Page 44 of Ony If It’s You
JV walked them all to the door leaving me and my grandmother alone.
“You ate?”
I nodded. “Granny, I’m sorry about earlier. I acted really selfishly and put everyone that I care about in harm’s way. I love all of you and never want to see any of you hurt.”
“Oh girl please, I know how stubborn you are. Like I told you earlier, just understand that you have a man now, a real man , so you can’t move like you don’t.”
“Okay.” I sniffled and walked into her waiting arms.
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Granny.”
She gave me one last tight squeeze before she released me and said, “I’m going to go up and lay down. I’ll be in Jocey’s room since we put the both of them in Si’s.”
I nodded and watched her disappear up the steps before I started to straighten the kitchen. Javyous rejoined me shortly after, wrapping me in his arms and kissing my neck.
“Come on, I need to shower and shit.”
He didn’t allow me a chance to respond, he just took the dish towel from me and tossed it to the side before he walked us both up the steps.
Once we were inside of the room, he went to the bathroom to shower while I waited in bed.
He tried to get me to join him, but I declined.
I knew if I got in there with him, we would be doing more than showering, and all I wanted to do was talk because a lot had transpired within a day’s time.
“Damn man.” He sighed, entering the room with a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Come here.” I waved him over. When he took a seat in front of me, I started to massage his broad shoulders before speaking.
“Listen baby, I apologize about yesterday. You told me not to do something and I did it anyways. You’re my man and a great leader, I want you to know that I trust you to lead and take care of us. Nothing like that will happen again.”
Reaching back, he grabbed and gently squeezed one of my hands.
“I appreciate that shit, love. That’s all a nigga wants, is you to trust me.”
“I do.” I nodded and kissed his neck.
“Good because right about now, you’re the only mothafucka that I can trust.”
“Huh? Why do you say that?”
“When I left here last night, I went to my pops’ crib.
I knew I could go there and lock myself up in my old room and not be bothered, but when I got there I heard him arguing with someone on the low.
I crept closer to eavesdrop a little and heard Ms. Phyllis’s voice…
” I tensed up thinking about where he was going with the conversation.
“I heard the nigga say she was my mother, Lani. All these years I been wondering about her, she been right in my fucking face.”
The massage ceased and I pulled my hands away in fear that he’d be able to sense my tension and nervousness. He peeked over his shoulder at me when I stopped.
“You straight?”
“Y-yeah,” I stammered. “Just surprised that’s all.”
“Yeah?” He eyed me skeptically when he turned all the way around.
“Yeah, th-that’s crazy, baby.” I fought hard to maintain my poker face as I massaged my neck with one hand. “Are you okay? Did you talk to them? What did they say?”
“A whole bunch of fucking nothing. They were blaming each other and shit. Ms. Phyllis was crying and shit though.”
“Yeah that’s how she was with me, too.”
“What?” His eyes quickly connected to mine.
“What?” I repeated, confused. “What do you mean, what ?”
“Naw, what the fuck you mean that’s how she was with you ?”
“Nothing, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He frowned. “You knew?”
“Huh?”
He stood over me. “Kehlani. You knew this shit already?”
“What? No, I?—”
“Stop, bruh!” he snapped making my mouth slam shut. “Let me stop you before you lie to my fucking face, Kehlani.”
“Okay, I’m sorry,” I cried. “I knew, but she begged me not to say anything. She didn’t even mean to tell me.”
“I don’t give a fuck, Lani,” he barked. “Who the fuck are you married to? Me or her ass?”
“You, but?—”
“And who is your loyalty to?”
“You, Javyous.”
“O-fucking-kay then,” he spat, stomping over, snatching the drawer open, and grabbing a pair of his boxers.
“I wanted to tell you bu?—”
He cut me off. “But you mothafuckin’ didn’t!
You know, Kehlani, I’m starting to really wonder about you and this entire fucking relationship shit.
You don’t listen to shit that I tell you, you don’t trust me to be a fucking man, your fucking man, and you’re keeping all kinds of fucking secrets.
Maybe this shit ain’t the fucking move for us. ”
“Wh-what are you saying?” He slipped a shirt over his head and a pair of shorts over his boxers. “Where are you going?”
“Move, Kehlani.”
“No, Javyous, I wasn’t trying to keep secrets, I swear. Sh-she was just so distraught and made me promise,” I cried.
“I don’t give a fuck, Kehlani!” he roared.
“I don’t give a fuck about none of that shit.
I would never keep anything from you. You were damn near in tears when Zach mentioned me wanting my own sports drink earlier because I hadn’t told you about it, but you keep shit like this from me? Move, please.”
Tears were cascading down my face as I looked up at him. I knew I should have told him, but I figured if I did it would do more damage than good.
“Where are you going?’
“The couch, now please move.”
Relief washed over me when he said that. I just didn’t want him to leave. Reluctantly, I stepped to the side and allowed him to exit the room. I wasn’t out of the woods yet though because his words were haunting me.
Was he going to leave me?