Page 34 of Petals and Strings (Broken Melodies #1)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Ansel

M y consciousness returned slowly, a warmth surrounding me and scents that left my omega content for the first time in our entire life.

A whimper had my eyes popping open. Soft snores were drowning it out. Rydell, Ledger, Kane and Audrey all still sleeping soundly.

Then my gaze landed on Caspian writhing in his sleep, tears streaming down his face as his features contorted into pure agony.

My heart broke. Knowing what he’d endured was enough for me to crawl out of the covers between Audrey and the wall. My heart was pounding in my chest, breath shallow, as I moved toward the sleeping alpha.

Despite the physical reaction, my omega was content, if not just as worried as I was.

“Caspian,” I whispered, hand tapping his arm gently. Startling him wasn’t going to put me at ease any, nor would it be safe waking him from what I could only assume was a violent and heart-breaking nightmare he couldn’t wake himself up from.

His eyes flew open. Caspian stared at me, the fear still on his face before he broke. A sob wrenched free and he put a hand over his mouth to try and suppress it.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered brokenly, shattering my heart for this alpha. I knew I had my own issues, but in that moment, only for him, I couldn’t hold back.

He gasped softly as I wrapped my arms around him. Knowing I’d established there was no attraction was enough for me to be able to hold him as a friend. Someone who understood the pain of nightmares.

I knew that feeling of pure exhaustion. The point when your brain couldn’t give you a single night of relief.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m sorry you had to endure that again.”

“It’s changing,” he admitted as he wrapped his arms around me. My touch-starved omega let him hold me there. To my relief, he didn’t react outside of speaking softly, ruffling my hair.

“How?”

“It’s her now.” He didn’t have to explain who he meant, both of us glanced over at the sleeping omega in the room. Her blonde hair was fanned around her and those perfect lips parted softly.

“You don’t regret your wife, knowing the outcome, right?” It was a harsh question, but he answered anyway.

“Of course, not.”

“Then you won’t regret Audrey, either. It’s okay to find a new life, new happiness. It doesn’t erase the one you had. That love is different and so is she. This is just your inner fear winning out after a hard week.”

“When did you get wise, little omega?” he mused as he let me go. I scooted away just enough that we weren’t touching. My chest was tight, more than a little shocked I even allowed that, but so fucking proud of myself.

Audrey was always so strong and sure that it had me wanting to embrace my instincts more.

“Years of therapy,” I snorted.

“I know Theo didn’t bring that out,” Caspian said. “Cross promised someone new. He better deliver. We all need it.”

“What’s going on?” Kane’s soft voice had us turning to take in the beta. He was running a hand over his face, then arranging his long, twisted braids around him as he waited for us to answer.

“Bad dreams,” Caspian admitted. Kane nodded, rising from his bed and disappearing into his room. He came back a few minutes later with a tea bag resting in a paper cup. Soft steam rose out of it, a welcome sight.

“Do you need one, too, Ansel?”

“No, but thank you,” I answered. It felt strange to talk to them so openly. For years I’d stayed silent, as if words would make me more vulnerable.

“How did you manage this?” Caspian asked.

“I think tea is my thing,” he said, uncertainty in his eyes. “After working in the kitchens I managed to snag us a small supply. It’s tap water, not too hot but it does the trick.”

“Thank you,” Caspian said before blowing on the cup and taking a sip, he hummed in appreciation as it hit his tongue. “This is nice.”

“Are you remembering more?” Curiosity won out and the words slipped free before I could filter them. Maybe I was tired. “Sorry, ignore that. It’s intrusive.”

“No, you’re pack,” he said gently, his hand reaching out then stopping right over my arm before he retreated it. They were so careful with me. That was another reason my omega accepted them. We knew they wouldn’t cross any lines we didn’t want them to.

“I’m curious as well,” Caspian offered, giving me a wink.

“That woman I painted, I’ve been getting memories of her again. Small pieces of me making her tea. A house that she decorated, wood tones and ivories. Classy and a bit more cold than I prefer.”

“Do you feel them through the bond?” I asked. He sighed, shaking his head.

