Page 23 of Promises We Meant to Keep (Love in Massachusetts #1)

twenty-three

“Hey.” Kamryn slid into the seat next to Elia on the bus.

The day had been filled by the speech competition, so much so that Kamryn hadn’t even had a moment to take a breath, let alone talk to Elia at all. And since they weren’t staying anywhere overnight this time, she was stuck trying to talk to Elia on the bus with students chattering away behind them and passing around the whisk that Kamryn had brought.

“Hey,” Elia answered, but she scooted away slightly, putting space between them.

For the last few days, Elia had been so quiet. The stark change from the weeks before was unnerving, and Kamryn had searched her brain and every interaction they’d had to try and figure out what had happened and what she’d done to set Elia off, but she honestly couldn’t think of anything.

Except that interaction in the hallway with Yara Cole.

That was when all of this had started, and Elia had shut down on her. But Kamryn was determined. They’d had something good going, and Kamryn cared. That was her downfall every time, but she cared about Elia, and she wanted to make sure that there wasn’t something she could do to help out with whatever the situation was.

“That was a good meet, don’t you think?” Kamryn was going to start easy. They needed to slowly work into this conversation because she knew that Elia was going to be uncomfortable having it on the bus. And they weren’t going to be able to find much time afterward since Kamryn was on call that weekend at the dormitories and she was damn sure that Elia was going to use that as an excuse not to come over and have an actual conversation.

“It was good,” Elia agreed, but her heart wasn’t in the conversation. Kamryn could tell that from a mile away.

“Yeah. I think the whisk thing is still going over well.” Kamryn looked over her shoulder as the kids were sharing. It was the only chance they’d had to do it at this meet, and even though the bus wasn’t ideal, the kids were committed to sharing their highs from the day. “Think you’ll keep it up when I’m gone?”

Elia frowned before pursing her lips and looking out the window at the dark sky and the snow that was falling around them. In just about any other circumstance, it would have been stunningly beautiful. And Kamryn still wanted that walk in the snow that she’d never gotten with Elia.

Taking a chance, Kamryn slid her hand over and rested it lightly on Elia’s forearm. She was met with an intensity that she hadn’t expected. Elia glanced down at the touch and then straight up into Kamryn’s eyes.

“Please don’t.”

“Sure.” Kamryn moved her hand away immediately, an awkwardness settling into her chest that she hadn’t felt since that night in the hotel room when she’d asked Elia for a kiss and been rejected. It had everything to do with her and not Elia, she knew that, but she wasn’t quite sure where to go from here. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask first.”

“You’re forgiven,” Elia commented before going back to looking out the window.

“Do you mind talking to me?”

Elia shook her head. “Not at all. I think Bristol needs to work on her informational, don’t you? She needs to dig deeper in order to round out her argument even more.”

Kamryn frowned. That hadn’t been what she meant. She didn’t want to talk about the Speech meet. She wanted to talk about them. “Yeah, it’s probably not a bad idea for her to do that.”

They sat in silence again. Kamryn picked up on laughter behind her, but it all sounded innocent enough that she didn’t feel she needed to turn around and observe. She followed Elia’s gaze back out the bus window and cringed. What were they doing here?

“Can we find some time to talk this weekend? I can find coverage for the dorm—”

“I’m not sure that’s necessary,” Elia interrupted. “We don’t really have that much to talk about.”

“I think we do.” Kamryn resisted the temptation to reach out and touch again. She knew Elia wouldn’t accept it, that she didn’t want it, even though it would help her to find some sort of connection between them again. “Everything’s been off these last few days.”

“It’s just been me, not you,” Elia answered, giving Kamryn a patronizing smile. “Don’t worry about it, really. It’s nothing you’ve done.”

“Well, it’s good to have confirmation on that front, but I wasn’t thinking that it was anything I’d done.” Kamryn rubbed her lips together as a thought occurred to her that hadn’t managed to work its way into her brain before. “Was it something that I didn’t do?”

Elia twitched at that, her entire body jerking with a start. “What?”

“Are you upset that I didn’t do something you wanted—or maybe needed—me to do?” Kamryn held her breath, wanting this to be the answer that she’d been searching days for.

Elia blinked at her, as if trying to process that information before she shook her head. “No. Well, yes, a little, but it’s not your fault. You wouldn’t know any better.”

“O…kay.” Kamryn was more lost now than she was before. “Care to fill me in?”

“No,” Elia answered simply, her voice ringing out in the bus seats like there was no one else there but them.

Was Elia not even going to try anymore? Or was she trying to push Kamryn out more now than she had before? Kamryn chose her words carefully. “I respect that it’s your decision whether or not to tell me. It’s just really hard for me to know where to go from here without some sort of direction.”

“You’re going to have to trust me on this, Kam. I don’t want… We do need to talk, you’re right. But now isn’t the time or the place. And I need more time before I can have that conversation.” Elia’s face didn’t betray anything of what was going on behind her eyes.

Kamryn wished it did. Because she really needed some sort of hint to figure out what wasn’t being said. “All right.”

Kamryn leaned back into the seat, giving in to the fact that she wasn’t going to get any more information than what she’d already gotten. Elia was closed off for a reason, and until she decided to let Kamryn in, then Kamryn was going to be left on the cold outside like she’d never mattered. But she had mattered. Kamryn had seen that in Elia’s eyes, in the touches they’d shared, and she wasn’t ever going to doubt that.

