Page 24 of Petals and Strings (Broken Melodies #1)

Chapter Nineteen

Audrey

“ Y ou look like you could use this.” Kane’s voice startled me from staring off at nothing in particular. There was a book open in my lap but I’d lost my concentration not long after starting.

All I could think about was Rydell. I couldn’t imagine sitting alone in that room. I didn’t even need to see it to know it was lifeless and cold.

The beta put a tray down on the table and slid a cup of tea my way.

His smile was open and kind, a flicker of understanding in his eyes.

His scent was stronger today, parchment, sweet pear, and Earl Grey tea.

It stood apart from the tea I had in my hand.

It was comforting and gentle, something that I was grateful for right now.

“How do you take it?”

“Just a little honey,” I said, reaching for the small bottle but he picked it up before I could, giving it a stir before mixing it into the cup.

He sat down next to me, a cup of his own in hand. They weren’t comforting mugs, but plain paper cups. I’d take what I could get at the moment, though.

After a long gardening session today and a shower, I was exhausted and numb. I didn’t slip into any depression or spiral like I would have before, my meds at least kept those in check.

Rydell had been missing for days now. They reassured me he was alright, that he was in isolation to calm down, but I was ready to snap.

He wouldn’t be the first of us to disappear.

My omega demanded that I find him. She wasn’t considering the fact I’d be locked in with him if I barged in and started making demands.

Kane studied me as I breathed in deep again, a mix of him and tea. “Thank you, Kane. I needed this.”

His smile was soft. “I could tell. My memory is… shit. But I feel like this is something I’ve done before for people. I just felt like I should make you a cup, so I did. Trying to give in more to those feelings and find out what I’ve been missing.”

“I appreciate it,” I said, giving him a warm smile as I took a sip. It was a floral tea of some kind, the sweet blend of honey rounding it out perfectly.

“I’m glad,” he said, a ghost of a smile on his face. It was small and haunted, but there.

“I’m glad it’s not mint,” I said with a chuckle. “Once I had a cold and my mother insisted on me drinking cup after cup as if that would miraculously take care of it. I haven’t been able to stomach mint since.”

He looked lost for a second, then finally looked at me. Confusion stirred in his features.

“Did you make this?”

The question had me tilting my head. “No, you did. You said I looked like I could use it.”

A flicker of recognition hit and he shook his head. “Yes, yes, of course. Sorry.” He looked embarrassed now and I hated that.

I wondered how often these moments hit for him. It had to be so terrifying. I was forced to remember the worst parts of what happened in my past, but at least I didn’t wake up here in pure confusion, unsure which way was up or down. Not knowing what sent me here.

He stood abruptly and walked away, not saying a word and leaving the tray and cup of tea he was holding, behind.

Setting my book aside I picked it up, heading for the dining hall. I didn't want him to get in trouble for leaving something around that he should have never had.

Nurses were stationed at their usual evening posts, most offices locked and dark for the evening. Only the library, dining hall, and dayroom were lit up now.

There was only a small cleaning crew in the kitchen that directed me to the sink. I washed the tray and put it up, tossing the cups in the trash before heading out.

My eyes flickered to the dayroom as I passed, an idea forming in my mind. When I’d gone in here last I saw a stack of notebooks and pens on one of the shelves. I walked over and snagged one that was a pale green. Grabbing a black marker, I wrote his name in bold letters across the cover.

No one questioned why I’d come for it. Hell, they encouraged journaling so they likely assumed that was my purpose.

When I got back to my room I sat at the small desk, opening it up and writing down today’s date.

Underneath, I started an entry. Even if it was small, I hoped it would help him feel a bit more normal.

Today we had group therapy with Eleanor, the therapist stepping in for Theo’s patients until they foid a permanent replacement. She spoke about the importance of having something to ground us. I know how scary it is to not have control of your memories or your mind, and I hope this helps some.

Dinner was soup and crackers, we all ate while Ledger talked about a book he was reading. It was calm. Comfortable.

The book was a fantasy one about dragons. You mentioned that you had a stuffed dragon as a kid. He was green. Your favorite color, which is why I chose this notebook.

In the evening you made me tea for us. You saw that I could use it and thought that maybe that was something you used to do.

You were right, I did need it. Thank you.

I signed my name at the bottom and closed the journal. Kane wasn’t in his room but the door was wide open. I put the notebook on his bedside table with a pen before heading back to my room.

Nancy came and went with evening medicine but I didn’t feel tired despite my sore muscles.

It was the first time my mind felt calm after Malik changed my meds, and I was afraid to let that go.

Who knew what the morning would bring.

When the night settled further, I ventured out of my room. My socked feet kept my footsteps masked as I walked past the distracted, half-asleep nurses and slid into the conservatory, relieved to find it unlocked still.

There were a few patients and staff inside but no one paid me any mind as I settled in the usual dark corner, sitting on the cool concrete and letting my fingers brush over the green vines.

This was the most at peace I’d been in a long time.

What started as a hum, turned into a soft, quiet song that I sang only for me. Something I’d done since I was a kid, letting the music help me cling to that sense of calm. The violin case was at my feet, but for some reason, I didn't reach for it.

Someone sat down next to me, the scent of warm bourbon and vanilla and spice had my song drifting off.

“Don’t stop on my account,” Ledger said. “I just didn’t see you at all tonight and wanted to make sure everything was alright.”

“Sorry, a bit in my head today,” I offered, feeling bad that I’d ghosted him for our usual walk. I’d come back from showering so late that I’d nearly missed dinner. They were already done when I got there.

“Word on the street is that they’ve found a replacement for Theo finally. Someone Director Cross found and vetted. The staff has all been talking about how strict he’s been lately, too.”

