Page 29 of Promises We Meant to Keep (Love in Massachusetts #1)

twenty-nine

“Andra!” Kamryn ran into the bar and wrapped her arms around one of her best friends. She’d needed this, probably more than Andra did. With the wedding tomorrow, and with all of the drama at the school picking up, Kamryn just needed a night where she didn’t have to think about it.

“Hey there,” Andra answered, squeezing her tightly. “And good to see you again.” Andra moved away from Kamryn and extended her hand to Elia.

Except that.

With Elia here, Kamryn wasn’t going to be able to avoid everything. And their conversation the night before had set her on edge far more than she’d anticipated it would. Stepping back, Kamryn slid her hand into Elia’s, but she didn’t squeeze.

“And you,” Elia said, shaking Andra’s hand. “It’s good to see everyone again and relax a bit, don’t you think?” Elia rocked her shoulder into Kamryn’s slightly, which caused Kamryn to frown.

What was Elia playing at? She seemed so much more relaxed now than she did at the school. But was it only that? A change in environment? Surely not. Elia wasn’t that good an actor.

“I see you have survived the relationship so far.”

Kamryn tensed at Rosie’s voice. Why did she let this woman bother her so much? She really needed to figure that out already. Elia’s hand tightened in hers before she swung her arm around Kamryn’s back and pulled her in tightly to her side.

“We are.” Elia said nothing else as she turned Kamryn away from Rosie and Lauren and moved toward another small group of friends nearby.

Kamryn wasn’t even sure that she could get it together enough to say thank you for that maneuver. Elia stayed right next to her as a waitress came by to take their drink orders. Kamryn debated whether or not to get something strong, but when Elia leaned into her side and whispered, “Get whatever you want. I’ll drive home.” Kamryn didn’t hesitate and ordered herself a double shot of whiskey.

“Thanks,” Kamryn murmured, lowering her voice so no one but Elia could hear her. This shouldn’t feel awkward, should it? They hadn’t spent much time together, alone, since Kamryn had finally been brought in on what was going on, and she was placing a whole lot of trust in Elia, that she was the one telling the truth.

“Any time.” Elia ran her hand up and down Kamryn’s back. “Do you mind if we…ignore all the other drama in our lives tonight?”

Kamryn frowned, staring down into Elia’s blue eyes, which seemed almost black in the dim light of the bar. “You want to ignore what exactly?”

“The inquisition.” Elia stepped in closer, pressing her lips to Kamryn’s ear. “Tonight I just want to be free. I don’t want to be weighed down by past mistakes or hurts or questions about what my future is going to look like.”

“I won’t let them fire you.”

“ You can’t control them. Just like I can’t.” Elia nibbled on the lobe of Kamryn’s ear. “I don’t want to think about it tonight. I just want to be me.”

“And who are you?” Kamryn asked, that question resonating deeply in her chest and soul. Because up until this moment, she’d thought she’d gotten the true Elia Sharpe, the woman who was tightly wound with secrets but had such a caring heart that it caused her even more strife.

“Elia,” she replied, kissing the corner of Kamryn’s mouth. “Yours.”

Kamryn moved in, pressing their lips together. She closed her eyes, feeling everything that she could and ignoring the people surrounding them. Elia was warm, comforting. Her scent was an embrace that Kamryn longed for every moment that she woke up in her own bed. Elia was brilliant, careful, concentrated. She was passionate in a way that Kamryn hadn’t ever expected to experience after so many years teaching.

Their tongues touched.

The clearing throat startled Kamryn, and she pulled away quickly. The waitress stood next to them, Kamryn’s drink in her hand and a soft drink in the other for Elia.

“Uh…thanks,” Kamryn said, taking the drinks. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for love, honey.”

Kamryn frowned as she walked away. This wasn’t love. It was far too complicated to be love. It was too hard to be anything other than lustful passion and a simple liking for each other. Besides, she was still in love with Lauren—wasn’t she? She’d never not have feelings for Lauren. Handing Elia her drink, Kamryn sipped hers slowly. The alcohol filled her mouth, stung her lips and then burned her throat as she swallowed.

“Kam.” Lauren walked over to stand next to them, eyeing Kamryn before she moved to look at Elia. “I’m still surprised that you two of all people ended up together.”

