Page 10

CHAPTER 9

TRYIN’ TO DIGEST OAK BARK

TOMMY

Tommy pushed through the door of the brightly lit salon, having jogged through the rain after parking his car on the street.

Rebecca swept over to him, looking beautiful as always in some sort of a jumpsuit with wide, flowing pants and a tight bodice on top. Her lips were a deep maroon that matched the floral details of the fabric, and her braids hung loose down her back.

He looked around, impressed. Rebecca’s salon was clean and professional, with four chairs and what looked like a table for doing nails along one of the walls. The walls were covered in bright, abstract artwork.

“This looks great,” he said, leaning in to give her a hug. “Seriously. Amazing what you’ve done with the place.”

She smiled. “Thank you. It’s crazy to think we’ve been here more than a year.”

“What’s up, asshole?”

Tommy glanced over at Maggie, who was in her usual attire of dark jeans and a worn band t-shirt, her now-pink hair pulled back in a ponytail. They’d first met Maggie when she was bartending at The Grove to put herself through beauty school. Rebecca had brought Maggie on for an apprenticeship a while ago, and, according to Rebecca, the other woman was getting on well.

Apparently her bedside manner still needed some work.

He turned back to Rebecca. “You let your employees talk to customers that way?”

Rebecca shrugged. “It’s you, so I’ll let it slide.”

Tommy scoffed, but couldn’t keep the amused smile from his face. He liked Maggie. She was honest as shit and didn’t hold back. She also was out for Keaton’s blood, which was endlessly amusing to him. Everybody liked Keaton—except for her.

“Go sit over in that third chair and we’ll get started.”

Rebecca appeared a moment later in the mirror with a black apron tied around her waist. Maggie came over and stood beside her. At Tommy’s confused look, Maggie shot him a grin. “I’m learnin’. Okay with you if I look on?”

“Sure.” Tommy trusted that Rebecca wouldn’t let Maggie shave his head or do anything too wild under her watch.

Rebecca looked down at Tommy’s head as her fingers threaded absentmindedly through his hair. “What are we doing today?”

Tommy looked up at his hair in the mirror. “I just want it neat. Professional. I usually blow-dry it in the mornings and use some product to tame it, so it’s okay if it’s a little longer up top.”

“Perfect. Let’s get you washed and then we’ll have you out of here in less than an hour.”

Tommy felt himself relax as Rebecca worked expert fingers through his hair, massaging in the shampoo. His neck and shoulders had been tight for the past week, no matter how much stretching he did at home.

He’d had a lot on his mind. There was the promotion on the horizon, which meant every little thing he did at work mattered. Every sales report, every dissatisfied customer, every employee review took all of his focus and attention. He was logging longer hours to keep up with it all.

You want this , he sometimes had to remind himself when the demands of the job had him running around town putting out fires. You’re doing this because you want this fucking promotion and everything is going to get easier when you get it .

He’d barely seen Chuck outside of their swimming practices, and he missed him. He missed being at his house and sharing dinner. He missed the download at the end of the day, the chance to decompress with someone who actually gave a shit about how he was doing.

And then there was the whole masturbating in the car thing.

That had happened.

He’d fucked his fist thinking about his best friend, and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since. He’d been thinking about dicks and mouths and all of the things two people with dicks could get up to.

Now that he’d started thinking about it, he couldn’t stop. There was a niggling in his brain that provided an endless stream of ‘what if’s.’

Tommy and Courtney had had a lot of sex during their marriage. Good sex. He’d left their encounters with his dick happy and his heart full. What more was there to ask for?

He knew blowjobs. He knew the wet suction of a hot mouth. He’d felt a throat constrict around the head of his dick. But when he’d looked down he’d seen the features of a woman. He’d felt full tits pressing against his thighs.

What if?

What if when he slid his thumb over a cheek he felt the roughness of stubble? What if he felt wide, freckled shoulders under his palms? What if there were blue eyes blinking up at him with tears leaking out of the corners as he choked on Tommy’s cock?

“You okay?”

Tommy blinked, meeting Rebecca’s concerned gaze in the mirror.

He felt his cheeks heat. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“You look like you’re tryin’ to digest oak bark,” Maggie commented, her eyes on the back of his head where Rebecca’s fingers worked a small pair of scissors.