“Good,” I said, not feeling an ounce of remorse. “I told him this place was a joke. People shouldn’t ask things they don’t want answers to.”

I just hoped none of the staff took it out on me. The last visit with Dr. Malik had been tense, but he dismissed me with no real questions, just my vitals.

At least he left my meds alone this time.

Group therapy had been even more quiet with Eleanor, another one of the therapists, here. She was busy, though, and taking on far too much.

“Maybe they will actually give a fuck about us,” I said, letting the hope of it fill the air, even if neither of us was na?ve to give it much weight.

“I knew you’d be good for this place, wildling. I just hope it’s good for you in return.”

“Has it ever been for you?” He looked at me for a moment, expression unreadable. Then his shoulders relaxed just a little.

“In some ways. I think the fact I shouldn’t really be here is part of it. It keeps me motivated to get out,” he admitted, glancing away as if he couldn’t bear to see my reaction.

“If you want to talk about it, I can listen,” I offered. My eyes shifted around the conservatory, noting that it was quiet now, leaving just us two.

“My family is unsavory. It meant I grew up with crippling expectations and had the empathy beat out of me,” he said, his voice a distant, haunting rumble.

I shifted, my leg pressing against his in a sign of solidarity, telling him I was there without making it weird.

“The things they forced me to do, the alpha they shaped me to be… it wasn’t pretty, wildling. My family name holds immense weight. It’s the reason I get more leverage here, why people are distant.”

“I’m not afraid of you, Ledger,” I told him honestly. “I’ve met monsters… a lot of them. The only thing I fear is in my past.”

His eyes dropped down to my scars. Until now, he could only see the ones gliding up my neck, the slashes of knives and fingernails that were deep enough to make me bleed, dirty enough to not heal properly.

I pulled the collar down further, showing him the horror hidden underneath. It felt like a necessary hurdle, something I wanted him to see.

Ledger had my trust. I knew what he tried to make me admit before… that we were scent matches, not just compatible.

The alpha leaned in, his finger hovering over each and every mark that mottled my skin. He smelled incredible. Though, I think anything would have been better than the noxious fumes of the alphas I’d known most of my adult life.

“Fuck, wildling. I knew you were strong… but this.”

His eyes were full of amazement. He didn’t recoil from the marred skin, he was amazed by it.

“It feels wrong to say, but I never want to bond again. I’m just glad this place brought me out of whatever mania these put me in.”

His fingers reached out, gently teasing over the dormant marks. The alphas had long ago cut ties so I no longer felt any pull to them or reaction from the touch, only the shudder of his soft touch over my ridged skin.

When he sat back, the weight of our collective trauma had him sagging slightly. He ran a hand over his short hair in a move to calm himself.

“My family is into crime. Mafia. We can just call it what it is,” he huffed out a laugh. “Drugs, guns, anything illegal. They didn’t always draw the line at people. Their own son included. I was sent off to form an alliance, another pawn for my father to use.”

“That’s disgusting,” I growled. A protective wave hit me and I reached out, gripping his arm as he spoke again. Even though I’d been through awful things of my own, I wanted to save him from any of his.

It was a strange connection I didn’t expect to find in his friendship. Mates seemed even more far fetched.

His hand rested on mine, those vivid, electric-blue eyes of his sliding closed, eyelashes fanning over his cheek as he finished.

“They arranged a marriage. The omega seemed intelligent and nice enough. It wasn’t love at first sight or even scent compatibility. Honestly, she smelled like perfume and it wasn’t pleasant.”

I snorted out a laugh. “That’s unfortunate.” The corner of his mouth ticked up before it was gone again.

“Our fathers arranged the mating, forced us to bite each other in front of them so there was no deceit. Clearly, they didn’t care about our well-being.”

“That’s barbaric,” I whispered, squeezing his arm. He held onto that connection.

“She also, apparently, had already found a mate. I would have understood, never outed them. I wanted nothing to do with her in that sense. Hell, we could have considered us a pack. But, she took it too far. They… tied me up one night after she drugged my drink. I woke up in chains.”

“That bitch,” I growled, rage burning through me. I’d never been violent but the urge to protect him had me and my omega rising, ready to go to battle for the alpha.

“They spent a week trying to break me, to get insight into my father’s business. Information that I never had. My father didn’t trust me with the important things. He trusted no one but himself. He’d always been a little paranoid. Hence the public biting.”

The bitterness and anger in his voice was justified. Would it be wrong to escape this place and kill them all? Hell, I had plenty of anger to go around.

“It took days for me to break free of those chains. When I did I blocked them in the room with me, and made her watch as I killed her alpha. Then I killed her. It was swift, I wasn’t a monster.”

“Did it hurt you?”

“Some. My alpha never truly accepted her so we didn’t break completely.

I’m fucked up but that’s more due to the trauma than the broken bond,” he said with a shrug.

The haunted look in his eyes said it ran deeper than he cared to admit.

“I’ve waited years to find someone that makes me feel anything other than angry, wildling. ”

He left the rest unspoken. We weren’t ready for that. I’d only been here a few weeks.

Knowing his demons were right under the surface, I started to sing again. It was a soothing song, one I’d learned from my grandmother when I was young. A song about freedom, escape, falling into our dreams until they come true.

My voice was raspier than it was back then, but the soulful sound seemed to do exactly what I needed. Ledger’s eyes stayed closed, the tension falling away as I held onto him, his warm palm resting on top of my hand, holding it in place.

“What will you do when you get out of here?”

His question knocked me off-balance for a moment. It was something I hadn’t allowed myself to think about.

I didn’t have means, and we both knew it. Being here meant when we were released our best hope was decent family or a shelter.

“Find myself. To figure out who I would have been if I hadn’t been taken at seventeen.”