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Spencer

I have never had girlfriends before. I can’t say I’m overjoyed about having them now, but with my current situation, I can understand the need for females to get together and talk about their male counterparts.

The idea of sitting around and complaining about a situation you’ve willingly put yourself in seems preposterous to me, but here I am.

My eyes keep wandering to Blake’s extremely large belly. She’s ready to give birth any day. Will this be Katy’s future? Will I be jealous? I was never envious of Annie or Nicole, and there hasn’t been any with Blake, but I’m not as close to them as I am Katy.

“Oh my goooooooooood. This is better than sex.” Nicole sips on a fall-scented latte that smells like it has more flavor than actual coffee.

“Alright, Spencer. You got us all here. It’s time to spill all the details of your four-way sex-a-thon that you have going on at your house.” Blake practically vibrates in her seat with anticipation.

“Darling,” Annie scolds Blake. “I’m sure Spencer doesn’t want to talk about what goes on behind closed doors.”

“Oh, don’t be a prude, Annie. You know you’re curious, too. I definitely am.” Nicole curls her feet under her, getting comfortable for the information she’s sure I’m going to confess.

“I walked out on them tonight. This morning, I had amazing sex with three of them, and this afternoon, when Lincoln wanted his turn, I…I left. It wasn’t anything Lincoln did, and I know he feels like it was. I need to fix it.”

“Justin said all the guys looked torn up when they arrived.” My eyes drift to Nicole in shock.

“What do you mean? Where are they?” The three burst into laughter and I can tell I’m on the outside of some joke.

“Oh, please let the pregnant woman tell her. I need all the goodness I can get with my ankles the size of Texas.” Nicole bows her head to Blake and gestures for her to continue. Blake clasps her hands together, giddy to tell me what’s happening.

“So, Cole went over to Justin’s with the twins, and the guys came over after we left. Weeeeell, Cole, and Justin decided to give the guys a crash course in fatherhood, and they went out, too.”

“Where’s Katy? She was at the park with Hannah.” A panicked feeling bubbles in my stomach again.

“Relax.” Nicole rests her hand atop mine. “Dempsey made sure they got home safe, and then he came here.” She arches a brow over her shoulder, and I see a tall, viking-looking man standing in the corner. He sticks out like a sore thumb.

“That grown child over there? He’s your bodyguard? If he shaved, he would look twelve.”

“Trust me. He’s plenty skilled.”

“ANYway,” Blake huffs out. “So your men and Katy are watching the kids—all four of them.” I still don’t quite understand the amusement of the situation.

“Wanna see?” Nicole waves her phone between us.

“OMG, yes. Gimme.” Blake bounces like she doesn’t have a full-term baby in her body. Nicole pushes a few buttons on her phone, and a screen of cameras appears. She clicks on one of the views, and we watch. “Oh no. Lincoln is trying to give Ruby an orange cup.”

“Not orange. He’s in trouble.” Annie leans closer to get a better look. “Is there sound?”

“Oh, yeah.” Nicole pushes another button, and the background noise startles us all. Miles is whining, Miller is screaming, and Axel is…crying.

“I want peek. No ow-inj.”

“Ruby, it’s just a cup. The juice tastes the same. See.” Lincoln sips from the orange cup, and Ruby’s face twists.

“Oh no.” Blake covers her face as we watch the tiny brunette’s mouth open, but no sound comes out. “Here it comes. Get ready.”

A shrill scream pierces the air around us through the speaker. “Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!”

“Rory, come back here.” Miller’s voice booms from somewhere outside the camera view. A moment later, Rory, with no pants on, comes running into the room.

“Sissy, you K? Shhh, no cry.” He wraps his tiny arms around Ruby, and collectively, we all aww.

“Dude, is that blue shit on your shirt?” Axel points at a spot on Miller’s shirt, and although we can’t exactly tell what it is, the quickness that Miller removes it from his body tells us it most likely was blue poop.

“Blue?” Annie questions.

“Katy and Hannah made cupcakes, and we sent some to your house. I guess the twins enjoyed them.” Annie eyes Nicole, who mouths “sorry” and tries to look innocent.

“Watch your mouths and get some pants on that kid.” Tucker appears on the screen from the corner, holding a now-sleeping Miles. He sits in the rocking chair, and I hear a sniffle next to me. Turning to Nicole, I give her a look that expresses, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Tucker is doing skin-to-skin with Miles. Katy must have told him about his tummy issues the past few days. What a sweet man. He’s a keeper, Spencer.” I can’t stop myself from staring at this broad, gruff cowboy of a man holding a tiny baby bare-chested.

