Page 36 of Promises We Meant to Keep (Love in Massachusetts #1)

thirty-six

Elia’s feet dragged as she walked back toward her house from the humanities building. The day had been exhausting, and it shouldn’t have been. She was so used to long days at this point, but it seemed to be getting harder and harder to keep it together. Still, Elia couldn’t figure out why she could barely pick her feet up to walk down the sidewalk toward home.

Kamryn .

The administration building was on her way to the row of houses dedicated for faculty, and Elia was going to have to pass it in order to reach home. Elia looked down, hearing the rustlings of the students as they walked by going from one place to the next, their muffled voices in the cold air a welcome reprieve. They hadn’t talked since the coffee shop, and the weekend Speech meet had been tough to get through with that. But Elia had loads to say.

Her feet took her down the neighboring sidewalk and straight toward the administration building, but she wasn’t entirely convinced it was of her own volition. Elia’s breath came in short rasps, and she stood in front of Kamryn’s office, debating whether or not to actually knock on the door. This wouldn’t end well, would it?

Her knuckles hurt against the door.

Elia waited with bated breath for Kamryn to answer. When she did, she seemed surprised to see Elia standing there. “Did you need something?”

“To talk.”

Kamryn’s lips twitched forward. Was that an objection that she wanted to make? Did she want to hide away in this pain too? Or was she willing to put some of this away?

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to talk here.”

“I seem to make very poor decisions when you’re around.” Elia put her hands out to the side. “I’m tired of not talking, Kam. Please indulge me.”

Kamryn hesitated again, but she did open the door to let Elia inside. When the door clicked shut, Elia’s heart was in her throat. This was a bad idea. The entire room smelled like Kamryn, and it was a strong, overpowering scent that sent her body into overdrive. Kamryn followed her inside, crossing her arms and staring at Elia.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Please let me resign now. Don’t make me wait this out.” Elia’s lips tingled, her tongue dry in her mouth as the words spilled out. She hadn’t thought that she was going to talk about this. She’d wanted a more reasonable way to navigate the conversation with Kamryn, but she was tired of watching her step and her words.

“This isn’t the time for this conversation,” Kamryn responded. She relaxed and sat down at her desk, which was covered with papers again.

Stepping closer to Kamryn, Elia glanced down at the papers and squinted to read them. The paper looked old, but as soon as she saw Rylann’s name, Elia panicked. “Did you find it?”

“Find what?” Kamryn muttered back.

“The confession.” Elia reached down, touching the papers before picking up the handwritten confession from Rylann. “I’ve never read this before.”

“Never?” Kamryn turned around to look up at her and furrowed her brow in Elia’s direction.

Elia shook her head. She read through the confession, word for word, her heart hammering away loudly. It was hurting with how tight her chest was. Her hands shook. “Where did you find this?”

“I didn’t,” Kamryn replied, taking the paper and shoving it into a folder. “You shouldn’t be seeing this.”

Elia reached forward swiftly and took the other papers before Kamryn could stop her. “These are the other girls’ confessions?”

“Yes. Everything that was in the original investigation folder. And the rest of your personnel file—though I left that back at my place.” Kamryn leaned back in the chair and rolled her shoulders, seemingly relaxed. “You don’t have any idea how it ended up in my possession?”

“No.” Elia continued to read. Each word brought back all that pain from eighteen years ago, but also the vindication she’d had because she had been right, and she’d told the truth the entire time. She wouldn’t have fought it otherwise. “Felicity made one?” Elia was so near to tears. “I didn’t think…of all of them, I never expected her to do this.”

“She was the one whose accusations were the most benign.” Kamryn took the papers and settled them down. She took Elia’s hands in hers, squeezed once and then let go.

“I never wanted kids of my own, but I could see myself playing stepmother to her.” Elia frowned, struggling to tear her gaze away from the papers on the desk. “That hurts more than Rylann.”

“You said you didn’t care if Yara blamed you.”

“I didn’t.” Elia’s nose stung with tears. “I didn’t, but I didn’t think that Felicity would turn it into something like this.”

“Well, she did. She got her friends to start a mob against you, and then she barely helped to make it stop when they were called out on it.” Kamryn crossed her legs and stretched them out.

Elia stumbled back slightly, her chest tightening even more. This school hadn’t ever done anything for her. It’d only ever caused pain and suffering. “Please just let me leave, Kam. I can’t keep doing this.”

“No.” Kamryn closed the top of her laptop and spun around in the chair, staring Elia down.

“No? Just no. You’re not even going to negotiate this with me?” Elia’s voice struck a nerve. She knew it would. “You’re just going to ignore the fact that this is what I want?”

“I don’t believe for a second that this is what you want.” Kamryn sat up straighter and squared her shoulders, preparing for an argument.

“How would you know?” Elia raised her voice, her anger getting the better of her.

“Because you’ve told me as much.” Kamryn crossed her arms looking so damn pleased with herself, as if she’d caught Elia in her own lie.

“I changed my mind.” Elia gripped the edge of the desk as she leaned over it. “I want to leave now.”

“I still don’t believe you.” Kamryn wrinkled her nose up. “Stop lying to yourself, Elia. The only person who can help you with that is yourself.”

“Kam, I’m done with this school. I’m done with fighting fights I won’t win. That’s why I resigned. It’s better for everyone.”

“Again, I don’t believe you.” Kamryn stood up now, her hands in fists as she leaned over the desk. “And I think if you believed it then you would have been in here each and every day that I didn’t respond to your resignation.”

