Page 21

CHAPTER 20

NOTHING BUT CONVICTION

CHUCK

Chuck could get used to the sound of Tommy panting his name, his voice hitching as Chuck brushed the pad of his finger over his prostate.

“You ready for me?” He bent down and kissed Tommy’s knee, his leg hairs tickling his lips.

Tommy’s eyes were wild as he nodded. “Just take it slow, okay?”

Chuck’s heart clenched at the vulnerability from his friend. He slipped his fingers from Tommy’s body. “Condom?”

Tommy shook his head. “No. Wanna feel you.”

His cock throbbed, want tightening his lower abdomen. “I’ll make it good for you,” Chuck whispered. “And you tell me if it hurts, okay?”

Tommy’s body slumped back onto the bed. Whatever tension he’d been holding seemed to bleed out of him. He beamed up at Chuck. “I trust you.”

Tommy’s eyes were soft as Chuck scooted closer. He grabbed one of Tommy’s muscular thighs and slung it over his elbow, leaving his body beautifully open for him. Gripping the base of his cock, Chuck pressed forward slowly, clenching his jaw as he focused all of his attention on the sensation of Tommy’s tight body around him.

His heartbeat pounded in his ears as he waited for Tommy’s body to relax. “Breathe,” Chuck managed to get out, his arms trembling with the effort of holding back. But no matter how much he wanted this, no matter how much his body wanted to thrust into the tight heat below him, Chuck would do whatever he had to do to make sure this was good for Tommy.

He didn’t believe in all of the virginity bullshit, but Chuck understood there was a weight to first-times, and he was determined to be the best Tommy had ever had.

Would ever have, he added silently.

Finally, Tommy’s inner muscles softened, and, with an appreciative groan, Chuck pressed slowly forward. He stared at Tommy’s face, watching his mouth drop open and his chestnut lashes flutter against his cheek.

Chuck let out a ragged sigh when his hips met the hard muscle of Tommy’s ass. He dipped down, pressing open-mouthed kisses over Tommy’s cheeks and forehead as he tried to collect himself. He wanted to remember everything about this moment, but the more he thought about it, the more his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

“C’mon, Chuck,” Tommy said, his voice a rasp. “Move, please.”

Carefully Chuck drew his hips back, teasing the flared head of his cock against Tommy’s rim. When he snapped his hips forward, Chuck went dizzy with the delicious squeeze around him.

“Am I,” Chuck started, glancing down where his cock disappeared into Tommy’s body. “Is it good?”

Tommy gazed up at him, eyes dazed. “Fuck, yeah, it’s good. Different, but good.”

Chuck shifted his grip on Tommy’s leg, pressing his knee back to his chest. On his next thrust he dropped his hips and rolled them forward, grinning at Tommy’s hoarse shout.

“There it is.” Chuck leaned down and pressed his forehead to Tommy’s, their skin slick with sweat. He managed to repeat the movement, their irregular breaths mingling as he found a rhythm that brushed Tommy’s prostate with every thrust. “That’s how it’s supposed to feel.”

Tommy let out a little whine, and pulled Chuck into a kiss.

They descended together into the intoxicating push and pull of their bodies. Chuck lost himself in the demanding press of Tommy’s lips against his, hands tugging at his curls, the hot length of Tommy’s cock trapped between their bodies.

Chuck’s body buzzed, his nerves hyperaware of each place their skin met. He already knew he’d do anything to keep this , to keep Tommy close.

Too soon, he felt the tingling at the base of his spine and his balls tighten. “I’m close,” he whispered.

Tommy reached between them and grabbed his own cock, jacking himself frantically, like maybe he also felt the same desperate need.

“Fuck, it’s so hot to watch you work yourself,” Chuck panted as he sped up. “Want to watch you come and feel you clench around me.”

Tommy’s head arched back, his breaths loud and gasping as his abs tightened. Chuck watched, spellbound, as Tommy came with a shout, shooting cum all over his stomach as he worked his cock relentlessly. Chuck felt his own orgasm swell in him, the fluttering of Tommy’s hole around him overwhelming, and he buried himself as deeply as he could as his body shattered, filling Tommy’s hole with each pulse of his cock.

The pleasure left his head empty and his limbs trembling. He collapsed onto Tommy’s body, ignoring the mess of cum between them. He ran his nose up Tommy’s neck, nuzzling under his jaw.

“Chuck,” Tommy said softly below him.

Chuck lifted his head so that he could see him. “How was that?”

“That was…” Tommy shook his head, his face relaxed and his brown eyes soft as he looked up at him. “It was perfect. You’re…I think you might be perfect for me.”

Chuck swallowed, a hint of dread taking root at the base of his throat. He should tell Tommy about the meds and the therapy and the depression that sometimes grabbed him with two hands and dragged him down. Tommy deserved to know that Chuck was about as far from perfect as a man could be. But Tommy looked at him like he was something beautiful and complete, and Chuck didn’t want to give that up. Not now, not when his new meds were working and he was doing so well.

Instead, Chuck slipped from his body, kissing him sweetly before cleaning them both up. It was early afternoon, and they still had a few hours before they needed to leave.

Tommy’s eyes fluttered open when Chuck climbed back into bed beside him. “Nap?” Tommy asked, scooting over and holding his arms open for Chuck.

Chuck snuggled in beside him, even though he could tell from the excess energy that hummed in him that he was unlikely to fall asleep.

Tommy fell asleep almost instantly, but Chuck was wide awake. He couldn’t sit still, his body itching to move. Carefully, he climbed out of the bed, grabbed his swim suit from where it was hanging on the towel rack in the bathroom, pulled on a loose pair of shorts, and went downstairs.

