Page 2 of Petals and Strings (Broken Melodies #1)

Chapter Two

Caspian

M y fingers ran lightly over my necklace. The two rings, one bigger than the other, were warm from resting against my skin. It was reassuring.

The necklace was my lifeline here.

Others were moving around me, shifting uncomfortably in their chairs while Theo tried and failed to conduct group therapy.

He always failed, never truly trying to get our group to open up or asking the right questions to keep us talking.

It was like he simply used basic knowledge and put it into play, never reading the room and facing the people here with a single ounce of empathy.

As he droned on about the importance of talking about our bullshit feelings, I slipped into my usual quiet. The rest of the world faded into a low buzz, then silence, as I drowned in the memories I clung to with everything I had.

“Daddy!” the word struck me right through the heart, a smile forming on my face as my little girl ran full-tilt at me after wiggling free from her mama’s arms.

My omega, Tatum, laughed at our daughter’s antics. She was all smiles and wavy, brown hair blowing in the wind. Our daughter was her mini-me, right down to the vibrant, green eyes and dimples on their left cheeks.

“She was dying to get home and show you this,” Tatum laughed as I picked up Lilly and swung her in a circle. We stopped in front of her mama as she held up her latest art project.

Our girl was talented for her age. Five and already making detailed art, including the right kind of shading. In a few years, she’d have true talent.

For now, our walls and fridge were covered in her many projects. She hung up each one with a proud grin.

“Another one for the future art gallery,” I said with a gasp, taking the picture of a dog and studying it closely. She giggled as I gushed about every little detail.

That sound was my favorite.

Her laughter faded into screams, jarring me from my memories. I could ignore most of the world, but sudden shifts in sound were a sure way to do it.

Unfortunately, that happened a lot around here. Ash Recovery Center didn’t house the stable, docile people of the world.

No. The opposite.

Most of us were lost in our memories or our minds, a prison that had no escape. My grief left me screaming in the night and fighting against the void growing in my chest.

In those dark moments, the nightmares of me holding my bleeding girls against my chest and screaming for help, I was among the loudest.

The current scream filling the air had Theo gently guiding me to a nearby chair.

When did he move me? How did we get here?

Being lost in the fog meant I had a lot of moments of finding myself somewhere new when I finally managed to escape back to reality.

Though, escape wasn’t the right word. I’d live there if I could. Forever. Though, my attempts to do that sent me here, the angry scars and phantom pain in my gut stark reminders that I tried.

And failed.

Just like I failed them.

“Stay here,” Theo said gently. “I have to help. Our new arrival is here.”

The screams echoed out louder now and he winced, giving me a gentle pat before running to the other side of the lobby.

A woman, an omega with a shock of blonde hair and covered in dirt and grime, fought the police who had her cuffed between them.

She snarled at them, baring her teeth like an alpha. This little beast was drawing a crowd, more orderlies and therapists rushing out to either gawk at her or help.

A small half-smile curved over my lips as I watched her fight. She definitely had fire. It was loud enough to keep me present and that was no easy feat.

She continued to fight them until Director Cross clicked a bracelet on her wrists. She didn't know yet not to fight against it. It was something we all wore at the beginning.

I lost mine two years in.

She’d learn soon enough that it was best to not show them your crazy. We were long-term stays. They weren’t aiming to send us home, they were studying us, trying out new experimental medicines that made you feel awful, and reporting back to the powers that be.

Okay, that was a bit ‘conspiracy theorist’ of me, but it felt like the truth. Our meds were always changing, our symptoms up and down enough to make anyone dizzy, and we were constantly kept in the dark.

We were the anomalies, the horror stories of what could happen when you loved and lost or tempted fate.

Either way, once you crossed that threshold, there was no going back.

A gust of air blew in as a nurse walked inside. The door caught her attention right as the police went for her cuffs. I could see it coming a mile away, but they didn’t.

Not at first.

Even if she did break through, the bracelet had a tracker, working like a dog with an electric fence. It would sedate her the moment she got over it. If she even made it that far.

A single inch off the property line and it was lights out.

They snatched her body out of the air with ease, her screams forcing my mind to snap back to another memory.

“No!” My screams were stolen by the wind and sirens. Blue and red flashing lights. A fan of dark hair on the pavement.

Blood. So much blood.

A feral scream broke free, my voice echoing in the night.

Only, it wasn’t simply in my head. My screams and hers melded until she succumbed to the sedative.

A sob escaped me, as broken and jagged as the gaping hole in my chest. It tore me open every time I was forced to watch that scene unfold again.

I’d tried to avoid those memories. The dark ones.

A sharp prick in my bicep was followed by that awful icy sedative hit me, too. It wasn’t long until my memories faded completely, leaving me right back in the lobby.

The girl was carried away as a few nurses stood over her. She was docile now, the cold, ghostly touch of sedatives slowing her mind and fight.

Two orderlies forced me to my feet, escorting me back to the west wing. I trudged along with stumbling steps. My mind was calm and numb.

They took away my memories. My emotions. A blessing and a curse.

The orderlies deposited me on a chair in our hall. Leaving me with the silence of an empty room and my sluggish thoughts.

My fingers shook as I ran them over my wrist. The fading ridges of my old mate mark were still there, reminding me that I didn’t just fail them once, I failed them twice.

I should be with my family.

Tears ran silently down my cheeks as I closed my eyes, desperate to find them in my mind, but the drugs made it impossible.

I was too numb to fight. To scream. To move.

It was such a strange feeling to cry and know the phantom pain, but not able to truly feel it anymore. I would never get used to it.

Time passed slowly. The steady crawl of minutes into hours. The sun falling steadily and casting the common area in shadows.

“Did they get you again?” Ledger asked on a sigh as he walked in. I blinked up at the alpha as he ran a hand over his buzzed, silver hair, eyes full of frustration on my behalf. “It’s time to eat.”

He helped me up, keeping me steady as I swayed. His scent was strong, dominant. It grounded me in the moment and helped tear away the final dregs of the sedatives. Bourbon, vanilla, leather, pine. It always reminded me of safety and friendship. That I wasn’t completely alone here.

“Come on.” He didn’t walk until I was steady. He always helped, but I didn’t expect him to. We were not supposed to be friends or allies, simply ghosts occupying the same space.

Our own bodies and minds at war with us. Yet, he rarely showed his own pain.

If only I could be that strong.

“Keep going,” he urged, our steps steady and slow as we trudged down the main hall while others passed us.

The dining hall was busy when we finally stumbled in. Theo greeted me at the door, eyeing Ledger’s arm around me with annoyance.

“I worried you wouldn’t make it. I’m sorry about the new patient triggering you,” he said with enough kindness to make me blink over at him. It was out of place for him. “They’ll wear off soon. Let me get you a plate.”

He took me from Ledger and guided me to a table, making sure I sat before disappearing. To the outside eye he would look like a good therapist. I didn’t trust it any more than I trusted him.

When my tray was placed in front of me I didn’t bother to look at what I was putting in my mouth, tasting nothing but sand as I chewed and swallowed like a good little puppet.

Docile.

Quiet.

Unbroken.