Page 14

Chapter Fourteen

I’M A FOOL

~~Junie~~

As I dish up the main course, I listen to the compliments from the players. I’m flattered and joyous.

Even though the Sockeyes lost, the guys are in pretty good spirits. After all, it’s game one of seven. Lots of hockey left to be played.

I’d watched the game on the television mounted near the serving area in the players’ lounge. Landon messed up, or we might’ve taken the game into overtime. I don’t blame him. He’s a rookie, and I’m sure he’s beating himself up enough over this. If he isn’t, his brother Bryce will make sure he understands his role in this loss.

It’s weird that I think of Landon as a kid when he’s the same age as Levi. I sigh. No matter what my train of thought is these days, everything comes back around to Levi eventually. I’m in foreign territory here. I’ve never let a guy continually sabotage my thoughts like this guy has, not even my ex when I still liked him.

Needless to say, I’m a hot mess of conflicting emotions and uncertainty. I shouldn’t be because Levi made his choice, and I will live with it. I’ll never beg a guy for his attention. I’ve never had to, and I won’t lower myself to do so, not for him or anyone else. Besides, he said it first—I’m old and boring.

Despite my numerous internal declarations regarding that man, my gaze continues to stray to his table. He’s sitting with the other young guys, and they’re pretty loud and boisterous for having lost this game. Expectations are still high, and they should be. Even with the injuries this team has sustained this season, they’re a good team and have the ability to go all the way to the Cup finals.

Levi’s chowing down on his meal as if he hasn’t eaten in days. I’m smug in the knowledge that my postgame offerings are a hit with the guys, especially my signature made-from-scratch bread. He’s so damn hot and delectable, and I fucking want him. Why can’t I move on from this guy like I have dozens of others without a glance back or a regret? I love everything about him from his shaggy dark hair to his blue eyes to that ripped body of his. I wish I could say my attraction to him is limited to the physical, but it’s not, and I know it. If it were, resisting him wouldn’t be this difficult. I like his wit, his kindness to others, his cocky arrogance that hides a deeper pain. All the facets of this complicated man suck me in like no other has.

My musing about Levi is interrupted when Easton approaches and holds out his plate.

“What would you like?” I smile as I attempt to drag myself back from the Levi abyss.

“Everything,” he replies sheepishly.

“You got it.” I dish up his meal, but he doesn’t instantly walk away.

“A bunch of us are going to the Place for postgame drinks. Do you wanna join us? Zane would love to see you again.”

I contemplate his invitation. Zane might be just the thing I need to force me to leave Levi in the dust. I know I’ve told myself to concentrate on my career and forget about men for a while, but Zane would only be a fling. Nothing more. And a girl has to have some fun.

“Sure, I’ll be there late. We have to clean up first.”

“Understood.” He winks and hurries off to grab a seat and dig in. These guys can put it away, but hockey expends a huge amount of energy, and they have to refill that well.

Almost two hours later, I drop Benjamin off at home and walk into the Place.

I wave at Doris. I can’t recall coming in here and not seeing her. I wonder if she ever goes home. Maybe she lives upstairs or something.

I make my way through the maze of tables to the private back room where the Sockeyes usually are after a home game. Two long tables occupy the space, and they’re filled to the brim with players, WAGs, and some female hangers-on who were either invited or crashed the party. Celeste is there with Maddie and Sara. I ignore them and make my way to Easton and Caro. They’ve saved a seat right next to Zane, who’s carrying on a lively conversation with a couple players about the merits of certain kinds of hockey sticks. I love hockey, but equipment discussions are of no interest to me.

Zane grins and gives me a wink before continuing his discussion. There was a time not long ago that I’d be excited and gearing up for a steamy night with a hot hockey player like him. I want to feel that enthusiasm again, but I’m not.

Unless it’s Levi.

Well, shit, this isn’t good. Zane is outrageously handsome, a rougher version of his brother. He projects bad boy while coming off as friendly and open, rather than cocky and closed off like Levi.

Yet I can’t fabricate my emotions or my desires. I want to, but I don’t desire Zane the way I should and the way he deserves because he really is a great guy. I came here to meet up with him, but my heart isn’t in it, not even for a one-night stand.

I glance around the packed room, fearing I’ll see Levi sitting next to Celeste, even worse making out with her at the table, but she’s engaged Landon in a conversation while running one long red fingernail up and down his biceps. I do a double take. She’s really coming on to Landon, who must be her next conquest. By the look in Landon’s eyes, she won’t have to work too hard.