He glanced between the two women, weighing the pros and cons of opening his mouth.

He wasn’t at work. He wasn’t playing the game, trying to impress Rick. And the person he would usually go to, the one he knew would take him seriously—well, he was the one Tommy needed to talk about.

He could start small—test the waters. He wet his lips. “How do you know you’re into someone?”

Both women looked surprised by the question.

“Like, what makes you attracted to someone?” Tommy clarified.

“For me it starts in my body. Physical attraction wakes me up, and then once I get the chance to talk to someone everythin’ else either comes up or it doesn’t,” Maggie said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

Rebecca seemed to think about it for longer. “I remember being a teenager and so much of attraction for me was fantasy. I’d watch Marlon Wayans on TV and my imagination would run wild.” She laughed, shaking her head. “Honestly, I didn’t even fantasize about anything sexual. It was all holding hands and him buying me flowers. But since then, attraction has always been a spark of curiosity. I see someone, and something about them draws me in and I want to learn more. That’s how it was with Darius. He came into the diner where I was working and sure, he was handsome, but more than that, I just wanted to get to know him.”

“What about you?” Maggie asked, looking right at Tommy.

The question stumped him. He tried to pinpoint exactly what it was that had drawn him to Courtney. She’d been in one of his classes freshman year, and they’d been paired up for a group project. After weeks of working together, something had sparked in him: a slow, growing interest in more than just her vibrant company and teasing. From there, it was history.

“Attraction has always sort of snuck up on me,” he finally said. “That’s how it was with Courtney. I was sitting there, hanging out with her one day, and I just realized she was attractive.” He shrugged. “Makes casual dating weird, that’s for sure.”

For a moment it was quiet, save for the snick snick of the scissors.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Rebecca said carefully. “Attraction is personal. If it takes you a while to warm up to someone in that way, or if you need to be friends with someone first, then that’s fine.”

Tommy tried to look inside, to untangle all of the thoughts and impulses and wants that blurred together in his mind. The more he thought about it, the more clear it became: he’d just woken up one day, and, although he had no idea why, there was a tight curl of want in his belly when he thought about his best friend.

Maybe it could be that simple. Maybe his body wanted Chuck and that was enough of an explanation.

His bouncing knee fluttered the black apron cape that was cinched around his neck. “I had a moment the other night.”

“A moment?” Rebecca arched a brow at him.

“In my car. Alone.”

“Normally I’m pretty damn good at readin’ between the lines, but I’m completely lost here.”

Tommy blew out a breath, and before he could second guess himself he blurted out: “I jacked off in my car the other night.”

Maggie reared back, mouth wide open, but then quickly broke down into cackling laughter. “I’m a bartender, and even I wasn’t expectin’ that to come out of your mouth.”

“Fuck off,” Tommy said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I was with Chuck. We were watching Spartacus , like we do. And Spartacus makes us horny.”

Rebecca blinked at him. “There’s so much to unpack there,” she started. “I mean, the fact that you watch what is literally the horniest show of all time together is…something.”

“Right! It’s so horny!”

Maggie looked between the two of them. “I’m missin’ somethin’ here.”

Rebecca side-eyed her. “It’s horny Romans, orgies, fighting, and weird power dynamics. You’re not missing out.”

“Okaaay. But back to your story about givin’ yourself a rub n’ tug while drivin’.”

“I wasn’t driving!”

“Tommy. The story.”

“Fuck. Fine. We were watching and then Chuck kicked me out of the house so that he could, you know, jack off. Which is fine, obviously. It’s good to masturbate. Sex is good. So then I was in my car and I kept thinking about, you know, Chuck.” He swallowed, realizing just what he was saying out loud. What he was putting words to for the very first time. “And I was feeling things. Lots of things. But I made sure to pull over somewhere private before I, you know, felt things.”

Any pretense of cutting his hair faded. “So,” Rebecca began, speaking slowly. “Thinking about Chuck doing things brought up some feelings in you?”

Tommy nodded.

“Was it a Romans havin’ orgies thing or a Chuck thing?” Gone was the teasing and jabbing Maggie. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her so serious.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. And that was the fucking kicker, right there.

Rebecca caught his eye in the mirror. “How are you feeling about it now?”

How was he feeling about it?

