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CHAPTER 5

WADE FUCKING JOHNSON

TOMMY

Tommy was living the fucking dream.

He couldn’t believe he was sitting less than two feet away from his favorite hockey player of all time in a gay bar in Charleston.

Wade was chill and easy-going, a stark contrast from the kind of player he’d been on the ice. He looked older, too, like the years since his career ended hadn’t been easy. But the man had let Tommy geek out about his stats and had answered questions about his career with a patience Tommy was sure he didn’t deserve.

The only thing that had distracted him from Wade fucking Johnson was the sight of Chuck getting cozy with a man who looked like he could eat a guy Tommy’s size for breakfast. The man put his hands all over Chuck like he owned him, and Tommy couldn’t say he liked that very much.

Chuck was a catch, for fuck’s sake. He deserved better than a stranger pawing at him like an animal. Tommy forced a breath out of his nose. This was Chuck’s world, and Tommy was going to follow his friend’s lead. He swallowed against the discomfort, shifting to look back at Wade, who was watching him with an expression that looked a lot like amusement.

“So how do you and Chuck know each other?”

Wade leaned back in his chair. “We met here about eight years ago.”

“Damn, you’ve known each other a long time.” It was weird to think of Chuck having other friends, who he’d known for years and built a whole life with.

Wade nodded. “We were both here looking for something, but since we aren’t each other’s types, we ended up shooting the shit and left as friends instead. It’s how we met Miguel, too.”

“I’m glad Chuck had you,” Tommy said, looking down at the ice cubes melting in his Jack and coke.

“He helped me too, you know,” Wade said softly. “No matter how much better our world gets, it can still be a scary place for queer people. And coming out? Still a fucking brave thing to do.”

“Are you gay?” Tommy asked, genuinely curious. He’d followed Wade’s career with the rabid fascination of a super-fan, but couldn’t remember hearing anything about him being gay.

Wade smiled, shaking his head. He took a long drink from his almost-empty water glass. “I’m actually bi.”

Tommy blinked. “Bi?”

“Bisexual. I’m attracted to both men and women.”

“Huh.” Tommy thought back through his life, realizing he’d never actually met someone who was openly bisexual before. Of course he knew bisexual people existed, he just thought they were all edgy celebrities who looked more like vampires than normal people. “Did you always know you were bi?”

“No,” Wade frowned down at the table. “I mean, I probably knew deep down, but didn’t really know it was an option when I was growing up. There was one guy in college, but then I was married to a woman for years. Loved the shit out of her and had an amazing kid. I was always faithful. But then we divorced, and I figured there was nothing to stop me from trying. To see if that itch I’d always ignored was a real thing.”

“And was it real?”

“Fuck yeah it was,” Wade said, his eyes sweeping the room. “Now I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy.”

“How did you know?” Tommy leaned forward on his elbows.

Wade shrugged. “Most of us grow up believing we’re supposed to be into the opposite sex, so being attracted to women was easy. And then one day in college I met a guy, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Opened my eyes right the fuck up.”

“What happened?”

“He was so handsome,” Wade said, a fond smile creasing his roughly stubbled cheeks. “Took my breath away. Pretty sure I popped a boner when I saw him in a swimsuit. Everything about him lit me up from the inside out.”

Tommy frowned, thinking about swimsuits and boners and what turned him on. The last person he’d been intimate with was his ex-wife. Courtney had been miles of delicious curves and thick thighs and tits that spilled from his palms. He’d always found her beautiful, and his attraction to her had never wavered even as other parts of their marriage fell apart. He’d been a good lover, he thought.

“You know, I got divorced last year,” Tommy heard himself admitting.

“How’re you holding up?” Wade looked genuinely sympathetic.

Tommy paused. His default response for the past year was that he was still miserable. But if he was honest, he wasn’t so miserable anymore. He was lonely, sure. He missed companionship and feeling like he was on a team. But he didn’t feel the same longing for the life he used to have.

And that, in its own way, was a terrifying thing.

“Doing better,” he finally responded. “We fought hard to make it work. Couples therapy, trips to Europe, all of it. But I got it wrong. Despite everything, she felt emotionally neglected. I was throwing all of myself into the wrong things, and I still feel like a dumbass, you know?”

Wade nodded, lips pursing. “Yeah, I know something about that. I think the only thing I’ve figured out is people tend to throw the kind of love they want to get back at the people they care about. And sometimes, no matter how hard you work, people just aren’t meant for forever.”

Tommy shook his head. “You’re smart, Wade Johnson.”

“Think you’re ever going to be able to just call me Wade like a normal person?” The man’s tone was teasing.

“Not a chance, Wade Johnson.”

Wade chuckled. “Fine. So you played basketball with this crew back at Southeastern?”

As Tommy told Wade about his past life as a college athlete, he kept checking on Chuck and the stranger. Tommy straightened in his seat as they started walking back over towards them.

Tommy sized the man up as Chuck introduced him. Gavin , he thought, unimpressed, as he shook the bearded man’s hand.

Was that what Chuck was into? Gavin wore a gray t-shirt with a plunging V that showed off his ample chest and thick hair. There was a ruggedness about him, like he tinkered with old cars for fun on the weekends, that made Tommy inexplicably self-conscious.

Were his hands too soft? His clothes too boring?

Fuck . He turned his attention back to his beer.

“Are you ready to get out of here?”

Tommy glanced up at Gavin’s question. He couldn’t make out the words Gavin and Chuck exchanged after, his focus pulled to the way their hands tangled together.

“We’re going to get out of here,” Chuck said to the group. “Thanks for coming out tonight. It really does mean a lot.”

Wait , Tommy wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to explain the voice in his head screaming for him to drag Chuck out to the dance floor. But it wouldn’t be fair to Chuck, who obviously was moving toward a hook-up, if Tommy asked him to stay.

He tried to smile as Chuck walked away. When David and Sage got up to dance again, he waved off their invitation. Soon it was just him and Wade Johnson at their table.

He watched the dance floor, tracking the sweaty skin and muscles and hard jawlines and bodies of all types pressed together. There was no consistency in how these people came together—each pair was as different in their expression as they could be. There was no type, no set fashion or body or anything.

They looked free.

Tommy glanced back down at his melted drink, and looked up when he felt Wade’s eyes on him. The older man watched him with a knowing smile.

“What?” Tommy asked.

Wade shrugged. “It’s never too late, you know. I lived a whole lifetime before I was ever with a man.”

A nervous, high-pitched laugh fell from Tommy’s mouth. “Oh, I, no.” He shook his head. “Not me.”

“Why not you?”

Tommy opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped himself. He realized he didn’t have a good answer to that.