didn’t know that,” she whispered and looked at him questioningly. “So, which of us was wrong back then? You or me?”

“Maddie,” he clicked his tongue, “we already went over that. Years ago.”

“Yes, and at the time, I simply believed you, but back then, I didn’t think you could possibly want anything bad for me,” she whispered. “But…were we in a relationship, Clemens? Those two years?”

“We…” He blinked and stopped.

She couldn’t hold back a dry laugh. “It’s not a difficult question! How the hell could you not tell that I was serious? Did you not even know me? Because people who know me, who spend as much time with me as you did back then, know that I’m not the type for a fling!”

“Well, yeah.” He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “I may have suspected that you were hoping for more than something casual. But you never asked me if I was seeing other women.”

“So it was my fault? I misunderstood all of it?” Her voice was strangely calm. Maybe because her eyes suddenly were seeing so clearly. There was that expression Matt had spoken of earlier. The discomfort in Clemens’ eyes. The guilt.

Shit, he had known.

She let out a gasp and narrowed her eyes.

He had known that she loved him and believed they were exclusive. He had taken advantage of her and twisted her words when she caught him so he wouldn’t have to feel bad. He had made her believe that she was too stupid to understand what was going on between them. But she’d been right all along!

She took a shuddering breath. Matt was right. She hadn’t come to terms with it yet. Now, however…

“Clemens. I’m not coming to your wedding.

Not because our past is complicated but because you’re an asshole,” she uttered coolly.

“And I can’t believe I ever even liked you because now I only feel contempt for you and pity for the woman who is ready to marry you.

Probably because she just doesn’t know you well enough yet. ”

And this time it felt right. To leave. Not like with Matt earlier. This time there was nothing left to say. Nothing left to discuss. No more arguments to end.

Not like with…

“Shit,” she whispered and rubbed her eyes.

She shouldn’t have run away. She should have let Matt talk — no, she should have talked! She should have told him exactly what she thought and fought for what she wanted.

Instead, she had just accepted it. She’d longed so much for peace that she’d left rather than stay and argue! And that was…stupid.

Because the last few weeks hadn’t just been the best of her life. She knew that. She wasn’t wrong! Just like she knew she’d been with Clemens. He just wasn’t the man she thought he was. But Matt — she knew Matt. She knew everything there was to know about him.

First, he was a huge scaredy-cat.

She sniffed…and then she smiled.