Page 5

Chapter Five

SHUFFLING TOWARD THE DOOR

~~Levi~~

The team grapevine has been working overtime as usual.

Junie is the new team chef. I’m torn between excitement and dread. Excitement because I’ve been the recipient of her incredible cooking and baking on numerous occasions, and dread because I don’t want to see her every day. I will never admit this to a soul, but I miss her. Not just the sex but her. I regret ending it, yet I had no choice. I can’t expose myself like that, not to anyone, and especially not to her. I take risks on the ice, but I don’t take risks when it comes to my heart. I made the only choice I could make, even though it’s made me miserable.

We won our game last night by the skin of our teeth. Down two to one with a minute left, Axel scored on a slick pass from Cave. Thirty seconds later, Easton scored on a breakaway steal just as the final buzzer signaled the end of the game. The arena erupted. The place was pure pandemonium. I was right in the middle of all of it, basking in the moment. I didn’t contribute much to last night’s win, but I didn’t mess up, either. I might be a rookie, but I recognize when I’m part of something special. This team is special. We’ve had setbacks over the year with injuries and a permanent suspension, but we’ve hung together. What didn’t kill us made us stronger.

Today it’s back to work. We’re moving on to round two.

I show up early the next morning despite the team having an afternoon practice. Most of us partied until the wee hours including me. Operating on two hours of sleep, I need something to pick me up. Food is the answer, even if I have to see Junie in my current state. I make my way to the team chef’s kitchen and push on the set of double swinging doors. I stop and gape at the mess before me.

“What the fuck?” I’m flabbergasted. The place looks as though it was looted by a herd of crazed raccoons. Every flat surface is covered in food or garbage, and the smell is overwhelming. I pull my T-shirt up over my nose.

“That about sums it up,” Junie says wryly from behind me. I whip around and almost knock her over. Instinctually, I reach out to steady her. We both freeze, our eyes lock on each other, and I feel that old, familiar sensation in the depths of my gut. Damn, I want her.

I drag my gaze away first and pretend to survey the mess. “So it is true. You’re the new chef?”

“For now.” Her expression is unusually grim, but I can’t blame her considering the state of her kitchen.

“What happened?” I sweep my arms to encompass the entire disaster area.

“If I had to guess, I’d say Chef John isn’t happy about being fired.”

“Damn. Way to make a statement.”

“Yeah. Of course, I have no proof.” She sighs and leans against the wall wearily. “I’ve been cleaning for two hours and haven’t made a dent in this mess. My kitchen help didn’t show up, and I haven’t hired a new assistant chef yet.”

“How long has it been like this?”

“No one was in here yesterday or the day before that I’m aware of. So, it’s probably been a while.”

“Crap.” I run a hand through my hair. “Want some help? I have a lot of time before practice.” As soon as I make the offer, I wish I could retract it. On the other hand, I don’t. I truly want to help, and I fear I’m also making excuses to be around her. I’m playing with fire, but I can take a little heat.

“Are you sure?” She eyes me suspiciously, as if worrying I’ll expect something in return.

“Positive. The sooner we clean this up, the sooner I get some of your orgasmic homemade bread.”

My use of “orgasmic” draws a bark of laughter from her. She quickly sobers, and I wonder if she’s thinking about the non-bread orgasms we’ve had together. Nothing I’ve ever done with another woman compares to the combustible flames Junie and I generate together. I shake my head to clear it. I can’t be thinking like this. It’ll lead nowhere fast.

“Where would you like me to start?”

“I wish I knew. Just dive in.” She hands me some plastic gloves. I balk, then think better of it. Pulling them on, I survey the mess. Junie leaves me to my own devices as she turns back to large commercial refrigerators. Rotten food is everywhere, packages are torn open, and cans have been smashed.

Steeling myself, I bend down to pick up broken pieces of plates and bowls and sweep the crap into a pile. We work in silence for almost an hour before I stand up straight and survey the results. We still have a long way to go. I walk over to Junie to ask for another garbage sack. She doesn’t notice me and whirls around, slamming into my chest. I reach out once again to steady her. This time my reaction is worse.

My world stops spinning on its axis.

My head turns to mush.

My body reacts with renewed vigor and hopefulness.

Junie stares up at me. My heart dances with joy. It’s taking the puck and skating with it, while I’m in hot pursuit. If I don’t stop myself, I’ll crash into the boards. No amount of persuasion and logic dampens my uncontrollable intentions.

I need to feel those lips on mine one last time. Just one more taste. One final kiss. That’s all. Like an encore, once it happens, I won’t be back. The show will be over.

Junie’s mouth falls open in a gasp, and I know she won’t stop me. I’m powerless to turn away. I can’t help myself. I need this. She’s always been my weakness, and that hasn’t changed in the past few days.

I lean in closer and hesitate, giving her one last chance to protest. She doesn’t, and I’m giddy with anticipation, but I don’t wait long. I tilt my head and capture her lips in mine. Fuck, she feels like winning the Cup, like coming home after a hard road trip, like all my dreams wrapped up in one body.

Her fingers grasp my shoulders as she stands on her tiptoes to get better access. We’re kissing as though we’ve never missed a beat. My hands do their own thing and slide up her bare back. I relish her soft skin against my hockey-roughened fingers. I gently back her against the wall without breaking our connection. She reads my intentions as if I’m an open book and wraps a leg around my waist while grinding against me. I’m dying here. Fucking dying. I can’t say no to this woman. In fact, at this precise moment I can’t recall why I would say no.

