Page 7

Chapter Seven

HOT MESS

~~Levi~~

We have a rare five days before the next round of the playoffs. Coach uses this time to work on the little details and stress how important it is to keep things simple and not overthink our game. I’m guilty of overcomplicating my game because I’ve never been in this situation before. I’m a rookie, and my team is moving on to the second round of the playoffs. I personally feel great pressure to not screw up. I want to contribute to my team and do the best I can.

This morning, we practice at ten. I go in earlier than usual to work out, but if I’m being honest, I’m early because of Junie. After yesterday, I want to check on her and see how she’s doing. We might be over as lovers, but I still care about her as a friend. I’m also excited to try Junie’s breakfast. Chef John’s meals were incredible, but I think Junie will top him.

Besides, I feel like shit for not warning her about Celeste’s being the new team dietitian. I’m not thinking straight right now where Junie’s concerned. I ended it with her, yet I jump at any opportunity to be around her. I’m fully aware of the mixed signals I’m sending not just her, but myself.

As I pull into a parking spot at the Sockeyes Hockey Athletic Center, fondly known as the SHAC, I glance around. I’m relieved Celeste’s car isn’t in the parking lot, but Junie’s is. I race for the entrance as a rain squall hits. By the time I’m inside, I’m drenched. I shake myself off inside the door and hurry toward the locker room, leaving a trail of water droplets in my wake.

I nod to Geneva, one of the team’s equipment managers and my teammate Axel’s wife. She winks and goes back to folding towels. I don’t envy her that job. My towels look like a toddler folds them. Hers are crisp and folded with machine-like precision.

Slipping into the locker room, I take a quick shower and change into workout gear. I force myself to keep walking past the kitchen door. I’ll see Junie soon enough when I have breakfast.

I work out with the intensity of a demon in an attempt to drive that sexy redhead from my mind, but that dirty little sucker keeps playing porn videos of Junie and me in my head on repeat.

Recalling why I told her I wanted to end it, I’m the first to admit my excuse was lame. So what if she’s six years older? Age didn’t matter when we were between the sheets. She’ll never know the secret reason I extricated myself from that relationship has nothing to do with age and everything to do with my increasing attachment to her. To get attached is to be controlled. I don’t need a ball and chain around my leg telling me what to do and how to do it, as so many of my teammates tolerate. Junie had never been like that, but women change when they have their hooks into a guy.

I won’t be controlled by anyone. My life growing up was a miserable existence under the controlling hand of an overly ambitious hockey mom and an abusive stepfather who never wanted me around except when I made him look good. My dad died when I was four, and I really don’t remember him.

As a child, my mom verbally abused me, criticized me, and at times, slapped me. My stepfather, Grant, physically and mentally mistreated me. If Mom knew, she did nothing about it. Grant has clout in our town, and all she cares about is her social standing. I think she actually condoned some of his punishments when I played what they perceived to as a bad game. He was careful, though, rarely leaving scars or losing his temper. His punishments were cruel and methodical but not out of control. Most of the scars are on my heart and my soul, not my body. I have one brother, two years younger. He plays on a junior team in Canada. I also have a spoiled rotten half sister. Since Grant is her real dad, hopefully she’s escaping that man’s abuse. I don’t know. We were never close as Megan got everything, while Kaiser and I got scraps.

Junie suffered abuse too, not that we ever talked much about it, but I just knew. One abuse victim recognizes another.

Frustrated that my thoughts continually divert to Junie, I push myself harder until the pain and exhaustion blank out those porn videos.

I finish my workout, take another shower, and dress in dry Sockeyes sweats and a T-shirt. I’m starved and walk toward the player’s lounge anxious to see what Junie’s cooked up for her first breakfast. I slip inside. A couple of the veterans are sitting by the window deep in conversation. They wave at me before continuing. I don’t interrupt and instead survey the buffet laid out before me.

It’s the usual stuff I’d expect of any player breakfast, scrambled eggs, French toast, breakfast sandwiches, toast, and a currently unmanned omelet station. I’m an omelet guy, so I sip some orange juice and wait patiently for Junie to return. She doesn’t make me wait long, rushing through the door a few moments later. She appears more harried than I’ve ever seen her. Her hair is pulled into a tight bun, and she’s wearing a black chef’s apron with the Sockeyes logo over a cotton button-up blouse. Only Junie could make a bun look so sexy. I involuntarily lick my lips as I imagine how much fun it’d be to loosen that bun and free her luxurious hair so it cascades down her back.

“Sorry, I had to help my assistant with a few things.” Her smile is coolly professional. My heart sinks as I consider how much she’s changed in the past few days. My pre-dumped Junie always greeted me with a wide, welcoming smile. It hurts to see how much I’ve hurt her. I did this. I have no one to blame but myself. I know it’s better for both of us that it’s over, but I have regrets. After only five days, I’m not sure I did the right thing.

“The spread looks good.”