“You’re full of shit, do you know that?” Elia straightened up and glared. “I turned in my resignation. I was going to give you until the end of the semester, but I changed my mind. I want to resign effective immediately.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want. I already told you my terms.” Kamryn came around the desk. Elia had never seen her play hardball like this before. She wasn’t even sure that Kamryn had it in her, but seeing this Kamryn now? It was no wonder she’d gotten the position over Elia.

“Those aren’t my terms.” Elia was going to stand her ground. She was tired of being pushed around by administration.

“Then leave, Elia. But you won’t get what you want out of it.” Kamryn crossed her arms.

Elia didn’t want to leave. Yet again she was stuck in the middle of what she knew she should be doing and what she actually wanted to do. Abagail’s advice had been so clear and precise, and still she struggled to follow it.

Here they were, alone in Kamryn’s office. Anything could happen. Anyone could walk in on them and hear their argument. Anyone could so easily find out what was going on.

“We shouldn’t be here,” Elia said, pointing to the door. “You know they’re talking about us, right?”

“Who?” Kamryn said obstinately.

“Teachers, students, staff—I’ve heard. They’re commenting on how close we are, on how much privilege I have over other teachers.” Elia was clawing for words now. She wasn’t lying when she said she’d heard the rumors. Simone had come to talk to her after the wedding, to mention that it looked bad that Elia had been there, even if she left before Susy had seen—and thank God for that tidbit of information. “You know it’s bad when the students hear the rumors.”

“They don’t know anything,” Kamryn hissed. “Because there’s nothing to tell, is there?”

Elia jerked sharply at that.

“It was all a lie, right?”

“No, it wasn’t,” Elia disagreed. She softened, wanting to make sure that Kamryn understood what she wasn’t saying. What she couldn’t say. Because it would tear both of them up.

Kamryn stomped right up to her. She ground the words out. “I told you I loved you and you walked away!”

“It was for your own good,” Elia responded, the same pain as before hitting her full-on right in the center of her chest. Why did she keep ending up in situations like this? Why couldn’t she just tell Kamryn? Right, because it was for Kamryn’s own good. If she said those words, then Kamryn would cling on even stronger than she was now.

“And what about now, Elia? Is this also for my own good?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not a child for you to make decisions for. I’m your boss.” Kamryn’s look of anger cracked, and Elia could see the discomfort underneath it.

She wanted desperately to reach out and caress her, to touch Kamryn and make all this better. But she held her ground. She had to. “Let me go.”

“I will,” Kamryn answered. “You’re gone from my personal life. You told me that. But I won’t let you go from this school—not yet anyway. You signed a contract, and I expect you to fulfill it.”

“This is ridiculous. We’re just going in circles.”

“I agree.” Kamryn started to step to the side, but Elia stopped her with a hand on her wrist.

She clenched her jaw, the muscles in her cheeks working overtime as her brain spun with what to do next. Finally, Elia looked up into Kamryn’s brown eyes and said, “I don’t need you—or want you—to protect me.”

“I’m not protecting you. I’m protecting this school.”

“Kam…” Elia trailed the words off.

“No. Stop being so self-centered, Elia. I can’t find a replacement for you tomorrow. Hell, I’ll be lucky to find someone for next semester. This isn’t for you. It’s for the school. Your students need you, and I’m not going to let them suffer because you’re choosing the easy way out.”

Elia nearly stumbled backward, but she didn’t move. “It’s not for you?”

Kamryn snorted. “It’s never for me.”

Was she really that self-centered? Had she been so stuck in the what-ifs where they concerned her that she hadn’t been able to see the bigger picture? Perhaps. But Elia was still stuck there. Abagail had told her to stay there. And she’d promised that she would do what Abagail told her, where it concerned her job anyway.

“For the record, Kam—because I want you to understand before I walk away this time—I do love you.” The words took the air from her lungs. Elia couldn’t tear her gaze away from Kamryn’s, from the way that Kamryn looked at her. Betrayal first, and then understanding, and then pure lust in its truest form. “Kam?”

“What?” Kamryn bit out the word, as if she was trying to control herself.

Elia nodded slowly in understanding. This was so hard for both of them. It was hurtful. “I need to leave now. It’s just how this has to be. I hope you know that.”

“Know that you’re choosing this path? Or know that we haven’t explored every alternative.”

“Know that this is the decision that I’m making, for the both of us, because it’s the right choice.” Elia stepped away from her. She reached the door to Kamryn’s office and opened it slowly, startling when she found Mrs. Caldera standing on the other side of her. She had a file in her hands, but she looked worried.

“I didn’t want to interrupt,” Mrs. Caldera said. “So I just waited.”

Did she have a meeting scheduled with Kamryn? Elia tossed a look over her shoulder toward Kamryn in a question, but she didn’t receive an answer. Elia swallowed, wetting her mouth at the same time. How much of the argument had she heard? If it was everything, then the rumors would definitely get worse. Then again, Mrs. Caldera was probably one of the few people on the campus who could keep a secret.

How did Elia ask if she was going to be discreet or not?

Mrs. Caldera put her hands up. “I haven’t said a word since I first suspected.”

Well, that answered at least one question. Elia’s cheeks burned. She couldn’t even force herself to turn around and look at Kamryn, because Mrs. Caldera had literally just proven the point that she’d made earlier. People at Windermere knew. And it was only a matter of time before the board found out and they were both screwed.

“Perfect,” Elia muttered under her breath. She pushed past Mrs. Caldera and made her way toward the door. She needed to get outside, into the cold air. She needed to find a way to work out the rest of her contract and not feel this way every time she was in the same room as Kamryn.

And for that only time would help.

Time they so obviously didn’t have.