Page 14 of Promises We Meant to Keep (Love in Massachusetts #1)

fourteen

The tables in the restaurant were filled with students, and the noise threatened to be overwhelming, but Elia was still riding the high from the first actual competition they’d had. She couldn’t remember the last time she was so elated because of a competition. Not only had the kids outdone themselves in talent, effort, and support for each other despite the losses they’d experienced that day, but Elia had found herself connecting more and more with Kamryn.

She’d found herself in Kamryn’s orbit and unable to drag herself away.

“Dr. Sharpe,” Ethan said, making sure to have her full attention.

She turned to face him across the table where she was sitting, at the last second moving her gaze from Kamryn who was sitting next to her. “Yes?”

“I think I’d like to only compete in Congress next time.”

“Oh, really?” Elia furrowed her brow at him, but she let Ethan talk. If he was bringing it up, then surely he was serious about it.

“Yeah, it’s my best skill so far, and you know how much I hate debate.”

She did know that. He complained anytime she had them do any sort of debate practice. He’d done that the year before as well, so ultimately, this move didn’t surprise her. She nodded at him. “You think that you can put more effort into just focusing on Congress?”

“Absolutely!” Ethan was nearly grinning from ear to ear. “So can I?”

“I don’t see why not.” Elia was already mentally making the changes to the roster and shifting things around. It wouldn’t make much of an impact because Bristol could pick up his debate partner easily enough and she’d quite enjoy that. Elia wouldn’t be surprised if Bristol became a lawyer or a politician someday. She had the skills for it. Whether or not she had the passion for those topics remained to be seen.

Elia paid the bill and pocketed the card and receipt. When everyone was done eating, she gathered the students together so they could walk the short way back to the hotel. It was late, nearing nine in the evening, but they were all still full of energy.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t do the whisk tonight?” Kamryn murmured under her breath as they walked together at the back of the group.

“Breakfast,” Elia doubled down. She didn’t have the energy to sit in a circle and listen to everyone’s highs for the day. She could handle that in the morning. It had taken her years to realize that she needed to limit her time with people in order to recuperate. It wasn’t that she didn’t like people, but she needed the quiet to find herself again.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Kamryn bumped their shoulders together. “Or do I get my own personal whisk time tonight again?”

Elia couldn’t stop the smile from gracing her lips. Two weeks had flown by, but at the same time they had gone so slowly. She’d been looking forward to this time that she’d have with Kamryn again—one-on-one time, in a way, when they could have those quiet moments.

She had very little excuse to go to the dormitories to visit Kamryn’s apartment and Kamryn had no reasons for coming to her house. Outside of the bridal shower, which had actually been rather enjoyable, they hadn’t spent enough time together.

Enough?

Since when had Elia decided there was a quota for the time they spent together? She’d have to think about and debate that one later when she was alone in her room and had the space to think. “You’ll have to stop by and see if I even brought the whisk. Maybe I forgot it.”

“Oh, I have a backup one.” Kamryn giggled and shook her head. “I remember when you lost it senior year. I wasn’t going to take chances again.”

“I forgot about that.”

“I didn’t.” Kamryn laughed again as they entered the hotel.

“Everyone, gather over here a minute.” Elia raised her voice so the students all heard her. “Just a reminder that we have to be on the bus early tomorrow, so I want you up and out of your rooms no later than seven. We’ll do whisk time on the bus.”

The kids erupted with chatter. Elia also knew without a doubt that if she said seven, she wouldn’t actually be leaving until like seven-thirty.

But telling them they were going to do something on the bus that they’d thoroughly enjoyed last time might just be enough incentive to get them moving in the morning when they were dragging from staying up late.

Elia stayed in the lobby until all of the kids had gone up the elevators. When she looked around, her eyes met Kamryn’s. That surprised her. She’d expected Kamryn to be the first one to her room so that she could get started on some work project that she had going on. She was always working on something.

Kamryn tilted her head toward the elevator. “Do I need to get my whisk?”

Elia laughed as she walked closer and pressed the button. “That sounds like a dare almost.”

“Oh, we could play truth or dare with it.” Kamryn seemed so excited, her eyes completely alight with joy.