“No one’s more surprised than us, I think,” Kamryn responded, trying to keep her tone light. But hadn’t she just been thinking that and trying to figure it all out? Why was she so unsure now when she’d been so confident before?

Because Elia wasn’t wrong.

Kamryn liked to fix broken situations and broken people.

That’s what irked her. That comment, and the accusation that Elia had made with it. But had that really been what she was trying to do?

“I’m not sure about that.” Lauren tossed back the rest of her drink. “I’m breaking up with Rosie.”

“Oh?” Kamryn raised an eyebrow, her entire body tilting toward Lauren out of habit. Here it was, wasn’t it? The breakup that would inevitably push them back together. At least it always had in the past.

“Not tonight, though.” Lauren dropped her voice so Kamryn had to lean in to hear her. “Maybe after the wedding.”

Elia’s lips thinned to a line as she watched the move, and immediately, Kamryn moved back. What was wrong with her? She stared down into the amber liquid in her hand and tossed it back. She needed another one. Kamryn walked away from Elia and Lauren, needing space. Her head was clouded. Her feelings were so mixed together that it was getting harder and harder to think.

“What did she say?” Elia asked, anger lacing her tone.

Startled, Kamryn looked over her shoulder, finding Elia right behind her.

“She’s breaking up with Rosie. Can I have a double shot of whiskey?” Kamryn directed the question to the bartender. She leaned back down off her toes and looked Elia over. “I suppose she wants me to jump back into a relationship with her.”

“And will you?”

Normally Elia would have touched her. By now Kamryn knew that. She would have slid her fingers gently, she would have touched Kamryn’s back, but she didn’t this time. Kamryn was giving off mixed signals galore tonight, and she seriously needed to stop it.

“Why can’t love be easy?” Kamryn winced as the question left her lips because she wasn’t talking about Lauren. She was talking about Elia, but she knew that wasn’t how Elia was going to take it. Elia was probably the least selfish person she’d met, and yet Kamryn couldn’t stop fucking things up when it came to her relationships.

“Love is easy,” Elia answered. “Being in relationships with actual people who are broken and traumatized and come with history is hard. The practical side of love is hard. But actually loving someone? That’s just emotion.”

Kamryn froze. She once again lost herself in those beautiful, stunning blue eyes, in the hard lines of Elia’s aging features. “You might be right.”

“I know I’m right.” Elia straightened her shoulders and nodded toward the bar top. “Your drink’s ready.”

“Oh.” Kamryn stared at it, not sure if she wanted it now. What was going on with her? She was all over the map. Taking the glass between her fingers, she spun it in two full circles before she threw it back and swallowed it. “I can’t go back to Lauren. Nothing’s going to change unless I make it change.”

“You mean your relationship with her?”

“What relationship?” Kamryn muttered. “It’s been the same for so long, and I don’t want to be that person anymore.” I want to be who I am when I’m with you. But Kamryn didn’t say the last part out loud. She probably should have, but the buzz from the shots hit her swiftly.

“Then don’t go back to her.” Elia reached up and touched Kamryn’s arm, wrapping her fingers around her bicep and squeezing. “Don’t go back to her just because you feel obligated.”

What was Kamryn supposed to say to that? Why did she always seem to say the right things when Kamryn didn’t want to hear them? “Then what should I do?”

“What do you want to do?” Elia dropped her hand and the connection between them.

I want to be with you. But Kamryn wasn’t sure she could say that out loud either. What did she really want? She wanted love without complications. She wanted to find herself in someone else. She wanted that fairytale that she’d never had. She wanted the promises she’d been told as a kid, all those promises about what love and life would look like that she knew now would never come true.

Kamryn eyed Elia carefully, from the curled ends of her hair with just a dusting of gray in them that no one would notice unless they were looking, to the way the corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled—which she so rarely did. The lines of her lips, which she outlined carefully each day with a pencil before slathering on lipstick. The small freckles that littered her upper chest, probably from too much sun when she was younger.

Elia’s lips parted, the tip of her tongue dashing out against them before they closed, and she swallowed. Kamryn’s gaze was locked on her mouth, and she suddenly had the most outrageous thought. At least it would have been if she’d had it first.