I don’t see Levi anywhere at first, but then I spot him across the room sitting by Yuri and Rex. Our eyes meet, and I look away quickly, embarrassed at being caught staring.

Caro studies me with interest, and I pretend not to notice. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. Why?” I should know by now that she’s not letting me off the hook that easily, but I make an attempt at cluelessness.

“This isn’t you.”

“What isn’t me?”

“You’re sitting next to a guy who’s pretty hot like his brother, and you’re not flirting with him? If anything, you seem ambivalent.”

“He’s busy debating the merits of hockey sticks with the guys.”

“And the Junie I know would jump into the conversation with a lot of innuendos about hockey players and their sticks. But you’re not.”

“Considering my position as team chef, that would be highly inappropriate.”

Caro narrows her gaze. She’s not buying my excuse. “Aren’t you into him?”

“I don’t really know him.”

“When has that ever stopped you?”

I shrug. Caro’s been a little pushy and cranky lately, probably because she’s about ready to pop.

Zane, as if he’s overheard us, turns to me, leaving the stick conversation to the other guys.

“May I buy you a drink?”

I start to decline, then smile gratefully. “I’d love a rum and Coke. Make it a double.”

“You got it.” He looks to Caro and Easton. “More water, Caro? Another beer, Big E?”

They both nod, and Zane is gone in a flash. Unfortunately, Caro isn’t done with me yet.

“You’ve been acting strangely ever since you and Levi ended it. Talk to me. You know I’m always here for you. Do you have feelings for that guy?” She says that guy with great distaste.

I want to deny everything, but Caro is my closest friend, and I can trust her. I glance around the table, and no one is listening in, not that you can hear much as loud as it is in this crowded room.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s going on with me. Maybe I’m struggling because Levi dumped me, and that rarely happens in my world.”

“Or maybe you care for him more than you’ll admit.”

“He ended it because I’m boring and old.” I hate the bitterness in my tone, but it’s how I feel.

“He’s not with anyone tonight.”

We both look in Celeste’s direction. She’s hanging all over Landon now. I sneak a peek at Levi, but he doesn’t seem the least bit interested in the various single women in the room.

Zane joins us with our drinks. I take mine gratefully and force my attention to remain on him. I even flirt a little. After a while, I’m enjoying his company. He’s funny, smart, and charming. He’s also easy on the eyes. No one who’s still drawing a breath can deny that fact.

Zane leans toward me to whisper in my ear. “Hey, you wanna play some pool?”

“I’d love to.” I’m out of my seat and halfway across the room before he reacts. But he’s quick, and soon he’s at my side. He’s definitely interested, and I should be. Our one sizzling weekend together is enough for me to want a repeat, but?—

My gaze slides to Levi, who’s watching me closely. I purposely avoid meeting his gaze. He doesn’t need a bigger head than he already has, and I’m not giving him the ego boost by being caught lusting after him, even though I am.

The pool table is unoccupied. I pick out a stick and take a few practice shots, as does Zane. We banter back and forth and sip our beer.

“Ready for the real test?” Zane asks.

“Absolutely. I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Zane snorts in response, and I expect nothing less from a competitive professional athlete.

“Hey.” Levi appears from out of nowhere and slaps a hundred-dollar bill on the table. “How about a friendly game of doubles.” Rex stands behind him, looking bored. I’ll venture a guess challenging Zane and me to a pool game wasn’t his idea.

“You a glutton for punishment, Widmer?” Zane sizes Levi up, and I’m sure he’s thinking some choice thoughts right now about cocky rookies who don’t know their place.

Levi’s eyes narrow. I feel as if I’m watching two wolves circling each other before they attack. There’s only room for one alpha wolf, after all.

Zane turns to me with a question in his deep brown eyes. I shrug as if I don’t give a shit one way or another. Taking Levi down a notch or two might be fun.

“Let’s do it,” Zane says with a snicker. “You’re about to be humbled, kids.”

I throw back my head and laugh because those two are young, and I appreciate how easily Zane puts them in their place, even if it doesn’t last.

“Let’s sweeten the pot. Double or nothing. Unless you two boys don’t have the guts.” I love needling Levi. He deserves it after that old and boring comment.

Levi scowls and pulls out his wallet. He counts out four more hundred-dollar-bills and slaps them on top of the existing bet. “Now who’s the coward?”