She hated to crush that, but Elia wasn’t going to play truth or dare. There were much better ways to get information and not feel pressured into doing something she didn’t want to do. Wasn’t Kamryn all about consent anyway?

“I think just highlights is a better use for the whisk.” Elia stepped into the elevator and paused as she hit the floor she needed.

Kamryn didn’t hit her floor.

Elia said nothing as the elevator doors closed. She really wanted to see what Kamryn had up her sleeve this time, and she was pretty sure that Kamryn had a plan. That woman didn’t go anywhere without a plan, even if it went out the window as soon as she arrived.

They walked down the hallway toward Elia’s room. They’d ended up spending two nights this time because the drive was so long. Elia fingered the key in her pocket before she pulled it out. When she got to her room, she stopped and faced Kamryn full on, still curious as to what was happening and why.

Had this been a relationship, she would know what to expect.

But this wasn’t that.

And even though they were friendly with each other lately, they weren’t best friends. Kamryn wasn’t Abagail, and Elia didn’t think that Kamryn would just barge into the room like it was her own. They weren’t that close yet.

“What is your highlight for the day?” Kamryn asked, her voice lowering, not quite a whisper, but definitely close to it.

Elia didn’t blame her. She didn’t necessarily want any kids to overhear what they were talking about either. Glancing down the hallway both ways, Elia took a risk that she normally wouldn’t. Except it seemed she was breaking her own personal rules a lot for Kamryn.

Unlocking her door, she stepped inside and held it open. “We’ll talk inside.”

Kamryn smiled, definitely pleased with herself, as she walked past Elia and hit the light switch as she went. Elia checked the hallway one more time. The last thing she needed was rumors spreading that she and the Head of School were an item. And while Kamryn had been in her room before, she’d come late at night when the kids were all settled. Not right after dinner.

With the door shut, Elia already felt a million times more comfortable. She shed her jacket and threw it over the chair in the corner of the room. She was assuming that Kamryn was going to sit on the mattress like she had the last time anyway. And something within Elia that night wanted her close. It was probably the same reason she hadn’t been able to stop looking for Kamryn in the middle of the competition space all day.

Kamryn took off her jacket and put it onto the chair. She sat heavily onto the edge of the bed, and Elia sat next to her.

“Did you really want to know what my highlight was?”

“Of course,” Kamryn answered with a smile.

Elia was going to have to think about this one. Because while she could easily call up something good that had happened, her highlight could mean so much more to the conversation they were having. The question really remained whether or not she wanted to continue down the path that she was already set on or if she wanted to get off.

And she just wasn’t sure.

This could so easily tip into relationship territory. But was she willing to go that far? Or did she need to pull back?

Elia sighed and leaned back slightly, finally deciding where she should start. “The last time I tangled a relationship with Windermere, it didn’t end well for me.”

Kamryn frowned deeply, her face falling from the lightness she’d had to a much deeper understanding. Elia was taking this conversation in a completely different direction. “I’m not sure I follow.”

“I’m enjoying spending time with you, Kam.” Elia stated as simply as she possibly could. She didn’t want to give Kamryn any false hope or to confess something that neither one of them were ready to hear or understand. “I’d like to continue doing that.”

“We are spending time together.” Kamryn instinctively reached out but then stopped. Elia took her hand and tangled their fingers tight. Sometimes talking to Kamryn was easier this way. “I’m not understanding.”

“Then perhaps it’s best that we leave it at that.” Elia gave her a tight and somewhat forced smile. She wasn’t sure that she could lead Kamryn through this conversation, at least not yet. She needed to save something for herself in all of this because without that, she might never survive another disaster like the last one.

“Elia…” Kamryn paused, her gaze locked on their joined hands. The pause was pregnant, and Elia gave her the time to find the words that she needed, whatever they were. “Elia,” Kamryn started again, finally lifting those stunning brown eyes to meet Elia’s. “Can I kiss you?”

A shiver ran through Elia, raising goosebumps along her skin, hardening her nipples, moving farther down her body and right back up. She hadn’t been wrong before. This was amazing, so much better than any kiss she’d had before and they hadn’t even started a kiss, which she was going to say yes to.

Just being asked…how could she even put that into words?