Guilt tries to rear its head again, knowing that what I’m seeing is something I can never give them, but then I remember our conversation and everything they said to me.

They want to be with me, barren womb and all.

“My father offered to switch houses and went to Tucker about it. He said we need the room, and it’s just going to waste. That’s what overwhelmed me. Moving makes all of this permanent, and I don’t feel worthy of everything they’re offering.”

There’s a round of objections from them, and I listen and consider what they’re saying.

“You deserve the world.”

“You need four men because you’re a woman with a big heart.”

“You’re incredible. Stop thinking negatively about yourself.”

I let it sink in. These are all things the guys have told me or some variation of it.

“I need to tell you all my story. It’s not a pretty one, but one I want to share. Although the guys all know and are supportive, you are all mothers and will understand more than they ever could. I want to tell you about my daughter…and how I lost her.”

When I finish, all the girls are crying, and I find my cheeks wet as well. Dempsey brought us napkins a while back, and they are almost gone. I never realized how much keeping my situation locked up inside me was festering and holding me back. Every time I allow someone else into my inner circle, it’s both terrifying and heartwarming.

I’ve always expected to see pity in people’s eyes if I opened up, and although I see sadness, I also see awe. Awe at the strength they keep telling me I have, that I survived a terrible situation and made it out on the other side better than before.

All the words they say to me are things I’ve said to or thought about Katy. Maybe that’s why I feel so drawn to her.

“I’m ready to go. Thank you all for your time and kind words.” I need to talk to the guys.

? ? ? ? ?

The ride back to Justin’s house is quiet. Nicole plays soft music to fill any silence. Annie and Blake asked if they could take another hour, and we told them it was fine. As we pull up to the house, I expect to feel dread, but I don’t. I feel more confident than when I left. Then I have been lately. The men inside that house want me for me, and I’ve already let them farther into my life than I ever thought was possible.

“I’ll take the kids in the backyard with Katy and let you all talk.”

“Thank you, Nicole. You and Justin are the best friends I could ask for.”

She squeezes my hand and leaves the car, giving me a few minutes before I have to face my future.

When I gather my remaining strength, I take the path to the front door. As I reach the steps, the door opens, and a shirtless Miller walks out.

“Hey, Smithy.” He’s handsome. Thick dark hair frames his blue eyes and tanned skin. His chest and expanse of muscles draw my eyes down, and when I bring them back up, he’s smiling.

“Hi, Miller. I see you survived the blue poop.”

He rubs his bare chest. “How did—cameras. I should have expected Justin to have security here. Did you enjoy the show?” He continues down the stairs until he’s standing at the bottom with me.

I stare up into his eyes. He wants to touch me. I can see the micro muscles twitching as he holds himself back.

“You can kiss me, Miller.”

“Thank fuck.” He pulls me in for a kiss that I expect to be hot and searing, but it’s gentle and almost chaste. The passion that he puts behind his kiss is more telling than anything else. He’s apologizing when he has no reason to. It’s my apology that needs to be heard.

I pull away and open my mouth to do just that when he pushes a finger to my lips.

“No. You have nothing to be sorry about. We pushed you. Lincoln is torn up about it. He doesn’t need your apology either, though, just your acceptance of his.”

I sigh into his chest. I don’t want them to make this easy on me, but I should expect nothing less.

“We were all at fault. I should have spoken up, but I didn’t know I was having those feelings until it was too late.”

“And what feelings are those, Smithy?” He tips my chin with his finger so I can’t look away.

“Unworthy. Inadequate. Overwhelmed by all of the goodness that was surrounding me.”

“Spencer, listen to me.”

“Don’t call me that.” My hands fist into his non-existent shirt.

“Don’t call you Spencer? That’s your name.” I close my eyes and shake my head.

“You’re correct. It’s my name, but it’s not who I am to you. I’m your Smithy. I used to hate it—all the nicknames you all call me—but I become a different identity when you call me your terms of endearment. I like that identity.”

“Okay, Smithy. I like that identity, too. I like you . A lot.”

“The feeling is mutual. What’s going on in there?”

“Nicole told us you were back and wanted to talk to each of us individually. We rock, paper scissored for first dibs. I won.” He flashes his panty-dropping smile and kisses me again. This time, with the passion I expected. A kiss that shows more emotion than his words express. I have a feeling this is the first of similar kisses I’m about to share.