I gape open-mouthed at the amount of money he’s willing to throw around. I’m still digging myself out of the financial hole I’ve been in for too long. I can’t afford to lose that kind of money. Zane picks up on my distress and comes to the rescue.

“Let’s keep this between Levi and me. Rex and Junie, you’re off the hook for the bet.”

“Sounds good to me.” Rex yawns, and his gaze strays to a few of the young women who’ve crashed our party and are currently doing shots with Yuri and Felix. His jaw tightens in irritation. He’d rather be with them.

Zane pulls out a quarter from his pocket. “Heads or tails?”

“Heads,” Levi declares.

These two guys are locking horns. Surely, I can’t be the cause. After all, Levi ended it, even if I agreed it’s for the best. And then the asshole insults me. I embrace the indignant outrage flowing through my body. I must keep reminding myself of that in order to avoid his magnetic pull because it’s pretty tough to resist.

Zane tosses the coin in the air. It lands on the table. We lean in to see what side is up.

“Tails,” Zane declares triumphantly. His smugness is getting to Levi, and I’m thoroughly entertained. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. But revenge is sweet.

Levi glowers, and Rex stifles another yawn. His gaze drifts back to the women. His heart certainly isn’t in this, but mine is. And so is Zane’s.

Zane breaks. We both groan as one ball teeters on the edge of the pocket and doesn’t go in.

Levi pushes past Zane and brandishes his stick. “Black, let me show you how the experts do it.”

Zane rolls his eyes, and I giggle, drawing a sharp but silent reprimand from Levi. He shoots the cue ball, and it misses by a mile.

“Way to go there, champ.” Zane’s smile broadens.

I snicker at Levi and give Zane a sassy wink, which draws a bigger glare from Levi. He doesn’t like how much I’m enjoying this.

“My turn, boys. Let me show you how a real pool shark does it.” Little do they know that I’m a very good pool player, even played on a team for a while. We had a pool table in our basement, and my dad taught me to play at a young age. He’d been a shark in his own right, even playing and winning in a few Vegas tournaments.

Rex rouses himself from his stupor to watch. Even he’s interested in whether I can back up my trash-talking with my performance. I line up the stick with the cue ball, calculate my options, and lean over the table. We aren’t playing the kind of game where we’re calling our pockets, but I do anyway, just to increase the difficulty. I say a silent prayer that I don’t look like a fool and nail it. “Six ball in the corner pocket.”

I hear a snort of disbelief behind me, but I don’t turn to see who it is. I breathe in slowly and exhale. There’s a resounding crack as the cue ball hits the six, which rolls right into the pocket. Meanwhile it knocks another ball in the opposite pocket.

“Shit.”

“Damn.”

“Fuck.”

I turn wearing a self-satisfied smirk to find that we’ve accumulated an audience. A few of the WAGs cheer and clap, while the men seem paralyzed with shock.

“You boys should’ve asked me before challenging Junie to a pool game.” Caro’s enjoying this as much as I am.

“It’s a fluke.” Levi’s blue eyes challenge me. I lift my head in acceptance of the challenge.

“Watch and learn, boys.” I proceed to run the table. When I finish to the shock of everyone standing there, Zane hands me the money.

“You deserve this way more than I do.”

“I know.” I laugh with a joy I haven’t felt in a long while, and as an added bonus, it’s at Levi’s expense. Zane shocks me by pulling me in for a victory kiss, and it’s a kiss-kiss. Not a peck on the cheek. I pull away breathless and flushed. Levi looks as if his head might explode at any moment. His hands curl into tight fists, and I see on his face the inner battle he’s waging. Zane ignores him, treating him like most veterans would a cocky rookie, as if he’s of no significance. Being dismissed as insignificant intensifies Levi’s anger. He’s usually a good-natured guy, but I’ve seen him explode on the ice, so I know he’s capable.

“Can I buy you a victory drink?” Zane asks, and I nod. “I’ll be right back.”

The crowd disperses to their respective tables until only Levi and I are left standing there.

“You never cease to amaze me. I’m really, really sorry I doubted you. I, of all people, should know better.” Respect shines in those deep blue eyes, and I’m enjoying every bit of his groveling.

“Levi, you didn’t just doubt me. You told me I was old and boring.”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“Nope.” I spin on one heel with the intention of heading back to my table. Levi stops me with a firm hand on my arm.