“Thanks. It’s nothing special. Let me know if I’m missing anything or if you have any requests. Chef John didn’t leave any notes on the team’s preferences.”

“Celeste can help you with that. She’s made it her mission to know our likes and dislikes.” By the sour expression on her face, I said the wrong thing, but it’s too late to take it back now. I hate this awkwardness between us, but it’s necessary.

“You want an omelet?” she asks with forced cheerfulness.

“You know what I like.” I wink at her, falling into flirt mode. I shouldn’t be doing that, but it’s such a natural thing for me.

Junie’s mouth forms a grim thin line. “Actually, I don’t. What would you like on your omelet?” Her tone is cold and chastising. I gave up the right to flirt with her when I dumped her.

She picks up a pad of paper and waits impatiently for me.

“I want everything on it.”

“Everything?”

“Yeah, you know.”

“Okay.” She goes to work, and I watch, fascinated that she makes the simple act of cooking an omelet so sexy. My dirty mind drifts back to the time when she cooked for me with nothing but an apron on.

Fuck.

I run my hand through my hair. I’m growing hard just thinking about her in nothing but that apron. Junie glances up, and her frown tells me she knows what I’m thinking. I duck my head, embarrassed, but I recover quickly. I’m a cocky bastard, and nothing keeps me down for long.

She finishes the omelet, plates it, and hands it to me. Our fingers brush each other’s, and we both freeze. Our eyes meet. For a moment in time, we’re the only two people in this room. I want to feel her skin without those gloves on, taste her sweet lips, touch her once again. I want to make her scream out my name in a moment of passion. I want anything and everything I can get, but I rescinded that right. Now I’m being a flake and wanting what I can’t have.

“Ice, what can I do for you?” Junie’s words yank me from my stupor. I take the plate from her hand, fumble with it, and almost drop it. Ice gives me the side-eye before stepping forward. I quickly back away, stumbling over my own two feet. I grab the closest chair and sit down quickly before I embarrass myself further.

Only then do I realize my dire mistake. I’ve chosen Rex, Jaden, and Yuri’s table. They saw my bumbling and start snickering.

“What the fuck, buddy? Just admit defeat. You want to be with her.” Jaden snorts and slaps me on the back. I growl and hunker down over my omelet.

“I guess I won’t be asking her out now,” Jaden teases, but I’m not amused. I shoot him the glare I usually reserve for an opposing team’s center when I’m in the face-off circle. My buddy isn’t daunted in the least. The asshole is entertained at my expense.

“Fuck you.”

The guys start another round of laughter. There’s no stopping them. Hockey players are ruthless bastards when it comes to giving a teammate shit. I’m usually the one doling out the shit, not taking it.

I take a bite of omelet and chew. It’s good, very good. Maybe not Chef John good, but good nevertheless. After all, it’s only Junie’s first meal. I’ll cut her some slack. Wait until the guys try her homemade bread. They’ll be eating out of her hands and rolling on their backs to have their bellies scratched. I’d like her to scratch my itch right now.

“You are skitten.” Yuri grins good-naturedly.

“Skitten? What the fuck is skitten?” Rex enjoys badgering Yuri about his English language skills, which are pretty poor but also funnier than shit.

“I think he means smitten.” Jaden understands Yuri better than most of us.

“I said that. Skitten.” Yuri is triumphant, while we’re all snorting with laughter.

“He’s right. You are,” Jaden addresses me.

“Why you dumped her is beyond me. You don’t want to be with Celeste. Even Yuri can see that.”

“I’m not with Celeste.”

“That’s not what she says,” needles Jaden.

“She lies. Besides, she’s looking for a ring. I don’t want anything serious, and Junie and I were heading down that road.” At least I was. If how Junie’s currently treating me is proof, she was too.

“Did you talk to her?” Rex states the obvious, as usual. Rex is blunt and to the point, but I appreciate that about him, though his honesty makes me want to punch him on occasion.

“Her who?” I play dumb.

“Junie, who else?”

“Nah. We both decided to end it. It was mutual even if it was initially my idea.”

“Seems like you had a bad idea. I’m still not understanding the issue.” Jaden scratches his head and studies me as if I’m an alien life-form he doesn’t understand.

“We’re young. We like to party and not be tied down. I’m only twenty-two. Besides, I suck at long-term relationships. I’m not good boyfriend material.”

My three friends exchange glances, leaving me in the dark.

“Okay, I get that.” Jaden concedes. He’s not into exclusive relationships either, so he does understand to a point.

The conversation turns to hockey, and I’m glad. I might have my back to Junie, but I’m fully aware of her presence several feet away. I hear her soft laughter as one of the guys tells her a joke. And my entire body yearns for more. I want her brilliant smile to light up my life once again. I crave her special brand of enthusiastic lovemaking. I cannot get her off my mind. I think of her more now than I did when we were having not-so-casual sex.

I’m a fucking hot mess, a bundle of contradictions, and need to get my act together, but what else is new?