“Not anymore. At first it was… agony. My mind locked it all down I think to protect me. At least that’s what the doctors said before I was sent here.

Apparently, the former pack paid for a few weeks then the state took over or something.

I guess they thought I should just move on after a few weeks. ”

“I wonder how she survived it,” I said. “It was agonizing for me.”

He sighed. “I don’t know. Part of me hates her and wants to think she suffered. The other part doesn’t want to be on her level.”

“That’s because you’re a good person. You never deserved that, Kane.”

“What if I did?” he asked, voice cracking as more of his fears shined through. “What if I did something to deserve this exile?”

“Then you’d be in jail, not here,” Caspian said, reaching out and giving his hand a squeeze. I liked that for an alpha, Ledger and Caspian both weren’t afraid to be touchy and be gentle.

At least with us.

Well… the rest of our pack.

Pack. Something I never thought I’d have. But as long as I got to keep Audrey, and it was just the group we’d formed here, I was fine.

I hoped.

“That fear has made it really hard to dive deeper into my memories. To face ‘reality’ like they want,” he admitted.

Secrets were a lot easier to share in the early morning darkness. Here, it was just us and hushed voices, no professionals to stop us from speaking our darkest fears or hold them against us.

“I was afraid to talk because every whimper and plea was used to taunt me, to make my scent swell further. They turned me into a weapon.”

“We won’t let anyone do that,” Caspian promised.

He ran a hand through his long, blond hair, his honey brown eyes burning with promise.

In another life, I’d like to think I’d find an alpha like him.

But the truth is, even without the fear, I didn’t want alphas or knots. Anything that biology demanded.

Audrey was all I wanted. She was perfect and made me feel precious and cared for. Gave me a confidence I didn’t know was possible.

"I want to leave here. To see my sister again. But I don’t want to walk away from the rest of you. Having you guys around, even when I was so lost in my head, made me feel like I had a tether. With Audrey here, and our pack forming this initial bond… I can’t lose that. But it fucking terrifies me.”

“Same,” Kane agreed with a dark laugh. “I’m also scared when I do figure out what happened… that it will be too much for you to keep me, too.”

“That will never happen,” Audrey chimed in. Her voice was rough with sleep. She stumbled over, dropping her sleepy self right in Kane’s lap. “I’ve decided I’m keeping all of you, nothing is going to change that.”

“The only way out of here is to prove that we’re ready,” Caspian said. “I’m working on getting there.”

“It’s not something we all have to do at the same rate.

Not like they’re ready to just throw us out,” Audrey said.

“We just have to try. I want a life again. A real one. There are so many places I’ve never been, things I haven’t done.

It’s so stupid, but you know what I want to do first once we’re settled? ”

“Tell us,” I urged. Hearing her paint this dream was everything. Her face was unguarded and happy, her laughter coming easier. She was always beautiful, but now she was breathtaking.

“See the ocean,” she mused. “And maybe get a cocktail. I’ve never had one.”

“I want to go to a zoo,” I said. “My family went one time and all I wanted to see was the elephants. That meant my siblings made sure I didn’t.”

“We’ll find your elephants,” Kane said with a grin. “And I’d like to see the snakes. I always found them fascinating.”

“I always promised Lilly I’d take her to see the boats launch. She was a beach girl, too,” he said, giving Audrey a smile. The fact he could talk about her like that was incredible. Especially in such a short time.

It was insane how much our biology worked against us. The pain of breaking bonds and losing them affected us for so long. I never expected a newly forming bond, especially one forming before bites, could help give us the ability to heal.

It wasn’t instant. Most of the things we have issues with, will make us stand out among the crowds outside these walls. We’d have lingering traumas and triggers our entire lives.

But maybe we could be happy despite that.

“Come on, it’s still early,” Audrey said around a yawn, standing up and pulling Kane with her. Caspian and I followed, everyone snuggling into our giant makeshift bed.

As I was nestled in, facing the others, I saw Ledger watching Audrey settle. His piercing, blue eyes found mine and softened.

They told me without words that he heard everything, and he’d be working just as hard to give us that life.