I whirl around. “Don’t touch me like that.”

“I’m sorry.” Levi backs off and holds his hands up in supplication. I overreacted, but I’ve been manhandled before, and I will not allow it.

“You should be.”

“About all of it. I made a mistake.” His expression is earnest and sincere. “I screwed up.”

“Really? Well, not in my book. You did me a favor, and I thank you. You revealed your true colors, and I’m happy we’re done.”

“Are you really?” His confidence returns, and he smirks.

“Yes,” I say with conviction.

“What’re you doing with that guy?”

“That guy? You mean Zane? Why wouldn’t I be? He’s sweet, kind, good-looking, and rich. He doesn’t think I’m old and boring.”

“You aren’t. I don’t know why I said that.”

“Too late to take it back now, buster.” I’m determined to get away from him.

As I stride off, I hear him mutter, “I wish I could.”

My heart drags its feet and wants to turn to go running back to him, but I will not. He doesn’t deserve me. It’s about time I learn to avoid men who aren’t deserving.

Zane waits for me by the table with two drinks in hand. “Is that rookie giving you problems because if he is, I’ll take care of him.”

“No, it’s fine. I can handle him. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and it’s been a challenge to convince him not this woman. He’s persistent.”

Zane grunts, and his gaze drifts to Levi. I’m glad I can’t read his mind as it won’t be pretty, though it might be amusing. We reclaim our seats after kicking out a few rookies and sip our drinks. He moves in closer and puts his hand on my leg. I wait for my body to respond, but I don’t feel anything. No arousal or butterflies or pangs of anticipation. I’m unreasonably pissed, and I need to blame someone. It’s Levi’s fault I’m not lusting after this very handsome, delectable man. He’s a far better choice than Levi will ever be, and he’s age-appropriate. At least he won’t claim I’m old and boring.

“I’d invite you over to Easton and Caro’s house tonight, but there wouldn’t be much privacy. How about your place?” He cocks his head and raises a brow while breaking into a disarming grin, only I’m not disarmed. I’m indifferent.

This isn’t going to work. As much as I wish I could fabricate interest, I can’t.

“I’m sorry, Zane. I’m too wrapped up in this new job to start something with you or anyone.”

“Really?” He’s surprised but not hurt.

“Yes, really.”

He frowns, then forces a smile. “I appreciate your honesty.”

“I’m sorry.” I touch his arm. “Another time, another place, but not here. Not now. I’m dealing with too much shit, and you’d get caught in the fallout.”

He squints as if to better see me, but no one really sees me. I bury most of my pain so deep it’s impossible for people to burrow down that far. Only Levi intuitively understood what’s hiding underneath my carefully crafted persona. We’d been kindred spirits.

Once I decline Zane’s offer, things become a little weird between us. I excuse myself from the table and work the room while avoiding Levi. I make the rounds of players and WAGs. Some of the guys offer suggestions for meals and items they’d love to see on the menu. I quickly tap those into a note on my phone, not wanting to rely on my memory.

It’s late. I’m tired. And this party is starting to break up. Zane has quickly moved on and is chatting it up with a woman I don’t know. I think she crashed our party. I’m happy for him because I’m not in a good headspace right now. He doesn’t need my brand of drama and uncertainty.

Caro’s almost ready to go home. She’s not sleeping well, and the pregnancy is wearing her down. At the first sign of a yawn, Easton’s ready to hustle her out of here.

It’s time to head home. Benjamin is probably pissed I’ve left him alone for so long. I need to make a pit stop before leaving. There’s a bathroom down the long hallway off the private room. I hurry toward it. Once I’m finished, I exit and stop dead in my tracks. Standing in the long hallway outside of the bathroom is Levi. He’s leaning nonchalantly against the wall but straightens when he sees me and crosses his arms defensively over his chest, which somewhat refutes his practiced detachment.

“Excuse me,” I say as I try to squeeze past him in the narrow hall.

He smirks and doesn’t move out of my way, blocking my escape route.

“So, Zane struck out. Is that because you’ve had the best, and it’s hard to go back?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“How’d you know I was referring to me?”

“Because of course you are. Stop playing games.”

“I’m not playing games. I’m very, very serious. Is Benjamin still in the picture?”

“Yes, and he’s waiting for me right now.”

His cocky expression fades momentarily before he recovers. “Yet you’re here and not with him.”

“Anticipation is what it’s all about.”