Smiling, Kamryn cupped Elia’s cheek and brushed her thumb across those beautiful lips. “I want to be free. Not weighed down by the past or the future, but just be me in this moment.”

Elia gasped.

“You’re right,” Kamryn continued. “Let’s not make promises that we can’t keep, that the world or other people expect us to make. Let’s just make one promise.”

“What’s that?” Elia whispered.

“Let’s promise that when we’re together we’ll be ourselves, no matter what. We’ll be free to be exactly who we are in whatever moment we’re in.” Kamryn grinned and pressed their foreheads together, her eyes closing. The world around them vanished again, and she was here to focus only on the things that felt good, right here and right now. “Promise?”

“Yeah,” Elia answered.

“Can I kiss you?”

Elia didn’t answer. Instead, she moved, tilting her chin up and capturing Kamryn’s mouth. They both sighed simultaneously, easing into the kiss together, into the hope that they were finding in this moment. Kamryn needed to commit herself to this moment fully, because if she didn’t, she’d focus too much on the what-ifs, on the fact that they shouldn’t be doing this, on the worries that wouldn’t stop plaguing her.

Maybe one day, she’d be at her own bachelorette party or planning her own wedding and her friends would be there to celebrate her. It wasn’t today. It sure as hell wasn’t going to be tomorrow, but Kamryn wanted the possibility to still be there.

She pulled away, her body relaxing and lightening as she made eye contact with Elia. “You have good ideas sometimes.”

“Just sometimes?”

“Yeah, just sometimes.” Kamryn grinned.

Lauren showed back up, a new drink in her hand, and she seemed nonplussed by the fact that Kamryn had just been making out with Elia in the middle of the bar. “So what do you think?”

“I think I’m good for now,” Kamryn answered, barely sparing a glance to Lauren. Even if she and Elia didn’t end up together —which at this rate it didn’t seem likely that they would—she didn’t want to go back to Lauren. She needed to give up those dreams and start some new ones, or at least find people who were better for her.

And Elia was definitely better than Lauren. On so many levels.

Kamryn laced her fingers with Elia’s and faced Lauren fully now. “Where’s Rosie?”

“Talking wedding details with Andra.” Lauren groaned. “She acts like we’re next in line to get married. “

“You better dodge that bullet quickly.” Kamryn let out a single chuckle. “Don’t want to be giving your girlfriend the wrong impression, do you?”

“Maybe I do.” Lauren’s gaze dropped to Elia and Kamryn’s joined hands. “Maybe that’s exactly what I want her to think.”

“You might just want to tell her that you’re determined to never get married. Don’t want to make the same mistake twice. Even if you do, the drama’s written all over Rosie. Head to toe.”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” Lauren snorted.

“I always find the truth is the best answer,” Elia chimed in, squeezing Kamryn’s hand in the process. “Not that it’s always taken at face value, but at least I feel better about myself.”

Lauren hummed but didn’t answer. Kamryn leaned in and pressed a kiss to Elia’s cheek. “I do still believe you.” She just wanted to make sure that Elia didn’t forget that. Even if Kamryn had her doubts, she didn’t want Elia to feel them.

“And I appreciate you.” Elia gave her a sweet smile back. “But remember, we’re not focusing on that tonight.”

“No, we’re not.” Kamryn kissed her cheek again. “So for tonight we’re two broads at a bachelorette party. What do you suggest we do?”

“Get shit-faced drunk,” Lauren replied.

Oh right. Lauren’s still here. Kamryn really needed to ditch her ex-girlfriend. She wasn’t interested in showing Elia off anymore. Right now she just wanted to spend some one-on-one time with Elia and forget that the world outside of this bar existed. And that was exactly what she was going to do.

“The wedding’s tomorrow,” Kamryn whispered into Elia’s ear. “What do you say we practice our dance for the reception?”

“I’m a little scared to ask what you mean by that, but I’ll try it.” Elia hooked her arm in Kamryn’s and started to walk away from Lauren. “See you, Lauren.”

Kamryn spun Elia in a circle before she dragged her close and started to move to the beat of the music. All the tension from before lifted, and she focused solely on the woman in her arms.

“Remind me we should do this more often,” Kamryn said.

“Let’s do it tomorrow.”

“Yes!”