Page 6 of Petals and Strings (Broken Melodies #1)

Chapter Six

Audrey

“ T hey were never your pack, Audrey.” The words rattled around in my head as I stared back at my therapist, trying to find the punchline.

“No, I remember it just fine,” I argued, shaking my head. “Every touch, every heat.”

My eyes drifted closed and I brought up the images, daring them to betray me. There they were, smiles just for me, soft touches and kisses, lingering scents I’ll never forget.

“No. It was all in your head.” Theo said the words so gently, but their impact was like a bomb dropping. The shrapnel exploding out and taking out any and every hint of the reality I thought I knew. “They’re hers.”

He handed over a folder of news articles and PackVlog posts. My hands shook violently as I picked up the article, terrified to read the words on the page.

“No,” I tried again, my voice even more pathetic now. “I remember.”

“Our minds can do a lot to protect us,” he explained. “It was your brain’s way of protecting you.”

I blinked back the tears forming in my eyes so I could keep reading. Every single one had a cute, little curly-haired omega with the pack that was mine. Announcement of their bonding ceremony and life together.

No, this isn’t right. She shouldn’t be there. I should be.

Did they leave because of my past? No, they couldn’t be that cruel. I knew them. They were sweet, attentive, commanding.

“They were cheating?” I asked, tears welling in my eyes that I couldn’t stop this time. I blinked them away quickly so I could study the group again. There was obvious chemistry in the pictures. The alpha’s eyes were soft for her, the others touching her in small ways.

They belonged. It looked so natural.

My heart ached at the sight, and it took everything in me not to break down in front of the therapist. I didn’t trust him yet and I didn't want anyone to see the level of hurt aching within me. I’d always been good and hiding it and I couldn’t stop now.

Not unless I knew I could trust him.

“Look at them, Audrey. Really, look,” he urged. “Try to picture her.”

God, the omega was everything I wasn’t. Her smile was sweet, the freckles dotting her face and wide-innocent eyes gave her the illusion of being innocent.

But she wasn’t. She stole my pack.

Pain turned to anger swiftly. Outrage burned hot and volatile in my gut, making my hands shake and my body vibrate against it.

“Calm down, Audrey, or I’ll have to sedate you,” he warned as he wrote a few notes on the paper in his lap. “Your medication should have evened your emotions out.”

There was a sharpness to his voice despite the mask of indifference. It held a warning. This man tried to appear kind, but right now he was acting like he’d rather control me than help me.

Would he rather I act like a zombie? No emotions, drugged out of my mind, drifting around like a ghost? I’d seen other patients like that. They barely looked coherent, being led around by staff like they didn’t even know where they were.

I didn’t want that. That wouldn’t get me out of here and into a life I deserved.

The meds were awful, but necessary. That part I understood. I didn’t feel like myself yet, but I couldn’t deny that my head was clearer now. My thoughts sharper than they had been in a long time.

Memories? Not so much. That was still blocked, as if my brain refused to grant me access outside of my time with the pack.

“No,” I growled, my teeth bared as I glared at Theo. I wanted to lash out, to hurt him like he was trying to do to me. “I’m allowed to be angry. I never even moved or attacked you, so threatening me is low and makes you look weak.”

His eyes widened in surprise. He simply stared at me for a second before his features softened and he deflated a bit.

I had a feeling more lies were coming.

“I have to protect myself. It’s not my preference but you have already lashed out at staff members and I am telling you information that could set you off,” he pointed out.

It was blunt and he waited, letting the words hang between us.

“They’re my pack. I don’t know who she is, but it’s all a lie,” I said. My voice was an angry hiss that had him letting out a sigh.

“We were afraid you’d think that. Do you remember what happened to you before you met them, Audrey? Where you were?”

Before.

My mind was a void. There were memories buried but they wouldn’t surface, even when I tried to force it.

“No.”

“I’m sorry to have to do this. We don’t want you to suffer, but you have to know the before, to deal with the after, Audrey.”

Dread pooled in my stomach as I watched him shuffle papers on his desk to reveal another folder. I saw my name scrawled across the top, a black and white photo of my face secured with a paperclip on the front.

It was wrong. I looked… different. Frail. Dirty. Haunted.

He carefully placed it in front of me. When I refused to move, simply staring at the ghost of my former-self, Theo leaned forward to open the folder so I had no choice but to view my grim past.

Several pictures were placed in front of me, Theo spreading them out so they were all displayed. Bruises. Mutilated bite marks. A black eye. Bleeding cuts on the bottom of her feet and legs.

The worst was her… no, my , face.

As I stared, I could feel the phantom pain of it all. The grime lingering on my skin. It wasn’t the kind that builds up from hard work, but the kind that accumulates over time, leaving it sinking into your soul and tarnishing it forever.

My feet were bare and the nightgown I wore was torn, streaked in blood and fluids, and nearly see-through it was so worn.

My hair was matted and clumped together. Eyes dark and hollow. Empty voids that screamed of dissociation.

“Who is this?” I asked, refusing to admit I knew the truth.

At my core, I knew, didn’t I? Knew where this was. Who did this to me.

Stale coffee and cigars filled my senses, making me flinch back and curl in on myself, I flung the folder away before hugging my knees like it could save me from the gruesome truth.

“The scars on your chest, Audrey. Where did they come from?”

“Them,” I whispered in a barely-there waver. I could see their faces now, feel their unwanted touches.

“Who are they ?” he asked, still gentle and calm, unwavering against the emotions pummeling me into a blob of emotion and shame.

Sins I never consented to.

They didn’t just break me, they broke her .

The omega that lived inside me. She’d retreated long ago. I could feel her there now as I looked back down at the photo, stirring in fear and horror.