Oh, yeah, we’re supposed to be through.

Whose stupid idea was this breakup anyway?

Oh, yeah, mine.

But she agreed it was for the best.

I have to stop this before we go too far. But damn, I want to go too far. I’m one fucked-up, chaotic mess. I initiated our breakup even if she did mutually accept it as for the best. Now I’m backpedaling? I’m not that flaky. Really, I’m not.

I’ll prove it to myself. I still can maintain a modicum of control.

Reluctantly and with great effort on my part, I back away. Junie stares up uncomprehending and blinking those gorgeous green eyes as if trying to get her bearings. I know that story, but in this instance, I’m better at covering up my emotions than she is. I put on my game face, but one look at her, and my resolve begins to crumble once again.

“I, uh, let me get a few more guys to help. I’ll be right back.” Okay, now who’s the coward? I scurry from the room to escape the overpowering desire to hold her again. I hurry down the hallway, even as a siren’s song calls me back. I resist and push open the door to the weight room.

A rush of relief floods through me. Rex is lifting, and Jaden is spotting him.

“Hey, dudes, if you want food today, Junie needs our help.”

Rex carefully puts the barbell back on its stand. He sits up and stares. “Junie? Man, I thought you ended it with her?”

“He’ll never really end it. They’re too in lust with each other.” Jaden snorts, and I give him a not-so-playful shove. He’s ready for me and firmly rooted to the ground.

“This isn’t about that. She’s our new chef. Chef John trashed the place. She can’t cook until it’s cleaned up.”

I had their full attention now.

“Oh, shit. Red alert. I eat most of my meals here ’cuz I get tired of restaurant food, and I can’t cook worth crap. Sign me up.” Rex heads for the door. I follow him and gesture to Jaden.

“You coming? The sooner it’s cleaned up, the sooner you experience the heaven that’s Junie’s fresh-baked bread.”

“I’m in, and I wouldn’t mind experiencing the heaven that’s Junie.” Jaden pushes past me, laughing his ass off at my murderous expression. I don’t get any respect from these clowns. I react without thinking, grab him by the collar and slam him against the wall. He shoves me hard, then immediately jumps me. I hear Rex yelling at us to stop, but I’m driven by instant blind rage and not even sure why. I get in a good punch, but so does Jaden. Hands grab us and yank us apart. Seconds later, I stare into the angry eyes of Wild, a seasoned veteran on this team who’s rightfully earned his nickname. He could beat the crap out of any of us with one hand tied behind his back, except for Ice. I’m not sure who’d win that one.

“What the fuck is this all about?” Wild’s displeasure penetrates through that thick skull of mine. My fury fades, leaving me with nothing but embarrassment.

I stare at my feet and mumble, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jaden backs away and holds out his hands palms up.

“I—I—lost my temper.”

“So did I.”

“Is this over a woman? I don’t know what else would get such a reaction out of you two clowns.” Wild scowls at each of us.

“Uh, I—” I don’t finish the sentence. I can’t admit that Junie means enough to me that I’d fight for her. Jaden says nothing.

“Who threw the first punch?” Wild demands to know.

“I did.” I lift my head and stare him straight in the eye. Ferocity radiates from him. Now I know how our opponents feel when they’re opposite Wild.

“Apologize.” It’s an order, not a suggestion. When I hesitate, he adds, “Now, or I’ll talk with the captain.”

Shit, no one wants that.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I overreacted.”

Jaden manages a smile. “It’s okay. If I’d known she was such a sore subject, I’d have kept my mouth shut.”

We shake hands. Satisfied, Wild shakes his head and walks away. The three of us hurry to the kitchen and get to work. A few other guys join us, and we hustle like the hockey players we are. By noon, the kitchen is spic-and-span, and Junie is already starting our post-practice meal. I’m not sure what she’s cooking, but I’m on board with whatever delectable concoction she creates.

The guys file from the room to get ready for practice, but I hold back. Once they’ve exited, I turn to Junie. She smiles up at me, and my entire body hums with pleasure.

“Thank you for all your help.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. My heart melts into a puddle at her feet, much to my consternation. I can’t fall prey to those green eyes again, but in a perfect world, I’d rather be around Junie. Hell, I’d much rather fuck Junie. Hang out with her. Just watch her.

But this isn’t a perfect world. I’m a deeply flawed guy, and I can’t give her what she needs. I can’t give myself what I need. Not and come out of it unscathed. I might be a strong, badass hockey player, but when it comes to personal relationships that involve my heart, I’m a huge wuss.

Junie’s my kryptonite. My Achilles’ heel. My biggest weakness. And what does a guy like me do when they recognize a potential crack in their carefully constructed armor? To guard my heart, I get rid of the very person who’s responsible for that crack because if I don’t, she has the power to shatter it and leave me in agony I’ll never recover from.

I can’t go back. One or both of us would end up shattered beyond repair. In my teens, I swore I’d never give another person the power to hurt me the way my family has. Until Junie, no one has tempted me to break my promise to myself.

“You’re welcome, but my intentions weren’t entirely noble. I love your cooking.”

She laughs, and I’m grinning from ear to ear. Junie could always chase away the worse storm with just a smile. I have to stop recalling the good things and concentrate on hockey and nothing else. Junie and I are done thanks to me, and I’m not proud of my part. Yet it is what it is.

Junie and I stare awkwardly at each other before I rediscover the ability to move my feet and shuffle toward the door. I glance back, and she’s watching me with an unreadable expression on her face.