“Just… one thing,” Kamryn said, sitting up straight again. “Lauren always shut down like this, and it scares me that you’re doing it, too. I don’t want a repeat of my past mistakes, and so I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready, but I also don’t want to leave you alone if that’s the last thing you need. What I need is some guidance from you about what you need or want me to do.”

Elia’s lips parted before her jaw clenched hard. The muscles bulged at her cheeks, and then her face fell. “I don’t want to repeat past mistakes either.”

And then there was nothing.

Frustration ate away at Kamryn. She’d tried so many times and she wasn’t getting anywhere.

“I can’t let you suffer because of them,” Elia murmured, her voice so quiet that Kamryn wasn’t quite sure if she’d heard her correctly. She was about to ask Elia to repeat that when a loud scream echoed down the bus.

Kamryn leaned up on the seat and eyed the students in the back. “Volume down, please!” she reminded them all. She was going to have to say that a million more times, that was for certain. But that was why she was here, wasn’t it? To teach and be with the kids.

Sliding back into her seat, she didn’t have the heart to ask Elia to open up again. Kamryn threw her head back into the seat and closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to gather herself again. Opening her phone, she checked her work email. Frowning at a recent email that had come in, she hovered her thumb over it before opening it.

From: Yara Cole

Subject: Agenda to Follow

I thought it’d be pertinent to get this information out to you as soon as possible. I don’t want to waste time. We’ll have a meeting Tuesday evening at six, and we’ll formulate a plan to make sure that our students’ safety is our number one concern.

Thank you,

Yara

Kamryn’s stomach dropped. She read the email three times over before she closed out of it and reached behind her neck to rub the tension out of the muscles. Except it wasn’t working. She dug her thumb into the line of muscle from the back of her skull down her neck, and that seemed to help but only momentarily.

Yara wasn’t an opposing voice to Susy and Heather, and instead of adding diversity to the team, Kamryn had unwittingly added nothing to it except more pressure against what her goals were. She really needed to start this over or she needed to get someone else in there quickly.

She ran through the list of names in her head, but she couldn’t come up with anyone. Finally, she gave in and asked, because at the very least Elia could help her with this. “Hey, do you know anyone who might be good for the ethics team?”

“What?” Elia’s voice wavered with surprise and worry.

“The ethics team.” Kamryn furrowed her brow. “I told you that one of my jobs is to rebuild it. Since you won’t be on the team, I need to find someone else, and someone who…” Kamryn paused. Could she say this without offending Elia? Probably. “…someone who has a differing point of view. And someone who can stand up for themselves and speak out when necessary.”

“I’m really not the person to ask for this.”

“Why not? You’ve been around the school long enough to know who might be interested and good at that.”

Elia shook her head. “No. I’ve been at the school, yes, but I haven’t been involved in the way you think I have. I’m not someone who fully understands the inner workings and who does what. I do my job and that’s about it.”

Kamryn frowned at that. She’d never thought Elia had been someone who was distant from other faculty or staff or even the board. Then again, now that she thought about it, Elia often ate lunch and dinner at her house or in her office—she didn’t come down to the dining hall. And if she did, she usually sat quietly at a table with others instead of engaging them in conversation.

How had Kamryn not noticed that before?

“So you don’t have any names I might approach?” Kamryn asked again, hoping not only for an answer to resolve her issue, but to pry more information out of Elia if she could, just something that might tell her more about who this woman was.

“No, I don’t.”

“Okay.” Kamryn opened Yara’s email again. “I won’t be at practice on Tuesday.”

“You missed practice on Thursday.” Elia glanced over, her gaze dropping to Kamryn’s phone. “Ethics meeting?”

Kamryn glanced up at her. “Unfortunately, and they didn’t ask when I was available—just told me when we were meeting.”

“Typical Yara Cole.”

“Do you know Yara?” Kamryn asked, looking at her directly. “I mean, I guess you would because her kids went to Windermere.”

“I do know her,” Elia responded, but she tightened even more, pushing herself into the window as if to get away from Kamryn.

“I don’t know her that well.”

Elia didn’t respond. She was shutting down even more than before, and it was obvious. Kamryn wished she could take it all back, that she could try to have this conversation at any other time, that they were standing up and yelling at each other, that they were doing exactly what they needed to get through to each other.

It might just be one hiccup, and that’s what Kamryn was going to count it as. They were both busy and exhausted after a long day, and they really needed to take time to rest before they tried to talk about anything serious.

The school chant reverberated through the bus before a loud cheer went up. Kamryn smiled, facing Elia and shrugging slightly. “Seems whisk time is done for the evening.”

“Seems to be that way.” Elia glanced over the seat toward the kids. “We’ll be back in the next ten minutes.”

“Good timing then,” Kamryn answered.

“Seems that way.” Elia faced the window again.

Kamryn held her phone tightly in her hand and relaxed as much as she could for the next ten minutes. As soon as they were back on Windermere property, she was going to have to dive straight back into work. And she’d have to find time to talk with Elia later.

She wished they had their own whisk time that night—just the two of them. Maybe then they could each figure out what the other needed.