Elia looked deep into Kamryn’s eyes, her gaze that held so much intensity and passion. How had Elia not seen that before? Because it was there now, it was there when Kamryn was talking passionately about something else, it had been there the one time Elia had gone over to Kamryn’s apartment, and it had been there during the bridal shower.

But then there was the block. The thing that Elia had been trying to tell Kamryn. The past. And it kept coming back up to bite Elia in the ass when she least expected it. She couldn’t let Kamryn take the bad rap for her, and she certainly couldn’t face Kamryn when she found out exactly what had happened all those years ago. Kamryn would likely feel the same way as everyone else.

Students first.

No matter what.

Elia shook her head, keeping her hand locked with Kamryn’s as she closed her eyes. Sadness swept through her now, her fear overriding any thought to hope and pleasure. “No.”

“Oh, I thought…” Kamryn trailed off, looking so confused.

Elia felt for her. She knew exactly what Kamryn had thought, and the worst part was that she hadn’t been wrong. Elia wanted it. She wanted to be touched and caressed and checked after. She wanted someone who cared about her, and if that care could develop into love? Even better. Just like she’d always wanted Abagail to find that love and stability, Elia had wanted it for herself more times than she could count.

Yet, she was still alone.

“You didn’t think wrong,” Elia said, lifting Kamryn’s chin with a finger so she could say this as directly as possible. “What you were thinking is exactly what I was thinking, but…”

“There’s always a but to ruin things.”

“Sometimes.” Elia dropped her hand from Kamryn’s face, immediately regretting it. She missed the warmth and touch, the intimacy that came with the touch. “This comes back to what I was trying to tell you. When I mix relationships with Windermere, it doesn’t turn out well for me.”

“What happened?”

Elia shook her head. She wasn’t ready to explain that. She wasn’t sure that she’d ever be ready to tell Kamryn what had happened eighteen years ago and why she’d subsequently been shut out from anything other than what she was already doing. It had been a miracle that they’d allowed her to be the department head.

“All right,” Kamryn said, her voice calm and not angry at all.

That was such a nice change from any other time that Elia had shared this with anyone. She’d been met with anger, disbelief, and then accusation. It had hurt every single time.

“Then we won’t.” Kamryn gave her a smile. “Fake girlfriends we’ll remain.”

Elia grinned at that. She’d nearly forgotten that this was how everything between them had started. With a kiss that she wasn’t ever going to forget. And with the knowledge that a second kiss, on both their terms, would be astronomically better than the first one.

“Fake girlfriends.” Elia held her hand out and waited for Kamryn to take it and shake, as if they were making yet another deal between them. Their relationship had certainly become an exchange of favors at some point, hadn’t it? “I’m sorry, by the way.”

“Sorry for what?” Kamryn folded her hands in her lap, clearly not wanting to touch anymore. It wouldn’t surprise Elia if that made her uncomfortable.

“For giving you mixed signals.”

Kamryn ran her fingers through her hair and sighed heavily. “It’s clear to me that you’re not ready to share. That can be for a number of reasons, but my guess is that it’s because you don’t fully trust me yet.”

Elia nodded slightly. Damn, Kamryn was good.

“Doing anything like I asked, and perhaps like you were thinking, requires trust. If we don’t have that, then it won’t be good.”

“Agreed,” Elia murmured. She was so glad that Kamryn understood. “I don’t want to repeat past mistakes.”

“Me either.” Kamryn gave a weak smile then. “So let’s make a promise to each other, all right?”

“What kind of promise?”

“A good one.”

Elia waited patiently for whatever Kamryn had up her sleeve this time. And she was glad to know that she wouldn’t have to wait long.

“Let’s promise to keep open minds, and to keep open communication about what we’re experiencing, feeling, and all of that. But let’s not put the pressure of anything other than budding friendship and fake dating onto it.”

“I can promise that,” Elia answered, already feeling lighter than she had before. Why was it so easy to talk to Kamryn sometimes? She needed more of that in her life.

“Good. I promise that too.” Kamryn’s lips pulled upward slightly. “I think I’m going to head back to my room for the night.”

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

“For whisk time!” Kamryn laughed, but it sounded slightly forced compared to before.

Elia nodded, staying put on the edge of the bed. They’d figure this out eventually. They just needed some space for it. As Kamryn grabbed her jacket, Elia answered, “For whisk time.”