My eyelids fluttered closed as the flashbacks started, an onslaught I’d hidden away for so long that I couldn’t do anything to brace myself as they slammed through me over and over again.

“Yes, Mom,” I grumbled. “I’m on my way now. It was just a study group.”

My argument fell on deaf ears as she continued to rant at me about punctuality. That was the hardest thing to come to terms with in regards to my mother. You were either perfect, or a disgrace, there was no in between.

Before I could say another word my phone was yanked from my hand, an alpha’s dark growl echoing out as he barked for me to stay still and be quiet.

My jaw locked down even though I fought against the alpha’s command, but it didn’t matter. The pause had given them long enough to slap duct tape over my mouth and throw me into a waiting van.

That was the last time I’d talked to my mother for over ten years. Ten fucking years of brutality and assault.

Ten damn years of loneliness, pain, and grime.

Alpha barks forcing me to do whatever they pleased, even if that was to scream against the pain they inflicted.

Sharp knives, fists, teeth, tore at my skin until my brain was fuzzy and my body no more than a heap.

Broken bones.

Thrown into my dark cell and dragging myself to my corner for some attempt at safety.

The sting of a syringe. So hot, skin stinging and feverish, slick sliding down my thighs.

Rut. Claimed. Used. Shame.

Then it was over and when my body didn’t swell with their babies, it started again. The time in between was my only reprieve. They wouldn’t let them hurt me quite as bad.

Nothing to harm the baby.

When it failed, years of bearing no children they could sell, then the bonding started.

“Bite the omega, then she’ll finally fucking learn to be a real omega.”

As if the years and money they received for random alphas using my broken body wasn’t enough for me to give.

They wanted my babies, too.

“No!” It was the first reaction I’d had in years, my cries desperate. My captor grinned, a flash of rotting teeth and pure, unfiltered glee in his eyes.

“Ah, there she is,” he purred. “Give us what we want, sweetheart. It’ll be better for both of us.”

“Don’t press that button,” a voice commanded, the sudden interruption and burst of bourbon, vanilla, smoky leather, and pine resin cutting off the flashbacks enough for them to fade, the world coming back into focus.

A firm hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly, as the alpha leaned down. His breath was warm as it fanned over my ear.

“You have to find something to cling to. Come out of your head before he presses that fucking button, wildling. Otherwise, it’s ‘lights out’ for days.”

My fingers curled into fists, clinging to the soft fabric of my sweatpants, his voice rolling over me in a soft rumble.

I was trying, but I could still see my cold, empty cell. Feel the shame drowning me and scarring my omega all over again.

“Breathe in. What do you smell?”

He’d leaned in close again, his scent pushing away the stale cigars and coffee, the rancid odor of unwashed bodies.

“You,” I said, voice stronger than I felt. I took another breath, holding tightly to his presence.

He was an alpha. I shouldn’t like him this close. My omega disagreed. She was perking up again, peeking out to greet him.

A stranger. An unknown. Clearly, she had no survival instincts.

“Now open those eyes and let Theo know that you’re stable,” he ordered. It wasn't a bark, but I had to listen.

My eyes flickered up to the beta standing at his desk. I still didn’t trust him, but he didn’t press the button.

That was a fucking start.

“I think that’s enough for today,” he said, turning around and sliding off his glasses as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose like I had caused this scene.

My hand darted out faster than my brain could realize, snatching the picture of that broken girl.

It wasn’t safe to face those demons here, but I’d have to face them.

He forced me to see my past, then when it hit me hard he was ready to simply sedate me instead of bringing me back.

I’d only hit the surface. Didn’t realize the full extent.

Now, I had to know.

Ledger saw what I did. The alpha that smelled like danger and safety all at once. With his buzzed, silver hair and electric blue eyes that pierced right through the layers around me and stared into my soul.

He saw the girl underneath. The fighter.

I hated that I trusted him.

Alphas were bad.

Not this one, my omega immediately argued with a flash of conviction. She liked him, and that had never happened before.

What the hell was I supposed to do with that?

More than that, where the hell had she been? It had been years since I felt her presence, let alone her feelings.

Why now?

“Come on, wildling. Let’s go for a walk,” Ledger offered. He didn’t give me his hand or help me up. He stood to the side waiting with the patience of a saint as I stared at him for a solid two minutes before letting myself stand and follow.

“Are we allowed to walk wherever?"

“Yes,” he said as he led me through the common rooms and out a side door. “Just keep in mind that handy little bracelet you wear will sedate you the moment you try to run.”

I snorted. “And go where? They’d just drag me back here.”

He didn’t say anything to argue against that, simply kept his steady presence next to me as we walked out into the afternoon sunshine.

The grounds weren’t anything amazing. There was a field of perfectly cut grass, a few boring flowers, and some stones barricading them into clusters.

That was it.

Beyond the lawn was that large iron fence that separated us from the rest of the world. Trees blocked us from view, hiding us away from the world.

Too dangerous and broken for polite society.

“Is this place as bad as it seems?”

He glanced back at the door where a nurse was now watching, holding it open so we knew she was there.

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “Definitely at first. What Theo did was bullshit, though.”

“So, he’s not just an awful therapist?”

“That’s a hard question. It’s like comparing scorpions to spiders. He’s one of the few not-so-bad people here,” he admitted. “But are any of them truly good ? If they aren’t just oblivious like Cross, they’re monsters.”

“He forced me into my memories then tried to knock me out. How are we supposed to fucking heal if we’re zonked out every time they try to fix us?”

“Good fucking point, wildling.”

There was that nickname again. I didn’t question why he used it. I assumed it had everything to do with how crazy I was when I arrived.

I just worried that crazy was only going to get worse from here. The memories were coming back now, abrupt and unforgiving, and the pain they left behind was enough for me to wish my captors had just killed me like they planned.