Page 11 of Petals and Strings (Broken Melodies #1)

Chapter Ten

Caspian

D r. Malik’s dark eyes studied me. I always felt small and unsure when he stayed silent like this. Like he was waiting and watching for me to fall apart so he could try something new.

He’d done that before. Shoved new meds at me that left me twisted in knots and sick for weeks. Some took my feelings away completely, hid my memories from me. Others simply made those emotions stronger until I was drowning helplessly.

A time or two they did nothing, but I felt angrier, stronger, ready to tear apart the world with a drop of a hat.

Then the moment I acted out, threw my tray across the dining hall or flipped a table, I was knocked out and woke up with a new set of pills.

The issue was that medicine wouldn’t bring them back to me.

“Your sister will be calling soon, so it won’t be long,” he said in that monotone voice of his. “How are you feeling, today?”

“Same as usual.”

“No nausea? Anger? Twitching or shaking muscles?” He listed off a host of side-effects, most of which I was too numb to notice.

His frown deepened when I shook my head. He looked genuinely surprised and a little disappointed.

Did he want me to suffer?

Before I could go down a whole rabbit hole of paranoia, which was probably another side-effect, he waved his hand to dismiss me. “You can go. Director Cross should be waiting up front in his office.”

The director always talked to my sister first, updating her on my progress. I wondered what they spoke about. I didn’t feel like I was an exciting patient in the least. Half the time I stayed locked away in my head. Mostly by choice and self-preservation.

Today, though, my mind was active. My alpha seemed almost restless but I couldn’t figure out why or what had changed. He was usually silent, he’d retreated when we lost Tatum and Lilly. I’d barely been an alpha since. He’d left me docile, both of us too traumatized to function.

Until now, apparently. It felt like he was stumbling out of the shadows and starting to pay attention.

But, why?

A flash of Audrey’s face hit me and I blinked, stunned. I hadn’t thought of another omega since Tatum died.

I scented Audrey when she arrived, of course. She seemed kind enough, her scent a soothing mix of floral and clean spice with an undercurrent of omega sweetness.

It was nothing like Tatum’s. My omega was all sugary sweetness and easy smiles.

Audrey was new, but was she really the reason my alpha was perking up, or was it simply a coincidence?

If we were scent-matches, I’d have more of a reaction.

I didn’t have time to think on it as I was ushered out of the infirmary and walked toward the lobby.

“Come in,” Director Cross called out the moment I knocked. I pushed the door open to greet his smiling face. He gestured for the chair in front of his desk. “He’s here, Sarah. Let me hand the phone over. It was a pleasure talking to you again.”

Strange. They sounded like friends.

Then again, they talked every week for years now. How had I not noticed just how easy their conversations came?

How much else had I missed?

My fingers wrapped around the receiver. It was smooth and cool, grounding me as I pressed it to my ear.

“Hello.”

“Caspian!” Sarah was always bright and bubbly. My opposite. “I’ve missed you. Last time we talked you weren’t feeling well.”

“Sorry,” I said automatically. She let out a sigh in response.

“You know you don’t have to say that, Cas. Are you feeling any better?” There was a spark of hope in her voice. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to nurture it and play along or admit the truth.

“It’s a good day,” I admitted, opting not to lie. “I’m not sure what changed but I feel a bit more clear today.”

“Really? That’s wonderful. I feel like you haven’t sounded this good since you arrived there, little brother,” she said, her voice cracking. “I’ve missed you so damn much.”

My heart broke for the pain I’d caused her. She was always bright and full of sunshine. She and Tatum got along so well because they were both like that.

After our parents died, I’d tried my best to take care of her, but it always ended up the other way around. She worked two jobs so I could finish school, then was able to take a bit of a break when I’d gone to college and started my life, but we always had our weekly calls and meetups.

How did I forget how much I needed her and she needed me?

I was a terrible brother.

“I’m sorry for being so messed up,” I said in a hoarse whisper. Fuck, being aware was painful.

“You didn’t ask to be broken, Cas,” she promised. I could hear her shaky breaths and knew tears were falling.

“How have you been? Tell me about the world outside of this place.”

She perked up them, rattling on about her job at a school and the little bookstore that opened next door. How she’d met the worker there and they hit it off. I could feel her excitement and sensed the smile in her voice.

It was nice to know she was finding her own version of happiness. I just hated that I was missing it all.