He cleaned the already-spotless kitchen, tracking down the deep-cleaning products from a closet and scrubbing the countertops and sink. He was still restless when he was finished, so he vacuumed the living area they’d barely used.

Fuck , he couldn’t settle down. Chuck pulled off his shorts and jogged down to the lake. The planks of the dock were hot under his bare feet, and he ran and, without pause, dove into the water.

The world around him faded, leaving nothing but a vague blue-green and the echoing quiet of the water around him. He broke the surface and took a deep breath, checking the lake around him for boats. He could hear the distant hum of outboard motors and see at least five boats criss-crossing the lake, so he decided to stick to the shoreline for his swim.

And as his body found the familiar rhythm of his stroke, his hands slicing through the water and stretching out before him as his legs kicked, he waited for the calm to find him.

* * *

The calm never came. Even when his muscles trembled with exhaustion as he climbed up the stairs to the house, he felt like there was a static humming in his body that he couldn’t quiet.

He found Tommy in their room, his hair freshly washed. He’d put on a cream-colored short sleeve button-up with a subtle, red floral pattern, and a pair of khaki pants that hugged his thighs.

Tommy smiled when Chuck walked in. “How was your swim?”

“Good,” Chuck said, and it was the truth. It had been a good swim, even if the strange buzzing that filled him hadn’t faded. “I’m going to shower and change and then we should head out, yeah?”

Tommy dropped the pair of pants he was folding and moved around the bed to join Chuck. Wrapping a hand around the back of Chuck’s neck, he pulled him down into a deep, lazy kiss. When he broke away, he grinned. “Sounds good,” he said, stepping back. His gaze dipped down Chuck’s body, lingering on his crotch. “Fuck, you look good in a Speedo,” he muttered, shaking his head.

Chuck laughed, grabbing a change of clothes and walking into the bathroom. When the door clicked shut behind him, he tossed the clothes onto the counter and stood there for a second, his breathing echoing inside his head.

Get it together, Chuck , he told himself as he turned the shower on and peeled his suit down his legs. You’re fine. You need to be fine .

An hour later Chuck was in the passenger seat of Tommy’s car, his hair still damp and curling onto his forehead. He’d put on his blue striped button-up along with a pair of light wash jeans. His knee bounced; he was full of a nervous energy he couldn’t explain.

There was a question eating at him, and he glanced over at Tommy, who looked perfectly suave in his aviator sunglasses with his tan forearms on display.

Chuck cleared his throat. “Do your coworkers know?”

“Know what?”

“That you’re bi.”

“No.” Tommy looked thoughtful for a moment. “Actually, I sort of told Deb, but I don’t think she took me seriously.”

“So your boss doesn’t know?”

Tommy shrugged. “It hasn’t come up yet.”

“Not to be the bearer of bad news,” Chuck began carefully, his mind already racing as he tried to think ahead, “but it’s probably going to come up if you show up with a man.”

“Alright,” Tommy said, shooting Chuck a quick look. “Is that okay with you?”

Chuck frowned. “Okay with me?”

“Yeah.” Tommy’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “If you’re uncomfortable with it all, I can, I don’t know?—”

“Are you uncomfortable?” Chuck interrupted, watching him closely.

Tommy shook his head, looking at Chuck like he was missing something obvious. “No. I want you to be here with me.” A small smile tugged at his mouth. “If they have a problem then they can get over it.”

Chuck stared at him, not fully processing how a guy who had lived his entire life as a straight man could be so nonchalant about this. Fuck, it was a big deal for Chuck, and he’d spent over half of his life with the certainty that he was gay. But there was nothing but conviction on Tommy’s face as he watched the road ahead of them.

“Okay then,” Chuck said softly. “If you’re cool, then I’m cool.”

For a moment, the car was quiet. Tommy’s fingers drummed on the steering wheel, and Chuck turned to watch the blur of green rushing past.

“Can I call you my boyfriend?”

Chuck’s gaze snapped back to Tommy. He tried to ignore the way his heart pounded. “For the cameras?” he asked.

Tommy’s brow furrowed. “Huh?”

“Like, you call me your boyfriend for show.”

Tommy scoffed. “Fuck no, man. I want to call you my boyfriend because I want you to be my boyfriend.”

Chuck had no words, and he hated the fact that his eyes burned as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He had waited so long for this moment, for someone to proudly name him as their partner, and he still couldn’t believe that the man handing him all he’d ever wanted was Tommy.

“Okay,” Chuck said, smiling as tears spilled down his cheeks.

“Baby, are you crying?” Tommy’s hand reached over to cup his cheek. “Why are you crying?”

A laugh bubbled up from his throat, even as the tears kept falling. Damn it, he was a mess . “I’m happy,” he babbled, hiccuping as he tried to get a hold of himself. “I swear these are happy tears.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” Chuck insisted, grabbing a tissue from the box Tommy kept in his car, and wiped his face and nose. “I’m really fucking happy to be your boyfriend.”

“Nice!” Tommy let out a wide laugh and pumped his fist. “First boyfriend in the bag.”

“What the fuck man? Trying to drop me already?”

But Chuck was laughing too, even when Tommy’s eyes slid quickly down his body before he looked back at the road. “Nah,” he said. “There’s no one in the world who could compare to you.”

“Bullshit.” Chuck rolled his eyes as he felt a grin tug at his lips.

“Those pretty eyes and freckles?” Tommy reached over the center console and placed a big hand on Chuck’s thigh. “You’re in a league of your own, Chuck.”