“Fine,” he admitted. “I can’t pretend like it didn’t feel fucking good, like something cracked open in me that I can’t close again. I just can’t stop thinking about dicks and freckles.”

Both women blinked at him, their expressions thoughtful.

Tommy’s mind started spinning, filling in the quiet. “Is this weird? Does this need to be a thing? Do I need to sit everyone down and tell them that I’m thinking about a man and feeling things?”

Rebecca held up a hand to stop him. “Hey. Slow down.” She dropped her hand to his shoulder and squeezed. “You don’t have to do anything or tell anyone anything unless you want to. You don’t have to slap on a label if it doesn’t feel right. You get to take your time and explore, if that’s what you want.” A kind smile spread across her face. “People do change, you know. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Tommy thought about it—exploring. Trying things out. Changing . He liked the sound of that. He could follow whatever this feeling was that some combination of Chuck and Spartacus had awoken in him. Surely there was porn for that…

“You know somethin’ Tommy?” Maggie sat down in the chair next to him. “We all give you shit for bein’ an asshole, but that’s all teasin’. There’s more to you than you let on.”

He snorted a laugh. “Thanks?”

She kicked out and nudged his foot with one of her boots. “That’s a good thing. It’s a good thing to be sweet. To be gentle. Our world tells boys they have to go out into the world with their fists up, but that’s a bunch of bullshit.”

“What she said.” Rebecca and Maggie high fived. “Let’s finish this cut before our next appointment gets here. And Tommy,” she leaned over and rested her chin on the top of his head, and something in him felt a little wobbly at the warmth in her smile. “If you need to talk about any of this, I’m here. Changes can be scary.”

The rest of the haircut passed in a bit of a blur. Tommy was aware that they had kept talking, but he had no idea what he’d said or what they’d talked about.

Exploring. Trying. Changing .

* * *

Tommy pulled up to the Avondale branch after his cut, happy to see the lot was practically empty.

Good . One of the most common misunderstandings about the rental car business was that you didn’t actually want to have a full lot on your hands. Cars on the lot were cars not making money.

The lobby was empty when he walked in with a paper bag in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

“Happy Friday, people!” he called out. Immediately, heads poked out from the office and the bank of computers along the back wall. “Where’s your fearless leader?”

James, a short, Black kid fresh out of college who had impeccable taste in suits, pointed to the back door. “Said she wanted to wash a car to get back into it, sir.”

Tommy laughed as he shook his head. “Sounds just like her. You guys have something in the back we could use as a vase for these?”

Maria, another one of the younger employees, jumped to her feet. “I’ve got it.”

“How are your brothers doing?” Tommy asked as he handed off the flowers and set the bag down on the counter. “Antonio’s team made the playoffs, right?”

Maria launched into a detailed rundown of her younger brother’s playoff baseball game, and Tommy felt like a million dollars. This was what he loved. Knowing his people. They weren’t just his employees. As a manager, his job was to put the right people in the right places and then give them what they needed to succeed.

He took great pride in being a good guy to work for. He took the time to get to know everyone who worked in his branches. The sales people, the drivers, and the car preps who worked in the back washing cars all day. For the business to run, all of them needed to be on it. They needed to be a team. He hadn’t been able to figure out how to be a good husband, but fuck if he wasn’t an excellent boss.

Just then, the back door opened, and Sarah, the branch manager, walked in. She wore a blazer and slacks with heels, and had her blonde hair tied back in a ponytail.

“Welcome back!” Tommy enveloped her in a quick hug. “How does it feel to be back on the grind?”

He pulled back and caught her wide but tired smile. “It’s good,” she said. “I’m exhausted, but it’s good.”

Immediately, Tommy’s head started working through solutions. “What if we have Jace open a few days a week? Give you extra time with Declan in the mornings?” Jace was Sarah’s assistant manager, who’d stepped up while Sarah was on maternity leave. Declan, her little boy, was the cutest and chubbiest thing Tommy had ever seen. He’d showered the new baby with gifts, and had sent over a few easy dinner meals for the young family in the days after Declan was born.

He took care of his people.

Sarah waved off the offer. “I’m okay for now, Tommy. Seriously. Abe is working from home, so we’ve got it covered.”

“You tell me if anything changes, okay?”

She smiled. “I promise, boss.”