“I’ve been anticipating you for a while now.”

“You blew your chance, buster.” I jab my index finger in his chest. It’s a gesture that annoys him, but this time he doesn’t flinch. He’s wearing that determined look I’ve seen countless times on the ice.

“I fucked up. I want to try again.”

“You mean you want us to fuck again because that’s all there was between us.”

“I thought it was, but once you were out of my life, I realized I was wrong. Give us another chance, Junie.”

Is the infamous lady-killer Levi Widmer actually pleading with me?

“No,” I say with more conviction than I feel, and inwardly applaud my strength when all I want to do is have my way with him right here in the hallway. “Would you just leave me alone and quit following me?”

“I can’t. I made a mistake. I want a second chance.”

“Leave me alone.” I glare at him. He moves closer.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

I can smell the fresh scent of his soap, feel the heat radiating off him, hear his shallow breathing, or is it mine I hear? I should back away. He’s waiting for me to give him a sign to either reject or accept. I don’t reject.

“I want to kiss you.”

I nod, unable to stop myself. Before I have a chance to react further, his mouth is on mine. He backs me against the wall. One hand cradles the back of my head and the other wraps around my waist.

I would love to say that I came to my senses and pushed him away. Unfortunately, I’m not that strong. My body has a mind of its own when it comes to Levi. My midsection presses against his. My mouth devours his as he’s devouring mine. My arms snake around his neck, and I bury my fingers in his thick, shaggy hair. We’re like two crazed animals who’ve reverted to nothing more than our base instincts. Right now, those instincts are telling me to screw his brains out until he’s rendered into nothing more than a pile of mush without a thought left in his head.

Oh, damn, but I remember those orgasms. They weren’t just epic. They were unequaled by any other man I’ve ever been with. And I want another one.

My practical side screams, No, resist. Don’t do it. Have some pride. He called you old and boring. Even bringing up the insult isn’t squelching my enthusiasm for all things Levi. I slide my hand down his side and slip it between our bodies to squeeze his erection through his pants. He gasps, as if he didn’t expect such boldness from me. He should know better. That’s my middle name, bold and bodacious.

Levi drags his mouth from mine. He’s panting as though he’s finished the toughest ever shift on ice. His handsome face flushes with desire. He’s wound up tight, but so am I. Tight enough that if I don’t get any satisfaction, I’ll explode. I hate myself for what I’m going to do, but I’m still going to do it. I need this man naked and inside me.

“Fuck, you’re killing me, Junie. I fucking need you naked. Now.”

My few functioning brain cells desperately seek the closest place to do the deed.

“Junie?” Levi rakes his teeth across my earlobe, and I shiver in anticipation. This man knows all of my hot spots, and this woman is putty in his hands.

My only answer is a moan, and his response is a smug smile.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here. Your place?”

I nod mutely and let him lead me down the hall and through the back of the private room toward the door to freedom. I’m drunk on lust and shots of tequila. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Caro watching me with displeasure. She’ll lecture me next time I talk to her. She knows all about my odd relationship with Levi, and she’s very protective of me. She’s advised me on more than one occasion to end it with him, which I did multiple times. Being a glutton for punishment, I keep coming back.

“Wait.” I grab his arm. “I have to get my purse.”

“Oh crap, we’re almost home free.”

“Yeah. You can wait out here if you’re afraid of taking shit from the guys.” I know how to push his buttons, and insinuating he’s a coward is one way to do it. Poking the bear is probably stupid on my part, as I’d face fewer repercussions from Caro and Easton if I’d told him to wait outside. He’s on my heels as I hurry back to the table to get my things.

“Leaving already?” Caro asks.

“I don’t feel good. Too many shots. Levi offered me a ride home.”

“I bet he did.” Caro shakes her head with disapproval. I force a smile as if I don’t notice how she’s passing judgment. I did the same thing to her when we first moved here, and she contacted Easton.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“You’d better, or I’ll haunt you.”

“I know you will. I’m not pissing off a very pregnant woman.”

“And very cranky,” Easton pipes up. He immediately shrugs in contrition after Caro shoots him a death glare.

I don’t wait around any longer. I scurry toward the door with Levi hot on my heels, anxious to extract myself from the prying eyes of too many people wondering why I’m a glutton for punishment. My conscience declares that most of them are probably right.

Meanwhile, my heart has thrown caution to the wind and is primed and ready for what comes next. I’m a fool, and I don’t care.