“I’m so happy for you, Sarah. I’m going to keep fighting to make it out of here. These meds are going well for me. Maybe this is what I needed,” I said, vowing to myself to make a change.

“That would make me so happy, Cas. I want my brother back,” she begged, her voice cracking again. “Maybe you’ll be up for me visiting again, soon. We could catch up more. I have so many pictures to show you. Plus, I could use a hug from my little brother.”

“I’d like that.”

She had no clue how badly I needed it, too. A connection outside of here.

We talked a bit longer before ending the call. Something new had settled in my chest. A reminder that I had more out there to fight for. That maybe the past shouldn’t have all of my attention, even though I had no intentions of letting go completely or forgetting my girls.

Sarah needed me, too.

When I stepped out of Cross’s office, he was waiting nearby. He smiled warmly at me like usual. When I smiled back, he seemed surprised, but pleased.

“Good call?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “I’m feeling… more awake? It was nice to hear her voice.”

The director looked like I’d handed him something amazing. His smile widened and he clapped me on the shoulder.

“That’s amazing news, Caspian. I’m so glad to hear it. I’ll be keeping an eye on your care team to make sure it stays this way. We’ll bring you back,” he promised. “Theo is running group therapy outside today, you can head out, it starts soon.”

He gestured to the front door that was currently propped open. Nancy, our usual nurse, was waiting nearby in case she was needed. She offered me a smile as I passed before returning to her charts.

Theo was waiting, sitting in a chair and facing a set of blankets laid out. Rydell was sitting in the back, Ansel in the opposite corner. I made sure to sit away from the omega, leaving space for Ledger and Kane. Both of which were a gentle buffer for his fear of alphas.

Kane walked out, all smiles as he soaked in the sun and sat down next to Ansel like this was an everyday thing we did. I couldn’t remember a single time he’d brought us out here.

Ledger found us next, settling next to me and leaning back, tilting his head up to the sun and soaking it in. He always seemed so sane and settled.

Did he even belong here?

Another thing I hadn’t put much thought into.

“You good today, bro?” Ledger asked, peeking over at me before closing his eyes again. I was staring, couldn’t blame him for asking.

“Just… thinking I’ve missed out on a lot of things,” I admitted. He hummed as he nodded.

“You’ve been out of it for a long time. Malik change your meds again?”

“Not this time. I think I’ve just gotten used to them. Only took a month this time,” I groaned, leaning back as well to soak in some sun.

"Let’s hope it stays that way. It’s nice to have you around,” he said. Theo huffed out a breath of annoyance that had us facing forward again.

He was staring down at his watch and frowning. I turned to the door, wondering where Audrey was. Theo didn’t like lateness.

She came rushing out about two minutes later, face red and out of breath.

“You’re late, Miss Walker.” Theo’s words were harsh and she winced.

“I apologize. The office was empty and I didn’t get the memo we were out here.”

“Did you not see the notice in the hall and outside the therapy offices?” he intoned, raising a dark eyebrow.

Was he always this harsh with her?

“No. Sorry,” she said again as she sat down between Ledger and Kane. She looked frustrated, her pretty face hard as if bracing herself for more of his frustration.

“If it happens again, there will be consequences.” He glanced down at the bracelet she wore pointedly before shifting his attention back to his notes.

His entire demeanor changed as he started the session. It was always a monologue from him first that I tuned out. Today I tried to follow, though it was more a ramble than anything.

“It’s important that we face our past. It defines us and gives us the foundation to our future. That starts inside. Coming to terms with everything you’ve faced and accepting it comes first.” He tapped his chest for emphasis. He was in full performative mode now.

This was why I tuned him out. Theo always acted like it was our fault we were still here. That we were just being stubborn when we didn’t share or were too lost in our fractured minds to participate.

Not one of us would choose this fucking life.

A soft huff of a laugh came from Audrey, but thankfully, Theo didn’t hear it. Ledger bumped his knee to hers in warning and she snapped her mouth shut, face reddening like she didn’t mean for it to come out.

“Now. I need you to start sharing, or this won’t ever work. You’ve given me so little over the years, and you won’t overcome anything if you can’t speak it into existence.”

“What are you wanting us to say?” I asked. It wasn’t rude, simply curious.

“Anything you’re willing to give,” he said, stunned that I was the one who asked. I was starting to despise that reaction.