Tommy pointed over to the bouquet that sat on the front counter. “I brought over some flowers and snacks for the team. Just wanted to welcome you back.”

Sarah looked up at him. “You a good one, Tommy.”

When Tommy extended a fist, she bumped her own against his.

“I’ve got to jet,” he said to the group. “James, let’s do lunch next week so we can review the material for your management qualifying test. I’ll text you.”

James shot him a thumbs up. “Thank you!”

“Go sell!” Tommy yelled as the branch door closed behind him.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket as he climbed into his car.

“Boss,” he said when he answered.

“Listen, Tommy.” Rick’s voice was too loud, and Tommy held the phone away from his ear. “I need you to get me updated numbers for the area tonight. I’ve got a call with corporate in the morning and haven’t had time to put it all together. You got me?”

Tommy stifled his sigh. He’d planned on showing up at Chuck’s house with some take out and a fresh batch of cookies. But he knew these were the moments Rick measured. When it came down to it, was Tommy willing to go the extra mile?

“I got you,” he said to Rick.

“Good man! Always doing what needs to be done.”

The line clicked, and it was silent in his car. He allowed himself a single groan before he steeled himself for the work ahead of him. You want this , he reminded himself. You’ve worked hard for this.

Guess it was leftovers and staring at his laptop instead of seeing Chuck tonight. Disappointment sank in his gut. At least he’d see him at David’s birthday that weekend.

* * *

In spite of the exhaustion that weighed down his eyelids, Tommy tossed his laptop, a box of tissues, and a bottle of lotion onto the smooth blankets of his made bed.

He should go to sleep, but he had some research to do.

He stripped down to his boxer briefs, and took a moment to make himself comfortable against the pillows before he opened his laptop and navigated to a porn site.

His fingers paused over the keys, his cursor blinking in the search bar. Swallowing, he typed “gay” and hit enter.

Holy shit . There were more naked bodies than he knew what to do with, male bodies thrusting and backs arching and dicks front and center. Neither his mind nor his body seemed to know how to react to the onslaught of dicks.

Maybe he needed to be more specific.

With every new search query, his body reacted more to what he was seeing. Who knew he had a thing for white jock straps? His dick was already half hard as he scrolled through locker room scenes, his breathing getting quicker as his imagination started to run with the clips looping on the screen.

And then he saw a freckled face and red curls, and he was scrambling to click on the video. As it queued up, Tommy shoved his underwear down and pumped a generous pile of lotion into his palm.

The man was too short and his curls weren’t the right shade of red, but holy fuck was it close enough that, if he blurred his eyes, he could picture another redhead standing there in nothing but a white jock.

He started to stroke his cock as the scene unfolded. He barely noticed the other man in the scene, his focus intent on the way the redhead dropped to his knees and swallowed down the thick cock that was offered to him.

Fuck , it was hot. It was hot in a way he hadn’t been expecting, and his breath quickened and heat tightened and twisted in his abdomen as the camera angle switched. The view changed to look down at the redhead sucking dick like a pro, his cheeks hollowed and his eyes wide and glossy with tears.

It was happening too fast, his hand working frantically on his dick as he imagined it was him , that he was the one looking down at a beautiful man in a white jock on his knees. Maybe he would get the chance to return the favor when he finished, because Tommy needed to see how this man’s features contorted when he came.

Tommy came hard, so fucking hard the release left him trembling, the image of red curls and wide blue eyes and freckles the color of cinnamon still hovering in his mind. Pulse after pulse of cum shot onto his stomach, and Tommy closed his eyes, reluctant to let go of the moment until his dick was sensitive to the touch.

He forced himself to breathe as he grabbed a handful of tissues to mop up the mess on his abdomen. A mess that should have been swallowed down someone’s throat, he mused.

Tommy felt an unexpected sense of relief as he threw away the tissues and stashed the lotion and laptop on his empty night stand. Some part of him knew he should probably be asking more questions, that moments like the one he’d just experienced were supposed to be life-changing.

But the way Tommy saw it, the answer was simple. His body had decided it wanted freckles and a particular shade of red hair, firm muscles and a hard jaw, and Tommy was consumed by a ravenous curiosity about how it would feel to have a dick in his mouth. His body yearned for Chuck McCormac, his best friend and, arguably, his favorite person in the world.